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Archive for the Tara Reid Category

2008

20

Feb

Tara Reid is an Academy Award of the Day

Here are some pictures of Tara Reid dressed like a Golden Academy Award because we’re all allowed to have dreams and if you can’t win one, you might as well be one. She’s at some She’s all socially conscious at some Live Earth event and I’m not talking about knowing where the next big party is or what time she’s meeting her friends for more drinks at the exclusive after-party like the socially conscious party sluts I know, I mean doing good for the environment by promoting the Smart Car for some Live Earth event that she is probably getting paid to do because the only Live Earth Tara Reid knows is a shot she once had at a college Frat party in Mexico during Spring Break that lead to her getting gang banged….

I am a fan of the fake tan, but I am also the kind of guy who only interacts with strippers and considers spending an afternoon in the waiting room of a Tanning Salon a good time because I get to see the cheesy bitches outside of their club elements. I am also a fan of Lionel Richie and all thing trying to emulate him.

To be fair, Tara Reid spends most of her time in the dark, where trying to figure out how much is too much especially when all the girls around you are more orange than you are because having a glowing face igets you noticed, not to mention she was probably wasted when she did her make up, and I know that whenever I am wasted and end up putting on my wife’s make-up to cater to her lesbian fantasies, I always end up lookin like a 300 pound tranny who just got punched in the face by a group of preschool finger painters….


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Posted in:Bronzer|Fake Tan|Skinny|Tara Reid

2007

26

Nov

I am – Tara Reid’s Got Skinny Legs of the Day

tara_reid_skinny_top.jpg

When I look at Tara Reid, I am reminded of myself. Not because I am a skinny little blonde chick with fake tits, but I wish I was, because I’d never stop trying to get into my pants, but because I am an alcoholic and respect people with the same life goals as me, that don’t involve having a respectable career and making money for the luxury life, but taking what you can get and making money to just get fucked up. Now my drinking budget is a lot more pathetic than hers and usually leaves me in the gutter blinded from drinking rubbing alcohol all night, while she’s out touring different cities in the World at the hottest parties but the foundation of what we do is the same and when blinded by rubbing alcohol you’re really in no position to be rockin’ the hottest parties anywhere but inside your heads.

Speaking of hallucinating, I had serious alcohol withdrawal after a few days of binge drinking, it was the first time it had happened to me in years but I’ve been goin’ hard lately because I have bad friends who think it’s funny to get me drunk and destructive and I was raised to never turn down a free shot of anything. So the withdrawal hit was because I didn’t have any money to get more drink in me and because I’m damaged fuckin’ goods and my brain and body can’t deal with alcohol anymore. It basically involved me laying in bed next to my furnace of a wife which is convenient since it’s winter, so she’s good for something, staring at the ceiling shaking and convulsing and having visions of a young slut bouncing on my dick which was alright until I found out she had AIDS.

Speaking of AIDS, Here’s Tara Reid drifting into full blown, if you know what I mean, if you don’t just look at them legs. I guess the party’s gotta stop sometime.


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Posted in:Blonde|Legs|Skinny|Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

14

Nov

I am – Tara Reid Showing Up Late for Work of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Here are some pictures of Tara Reid showing up an hour late for work in Vancouver probably from a late night drinking. I am running late today too and it’s probably for the same reason. Based on what she’s wearing, you’d think she was showing up for the afternoon shift at the strip club and not showing up to some movie set.

I used to park outside the strip club back when I had a driver’s license and my neighbor’s car keys, before getting charged with a DUI and losing that shit and leaving my neighbor’s shit box on the side of the highway, and all the daytime strippers would show up like this. They’d be wearing their club slut coat, with track pants and a haggard face from an abusive night before, only to get inside and take the shit off for a dude who pays them 10 dollars a song, which rarely happened because it was the afternoon shift. I guess there are a lot of similarities between Tara Reid’s career and an afternoon stripper, because makin’ money rarely happens which is too bad because she still owes money on her implants she bought on credit.

Either way, I am not a fashionable person. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong and I generally don’t give a fuck about what a girl is wearing, I am more into what a girl isn’t wearing and how I am going to get them to take off whatever they are wearing to do a little dance for me. But that’s just because I love dancing.


