Tara Reid seems to be bringing back the good. You know she was a time when the only thing wrong with her was that she was fucking Carson Daly, then that ended and she just spiraled into some permanent spring break party, lookin’ haggard, depressing and pathetic, unable to hold down a job, then turning to shitty plastic surgery that I assume she got while jacked on pills in Thailand, cuz it was all she could afford at the time, resulting in her being publicly humilated when her numb tit fell out of her dress, and her battered lipo stomach that looked like she lost a fight with farm equipment, and throughout that time, I always wanted to fuck her, even when drunk, during a herpes outbreak, with some random frat boy’s sperm dripping out of her mangled pussy. She is pretty fucking hot.
Archive for the Tara Reid Category
I’ve had a few people email these pictures of Tara Reid at Rox Bar in Miami celebrating her 30th birthday claiming they were taken yesterday, a day after she was admitted into rehab, or at least a day after her PR person tried to orchestrate this stunt, It didn’t make sense to me, at first I thought maybe the rehab story was a lie, to distract bar owners nd bouncers from stopping the puke covered Reid from getting in their club, because they’ll think it’s just a look a like because the real one’s in rehab, or maybe it has to do with securing a potential role, but then I figured out, thanks to Google, that her bithday is in November and that these shits aren’t of her back in action, sucking the booze like it was Carson Daly, and that she may actually be in rehab trying to clean up her act because she’s turned soft and boring. Either way, I am posting them to clear up the air to the 2 people who emailed me this shit, who happen to be the 2 people who read this site.
So Tara Reid is in rehab and wants her privacy at this time. They aren’t saying what she’s in for, but I am guessing it’s got something to do with partying, because that’s all she does. She’s got enough money to not have to work and gets invited to parties around the world, and has a serious need to self medicate, something we all do to forget our horrible past and the bad decisions we’ve made along the way and in Tara Reid’s case, that baggage is Carson Daly. Something, I probably would have killed myself over, you know I thought fucking a fat chick and marrying her to remind myself that I hate myself was bad enough, but having Carson Daly inside you….I mean….that’s a fate I wish on nobody….so the fact she’s made it out of it long enough to get herself into rehab and to go through the needed therapy to forget his naked body up against hers, is already a pretty huge feat, maybe Tara Reid is really that superhero I always thought she was….
Either way, here’s the article…..
‘American Pie’ star Tara Reid checks into rehab
2 days ago
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A publicist says Tara Reid has checked herself into rehab. Jack Ketsoyan said Friday that the “American Pie” star went to the Promises Treatment Center. He did not specify what she was being treated for or when she entered the facility.
“We appreciate your respect to her and her family’s privacy at this time,” he said in a statement.
And here are some random pictures of her on her perpetual Spring Break that is her life…..a Spring Break that was fueled by whatever she is in Rehab for…..One that Rehab is going to put an end to…..
Tara Reid has taught me so much out of life. First,i there’s no reason to not treat everyday like it’s a fucking party if you have made stupid money in stupid movies and you don’t really need to work the 9-5 grind like an asshole and instead can spend your life drinking and tanning around the world in a bikini. Second, that if you lose a bet that requires you to get plastic surgery on the dancefloor by some contraband plastic surgeon in a third world country, take the high road and don’t go through with the shit, because your nipples and stomach will suffer. Third, if you are engaged to an MTV VJ who has dreams of having his own talkshow that no one watches, escape when you ca and today she teaches us that wearing a shirt makes you look a fuck of a lot better than wearing a bikini, because your hard nipples aim in the right place and we don’t have to get distracted by the mess of scars we can’t avoid when you are half naked. So I guess she’s not a useless party slut after all, but instead a philosopher changing the way we think at least changing the way we think about her, because these hard nipple pics save those bikini pics….
Tara Reid is still out in a bikini showing up the body she destroys after losing a bet at a Full Moon party in Thailand during the course of her everlasting spring break, where if she didn’t finish a bottle of that Cobra Venom shit the crazy Thai people drink, she’d have to get botched plastic surgery from some back alley sex change operator in Bangkok and her mangled body is the result. Some say that the she could have afforded to hire a real American plastic surgeon in LA, and don’t understand why she didn’t and the answer to that is that it bought into her party time. In Thailand they do it at the party and in America, there’s this whole hospital rules, regulations and formalities bullshit that isn’t doing body shots while getting surgery, while in Thailand, it is highly recommended because it saves the cost of anesthtic. The truth is that I could be wrong about this, maybe it wasn’t Thailand at all, maybe she got her cheap unregulated horrible result surgery in Mexico, or Brazil, or Peurto Rico, because there is no way this shit was done by a trained American Doctor, and if it was, dude needs to lose his motherfuckin’ license. Like that time I lost my license to ill when I found out that the Beastie Boys were Jewish.
Or the time I lost my License to Lady Kill when I realized I don’t know what that means. Or the time I lost my License to Drive You Crazy….Okay time to stop this now.
Since the paparazzi want me dead and I want to continue talking about Tara Reid’s hot washed up party slut body, I have no choice but to link out to another site. That’s just how things are when you’re ghetto like me.
