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Archive for the Scarlett Johansson Category

2011

05

Sep

Scarlett Johansson’s Tight Avenger Outfit of the Day

Here’s some dumpy shit that’s marketed as being hot for all the virgin losers who love all things comic book and the women in costumes who are bringing their fantasies they’ve jerked off to since they were teenage boys, unable to process how weird jerking off to a drawing is…..

Her name is Scarlett Johansson and she’s taken her half assed, raspy voice, shitty acting and gut and put them into some spanx and spandex to re-invent her sloppy self…and you’re going to masturbate to her….again….maybe cuz she reminds you of a 40 year old mom….who should be wearing an oversized sweatsuit to her pilates class…and that feels like home…but I’m pretty sure it’s just marketing…cuz this bitch is overrated and more importantly overfed. Get her away from the craft services table motherfucker, you have a movie to make….

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Posted in:Scarlett Johansson

2011

02

Aug

Scarlett Johansson’s Skinny in a One Piece of the Day

Here’s a picture of someone who may or may not be Scarlett Johansson in a photoshoot wearing a one piece…because I think legally you can’t call a person by their name in a picture if it’s an artist rendition of that person…you know cuz her dumpy body was photoshopped so hard to look all dainty and modelesque and shit…when in reality she’s built like she works at the local fried chicken restaurant…or even an ice cream shop….you get what I’m saying and if you’re not it’s that she’s fat…but thanks to Elle magazine, she knows what she looks like if she wasn’t….and apparently it’s not that bad of a thing….

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson

2011

13

Apr

Scarlett Johansson’s a Fat Runner of the Day

Seeing these pictures of a fat Scarlett Johansson running, possibly pregnant, likely just pregnant on donuts and emotional eating due to the pressures she faces as being the most overrated beauty in hollywood, something I’ve always contested with great passion, because sure he face was always something alright to look at, her body was always a dump….seriously…it always reminded me of my home…one step away from being condemed unsanitary…but it took her belly being bigger than her tits, you know extented outward for you idiots to fucking notice…typical perverts.

I don’t think her barefoot runner technology booties is really gonna save her on this one…it’s like watching a Japanese family who never skied in 40,000 dollars of equipment, traditional shoes woulda done just fine…pig…


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Posted in:Scarlett Johansson

2011

22

Mar

Scarlett Johansson Not Nude in Vogue China of the Day

Scarlett Johansson had her email hacked, at least that’s the rumor. They are saying there are nude pics of her floating around, these aren’t them.

I don’t believe it til I see it, I just assume it’s a Hudgens cover-up, you know cuz she had a scandal a few weeks ago that you probably already forgot about,….that’s what happens when your career is based on some fad for 10 year olds who are now 14 and are ashamed of the bullshit.

Not that that has anything to do with Scarlett Johansson, the most overrated “beauty” in Hollywood….who you all think is so fucking amazing for some weird reason I call marketing, but who irritates the hell out of me…especially when she talks all slow, nasal, raspy and annoying. I just want to cunt punch her while shoving my dick down her throat to shut her the hell up….I’m a gentleman like that….Hi girls….

Here she is in Vogue China wearing tight clothes, it’s like Lost in Translation all over again for this bitch….who cares. FOLLOW ME

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson

2010

01

Nov

Scarlett Johansson Campaign for Mango of the Day


I don’t give a fuck about Scarlett Johansson, but then again I don’t give a shit about anyone…especially when they are overrated swine…you know, short, fat and dumpy with a big nose…but apparently, when they are photoshopped to shit for a ad campaign cuz that’s all the work she can get…I like ‘em just fine….

That’s all I have to say about that.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson

2010

21

Oct

Scarlett Johansson in a Fat Chick Dress of the Day

Scarlett Jahansson is married to Alanis Morisette’s ex-fiance…and now for some reason bitch is turning into her. I’m not sure if this is one of those insecure with her husbands past relationship things cuz she caught him jerking off to an old sex tape or something…but this homely shit is bad.

She’s rockin’ lesbian forearm tattoos, a elogated face with ratty fucking hair and she’s wearing a fat chick dress that fat chicks wear to give their fat body shape that is less of a sphere and more of a pear. This is more than disappointing. She has a responsibility to the public to live up to the overhype she got a few years ago when you idiots assumed she was more special than she actually is…

But the good news for her is that her fans are mainly virgin losers committed to pussy they will never meet cuz it’s easier to have fantasies than real human relationships…especially with all their aspergers…

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson

2010

15

Sep

Scarlett Johansson’s Cleavage for Moet of the Day

I know people who get off to a lot less than a little cleavage on pussy they want to fuck….or pussy they don’t even want to fuck…but can’t help but jerk off to because it just happens to be there…people have weird fetishes, it’s just that simple, so Scarlett Johansson and her big nose may not be spread eagle doing a dance routine, but she’s still Scarlett Johansson, sometimes that’s enough for some…unfortunately, it’s not enough for me…but I am posting it anyway…cuz this bitch is overrated thanks to you virgin losers who don’t know how to move the fuck on…and I feel compelled to feed you idiots what you are into even if you should get over those things and even if the pictures suck…but unfortunately not as much as I suck…at life..

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson

2010

10

Sep

Scarlett Johansson for Mango of the Day

I never really got sucked into the Scarlett Johansson hype. I always saw a chunky, uninteresting girl with big enough tits and a nice enough face to look at, but nothing nearly as amazing as everyone seemed to think she was….she has flaws I just can’t ignore…unless of course I was dealing with them face to face, but since I’m not, I’ll judge her.

Sure she’s hot, I’d be an idiot to say she isn’t, but I can say she’s nothing special, I see girls as equally good on the daily and maybe I just have fucked up ideas of what makes a bitch hot or not….but I’m pretty sure she was a product of major fucking marketing…what I call big titty hype that got dudes excited….more than anything….cuz she has been consistently boring as fuck to watch….Never any drunken episode, nip slips or sex tapes, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s a sign of a bitch who thinks she’s too good and more important than she is. Fuck her.

But she photoshops well, so I figured I’d put these pictures up anyway.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson

2010

12

May

Scarlett Johansson Voyeur Gym Pics of the Day

Here are some voyeur pictures of Scarlett Johansson at the gym trying to slim down for old times cuz she realizes that a young chubby busty single chick brought her much more success than a thick older married chick and as a real voyeur, I am disappointed, I find them pics real fucking boring, and don’t understand why the paparazzi didn’t do what they were supposed to do and set up a camera in a locker that has a view of the showers like I’ve seen so many times on the internet, cuz a naked Scarlett Johansson is far more interesting than a clothed on, 15 pounds overweight or not.

Sloppy. But at least she’s doing something about it. Not that “doing something about it” has ever got me off, especially with my wife, cuz the only thing she does about the shit is just emotionally eat more food in one sitting than a small African Village eats in a week…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Voyeurism|Working Out

2010

15

Apr

Scarlett Johansson Boring in a Vintage Lookin’ Ad Campaign of the Day

I have jerked off to vintage pictures from the 60s a few times. Once was when I was working in construction and found a tin box of nude photos, letters and a tuft of pubic hair in a pink kleenex in the wall we were demolishing….another time was when I was staying at my friend’s mother’s house out of town and she had a few framed family photos of their daughter in her bikini, a girl I found out died in a horrible accident a few hours after that picture was taken, making me feel like I fucked a ghost. I’ve also jerked off to old issues of Playboy…There’s just something about a aging photo shot on film of a woman I know has aged too, if she’s even still alive, that fires me up….

These pictures of Scarlett Johansson copying that shit isn’t quite as exciting as my experience with actual pictures from the 60s, but I guess it was a good enough try by Mango, except for the fact that she’s wearing clothes and a married woman who has lost pretty much all her sex appeal….but you may dig it.

Posted in:Mango|Photoshoot|Scarlett Johansson

2010

01

Apr

Scarlett Johansson in the Iron Man 2 Poster of the Day

I am just posting this Iron Man 2 poster for the virgin losers who think Scarlett Johansson still has it going on, or who already thing they’re engaged to her just based on the amount of times they’ve jerked off to her pictures between Role Playing videogames and the quality of the full body digital print they’ve managed to get on their bedsheets so that they feel like she’s in bed with them everynight, cuz that’s just how committed virgin loser comic book geeks are….

I figure at least one of you can jerk off to this movie poster, despite how fake she looks, because you’ve been getting off to cartoons for decades, so it’s not that much of a stretch…enjoy….

