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Archive for the Scarlett Johansson Category

2008

12

Nov

Scarlett Johansson Does Wizard Magazine of the Day

I never heard of Wizard magazine but I have a feeling that having a subscription to the shit is pretty much a passport to an underground realm in the kingdom of loser that assures you and everyone you know that you will never reproduce biologically, because you will remain a virgin, despite marrying your computer and an RPG character and all efforts you’ve made to redefine the word virginity in the Dictionary by writing strongly worded letters to the president of Myriam Webster about how you are technically not a virgin because you’ve had cybersex with a webcam girl you paid once and the whole thing was embarrassing because you prematurely ejaculated because you were so shy, and that will keep your socially awkward genetic lineage in your pants and not in the pants of a poor unsuspecting girl who you wish would think you’re a good enough guy even though you’re totally not the usual guy she goes after, you know you’re more complex, with your medieval swords in the basement and your own language you invented on weekend for you and your online friend in Istanbul to communicate in chat rooms without other people knowing what you’re saying…..but she doesn’t know you exist, because no one knows you exist and the people who do know you exist, pretend you didn’t exist because watching you is depressing…

Either way, Scarlett Johansson got involved and brought her tits to the magazine and I am sure there was a massive orgasm in basement apartments around the world the second they finished cutting out the picture of her in geek costume and stapling it to their pillow, the previously housed pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some Hentai bitch with huge tits….

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson

2008

06

Nov

Scarlett Johansson’s Married Tits of the Day

Scarlett Johansson reminds me of a childhood friend I used to spend time with’s sister. She wasn’t really anything amazing to look at, you know always had a dumb look on her face and a bit of a dumpy body, but she had huge tits and for some unknown reason (her huge tits), all the guys in our school wanted to fuck the shit out of her.

I used to try to convince my friend to take pictures of her showering or in her underwear or pretty much anything exclusive that only he’d have access to because he was an insider and he would always get mad at me, you know telling me shit like “Dude, that’s my sister”.

I would always tell him that that was the beauty of the whole situation, firstly she’d never expect him to be doing that or lookin’ at her like that, so she’d be more comfortable and willing to be naked or topless around him because she didn’t see him as the predator but as family.

I would also tell him that if I had a sister, I’d totally bang the shit out of her, because at the time I was horny and appreciated the idea of having pussy sleeping in the bedroom next to me, and he would just freak out on me.

I then did some research at the local library to prove that there is no evidence that fucking your sister would lead to flipper babies, especially if you’re wearing a condom. The whole flipper baby theory was the government’s way to control people into being too scared to marry their family members and reproduce with their family members, before TV existed. You know, make them think if they do it, they’re going to go to hell and their demon child will be the proof that will get them caught, and I was just asking for some nudes, I wasn’t asking him to go out and crawl in bed with her and slide his hand in her panties while she was sleeping, and by hand, I mean penis.

Needless to say, I never got the pics, we stopped being friends and my persuasion didn’t work out as well as I had hoped, but every time I see Scarlett Johansson, I think about that girl and the set of tits I never saw. Here she is at some event.

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson|Tits

2008

06

May

Scarlett Johansson’s Cleavage of the Day

So some people love Scarlett Johansson and I am not one of those people. I find her annoying, sloppy and pretty much a waste of space. When I hear her annoying raspy voice when she’s in movies I just want to mute the shit and she always seems to play the same lazy slow moving cunt in every movie, because she’s a slow moving lazy cunt in real life.

I am not goin to lie, I saw Lost in Translation and as embarrassing as that is, it’s got nothing on her scene in her panties and despite her being the only real pussy in the movie, seeing her in her underwear kinda turned me onto Bill Murray as the only escape from lookin’ at her. All she has going for her is a decent set of fat tits, and that’s never really been enough for me to be a fan of anyone, but has been more of a justification for fuckin’ ugly chicks with big tits. The good news is that she realizes that she’s second rate and not all that hot because she’s getting married to Alanis Morissette’s sloppy seconds and I don’t know about you, but I know that sloppy seconds is a good gauge of the caliber of person you are. When I am aware of how disgusting a girl’s sloppies are, I never commit to that shit and that’s usually the reason why I don’t let them show me their exes because I can’t deal with the blow to the self-esteem it gives me, despite me usually being the worse of two evils.

The point is that dude was engaged to Alanis Morissette and that’s a whole lot more than a one night stand while drunk. Alanis is someone I’d ever get up inside and I have no fuckin’ standards so the thought of her dirty stink stained on Ryan Reynolds and dripping out of Scarlett confirms just how disgusting this slag is.