Sloppy skinny girls, or what I used to call “Slim-Fats” are usually a hell of a lot worse to fuck that fat chicks, paritally because they are false advertising and I hate being led to, but mainly because they are just these loose skinned dumpy things being held together with tight clothing and when your hand gets lost in saggy ass cheek between bone and anus, it’s hard to stay hard. At least with fat chicks, you know what you’re getting from the start and usually you don’t care what they look like naked, as long as they have a vagina, because you are horny enough to even be talking to them in the first place, and once you get their clothes off you realize that shit may be disgusting, but her obesity feels a lot firmer than you expected because her skin is so taut, like the skin of a drum working overtime to keep her fat from busting out at the seams. It’s the difference of putting a condom on a huge dick, versus a pencil dick, not that I have experience in either, but I was trying to find something you could relate to, like the guy I know who used to jerk off with condoms to get used to using them provided a girl every slept with him….
Either way, it looks like last call is around the corner for Tara Reid, the pool swim up bar is closing, the sun is setting and hurricane season is moving in. The resort is closing and the patrons have all gone back to their every day lives with nothing but memories and herpes, both last for life, but one is a lot more of a mood killer during first date conversation over dinner, Spring Break is over, for most it lasts a week, for Tara Reid, it’s lasted 10 years.
She’s past her prime and she’s had her time. Now she’s just the sloppy lookin’ fake titty whore with a tan at the public pool while her kids are taking swimming lessons, remember the good ol’ days at Club Med where she had her first gangbang and got on stage naked after too much tequila, and it’s a pretty sad day for all of us, because she was living the dream, an inspiration to us all, and it’s done. RIP Tara Reid Motherfucker and your slaughtered ass, the real casuality of this lifestyle of excess.
This video is straight out of a modern love story, where a dude falls in love with a girl he sees in his pharmacy and spends the next year following her every move and admiring her from a far, never being formally introcduced, despite the numerous times the dude tries, whether bumping into her in line at the grocery store, or coincidentally showing up at the same bar as her, hoping that his familiar face with strike something in her and lead to their marriage when all it does is make her realize that some motherfucker is following her every where she goes and taking videos of her eating and she needs the evidence for the police to catch him….so she busts out her camera to snap a shot of him. Only, in this video, Tara Reid isn’t acting which is a good thing, because it’s something she’s not very good at, her skillset lies in being able to do 14 pussy shots in under a minute and that’s a far more interesting skill to have, when you life is an endless college spring break.
So it turns out that I was wrong about Tara Reid yesterday.I was under the impression that she was just hanging out at the Ed Hardy booth to get some free clothes to wear out since all her other clothing sponsors pulled out when they realized she was a waste of time, something many men haven’t done when fucking her because they figure she’s made enough money to support them if she gets knocked up, without knowing that she got a hysterectomy to deal with pre-cancerous cells caused by HPV, and it turns out that she was at the trade show launching her own swimwear line, because she has spent the last 5 year old Spring Break. I guess she’s more enterprising than I thought she was and I am sure the tacky party sluts who envy her life will eat this shit up like it was a pile of cocaine in the VIP room.
I have a friend I call Tara Reid. Not because he’s some hot actress I wanted to fuck, but because dude’s fuckin’ useless. His dad died about 5 years ago and he inherited 400,000 dollars and has been living off the shit, going out every night like a permanent vacation and feeding a huge coke habit as he slowly self destructs. He had a few messy encounters with the law, bar owners and girls and has since decided to kick the shit. The other day, I ran into him and we laughed about the last time I saw him and he was passed out on a park bench, trying to secure his balance and 5 in the afternoon and he assured me that he wouldn’t be that messy again, not that I cared, but I guess he was embarrassed. I asked him if he was still hitting the bag and he said there’s no fuckin’ way and about 5 minutes later asked me if I had any for him. It’s nice to see an old dog not learning new tricks, or bullshitting the world and himself, it’s the kind of consistency I appreciate because it manages my expectations and Tara Reid hasn’t let me down by trying to clean up her act yet and I can only hope, that like my friend, her bikini clad slutting out will never change.
There comes a time in every useless celebrity’s life, the kind who is hot for a minute and spends the rest of her career drinking heavily to make up for not having any talent other than the look guys want to fuck, slowly self destructing your once appealing young lookin’ face and turning into that of a haggard catcher’s mitt, where they have to accept the fact that the free ride is pretty much over. Tara Reid was the hired help at the Ed Hardy founder’s booth the other day, you know working a fuckin’ tradeshow like an aspiring model who doesn’t have what it takes to ever be famous, handing out free samples and trying to seduce buyers to pick up the company’s product line and that’s a pretty far cry from gracing the silver screen in teen comedies. I guess it’s safe to assume that she needs the money since she hasn’t worked in years and I guess it’s an easier gig and paid better than anything you did today, but it’s still must be pretty depressing knowing that the next step is to turn tricks for money as a high class escort or work the local Costco handing out samples of shitty pre-made food, only to be told repeatedly by the customers that she looks a lot like Tara Reid, where she’ll respond saying that she gets that all the time, because the embarrassment of admitting to such a horrible ending to a career that once seemed prosperous is just too damn depressing…Either way, she’s showing off her back and I feel like there’s not enough exposed backs on the site, so I guess she’s not totally useless.