2008
01
Jan
I may be drunk…but I think 2008 is my year and I hope it’s your year too. I may act like I don’t appreciate you, but I do. I am just fronting and if we were together tonight I’d give you a New Year’s kiss at midnight. Thanks for visiting the site and expect a whole lot more of the same thing this year. Cuddles.
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Posted in:Unsorted
2007
31
Dec
Here are some pictures of Paris Hilton at Pure in Las Vegas last night practicing for tonight because it’s New Years Eve motherfucker, and she’s getting paid 1,000,000 dollars or some stupid amount of money to host a party with her sister according to some gossip magazine I read in line at the pharmacy because I thought the woman next to me would find it sexy.
So while Paris is out getting paid to rock out like all New Year’s Eves, you are planning on staying home with your mother watching the Dick Clark countdown on TV, because he hasn’t got so many more countdowns in him, while sipping on sparkling apple juice or whatever the fuck that non-alcoholic shit that comes in Champagne bottles is before going to bed to pull a wack to bring in the new year with a self-enduced orgasm all over your useless belly.
Posted in:Unsorted
2007
30
Dec
So I got this email today:
Dude….
I like your site…but I like the PICS. Your tag lines & your personal comments are annoying and who really cares if you like to drive drunk?
Just get the shots…post them…and shut up!
I mean, I am embarrassed for you because your posts are truly gay!
So now I know the reason why the site never really hit and never got picked up by more than the 5 of you. I’d like to thank this dude for opening my eyes to how much I suck, because I didn’t already know it. I was blinded by all the glory that comes with running a blog nobody reads.
Posted in:Unsorted
2007
28
Dec
I am pretty fucking hungover. I went to a Christmas Party last night that was a couple days after Christmas because the kinds of guys I hang with are just as confused as I am but there was a lot of booze and that’s always a good thing.
After drinking the party dry and not remembering much more than being jumped by a lesbian who was showing everyone her vagina while she was jacked on coke and doing Windsor Pilates on the kitchen floor naked listening to an old school Discman CD player like shit was 1995 and the iPod wasn’t invented yet and only passing out wasted back at home at 8 am, so I am a little late in posting today.
I don’t really have anything to say about Nicolette Sheridan that I haven’t already said, shit gets repetitive. She’s got a tight body for her age, that could be from all the Windsor Pilates she does on kitchen floors while drunk after showing everyone her vagina, or it could be that most women in their 40s are busy picking their kids at school or emotionally eating their depressed lives away because nothing worked out the way they dreamt it would work out when they were little girls, while Nicolette is living the dream, or at least the dream to any teenagers rockin’ out to a Bolton album in the 90s, thinking to themselves that one day they’ll marry this heartthrob…
None of that really matters, what does matter is that New Years Eve is in a couple of days and even less than my regular 5 people are actually reading this shit, and that makes all this work pretty fucking questionable, especially when I feel like I just shit my brain out because there was all this blood on the mattress and in my pants. Maybe I just got my period. Cuddles.
Related Posts:
Nicolette Sheridan in a Red Bikini
Nicolette Sheridan is a Hot Old Lady
Nicolette Sheridan in Some Red Lycra Pants
Michael Bolton’s Fleshlight…in the Flesh
Some Nicolette Sheridan On The Beach With Dogs in Her Bikini
Older Nicolette Sheridan Bikini Pictures
Posted in:Unsorted
2007
27
Dec
So here is another set of pictures of Nicky Hilton on her Christmas vacation in Hawaii, wearing a bikini. I guess the family has gone there to deal with the pain of the possible loss of inheritance from their grandpa.
According to TMZ, Barron Hilton announced Wednesday that he would be giving 97 percent of his $2.3 billion fortune to charity, specifically to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, putting Nicky and her siblings’ reported $30 million windfall in some doubt.
Now I was never very good at math, but if dude’s got 2.3 billion dollars and is leaving 3% of it to his family, that’s about 69 million dollars I am not 100 percent sure though, because my calculator doesn’t deal in millions, it’s more of a dollar and cents piece of shit like my life. The reality is that these girls already make money, already have money and are already living pretty fucking large. The general public would love to run into 500,000 dollars and dreams of the million are pretty far fetched, but at least it will cover the rent on our shitty apartments and afford a couple of cocktails….but maybe not the kind of cock the Hilton’s are lookin’ for.