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson

2007

08

May

I am – Celebrities Showing Off Their Tits at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Gala of the Day

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I am all for girls rocking cleavage shirts because I am a pervert and this site has given me a keen eye for spotting nipple slips. I was standing outside a bar, hoping a drunk guy who came out for a cigarette and accidentally drop his wallet the other day, and a group of hot chicks walked out with low cut shirts on, I guess it’s in style to show off your rack and I am not really complaining. One of them conveniently dropped something and when she went to pick it up her shirt dropped and I saw full fucking massive tit, while the other guys next to me missed it. It reminded me of when I was 12 and my foster mother used to come give me talks about God before I went to bed. She’d be in her night gown while I’d be lying in bed. She’d bend over to tuck me in, full tit exposed and I’d totally get a boner and jerk off to it the second she walked out. I always got scared that God was watching me, then I realized that if he was, he was a total pedophile and I might as well give him a good performance, because let’s face it, if I get him to get off when I was 12 only good things would be coming to me….I was wrong…

I am guessing that these celebrities are thinking the same thing, they are advertising their tits at some exclusive black tie event I wasn’t invited to, so that people like us fall into their booby trap…get it..I am so witty and that is good enough for you to start your day to….you’re welcome…


Jessica Simpson May Be Busted But Her Tits are Fucking Huge


Lohan May Be Distracting Us From Her Cocaine Video, But At Least She’s Doing it Properly, this shit will even get Disney to Sign Her Again


Salma Hayek is Pregnant and Full of Milk and That’s Pretty Much What I Wish All My Diet Consisted Of…


Jennifer Garner is Post-Pregancy and Her Tits Have Dried Up, But I’d Still Try To Get the Last Drops Out of Her


Rose McGowan has Always Had Hot Tits


Christina Ricci May Look Old and Beat Up and Her Tits May Have Been Reduced But She’s Still Packin’ Heat.


Scarlett Johannson Still Has Tits and I am Still Lookin’ At Them


Julianne Moore is the First Fire Crotch I Ever Saw in a Movie and Will Always Hold a Warm Place in My Heart for Proving that Myth Isn’t a Myth….


Rosario Dawson’s Tits Look Small But Small Titis are Tits Too…


Juliette Lewis is a Crackhead and Crackheads Don’t Have Tits, But She’s Still Trying…


I Don’t Really Give a Fuck About Mischa Barton But Whatever This is Still Cleavage…


Alicia Keys Has a Hairy Chest, So I Don’t Know If She Counts, But Even Men With Tits Count in Your World, Cuz You Are Desperate…

A few new ones…

I think Ivanka Trump Looks Awesome….I’d wallet-fuck her…


Karolina Kurkova Models Bikinis and I like Bikinis, Especially when they are on me, I feel so pretty…


Gisele isn’t with Victoria’s Secret Anymore, She’s Not a Hot as She Used To Be, But She Has Done A Lot in Her Panties and That Pretty Much Redeems Her….

Posted in:Alicia Keys|Christina Ricci|cleavage|Gisele Bundchen|Ivanka Trump|Jennifer Garner|Jessica Simpson|Julianne Moore|Juliette Lewis|Karolina Kurkova|Lindsay Lohan|Mischa Barton|Rosario Dawson|Rose McGowan|Salma Hayek|Scarlett Johansson|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

23

Apr

I am – Scarlett Johansson is Scared of Cameras of the Day

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I was walking by a pay by the hour motel I like to park myself outside of, even though I don’t have a car. I just like seeing the people go in and try to figure out if they are virgins who live with their parent’s trying to get freaky on their anniversary, or if they are dudes cheating on their wives, or if they are dudes hiring whores, or if they are dudes who pick up random drunk chicks they don’t want to bring home to their friends because they are ugly, but not ugly enough to stuff like a turkey if no one knows. Anyway, I was standing outside the parking lot and was spotted by a couple, they tried no to make eye contact, thinking I may have been someone they know and they didn’t want me to bust them.

It reminds me a lot of how Scarlett is with the paparazzi. Her career is based on being seen but bitch always tries to avoid people taking her picture, whether it’s with a sign telling the papraazzi to fuck off or a hood over her head, bitch is so fucking dramatic, maybe because she’s an actor and drama is what she’s all about, but I have a feeling it’s just a way to draw more attention to herself which is pretty fucking lame – but obviously works….because here I am talking about it, but then again, I don’t get out much so I talk about lots of shit no one cares about.

Bonus – I found old pictures of Scarlett Hiding Before Cuz Bitch is Repetitive GO

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2007

06

Feb

I am – Scarlett Johansson Hiding of the Day

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Scarlett does us all a favor and covers up her stupid face when a paparazzi runs after her, maybe next time she can take it up a notch and put on some fucking pants to cover up her junky piece of shit ass. Rumor is Justin Timberlake is slamming her which isn’t unlikely, he’s been known to date dumpy looking blond chicks, it’s kinda a Rod Stewart tall blond model situation only the opposite.

