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Archive for the Sophie Monk Category

2008

07

Nov

Sophie Monk Doin’ Nothing of the Day

I wonder if Sophie Monk, Paris Hilton and the Good Charlotte fat lesbian sister they both dated ever had a threesome together. You know rubbing cunts til one of them squirts. Benji with a fist in his man pussy, Paris taking pictures of herself to figure out a way to market it to greater opportunities and Sophie Monk showering her pussy with Hand Sanitizer hoping the herpes aren’t contagious, without realizing 6-8 weeks later that they are.

I mean if the Sophie Monk’s break-up was anything like most break-ups, you know going from being engaged to him being in love with Paris Hilton for a career move for his band, their new album and tour, because of the whole Nicole Richie and His Twin Sister having a kid together and the whole Paris being Nicole’s BFF and him being his Twin Sister’s masturbation partner, a story the media would eat it all up, leaving Sophie Monk in the dust, but only after taking Paris for a test ride to see if changing his whole life is worth it, and deciding that it is….

But I know there was a period, after he broke the news to Monk that he was leaving her because he cheated on her and that he was moving on to lower quality, but richer pussy, where she felt inadequate, insecure and willing to forgive him just to get his lesbian suburban tattoos and her life back, by throwing herself at him, in some emotional decision and like all guys, or lesbians that look like guys, he went for it. Because you never turn down the pussy.

Knowing that celebrities don’t use condoms, especially Paris Hilton, and we have proof of that, means that her and Paris Hilton pretty much rubbed cunts without actually rubbing cunts and the likliness of her having a Valtrex Prescription like her ex-future husband’s new future wife and that takes a little away from wanting to go down on her for lunch, you know, it lowers her stock a bit, but herpes isn’t enough reason to keep most guys away when they come up on something that looks like this…..if anything it adds to the whole excitement of the experience, like playing dodgeball, but with more serious repercussions, since when you lose, you’re reminded of it for life…

Posted in:Sophie Monk|Tits

2008

14

Oct

Sophie Monk’s Fat Chick Panty Line of the Day

So Sophie Monk decided to get back at her Good Charlotte sister, who moved her to the USA with promises of lesbian marriage and children, before getting swept up by Paris Hilton’s rank vagina, when she was trying to save her career and jump on the Lohan / Ronson lesbian party boat, and she’s doing it by releasing a line of underwear based on the underwear the Good Charlotte Sister used to wear for her. Shit’s contouring and makes fat chicks think they look less fat, but strapping them down and squeezing them proper like we were in the middle ages and they were some kind of high society woman or some shit, only knowing Sophie Monk’s celebrity, they’ll probably be sold at Sears next to LL Cool J’s collection of suburban gangster gear for the whole family, in his last whimper for attention.

So the good news about that is that Good Charlotte sister’s fat girl panties aren’t just for the rich and famous anymore and in the economic crisis, that’s the social conscious thing to do, because when you have to decide whether to go with the groceries or a pair of cheeap underwear to trick men into thinking you are worth fucking, go with the underwear, because that man you may be tricking could be rich enough to take you out for dinner and we all know that can be expensive because you eat more than the average person and because of the fact that you are wearing these panties pretty much means food is probably the last thing you need.

I like the way Sophie Monk has a pair of them on her head, she’s so playful like that, I heard that last week she let Ryan Seacrest shove his pantyhose down her throat to gag her before licking her asshole while jerking off. True Story.

Posted in:Fat Chick|Panty Line|Sophie Monk

2008

09

Oct

Sophie Monk Was Poor of the Day

Go to 4 minutes into the video to see Sophie Monk in her natural habitat of Australia, where her couch, like mine, was covered by a sheet, to make the piss stains, holes and maggots living inside it, less offensive when sitting down to watch a movie. Sure, she wasn’t as poor as the homeless guy I met in an alley when taking a piss, who was smashing his head against a dumpster screaming in pain, only to come up to me in some kind of bloody mess asking me if I was involved in the black market organ trade, and not believing me when I said no, or the street kid with a tattooed face who was moaning to himself yesterday and when I asked him what was wrong he told me his mouth hurt, when I asked why, he lifted up his lip to show me a rotted out mess that smelled like death and that he couldn’t get fixed because he had no money for a dentist, but poor never the less.

Either way, it’s nice to see Sophie not forgetting where she came from as she climbs into her Range Rover in LA after a long day of going to Pilates, that was probably followed up by sitting on her ass, or taking a bubble bath, or calling Ryan Seacrest and talking about boys.

Posted in:Poor|Sophie Monk

2008

03

Oct

Sophie Monk’s Fat Thighs in Jean Shorts of the Day

Sophie Monk is showing off her pie eating contest winning legs and I don't mean lesbian legs because she dated that Good Charlotte motherfucker who clearly doesn't have a dick, and she's doing it in a pair of short trashy shorts that remind me of the 90s, which in a totally unrelated story, were fucking horrible, but I still think she's got it going on, because she is weird lookin' and sometimes weird is good unless weird looking is scary, like something out of a horror movie, or like DJ AM's new face, in which case weird lookin' is better kept in a burlap bag.

Posted in:Sophie Monk|Thighs

2008

23

Sep

Sophie Monk Shows Off Some Leg of the Day

I went to a bar once and in the corner was a creepy lonely lookin guy on the piano. He was playing the song “Lady in Red” over and over and he sounded sad. He kept ordering cocktails and I knew that he never planned his life to end up in a dive bar playing the piano. I could tell he had dreams of grandeur, you know, to take his talent to the top of the charts like he was Elton John, but instead was living in a studio apartment with no hot water and playing the piano in exchange for free booze.

Either way, I got fed up of hearing the Lady in Red song, it was a little tedious after the 4th time, so I went up to him and tried to chat him up and win him over, after realizing he was a miserable person, I snuck in a little “do you know any other songs” and he went rabid. His eyes widened and he screamed “I play what I fell like playing, now get the fuck away from me” before breaking down and running off to the bathroom, 5 minutes later he was back at the bar, ordering another drink and 5 minutes later, he was back at the piano playing Lady in Red again.

I feel like his personal torment was on the same level of Sophie Monk’s after he fiance left her for Paris Hilton. That’s the kind of thing that makes a person want to kill themselves, so it’s nice to see that she’s surviving and showing off her legs and hair extensions while doin’ it.

Posted in:Legs|Sophie Monk

2008

10

Sep

Sophie Monk Bikini Pictures of the Day

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It looks like I slept on these Sopie Monk pics, which is probably because everytime I think of the trash that has actually slept on Sophie Monk, like Ryan Seacrest and the Good Charlotte twin who is slamming Paris Hilton, both sexually ambiguous, Ryan Seacrest with his frosted hair and everything about him being gay and Good Charlotte for having sex with his brother because it’s seen as masturbation since they are twins, playing shitty gay anthems and most importantly because he sucks, leading me to believe that Sophie Monk may be a transexual and despite finding her kinda hot and interesting to look at like a Picasso painting, here she is with her junk taped up. I just can’t wait to see her stage show where she sings “I Will Survive” and Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” like all the trannies do at their tranny shows because there is no way this bitch doesn’t have COCK.

Posted in:Bikini|Sophie Monk|Uncategorized

2008

29

Aug

Sophie Monk Shows Off Her Legs in Shorts of the Day

Sophie Monk’s wearing shorts, I guess she’s slowly trying to get sluttier and sluttier because we all know that girls who wear anything above the knees are just asking to get fucked, it’s been a key defense in rape cases for decades, and the reason she is doing it is because her self esteem was raped when her boyfriend left her for Paris Hilton, that’s kinda like when your favorite stripper gets mad at you for getting a lap dance with the old fat chick no one in their right mind wants because she leaves shit stains on your freshly pressed khakis or some shit. It’s going from good to bad, leaving the good thinking they are worse than the bad and when the bad is Paris Hilton shit’s detrimental to your mental health, at least that’s what I am thinking. It’s kind of the way every guy feels when they find out that I banged their girlfriend at some point in their life, they feel like something is wrong with them for dating something that got with me and it always gives me a laugh because I know it true and when you get over the truth hurting bullshit, you realize that in the end you still got laid, and that’s a whole lot more rewarding than people thinking you’re disgusting.

Posted in:Legs|Shorts|Sophie Monk

2008

25

Aug

Sophie Monk and Her Blowjob Stance at the Hair Salon of the Day

Sophie Monk is a slut proven by this blowjob face you know she’s trying to pass off as a yawn. She’s the kind of girl with dick on her mind, you know trying to figure out who next to hit up to propel her fame to the next level so that she’s as relevant as Paris Hilton. You know her boyfriend’s ex-vagina that he’s dropped her for, giving as all an idea of how shitty Monk actually is in bed, because we all know how shitty Hilton is in bed and I guess she’s just practicing so the same mistake doesn’t happen again. You know I said You Know a lot in this post. I am so crazy when it comes to words. Watch out.

If you’re wondering why her name is tattooed on the back of her neck, I have no idea, but can only assume it’s part of her marketing plan, you know when a girl tells you shit like “don’t forget this face” or “keep my signature because I will become famous and it’ll be worth a lot one day”, only the “remember this name” as you’re pulling on her pony tail and fucking her from behind passive aggressive version….

Either way, watch her get her roots done, cuz she’s no natural blonde.

Posted in:Blowjob|Hair|Sophie Monk

2008

04

Aug

Sophie Monk is Rich of the Day

Call me sexist, but I don’t think girls should drive expensive sports cars because they have a hard enough time driving everyday cars that putting that kind of horsepower under their vaginas is just asking for disaster and a very luxurious traffic jam caused by her multiple attempts at parallel parking the fuckin’ thing. The only stick a girl should be rockin’ is the one in her man’s pants and if she needs to get herself around to the grocery store, because that’s really the only time she should be let out of the house, she should take the fuckin’ bus. But if a bitch insists on having her own car because we live in a modern world where women don’t belong to men, there’s always the Smart Car or the Miata or a minivan to pick the kids up from soccer, but a Ferraris shouldn’t even be considered because it should be illegal for them to get behind the wheel.

Speaking of girls lookin’ retarded, I was just outside for about a minute to see if the world had been wiped out by some kind of natural disaster and to my disappointment it hadn’t but this really hot girl wearing the tightest little shorts and the tightest little top rolled by me. I felt like she was sent by god to bring joy to my life with her bounching braless breasts in a wifebeater, before realizing she was on a fucking skateboard, not the longboard kind that you see on the beach that everyone is using for transportation these days, but an actual skateboard like Tony Hawk would use and no matter how hot she was, her awkward balancing and use of the thing offended me so much that I couldn’t enjoy her the way she was meant to be enjoyed because of her stupid gender bending behavior because she feels the need to break barriers by using something made for boys badly and I felt like I was at the circus.

Either way, here are pictures of Sophie Monk and her weird lookin’ face I want to fuck shopping for luxury sports cars because she’s richer than us even though she’s barely done anything, proving that entertainment is a smart career choice if you’re lookin’ for one. She’s obviously trying to feed some emptiness caused by her future husband and lesbian lover from Good Charlotte cheating on her with Paris Hilton, which is usually something that leads other girls to suicide because that vagina bumpin’ by association is too close for comfort.

Posted in:Rich|Sophie Monk

2008

23

Jul

Sophie Monk is Hot in a Bikini of the Day

I know that you’re an easy sell when it comes to girls, because you’ve reached that point of desperation. Like the dude I saw hitting on this tight bodied 18 year old the other night. Dude had money, he was probably married and he walked up to her to tell her that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Being drunk, I decided to intervene and show this dude up, so I step in and tell him that he just did a good job, but we all know that he’s so tired of his wife that a plate of raw meet before he BBQ’s for his wife of 20 years and 3 kids turns him on at this point. That strategy worked against me, because the girl said I was disgusting and went to the bar with him, so I guess I was the real loser in the situation.

Speaking of losers, Sophie Monk must really feel like one. She fell for Good Charlotte twin because I can only assume he was huge in her home country of Australia, she dated him until they became engaged, because I guess she thought he was sincere since she was the first hot pussy he ever landed and all the other good lookin’ dudes out there were just out for her pussy cuz she’s hot. Then dude gets cocky and turns on her by fucking Paris Hilton, what must be a huge blow to the “other” girl in the situation’s ego. Sure Paris is spoiled and a master manipulator who knows how to get what she wants and he was just overwhelmed that girls wanted his fat ass and had a false sense of how desirable he was and felt the need to capitalize on all opportunities that present themselves. His behavior left him covered in herpes and unable to explain the “rash” to Monk, getting busted and dumped and forced to go back to the trash Hilton that he is probably going to be stuck to for life, because of their STD bond that other girls won’t want any of and that he can’t deny cuz shit’s all over the fucking media.

The good news is that through all this, Sophie Monk has still managed to stay hot and here she is in a bikini.

Posted in:Bikini|Sophie Monk|Tits

2008

15

Apr

Sophie Monk’s Got a Dumpy Ass of the Day

I guess I should have known that something wasn’t right with this Sophie Monk character. I was all excited about her a couple weeks ago but never even thought about the condition of her ass. The fact that she was with Good Charlotte was the worst I thought it could get, but I was able to pass that off as some kind of mistake since she’s a foreigner and maybe Good Charlotte is a big deal in Australia…like Hasselhoff was huge in Germany and I figured I couldn’t blame her for falling into a culturally confused decision…but now I see her ass and whatever the fuck she’s doing to it. It looks like she’s trying to hold in her shit by clenching and that’s making it look she’s already dumped out some mangled ground beef already and it makes me cry on the inside. You know, I don’t expect anyone to be perfect, but when you look this tight from the front, it’s a total downer to catch yourself wondering if that shit’s a tall skinny 95 year old from the back.

I still will say she’s a better catch than Paris Hilton and bad ass or not I’m still a fan, but now that she’s onto Ryan Seacrest, I think it’s safe to say that Sophie Monk is dead to me.

Bonus – Sophie Monk Showing Off Some Tit to Distract Us From Her Dumpy Ass

Posted in:Ass|Sophie Monk

2008

09

Apr

Sophie Monk’s Got No Bra and Hard Nipples of the Day

I think posting Sophie Monk is my way of rubbing shit in Benjo Madden’s face because I think she’s hot and he’s onto some sewage treatment plant of a vagina that he found in Paris Hilton. I know the whole expression we used to drop back in the day that even Cindy Crawford’s husband gets bored of her and seeks new vagina, back when Cindy Crawford was the hottest model out there, but I still think going from this to Paris is some kind of twisted shit. I guess Paris is more experienced sexually, and that sometimes means that bitch is better in bed and can do things to him that a regular unslutty chick can’t, but I know that every slut that I’ve ever got with has been pretty shitty in bed and the reason they are sluts in the first place. Pretty much no guy ever stuck around with them long enough for them to really experiment and there sex may be with many people, but it’s been bad sex with many people. Where as a girl who just gets out of a long term relationship is all about licking your asshole and letting you fuck her without a condom because that’s all she really knows.

I guess what it all comes down to is that that best sex Madden has ever had was when he was in the womb suckin off his twin brother that they caught on ultrasound, and for him his life will be a constant journey to find that innocent first love again…..and unfortunately for him he’s lookin’ in all the wrong places, but at least he can get a cheesy mall tattoo to commemorate the journey.

Here’s Sophie Monk with no bra and hard nipples you perverts…

Posted in:Nipples|Sophie Monk|Tits|Uncategorized

2008

08

Apr

Sophie Monk’s Got Some Hot Legs of the Day

I guess I shouldn’t rip into Sophie Monk for having been with the Good Charlotte sister who is now with Paris Hilton because I’ve probably talked about it a few times and shit is played out. She already dropped his ass and I think it’s time for me to move on too. It looks like Sophie Monk’s got a new pussy to throw it to that is a much better lookin’ in women’s panties than the last one, which isn’t saying much because he only wore them when he was writing his shitty songs, which wasn’t that often. It’s safe to say that this upgrade’s probably got a fresher and smaller vagina than Benji’s new find, but to be fair, everybody does so I guess that’s not saying all that much about her, but it is saying that Benji got a shitty deal with Sophie Monk looks like this and is hitting the streets more and more now that he’s out of the fuckin’ picture. I guess if I was involved with such a cunt, I’d keep myself locked up for fear of being seen in public. Shit’s embarassing, like the time I was dating a 4 fingered (on both hands) ablino who was about 70 pounds overweight, which amazed me since she didn’t have many fingers to shovel food down her throat fast enough to get to that level, but she managed to pull it off somehow and she always insisted I take her out for milkshakes after I fucked her and I’d always refuse. I have no issue admitting I have no standards to myself but I am not about to do it in front of my peers to judge me, not to mention I didn’t want her to think I was her boyfriend because I know the sex would have ended, she’d just want to cuddle and I’d have to admit that I am not just a pervert but actually a loser and at 15, I wasn’t ready to come to terms with that.

Posted in:Hot|Legs|Shopping|Sophie Monk

2008

28

Mar

Sophie Monk is Banging Paris’ Hilton’s Boyfriend of the Day

It was reported that these are pictures of Sophie Monk and Paris Hilton’s boyfriend pizza boy she found on the streets of New York a few months ago and decided to take under her labia and turn into some kind of male model, at least that’s the line she used to get him in her unprotected because I guess a slut like her doesn’t like condoms very much, and her uterus is so damaged from abortions that pregnancy scares just don’t happen anymore, and dude liked promises of riches and fame, so he did it. It’s like that time I used to tell girls I could make her famous because I was a producer and working on a yet to be released MTV show and all she had to do was suck me off to get an audition, sure i had my share of rejection but it was a numbers game and there was always a bitch dumb enough to fall for it.

Either was, I was pretty disgusted thinking that Sophie Monk did a wife swap with Paris Hilton, since Paris is fuckin’ her Good Charlotte sister and now she was supposed to be fuckin’ her import model, because I figured that Sophie Monk got the short end of the deal. Sure, fucking a phallic lookin’ object is better than fuckin’ Benji Madden, but not if Paris had been there first. I started thinking about how I don’t even like fucking my wife when she tells me about previous dudes she’s fucked or masturbated to, because it takes away my virgin thoughts I had of her. I knew she had kids, but I just figured it was some kind of immaculate conception and that I was the only person dirty enough to get in that. I also always hated getting with whores and being able to smell the last dirty homeless motherfucker who got a piece of her and I never liked fuckin’ girls when I knew their past sexual partners by face because everytime I fucked them all I could imagine is them there first and it made me feel like a bigger loser than I knew I already was.

A girl like Sophie Monk has the potential dating pool that is far deeper than any dating pool I’ve ever swam in, and even I managed to avoid fuckin’ sloppy seconds. Incestuous Hollywood is disgusting and the reason most actors are dirtier than pornstars, but the good news is that this isn’t even pictures of Sophie Monk and that this whole post was just a huge waste of time. Too late to not publish it now. Asshole.

Posted in:Hot|Sloppy Seconds|Sophie Monk

2008

25

Mar

Sophie Monk’s Got an Outty Vagina of the Day

I don’t really know if Sophie Monk’s got one of those vaginas where the clit hood pokes out like it’s stickin’ its tongue out at you but it looks like she does in these tight pants she’s got jacked up and I find that hot. I used to be all about the coinslot because I was convinced they didn’t exist so I’d ask every girl I came across if she had just a slit and they would be all awkward before telling me I’d never find out. None of that really matters, what does matter is that despite her being damaged goods for gettin’ with the Good Charlotte sister, I still think she’s got it going on and can see past that. The way I justify it to myself is that she’s from Australia and in Australia they do things different. People who are lame here are cool there and vice versa, so I can’t blame her for falling into his trap, it’s probably just a cultural thing. I remember seeing video of the New Kids on the Block in Japan 2 years after their careers in North America died and girls were still fainting for those poofters, and a lot of dlisters here are huge stars out there so it all makes sense.

What doesn’t make sense is how he went from this chick to Paris Hilton in what’s gotta be a major fuckin’ rebound, we’ve all been there….but I can guarantee whatever kinda heat she’s got packin’ in her pants has nothin’ on this girl’s outty pussy and the truth is that neither vaginas have anything on his brother’s cock that he misses so much….

Posted in:Cameltoe|Sophie Monk|Vagina