So it’s nice to see these already rich pieces of shit sweat a little. The fact that they are sad about it doesn’t surprise me because of their disgusting greedy way of life, but if push comes to shove and Paris or Nicky ever need to make a little more money, they can always turn back to the already proven sex tape formula, not that anyone would actually buy it this time around, but it’s always nice to see a girl put herself out there to make a little money to get by.
Nicky Hilton Christmas Bikini in Maui
Nicky Hilton’s Ass in Spandex Pictures
Nicky Hilton’s Dumpy Ass Pictures
The Hilton Sisters Shopping Together Pictures
Nicky Hilton Bikini Pictures
2007
27
Dec
Hollyscoop.com reported that Mischa Barton was arrested for a DUI last night and was released for 10,000 dollar bail. I don’t really give a fuck. I think drinking and driving is funny. It’s like playing a videogame drunk, but the real life version, where if you go off the road real people can die, making the thrill all the higher. I don’t drink and drive anymore, because I am not 16 and because I don’t have a car or license anymore, so when I get drunk, I rely on other drunk drivers to get me home safely, or not, because at 4 am when wasted, the last thing I am worried about is whether the dude driving had one too many, I am more interested in finding young girls to take showers for me.
Either way, I don’t understand why someone with her kind of money, despite nor working for the last few years, is in any position to not have a hired driver. I guess she wants to be self-sufficient and shit, but I know if I was rich I’d have hired help doing everything for me, from putting on my shoes, wiping my ass after I shit and most importantly driving me anywhere I want to go at any given time. The fact that all these bitches are doing this DUI bullshit like it’s trendy and like you aren’t someone unless you have a celebrity petty criminal record, makes absolutely no sense to me, but then again, I hate cops and like to come in under the radar whenever I’m breakin’ laws.
Here’s some recent pics of Mischa’s pants, which by the looks of them, should have been the reason she got arrested, because what these shits are doing to her ass is fucking criminal.
BONUS – THE MUG SHOT
Mischa Barton Hot in Maxim
Mischa Barton’s Space Dress
Mischa Barton Tit Slip
Mischa Barton’s Dumpy Ass in Shorts
Mischa Barton’s Hot Meaty Legs
2007
27
Dec
Here are some pictures of Lohan and Little Lohan wearing Jewish outfits of the day like they were Jewish, but the reality is that the Jewish outfit of the day isn’t only for Jewish people anymore and has slowly and secretly worked its way into the mainstream
It’s come to a point where you can’t tell a Jewish Outfit of the day apart from non-Jewish outfit of the day and they seem to be everywhere you look. It’s like Nazi Germany all over again, only instead of gas chambering people because they became too powerful, we’ll have to gas chamber leggings and over-sized shirts and stupid boots to put an end to the takeover,
For the record, I think that’s a bad idea, because unlike Jews, Jewish outfits bring good to the world and don’t hoard all their money in hypo-alergenic mattress after ripping non-Jews off, but instead is the closest thing a girl can be to being pantless and shows off her legs, ass and even mound, whether 13 or 35 and that’s a Jewish Christmas miracle that lasts all year.
Related Posts:
Mischa Barton in a Jewish Outfit of the Day
Old Lohan in a Jewish Outfit of the Day
Elisha Cuthbert is a Jewish Retiree
Sophie Monk Shops in a Jewish Outfit of the Day
Posted in:Ali Lohan|Jewish Outfit of the Day|Unsorted
2007
27
Dec
These are some boring self shot pictures of Lohan that her boring ex-boyfriend who I won’t admit was ever her boyfriend, but some punk lucky enough to be in the right rehab center at the right time to get into her pants, because let’s face it, the hard part about fucking Lohan is getting into the same room as her, but once you get past all the layers of publicists, lawyers, her entourage and management, and make your way in, the rest is all gravy. Because based on this ex boyfriend who I won’t admit is her boyfriend, Lohan is a sex addict who is so hot an bothered all the time that her vagina’s constantly excited and she’s got gravy dripping down her leg like shit was Christmas Dinner at the homeless shelter because it kinda smells the same.
Either way, he’s trying to get more attention than he’s already had over the last few months when she let him inside of her. She gave him a taste of fame and the spotlight and now dude’s addicted to it and trying to hold on to it as long as he can by running to the press, unfortunately for us, his pictures of Lohan aren’t proving that she is addicted to sex, they are just standard shit you see on myspace and I’d be more satisfied with some gang bang close up internal cum shot action….but that’s just because I want to know how many loads can she fit in her, but that’s just because I’m a scientist…..