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Posted in:Haggard|Late|Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Tara Reid Does FHM of the Day

tara-reid-2.jpg

People who like to get wasted get a lot of slack. I have been told over and over in my life that I get drunk because I have a void to fill and I try to tell people that that void is the fact that I am not drunk. It’s got nothing to do with hating myself and trying to forget my problems, because that shit follows me wherever I go and no matter how fucked up I get, what it does have to do with is that being drunk is fun and the chicks are easy, they get wild and show me their tits and let me watch them shower and shit which sober girls only do once you charm them and as a person with no charisma, charming isn’t much of an option. So getting drunk is fun and allows us to live out all the fantasies we want to live out because sober is too fuckin’ dull and that’s all there is to it.

The real degenerates in the world are the people who pretend they aren’t degenerates. The people who rock the 9-5 middle management job to put food on the table for a family they resent. Or the guy who married his highschool sweetheart or some chick because his parents approved of her, or the person who was a great artist growing up but decided to pursue a Law Degree because that’s what their family wanted, or the person who got married to a woman he hates out of fear of loneliness, and every chance he gets he goes across the street to fuck the neighbor or maybe even beats her up emotionally or physicially because he hates her or maybe the guy who has a high powered job but jerks off to teenage boys playing soccer but since he lives in a good house, he’s gotta be ok. Or the dude who feels inadequate because all his neighbors have BMWs so he goes so deep in debt to maintain his image that he ends up killing himself, or even the rich parents who are too busy being self absorbed or making money to raise their kids proper, so they give them an immigrant nanny to boss around and treat like shit at a young age and carry that asshole attitude into adulthood but have a credit card to get whatever they want so they are going to be okay, even if daddy was too busy working to give them the time of day and mommy was too busy fucking her tennis pro or getting her hair done. Superficial, Materialistic, status hungry assholes are the fucking trash of the world, people just don’t realize it because they have money and seem to have it together…but we all have fucking demons.

So the real degenerates in the world are the fuckers who don’t think they are degenerates because they have money or jobs or are living by the boundaries society has set for them. Bars and clubs are made for partying and partying is never a bad thing because it’s a fucking celebration and even if it kills you, because you know what, everything out there kills you and you might as well have it happen when wasted, because it will hurt less.

Either way, Tara Reid is a party slut and despite having no respect for party sluts, I do still love them because without them so many fun things wouldn’t go down and here she defends her party ways while dissing Lohan, because we all know alcoholics are all about excuses because it was a friends birthday and I had a rough day at work and I only had 3 drinks.

So you did do a lot of partying?
Everyone does, but you’ll never read a story about me going out and partying when I’m supposed to be working, showing up on a set drunk or missing a day, never. But when I’m not working why shouldn’t I have fun? Am I supposed to stay at home and live in a cage? I like to have fun and have people around me. I think the reason I never ended up in as much trouble as Paris or Lindsay [Lohan] is that I’m not stupid, so I’d never do a lot of the things those girls do, and I’ve always had good friends around me.

So they are stupid?
Yeah. Like, Lindsay makes $15 million a movie, so why doesn’t she have a driver? I don’t get it. If you get drunk, that’s fine, but don’t drive. They need to straighten up a little bit and make better investments. And they should surround themselves with better people who don’t let them get themselves in trouble.

Are you friends with Paris, Lindsay or Britney?

No, I’m older than them. I know them all, but I don’t hang out with them.

Check Out Tara Reid’s Spread in FHM Lookin’ Hot Enough To K-Fed
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Posted in:FHM|Lingerie|Tara Reid|Tits|Unsorted

2007

23

Sep

I am – Tara Reid See-Through Shirt of the Day

tara-reid-see-through8.jpg

Since it’s Sunday and I am supposed to be in the gutter somewhere, I decided to let Julien the resident gay blogger hit up the site with a post, because otherwise I wouldn’t bother. I pretty much hate the computer and just walked down the street seeing black spots because of it, or at least I say it’s because of it, but it is probably AIDS, Liver Failure, Syphilis or any other exciting debilitating disease fat ouytof shape unhealthy drunken chain smokers get.

Speaking of AIDS, here’s Julien’s post, since it is the Gay disease after all.

I think the last thing that this site needs is photos of Tara Reid looking like a drunken whore, but here are some photos of Tera in London wearing a see-through kimono type-thingy. She looks like she is in a burlesque production of Madame Butterfly or some shit.

Anyway, you can almost see her busted tits, so I figured that the three prepubescent boys who read this site will be all over it. I love how she tries to class things up a little, you know going out and getting shit-faced in London instead of LA. What the hell is she even doing outside of California. It’s not like she’s filming the new Indiana Jones movie or something…it’s not likely that she’ll ever film a new movie.

It’s good to see ol’ Puff-face out and about again, you know with Lindsay in rehab, Brit all concerned with her kids and Paris apparently acting like a saint, I was afraid that the older generation of party whores would have to step down and make way for Hayden and company. But it’s nice to see Tara being the drunken workhorse that she is. She’s like a Ford truck, an American institution.

-Smooch!
Julien

If I hated gay people as much as I pretend to, I’d never let one write for me, so all you gay activists reading don’t send me hate mail about AIDS being a gay disease. It’s a proven fact that it is. I am just in shock that Julien didn’t talk about the fag that Tara is getting fucked up with. I guess it really doesn’t matter….Here are the pics.


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Posted in:Drunk|See Through|Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

22

Aug

I am – Tara Reid Bikini Pictures of the Day

tara_reid_bikini.jpg

The pictures on this site get repetitive because the same sluts go out in their bikinis over and over again and since I have no interest in posting shit like sluts at press conferences or sluts on the red carpet unless there’s a nip slip or vagina slips in them, then I am forced to hit back the standard played out Tara Reid in a Bikini action, but at least the site I ripped them off of says their new….and we all know that seeing a bitch in a new bikini is like a whole new fucking experience because we know they can afford to buy more than one….

I remember spending my summer on some beach town working some shitty kitchen of some nasty fucking seafood restaurant and I ended up falling in love, or at least in as much love as I could really be with a pretty unattractive girl that was letting me bang her 3 times a day, but for the sake of argument she was my girlfriend and she was ugly but I told her I loved her because it was the only way to get her to do anal in the morning..or when she was on her rag.

I rode out the relationship, because it was easy, but I couldn’t get over the fact that she always wore the same fucking suit, day after day, and when I got a little fucking grossed out by her never washing her same bathing suit, that she wore 7 days a week for about a month, she claimed that swimming in the Ocean was better sterilization than a fucking washing machine…

Now we weren’t actually at the ocean, but I knew she was kinda slow, she claimed it was a learning disability, but I think it was because her parents were first cousins, because we were at some shitty polluted lake and her fucking suit smelled like dead fish, sewage and gasoline. By week 6 of this, I was starting to lose my fucking mind, it was all I could smell even when she wasn’t around, so I woke up while she was still sleeping, grabbed the bathing suit of death, looked at it before throwing it into the sink with some detergent because at this point the whole place fucking stank of this shit, and noticed that there was a massive battery stain and hole in her crotch and that the dirty bathing suit wasn’t what was causing the smell, the lake wasn’t what was causing the smell, the girl I had been banging was only I had been too drunk to realize it for the first month and a half because I never went down on her….I suddenly realized why people were constantly giving me dirty looks whenever I was with her, and Tara Reid reminds me of that dirty whore and not because she hangs with fat dudes but because she looks like if she wasn’t so rich, she’d probably have a stinky box…so here are her bikini pics…


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Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Drunk|Tara Reid|Tits|Unsorted

2007

10

Aug

I am – Tara Reid as a Bikini Gypsy of the Day

My community college friend “Shanna” flaked out on me and our friend “StripTease,” who i call StripTease because she will flash you her rack within five minutes of meeting her. Basically Shana’s phone went directly to voice mail which means she was too drunk to charge her cell, dropped it down a toilet, and was choking on her own vomit somewhere. She is in deep shit either way.

StripTease and I gave up and got stoned in her Brooklyn apartment that is directly above a funeral parlor. I swore off weed 3 years ago, but i wanted to be somewhere else without having to drink my way there, and I’ll take what’s given to me. StripTease bought a Chanel purse for 20 bucks off a cokehead who was selling her shit for more coke. StripTease was excited about her new boyfriend’s big dick, but pretty pissed about having to bail her little sister out of jail for shoplifting lip-gloss from a pharmacy. I told her that if her sister wants to rebel properly, she should just start giving $10 blow-jobs off the West Side highway, and the rest will work itself out.

So this is a pretty boring post because i got fucked up instead of fucked last night. But on the train back into the city, a button-nosed little banker passed out and his head landed in my lap. I let the little fucker nuzzle up in my groin because that was about as much play as I had coming. I considered taking his laptop with me at my stop, but I prefer stealing from fat tourists.

Here is Tara Reid being a tourist in Italy, and rolling with a crew of gypsies. I would like to have been a gypsy back in their hey-day like 300 years ago. Riding around in a caravan from place to place, stealing shit, camping out, and drinking. In a way that’s what I did as a hooker, except I road on cocks instead of in Caravans. Have fun busting one to Tara Reid looking more like a Gypsy whore than a botched lypo experiment.

obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hookler, friend of Jesus)


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Posted in:Bikini|Swimming|Tara Reid|Trash|Unsorted

2007

01

Aug

I am – Tara Reid’s Old Man Ass of the Day

Tara Reid

I was out having drinks with some friends last night and had to deal with the shock and awe from some jock idiot who couldn’t fathom that I had never seen American Pie. Am I really missing out on that much?? What’s worse, is this homo acted like the fucking movie was Schindler’s List of something, which I guess when you’re a full time drunken college-sports-idiot may be true, but all I really watch is documentaries and porn. I don’t think I’ve seen Schindler’s List either, come to think of it.

I’m hoping Tara Reid gets pregnant soon, cause I think she will make the ultimate Couger Mom. Couger Moms are women like Dina Lohan, who try to re-live their youth vicariously through their daughters, sleep with their children’s friends, and give their kids booze when they are way too young cause they have no friends of their own and want the kids to think they are hip. You know what I mean, the mom’s you think are cool when you’re like 12, until you realize that it’s pretty bizarre a grown women always wants to hang out with teenagers.

I can just see Tara battling for the attention of her daughters friends, spilling her long island ice tea on her pink carpet as she walks around her house in a bikini and high heels, her make up smeared across her face. Her skin will be the shade of a nice leather Luis Vuitton handbag by then. She would make all the kids go sit in the living room and watch American Pie repeatedly, pausing it to either give commentary on all her big scenes or to yell at the TV and start to cry because “things weren’t supposed to turn out this way”.


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Posted in:Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

01

Aug

I am – Tara Reid's Old Man Ass of the Day

Tara Reid

I was out having drinks with some friends last night and had to deal with the shock and awe from some jock idiot who couldn’t fathom that I had never seen American Pie. Am I really missing out on that much?? What’s worse, is this homo acted like the fucking movie was Schindler’s List of something, which I guess when you’re a full time drunken college-sports-idiot may be true, but all I really watch is documentaries and porn. I don’t think I’ve seen Schindler’s List either, come to think of it.

I’m hoping Tara Reid gets pregnant soon, cause I think she will make the ultimate Couger Mom. Couger Moms are women like Dina Lohan, who try to re-live their youth vicariously through their daughters, sleep with their children’s friends, and give their kids booze when they are way too young cause they have no friends of their own and want the kids to think they are hip. You know what I mean, the mom’s you think are cool when you’re like 12, until you realize that it’s pretty bizarre a grown women always wants to hang out with teenagers.

I can just see Tara battling for the attention of her daughters friends, spilling her long island ice tea on her pink carpet as she walks around her house in a bikini and high heels, her make up smeared across her face. Her skin will be the shade of a nice leather Luis Vuitton handbag by then. She would make all the kids go sit in the living room and watch American Pie repeatedly, pausing it to either give commentary on all her big scenes or to yell at the TV and start to cry because “things weren’t supposed to turn out this way”.


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Posted in:Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

23

Jul

I am – Tara Reid is All Covered Up of the Day

Tara Reid

So I’m guessing Tara Reid has been checking out all the Gossip forums cause I find it pretty convenient that she is at the beach but seemed to cover her botched surgery up for once, since all she pretty much does is run around in a fucking bikini anymore.

I don’t feel sorry for people who get fucked up cause of cosmetic surgery and I hate the way the media has turned her and all these other assholes into some sort of martyrs for this shit, seriously. I refuse to feel sorry for her or anyone else who voluntarily chose to cut up their fucking bodies because they think it will make them look better, get it fucked up, and then go on fucking Tyra and every other god damned day time talk crying about it because it didn’t turn out how they planned.

Hey Bitch, guess what? Lots of shit it my life didn’t turned out as planned either, the only difference is I didn’t pay somebody to make my life this shitty, it just kind of happened. I’m sure she blames the surgery on the fact that she never gets movie parts anymore either, and still just can’t fucking accept that she’s a bad actress and is pretty much only good for eye candy.

People like her will go spend the equivalent of a down payment on a fucking house, or what some people will make for their yearly salary to fix minor imperfections on their body that most people don’t even notice anyways. At least next time she will think twice, and go buy a house next time, instead of a flabby stomach and some giant, lopsided tits.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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Posted in:Tara Reid|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

17

Jul

I am – Tara Reid in a Bikini of the Day

Tara Reid Bikini

A while back I went to a bar and met a hot euro-trash guy who said he was from Monaco. I was mix’n Xanax with liquor (as i usually do). He tells me he is an art-dealer, which means he launders money. And this is where it all goes to SLUT…

“…. suddenly inside Kama Sutra theme apartment… art guy doing lines with new Indian guy… shivering in panties in the bathtub as water runs… art guy can’t get it up…. art guy crying… waking up naked in a silk canopy bed next to Indian guy…. sensing i had not had sex but had been groped in my sleep… weird bruises in tender places… realizing I was much classier when I was as a hooker…” In my book, I didn’t truly become a whore until I stopped charging: being a hooker was a business, being an irresponsible slut was being a whore.

Here is Tara Reid, old-school Slut, giving it to a football in Malibu yesterday. She’s on one of her clean-up kicks and looking good (except her busted lypo abs). But her hot streaks always end the same way: 20 lbs of beer bloat, botched plastic surgery, and a boob slip. Until then, enjoy these.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Big Tits|Bikini|Slut|Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

29

Mar

I am – Tara Reid Takes Her Tits for a Walk of the Day

tara_reid_titstop.jpg

Tara Reid is a drunken whore and she’s having a good fucking time doing whatever it is that she is doing. Even if she claims to have sobered up, it makes no difference to me because I am the type of guy that holds onto the good times and ignores the bad. I remember I knew this bitch who was hitting the beer bong and getting gangbanged by the football team at every college party I went to, even though I never went to college but snuck into all the parties, because that’s where you find prime drunken ass. Anyway, she became some high powered lawyer and will never live that shit down no matter how hard she tries to avoid people for her past. So Tara Reid looks like less of a whore and a little more respectable than ever, but she’ll always be a fake titty drunk whore who liked to fuck to me….That’s just the kind of guy I am….

Posted in:Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Tara Reid See-Thru of the Day

tara_reid_see_thru_top.jpg

Tara Reid is a recovering party slut, the kind who used to go to ever Cha Chi Gone Wild in their white blazers while buying their sluts in party dresses with no bras while singing Bob Sinclair’s Love Generation and drinking Magnum’s of Grey Goose or Cristal in hopes of getting the sluts back to their parent’s basements or a nice drunken fuck because all the money they spend on lookin’ like ballers doesn’t afford them the luxury of rent.

I ended up at a club like that where I ordered a round of drinks, tipped the waitress and said “This is for your kids”, something I probably shouldn’t have said to a 20 year old black woman with a big boobs and dreams of being the next Tyra, because she got offended. It probably had to do with her mother having her at 16 in the projects or something or maybe with the fact that her drug dealing boyfriend knocked her up when she was 16 and my tip was really going to be paying for his baby nike’s.

Either way, those clubs lure hotter sluts than the coke bars I hang out at with drunk and homeless crackheads and Tara Reid is lookin’ better than ever with her solid new tits. She’ll be a great stripper when she snorts all her Van WIlder earnings up her nose.

Posted in:Tara Reid|Unsorted