Teresa Palmer is an Australian, and like all Australians, probably sounds like she belongs in a trailer park, or a stripclub, having illegit kids….because Australians always come across drunk and trashy…even when they are top tier…like Teresa Palmer…who has been in a bunch of movies….in America…and instead of maximizing that fame that started to come at her in the last year or so…she decided to get married to some dude she met off Twitter…not abort the kid and…bring the baby to completion…and now use it as part of a campaign to free the nipple…by breast feeding it…which is convenient because I always get boners for girls breast feeding, not because I like seeing parasitic children latch onto tits…but because I like seeing tits out in public…good job.
And now I am posting these pics of her for Hipster magazine Flaunt, that may not be half naked, but that are less chunky and more amazing, because I guess she realizes that if she wants to be a sex symbol in American movies, with her accent and all, she better look good doing it, or at least be squeezed into a tight dress poppin her booty out while doing it.
For those of you who don’t know, I love Australian women. They are hot, fun, get drunk and don’t realize they are hot, cuz they are all hot. It makes for pretty fair game when tricking them into fucking you.
Teresa Palmer is some 26 year old babe from Australia who has been making the move over to Hollywood since 2007…and has starred in some pretty insignificant movies…but now she’s finally broke through and will be tstarring in the Zombie version of Twilight called “warm bodies’….and now she’s doing the proper press route needed for her name to hit the public in the face while her movie’s marketing is getting so much play….cuz that’s just how publicist work…and unlike the socialites before her….she’s taking a new spin on an old trick….that involves showing a little panty…cuz panty is harmless and honorable cry for attention…but this innovator’s throwing in some tampon string…cuz not being pregnant is also honorable….
Teresa Palmer is some Australian actress who I think I am in love with.
Phoebe Tonkin is some Australian actress who I think I am in love with.
Together they are in this instagram/twitter/facebook pic wearing bikini tops in efforts to mock my love….or the fact that I won’t commit said love to one of them specifically causing a whole lot of drama since before 10 minutes ago, I had never even heard of them…but more importantly cuz I fall in love every day and can’t commit to one woman…especially one I’ve never met, but more importantly who has never heard of me, no matter how bad I wanna stick it in their batty holes….
I love when hot bitches, especially hot Australian bitches are friends….
Teresa Palmer is some Australian bitch makin’ moves in Hollywood, who I want to Kangaroo, you know since she’s Australian.
For those of you who don’t know what Kangarooing is, it’s when you climb inside a bitch’s pouch and by pouch I mean her “down under” and by her “down under” I mean her shrimp on the barbie cuz a Dingo ate my baby like it was Crocodile Dundee….and by shrimp on the barbie cuz a Dingo ate my baby like it was Crocodile Dundee….I mean her pussy
Her name is Teresa Palmer and I have no idea who she is, but assume she’s hit her big break starring with Adam Sandler in his new movie. I am not going to admit that I like Adam Sandler, because I don’t, his smile and stupid voices piss me off, but a lot of other people seem to think he’s worth wasting 2 hours of their life over, so I can only assume this is a good career move for her, not that she had the choice, because with roles like “Pool Party People” in Wolf Creek and some secondary role in The Grudge 2, which was a second rate movie, so it’s safe to say bitch has some credit card debt racked up while working towards the dream to pay off….She is from Australia, she’s in a bikini top and I just have to say it’s unfortunate she didn’t take the route of many other failed girls with a dream who ended up suckin’ dick on camera, because I’d like to see how she handles a cock.
That was a long fucking sentence ….Grammar Police where are you, because I think you need to arrest me for slaughtering the English language.
Last year when I was a senior in highschool, I had to get a Math tutor because I am pretty much a retard when it comes to anything with numbers . I was going to fail and have to come back next next and the school was pretty tired of catching me having sex in the bathrooms during class and drinking in the parking lot in the morning, so I don’t think they wanted me there longer anymore then I wanted to be. getting me a tutor and getting me out of there was in the best interests for all of us involved I’d say.
My tutor David was a virgin (something very familiar to 4 of the 5 of you reading this I’m sure) but was actually kind of cute, if you got passed the fact that he dressed in clothes his mother put out for him and had no social skills whatsoever. As time went on, I kind started to feel for the guy to be honest, and though talking to him about the situation probably would have been better, I just decided to pounce him and fuck him instead, so I did. He busted a load in about 5 seconds, and this was the one time it was okay. I don’t even think this kid has seen a tit before, seriously. David got laid, I got a B- in Math, and my teachers didn’t have to find me drunk and having sex in the school bathrooms anymore. We all came out winners.
That being said, I’m fully supportive of sleeping with tutors, teachers, co-workers and co-stars. And if I find out that Harry Potter didn’t get a chance to show Teresa Palmer his Magic Wand while filming their new movie, he is going to hear it from me.