Posted in:Unsorted
2007
26
Dec
So I went to church on Christmas Eve, not because I am a religious man or because I felt the need to repent my sins for being an internet asshole all these years, but because it’s a good place to find elderly widows with no family alone and are vulnerable, willing to invite you over for cookies after service, who you can later Anna Nicole Smith, if you know what I mean.
This one 90 year old lady next to me, who I didn’t seduce because she was wheel chair bound was all distracted by the minister and I realized why anyone in their right mind would turn to Jesus and devote their life to preaching his word, because when he walked by her and she grabbed at him and kissed him on the lips like he was Justin Timberlake and she was 15 years old, I understood that being the minister was the ultimate role 80 years ago because not only did you play hard to get, but you were also the gateway to god who everyone came to see perform every week.
I was asked to leave when the minister tried making a relatable story about the Jesus story that had to do with Hollywood and how there’s no bad person in the story like there is in all modern movies. I raised my hand and said that Mary was the bad person because she let some dude who wasn’t her husband knock her up and pretend that it was some immaculate conception bullshit, making for the lamest excuse for being a slut ever, but for some reason turned into this big deal. If this story was a modern day Hollywood story, we’d just send her to Maury and find out that God wasn’t Jesus’ dad, but the local inn keeper was.
Either way, here is a HUGE Forum Post
Emily Scott is Fucking Hot in this Bikini Photoshoot
GO
Hot Naked Chicks Getting Body Painted
GO
Some Chick Named Fabiola Has Stupid Tits To Match Her Stupid Name
GO
Some Model Decorated for Christmas
GO
Slutty Drunk Party Girls Showing Off Their Bodies
GO
Anja Rubik is a Hot Skinny Model
GO
Britney is Mad at Jamie Lynn for Not Telling Her She’s Knocked Up
GO
Liz Fuller is a UK Presenter Presenting Her Tit Slip
GO
Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO
A Clip From the Carmen Electra Striptease DVD
GO
Penelope Cruz and Monica Cruz in their Brother Eduardo Cruz’s Shitty Music Video
GO
Some Bloated Pregnant Aguilera Pictures
GO
Jamie Lynn Spears’ Baby Daddy Isn’t Her Actual Baby Daddy And She Was Really Knocked Up By a Studio Exec Rumor….
GO
Some Hot Bikini Party With a Whole Lot of Sluts in Bikinis
GO
Some Keely Hazeel Black and White Shoot You’ve Probably Already Seen
GO
Lohan the Nympho Gave Up Drugs and Booze for Sex and Here are Some Self-Shot Pictures
GO
Some Crazy Plane Crash…on Water
GO
Monica Bellucci Hot Pics for Paris Match Because She’s a Hot 40 Year Old
GO
This Girl Can Queef on Command
GO
Party Chicks and Their Tits
GO
Here’s a Baby Giving the Evil Eye Video Because Babies are Wholesome and You’re Not
GO
Jordan Katie Price’s Sister is Following Her Sister’s Lead and Becoming a Big Breasted Slut Model…Here is Her Pic…
GO
Here’s Some Mass Nudity For You Because That’s My New Fetish
GO
Alison Angel Lickin’ Her Tit
GO
Barbara Herrera is a Peruvian Model in Lingerie for Some Peruvian Sears Catalog
GO
Carla Bruni is Dating the President of France and Here She is Naked
GO
Girl Gets Mad When She Gets a Finger in Her Ass
GO
More Party Girls and Their Tits
GO
Behind the Scenes of a Marzocchi Shoot
GO
Drunk Girls are Easy and Like Posing
GO
Audrey Bitoni is a Slut Who Get Naked….
GO
2007 The Year in Sex Toys
GO
Hot Tits Pig Nose
GO
Some Very Old Mischa Barton Dumpy Ass Topless Bikini Pics
GO
Some Siberian Model Posing Poolside in a Bikini
GO
Baron Hilton Is Banging a 16 Year Old and Getting in Trouble For It
GO
Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO
Some Boob Slapping Contest I Don’t Understand But Don’t Mind Watching Because Boob Slapping is Better than No Boob Slapping….