I know what I write is life changing to about 5 people but it seems like other blogs are realizing that they have no talent, they just know how to upload pictures and need people like me to make their sites worth reading…that just goes to show you how shitty these other sites are. When I become the General of the virgin blogger army, it’s safe to say the internet is going down hill.

I want to set up an embed field at the end of each post so that you can save time when ripping me off and throw that shit up on you own website, myspace and even in emails to your friends. You can all be just like me.


Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2006

08

Nov

I am – Scarlett Johansson's 1950's Lookin' Fat Whore of the Day

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I know these pictures are old by Internet standards, meaning they were out yesterday. I wasn’t going to post them, but I fucking hate this over-rated bitch and needed to discuss….She’s a fat and she’s obsessed with dressing like a 1950′s pin-up girl, an era when fat girls were considered hot. So here she is confusing all you fucks into thinking she’s the next sex icon like Marilyn Monroe with her bleached hair, her red lipstick, pale skin and her 1950′s style high-waisted jeans emphasizing her birthing hips, when really all she’s got is an unhealthy food addiction, like this one bitch I saw on Oprah who said getting gastric bypass surgery was like losing a best friend…I can only assume that when Johannson realizes she can’t act and when you realize that she’s fat, she’ll really pick up the pace with this emotional eating thing making her Jesus Martinez marriage material, because let’s face it, I have no standards. Cuddles.


Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2006

08

Nov

I am – Scarlett Johansson’s 1950′s Lookin’ Fat Whore of the Day

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I know these pictures are old by Internet standards, meaning they were out yesterday. I wasn’t going to post them, but I fucking hate this over-rated bitch and needed to discuss….She’s a fat and she’s obsessed with dressing like a 1950′s pin-up girl, an era when fat girls were considered hot. So here she is confusing all you fucks into thinking she’s the next sex icon like Marilyn Monroe with her bleached hair, her red lipstick, pale skin and her 1950′s style high-waisted jeans emphasizing her birthing hips, when really all she’s got is an unhealthy food addiction, like this one bitch I saw on Oprah who said getting gastric bypass surgery was like losing a best friend…I can only assume that when Johannson realizes she can’t act and when you realize that she’s fat, she’ll really pick up the pace with this emotional eating thing making her Jesus Martinez marriage material, because let’s face it, I have no standards. Cuddles.


Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2006

20

Jul

I am – Scarlett Johansson for Variv Michlan of the Day

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Scarlett Johansson’s only problem is that someone told her that she was cute as a kid. I am thinking we can thanks her perverted uncle, her mom and dad and probably all of her parent’s friends and teachers who always drilled that into her 6 year old brain. This encouragement unfortunately gave this bitch an ego. Instead of developing an eating disorder, depression, and daddy issues like a normal teenager, she went to auditions, got parts and here she is now. Lucky for us, media and every dude at the sci fi convention is hard for her, only perpetuating the lie that her career and life are based on. Here are some pictures of her for you useless fucks.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2006

04

May

I am – Scarlett Johansson’s Schpants….

I don’t understand the Scarlett hype. Why are guys going crazy over this chubby piece of shit. It kind of reminds me of this time I went to the local strip club and had to watch some fat french piece of kitchen garbage in a leather skirt dance around to Marilyn Manson with her shitty drawn on eyebrows, fat black nail polished fingers and rock hard goth attitude. After her stage show, she came up to our table and started talking to us. I always feel awkward around these bitches cuz they just want my money and cuz they can’t speak my language, so I drop the usual bullshit like “so you come here often” and “how old are you” and “what do you recommend on the menu”, because they had a price list of the dances you can get….so she explains in broken english that we have options to “Touch” or to “Not Touch”, but if we go in more than one person we can’t touch and she recommends an erotic bed, 15 dollars a song plus 2 dollars per person. I start asking what kind of tricks she pulls on the erotic bed, because she is fat and as we all know fat girls aren’t so limber because their GUNTS get in the way. So she tells us she’ll finger herself, I tell her I’ll only pay if she inserts 4 fingers to the knuckle, she says she needs three songs to prep up, so we agree on 3 fingers in 2 songs. I go to the back room with my Lawyer and she drops her pants and bitch has the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen, I’m talkin she can smuggle chinese babies into the country if she needed to make an extra 100,000 dollars (I saw that on Oprah). My lawyer even asked her if she had kids because it looked like her uterus was sticking out. Anyway, after 2 songs she got the 4 fingers in (to the knuckle) and kept fingering her asshole and it was the best 20 dollars I have ever spent. Point of this post is to say Scarlett Johansson is that stripper, but the actor version.