Posted in:Iron Man 2|Poster|Scarlett Johansson

2009

29

Sep

Scarlett Johansson is the Jolly Green Monster of the Day

I get a lot of hate from people who have little goin on in their lives who get worked up over celebrities enough to get mad when I say that Scarlett Johansson is a fucking pig of a girl. From her first movie until now, whenever I have looked at her, I’ve seen a potentially obese girl, who just happened to not be obese since it would be the end of her career, while everyone else sees this goddess with big tits and big lips who embodies classic Hollywood, while all I see lips that act like football pads who break the impact when she’s shoveling food down her throat and someone who happens to hold her 15 pound surplus in the right part of her but that will spill over into the rest of her and based on these pics, it seems like the end is fucking near…

And here are some pictures of Ryan Reynolds pretty much agreeing with my observation but delivering it in a less painful way by taking her fat ass to the gym and masking it an excursion where they can spend some time together because they have such busy schedules and usually barely see each other, but in reality it is to help his erection function when she gets naked by stopping the sloppy, but then again he was engaged to Alanis when he was a nobody and she is probably the ugliest head in pop music in the last 2 decades, so that just shows the magnitude of how serious this shit is and how desperate he is.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Big|Green|Scarlett Johansson

2009

23

Mar

Scarlett Johansson’s Tits for Vogue of the Day

Scarlett Johansson has big tits. Everyone already knows that. Here she is in Vogue, showing them off. I am not sure what else you expect me to say about that. I mean I could go on about my wife’s big tits, or sucking big tits, or being in a grocery store and having a kid point at me and say look at his big tits, but I would rather just post this shit and forget about that little fucker and his making me self conscious.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Tits|Vogue

2009

03

Feb

Scarlett Johansson Has New Hair of the Day

The day you start caring about what a girl you’ve never met does to her hair is the day you have to come to terms with the fact that you are really fucking strange. Lucky for you, today is that day, so now that we’ve recognized the problem, you can start working on fixing it.

Sure, I am the kind of guy who doesn’t notice when my own wife gets her hair done, even if she changes the fucking color, sure, I never look at my wife or listen to her when she talks, but I can still stand back and say that just because you are a die hard fan of a girl’s tits, or maybe a little obsessed with a girl making everyone around you feel a little uncomfortable, the second you start talking about what look you like best on her, you’ve gone into the realm of creepy. Sure, you’ve spent many afternoons jerking off to her, but that doesn’t mean you have a fucking connection with her, so be a fucking man or enter hair dressing school, because somethin’s not right here and I’m gonna go with…you.

Posted in:cleavage|Hair|Scarlett Johansson

2008

18

Dec

Buy Scarlett Johannson’s Used Kleenex of the Day

So Scarlett Johansson was on Leno, she claimed she had a cold she got from Samuel Jackson, and they decided to auction this shit….

Here’s the ebay discription:

During her 12/17/08 appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Scarlett Johansson blamed her cold on The Spirit co-star Samuel L. Jackson, saying she caught it from him. She believed that for this reason her cold had some “value.” During her appearance on The Tonight Show, she blew her nose into a tissue provided by Jay Leno. All proceeds of this sale will benefit USA Harvest, the charity of Scarlett Johansson’s choice.

That’s a really weird fetish , because anyone buying anything Johansson is doing it for sexual reasons, especailly when they are paying 2000 dollars for a dirty fucking Kleenex and I don’t know how they are getting away with it because the one time I tried selling my wife’s soiled panties on ebacy, because shit was gross and I knew that some dudes out there like gross, and are willing to pay for gross, you know putting her crusty shit on standing in front of the mirror, or rubbing it on their faces so they can smell her dirty ass but for some reason ebay kept pulling my auctions and banned my account….

But when you are NBC and a celebrity, you can take your germ filled kleenex to ebay for some kind of publicity stunt, that is hyngeinically just as disgusting as my wife’s shit stains, and you know anyone paying 2,000 dollars for this is not going to be doing anything wholesome with this shit, they are probably planning on cloning her, because it is time to replace that sex doll with Johansson’s picture taped to its face, with a real Johansson….Weird Science.


Check out this weird auction. I am really hung the fuck over…
GO

Posted in:ebay|Scarlett Johansson|Used Kleenex