GO
Some Amanda Bynes in Pantyhose on Tyra Video Lameness…
GO
Some Dirty South Ass Slapping Video
GO
Some Subway Stripper Video that’s Doing the Youtube Rounds
GO
Watch this Chick Piss on Some Dude’s Door then Steal His Christmas Decorations Weirdness
GO
The Audition for the “Car Wash Scene” of Some Deuce Bigalow Garbage Movie
GO
Some Sluts Talking Dirty to Each Other
GO
Some Really Fucking Shitty 50 Cent vs Paul Macartney Mash-Up
GO
The Smell of Pussy in a Jar for Those of You Who Have Never Smelled a Pussy
GO
Vagina Weight Lifting Video
GO
FROM PHOTOBUCKET/IMAGESHACK:
Some Girl With Fake Tits Using a Vibrator
GO
Some Chick Grabbing Her Cooch and On All Fours
GO
Some Dirty Amateur Nakedness
GO
A Girl and her Vagina..
GO
Some Porn Collection on Imageshack
GO
Photobucket Chick in Her Bra and Underwear
GO
FROM THE FORUM:
Neptunes – CLones
GO
Goodfellas OST
GO
Black Sabbath thread
GO
Transformers soundtrack
GO
Bored Generation
GO
A bunch of Faith No More music
GO
The Supersuckers
GO
Old and Floppy thread
GO
Ho Ho Ho thread
GO
Daft Punk’s Electroma OST
GO
BT – this binary universe
GO
Fugazi – the argument
GO
NOFX – Punk In Drublic
GO
Telepopmusik – Angel Milk
GO
N.E.R.D. – In Search of…
GO
he Best Of Miles Davis & John Coltrane (1955-1961)
GO
Ice Cube – Death Certificate
GO
Up From the Catacombs – Best of Janes Addiction
GO
New maps of Hell – Bad religion
GO
Mary Boquitas in H magazine
GO
Pussyfart video
GO
Mucho Bukakke video
GO
The Crow OST
GO
Pearl Jam – Lost Dogs
GO
Telepopmusik – Genetic World
GO
David Bowie – Platinum Collection
GO
Violent Femmes Discography
GO
A bunch of Agent orange – 80’s punk
GO
Tigerlilly feels herself part2
GO
BONUS:
Dance on My Dick…
GO
This Spray Will Get You Laid
GO
Get Pussy Tonight!
GO
Posted in:Unsorted
2007
26
Dec
I was going to do this post about Lohan being hot for American Apparel last week because bitch is always in their leggings like she’s a Jewish Girl in a Jewish Girl Outfit of the day, or just like every other girl between the ages of 13 and 35 in Montreal. Then I saw these pictures from the other day of her rocking the shiny leggings all the cool kids are wearing while holding an American Apparel bag proving that Lohan dresses on a budget and you can dress like her too, or that she’s sponsored by the motherfuckers.
I was in an American Apparel the other day because I find it a good place to watch young girls try on tight things, which is one of my favorite ways to pass the time, and the woman standing next to me was Dov Charney’s mom. He’s the pervert who takes all the pictures you see in ads, billboards and on the site of young girls in provocative poses and has been hit with sexual harassment charges and has jerked off for reporters doing interviews with him as well as for girls who he got to clean his house in their underwear as a job intereview. He’s pretty much a hero to guys who like young sluts.
Either way, she was talking about how her son created the company and runs the company and how she’s so proud of him, then she started talking about her underwear which made me understand where dude gets his perversion from, because she looked 80 and 80 year olds talking about the shit closest to their vaginas is some perverted shit.
So I picked up a pair of boy short underwear and gave them to my neighbor’s teenage daughter for Christmas because I knew we’d be forced to go there for beer and potato chips. I gave her the gift and told her to try them on, then pulled out my camera and asked if she wanted to be like the girls in the ads and she started bending and lifting and twisting in ways she probably shouldn’t have been. When her mom walked in on us, she freaked out and called me a pervert and asked me to leave. I tried convincing her that I was just being hip and down with pop culture and this American Apparel phenomenon, but she wasn’t buying it and I can’t help but blame Lohan for making me do it, because everyday she’s shoving AA down my throat like I want to shove my cock down hers. Cuddles.
Bonus – Lohan’s Hot Friend
Lohan’s Full Tits in American Apparel
Lohan’s Nipple in a Shirt
Lohan’s Shitty Upskirt Pictures
Lohan Drinks Poverty Water
Lohan’s Baggage of the Day
Posted in:American Apparel|Unsorted