Bonus:

Scarlett is a self-righteous bitch who feels like the Paparazzi are invading her privacy, because she is more important than all other celebs and shouldn’t be bothered with all the shit that comes with “Fame”, while living in her nice house, and driving her nice car and practicing tantric sex with her lame actor boyfriend…I like to consider the guy who posts the pics on the internet and writes about how she looks better than ever because she’s covering up her “becky from Roseanne” face more of a harasser, but I realize she’s only covering up because she doesn’t want to be seen with a black person. That racist cunt.

Cuddles.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2006

04

May

I am – Scarlett Johansson's Schpants….

I don’t understand the Scarlett hype. Why are guys going crazy over this chubby piece of shit. It kind of reminds me of this time I went to the local strip club and had to watch some fat french piece of kitchen garbage in a leather skirt dance around to Marilyn Manson with her shitty drawn on eyebrows, fat black nail polished fingers and rock hard goth attitude. After her stage show, she came up to our table and started talking to us. I always feel awkward around these bitches cuz they just want my money and cuz they can’t speak my language, so I drop the usual bullshit like “so you come here often” and “how old are you” and “what do you recommend on the menu”, because they had a price list of the dances you can get….so she explains in broken english that we have options to “Touch” or to “Not Touch”, but if we go in more than one person we can’t touch and she recommends an erotic bed, 15 dollars a song plus 2 dollars per person. I start asking what kind of tricks she pulls on the erotic bed, because she is fat and as we all know fat girls aren’t so limber because their GUNTS get in the way. So she tells us she’ll finger herself, I tell her I’ll only pay if she inserts 4 fingers to the knuckle, she says she needs three songs to prep up, so we agree on 3 fingers in 2 songs. I go to the back room with my Lawyer and she drops her pants and bitch has the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen, I’m talkin she can smuggle chinese babies into the country if she needed to make an extra 100,000 dollars (I saw that on Oprah). My lawyer even asked her if she had kids because it looked like her uterus was sticking out. Anyway, after 2 songs she got the 4 fingers in (to the knuckle) and kept fingering her asshole and it was the best 20 dollars I have ever spent. Point of this post is to say Scarlett Johansson is that stripper, but the actor version.

Bonus:

Scarlett is a self-righteous bitch who feels like the Paparazzi are invading her privacy, because she is more important than all other celebs and shouldn’t be bothered with all the shit that comes with “Fame”, while living in her nice house, and driving her nice car and practicing tantric sex with her lame actor boyfriend…I like to consider the guy who posts the pics on the internet and writes about how she looks better than ever because she’s covering up her “becky from Roseanne” face more of a harasser, but I realize she’s only covering up because she doesn’t want to be seen with a black person. That racist cunt.

Cuddles.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2006

18

Apr

I am – Scarlett Johansson Bikini

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I heard about these pics on some Canadian Gossip Television earlier today. I didn’t really act on it and hunt down these pics because I find Scarlett Johansson over-rated. She’s chubby and you can tell that bitch has attitude, like that she’s some kind of real talent or some shit that takes her job way too fucking seriously and thinks she’s way more important than she really is. I actually have no idea what I am talking about, but something about her makes me want to punch her in the face, and I am not talking about punching her with my dick. She’s dating Josh Hartnett, which I think it totally appropriate cuz he’s a total cunt too. Someone I met once had gone on a date with Josh Hartnett here in Montreal. The whole night he kept talking about his hair in Wicker Park and how hot it was. I am not fucking lying, I just don’t remember who it was who went on the date, but I do know that it happened because I don’t make up stories about people as lame as Hartnett, especially when the true stories are way funnier than anything I could think of. It seems like a lot of losers think this bitch is hot so here she is in a Bikini, masturbate while you still can, because eventually your prostate will be the size of a grapefruit too. Motherfuckers.


Bonus: The Slob In NYC

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2006

07

Feb

Scarlett Johansson in Vanity Fair

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I saw these pics last night. They bore me. I am posting them so Twitch knows that anything he submits, I have already seen. I don’t mind submissions, but I do mind motherfuckers linking out to celebrity blogs I hate within my comments. I don’t give a fuck about this bitch or her nasty fat ass. This isn’t the 1940′s motherfucker, fat bitches aren’t welcome in my house, except my wife, but technically it’s her house, I don’t have very good credit.

Posted in:Boobs|Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted|Vanity Fair

2005

15

Jan

I am – Pictures of Scarlett Johansson


The following is being posted for no other reason than these are really sexy pictures of Scarlet Johansson.

Enjoy.

After the jump.






Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2005

11

Jan

I am – Holding Scarlett Johansson's Breasts

Everyone on the net has been lookin’ for this video clip of Scarlett Johansson holding her breasts. Well, once again, Magnifico rises to the task, and delivers.

This is the entire scene, as far as I know, and if it’s your only reason to see the movie, now you don’t need to.

Video clip: Scarlett Johansson holding her breasts (mpg)

Clip hosted on ezShare, so be patient.

We’ve also got pictures after the jump.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted