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Archive for the Tara Reid Category

2007

10

Aug

I am – Tara Reid as a Bikini Gypsy of the Day

My community college friend “Shanna” flaked out on me and our friend “StripTease,” who i call StripTease because she will flash you her rack within five minutes of meeting her. Basically Shana’s phone went directly to voice mail which means she was too drunk to charge her cell, dropped it down a toilet, and was choking on her own vomit somewhere. She is in deep shit either way.

StripTease and I gave up and got stoned in her Brooklyn apartment that is directly above a funeral parlor. I swore off weed 3 years ago, but i wanted to be somewhere else without having to drink my way there, and I’ll take what’s given to me. StripTease bought a Chanel purse for 20 bucks off a cokehead who was selling her shit for more coke. StripTease was excited about her new boyfriend’s big dick, but pretty pissed about having to bail her little sister out of jail for shoplifting lip-gloss from a pharmacy. I told her that if her sister wants to rebel properly, she should just start giving $10 blow-jobs off the West Side highway, and the rest will work itself out.

So this is a pretty boring post because i got fucked up instead of fucked last night. But on the train back into the city, a button-nosed little banker passed out and his head landed in my lap. I let the little fucker nuzzle up in my groin because that was about as much play as I had coming. I considered taking his laptop with me at my stop, but I prefer stealing from fat tourists.

Here is Tara Reid being a tourist in Italy, and rolling with a crew of gypsies. I would like to have been a gypsy back in their hey-day like 300 years ago. Riding around in a caravan from place to place, stealing shit, camping out, and drinking. In a way that’s what I did as a hooker, except I road on cocks instead of in Caravans. Have fun busting one to Tara Reid looking more like a Gypsy whore than a botched lypo experiment.

obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hookler, friend of Jesus)


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Posted in:Bikini|Swimming|Tara Reid|Trash|Unsorted

2007

01

Aug

I am – Tara Reid’s Old Man Ass of the Day

Tara Reid

I was out having drinks with some friends last night and had to deal with the shock and awe from some jock idiot who couldn’t fathom that I had never seen American Pie. Am I really missing out on that much?? What’s worse, is this homo acted like the fucking movie was Schindler’s List of something, which I guess when you’re a full time drunken college-sports-idiot may be true, but all I really watch is documentaries and porn. I don’t think I’ve seen Schindler’s List either, come to think of it.

I’m hoping Tara Reid gets pregnant soon, cause I think she will make the ultimate Couger Mom. Couger Moms are women like Dina Lohan, who try to re-live their youth vicariously through their daughters, sleep with their children’s friends, and give their kids booze when they are way too young cause they have no friends of their own and want the kids to think they are hip. You know what I mean, the mom’s you think are cool when you’re like 12, until you realize that it’s pretty bizarre a grown women always wants to hang out with teenagers.

I can just see Tara battling for the attention of her daughters friends, spilling her long island ice tea on her pink carpet as she walks around her house in a bikini and high heels, her make up smeared across her face. Her skin will be the shade of a nice leather Luis Vuitton handbag by then. She would make all the kids go sit in the living room and watch American Pie repeatedly, pausing it to either give commentary on all her big scenes or to yell at the TV and start to cry because “things weren’t supposed to turn out this way”.


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Posted in:Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

01

Aug

I am – Tara Reid's Old Man Ass of the Day

Tara Reid

I was out having drinks with some friends last night and had to deal with the shock and awe from some jock idiot who couldn’t fathom that I had never seen American Pie. Am I really missing out on that much?? What’s worse, is this homo acted like the fucking movie was Schindler’s List of something, which I guess when you’re a full time drunken college-sports-idiot may be true, but all I really watch is documentaries and porn. I don’t think I’ve seen Schindler’s List either, come to think of it.

I’m hoping Tara Reid gets pregnant soon, cause I think she will make the ultimate Couger Mom. Couger Moms are women like Dina Lohan, who try to re-live their youth vicariously through their daughters, sleep with their children’s friends, and give their kids booze when they are way too young cause they have no friends of their own and want the kids to think they are hip. You know what I mean, the mom’s you think are cool when you’re like 12, until you realize that it’s pretty bizarre a grown women always wants to hang out with teenagers.

I can just see Tara battling for the attention of her daughters friends, spilling her long island ice tea on her pink carpet as she walks around her house in a bikini and high heels, her make up smeared across her face. Her skin will be the shade of a nice leather Luis Vuitton handbag by then. She would make all the kids go sit in the living room and watch American Pie repeatedly, pausing it to either give commentary on all her big scenes or to yell at the TV and start to cry because “things weren’t supposed to turn out this way”.


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I am – Tara Reid is All Covered Up of the Day
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Posted in:Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

23

Jul

I am – Tara Reid is All Covered Up of the Day

Tara Reid

So I’m guessing Tara Reid has been checking out all the Gossip forums cause I find it pretty convenient that she is at the beach but seemed to cover her botched surgery up for once, since all she pretty much does is run around in a fucking bikini anymore.

I don’t feel sorry for people who get fucked up cause of cosmetic surgery and I hate the way the media has turned her and all these other assholes into some sort of martyrs for this shit, seriously. I refuse to feel sorry for her or anyone else who voluntarily chose to cut up their fucking bodies because they think it will make them look better, get it fucked up, and then go on fucking Tyra and every other god damned day time talk crying about it because it didn’t turn out how they planned.

Hey Bitch, guess what? Lots of shit it my life didn’t turned out as planned either, the only difference is I didn’t pay somebody to make my life this shitty, it just kind of happened. I’m sure she blames the surgery on the fact that she never gets movie parts anymore either, and still just can’t fucking accept that she’s a bad actress and is pretty much only good for eye candy.

People like her will go spend the equivalent of a down payment on a fucking house, or what some people will make for their yearly salary to fix minor imperfections on their body that most people don’t even notice anyways. At least next time she will think twice, and go buy a house next time, instead of a flabby stomach and some giant, lopsided tits.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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Posted in:Tara Reid|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

17

Jul

I am – Tara Reid in a Bikini of the Day

Tara Reid Bikini

A while back I went to a bar and met a hot euro-trash guy who said he was from Monaco. I was mix’n Xanax with liquor (as i usually do). He tells me he is an art-dealer, which means he launders money. And this is where it all goes to SLUT…

“…. suddenly inside Kama Sutra theme apartment… art guy doing lines with new Indian guy… shivering in panties in the bathtub as water runs… art guy can’t get it up…. art guy crying… waking up naked in a silk canopy bed next to Indian guy…. sensing i had not had sex but had been groped in my sleep… weird bruises in tender places… realizing I was much classier when I was as a hooker…” In my book, I didn’t truly become a whore until I stopped charging: being a hooker was a business, being an irresponsible slut was being a whore.

Here is Tara Reid, old-school Slut, giving it to a football in Malibu yesterday. She’s on one of her clean-up kicks and looking good (except her busted lypo abs). But her hot streaks always end the same way: 20 lbs of beer bloat, botched plastic surgery, and a boob slip. Until then, enjoy these.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Big Tits|Bikini|Slut|Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

29

Mar

I am – Tara Reid Takes Her Tits for a Walk of the Day

tara_reid_titstop.jpg

Tara Reid is a drunken whore and she’s having a good fucking time doing whatever it is that she is doing. Even if she claims to have sobered up, it makes no difference to me because I am the type of guy that holds onto the good times and ignores the bad. I remember I knew this bitch who was hitting the beer bong and getting gangbanged by the football team at every college party I went to, even though I never went to college but snuck into all the parties, because that’s where you find prime drunken ass. Anyway, she became some high powered lawyer and will never live that shit down no matter how hard she tries to avoid people for her past. So Tara Reid looks like less of a whore and a little more respectable than ever, but she’ll always be a fake titty drunk whore who liked to fuck to me….That’s just the kind of guy I am….

Posted in:Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Tara Reid See-Thru of the Day

tara_reid_see_thru_top.jpg

Tara Reid is a recovering party slut, the kind who used to go to ever Cha Chi Gone Wild in their white blazers while buying their sluts in party dresses with no bras while singing Bob Sinclair’s Love Generation and drinking Magnum’s of Grey Goose or Cristal in hopes of getting the sluts back to their parent’s basements or a nice drunken fuck because all the money they spend on lookin’ like ballers doesn’t afford them the luxury of rent.

I ended up at a club like that where I ordered a round of drinks, tipped the waitress and said “This is for your kids”, something I probably shouldn’t have said to a 20 year old black woman with a big boobs and dreams of being the next Tyra, because she got offended. It probably had to do with her mother having her at 16 in the projects or something or maybe with the fact that her drug dealing boyfriend knocked her up when she was 16 and my tip was really going to be paying for his baby nike’s.

Either way, those clubs lure hotter sluts than the coke bars I hang out at with drunk and homeless crackheads and Tara Reid is lookin’ better than ever with her solid new tits. She’ll be a great stripper when she snorts all her Van WIlder earnings up her nose.

Posted in:Tara Reid|Unsorted