I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Unsorted Category

2006

20

May

I am – Carnie Wilson's Pregnancy Weight

C-WilsonTop.jpg

I am not good with distinguishing different shades of brown, but I think the bitch with the stroller is some kind of Filipino nanny. Proving that Carnie is the fat lazy cunt we all knew she was. I assume none of you know or care about this bitch, but she was the fat one in Wilson Phillips, the hottest band for chicks (and closet cased poofters) in the 90′s. Anyway, she’s one of those slobs that 90 percent of you Fat Americans associate with, because she had gastric bipass surgery on the internet and lost 100 pounds, because bitch couldn’t figure out how the trendmill worked, she was too busy eating cookies. Lucky for us, her pregnancy let her hit the cookie jar again, eating for 2 was a good excuse to go nuts on it. Now she’s really inflated and built likeKool Aid….I am sure her husbands really happy about all this.



BONUS

Carnie Wilson Posed Nude for Playboy!

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

20

May

I am – Alyssa Milano’s Hairy Arms

AlyssaMilanoTOP.jpg

I went to the strippers again last night. That made for 2 nights in a row at the same bar. I saw a few of the same strippers including the bitch I called table scarps on Thursday. I found out her name is destiny, and I love the fact that she rocks a Roxy Bikini and not a trashy stripper outfit, but I don’t like the fact that she cant’s dance and has a dumpy ass. I also saw Drea the stripper who fucked me over in a lap dance by telling me that we’d make out in the booth 3 weeks ago and ended up trying to charge me for 4 songs that she used to talk about her life, her dad and her mother’s cancer, all while wearing clothes. I know cancer is fuckin’ sexy, but only while I have a set of tits in my hand. We were seated far back in the club and all the bitches looked hot from where we were….all you see is nakedness and seemingly nice ass. At the end of the night we hit up Pervert’s Row, and realized all the bitches we thought were hot, were the busted up old cars we knew they would turn out to be. Point of the story is the lookin at someone from far is always good, because you don’t dwell on their imperfections, cuz we’ve all got them, just look at Alyssa Milano’s arms…..they are fuckin’ hairy and as much as I love bush and imperfections, I know that someone on TV shouldn’t have any. Sort that shit out bitch.


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

20

May

I am – Alyssa Milano's Hairy Arms

AlyssaMilanoTOP.jpg

I went to the strippers again last night. That made for 2 nights in a row at the same bar. I saw a few of the same strippers including the bitch I called table scarps on Thursday. I found out her name is destiny, and I love the fact that she rocks a Roxy Bikini and not a trashy stripper outfit, but I don’t like the fact that she cant’s dance and has a dumpy ass. I also saw Drea the stripper who fucked me over in a lap dance by telling me that we’d make out in the booth 3 weeks ago and ended up trying to charge me for 4 songs that she used to talk about her life, her dad and her mother’s cancer, all while wearing clothes. I know cancer is fuckin’ sexy, but only while I have a set of tits in my hand. We were seated far back in the club and all the bitches looked hot from where we were….all you see is nakedness and seemingly nice ass. At the end of the night we hit up Pervert’s Row, and realized all the bitches we thought were hot, were the busted up old cars we knew they would turn out to be. Point of the story is the lookin at someone from far is always good, because you don’t dwell on their imperfections, cuz we’ve all got them, just look at Alyssa Milano’s arms…..they are fuckin’ hairy and as much as I love bush and imperfections, I know that someone on TV shouldn’t have any. Sort that shit out bitch.


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

20

May

I am – My Link is Bigger than your Link of the Day (no it’s not)

LindsayLohanLinkTOP.jpg

So here are some links to wrap up the day…it’s 4 minutes to minute and the highlight of my day was talking to my internet girlfriend in California. She doesn’t like me very much, but she looks good in a sombrero and that’s really all that matters for me…..I am listening to Styx, drinking beer, planning another trip to the strip club because it’s Friday and that’s just how I’m Livin’. If you hate these links…it is all my fault. Cuddles.

Nicole Richie has gone insane or has Joined a Band
Sex in Public is Hype, Sound Effects Aren’t
Lindsay Lohan in a Pink Bikini (is the New Blog)
LPSG.org Discuss if their Parents Know about their Large Penises
Lucy Becker has Stripper tits
For Every Hot Chick, There’s 10 Disgusting Ones…
DoubleViking Likes Bikini Models from Brazil
I fucking Love This Bitch Hannah via Fleshbot
ThongSeeker Seeks Bitches in thongs
Courtney Love can still afford to shop
(she sold Cobain’s songs and made a killing…haha…get it)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

20

May

I am – My Link is Bigger than your Link of the Day (no it's not)

LindsayLohanLinkTOP.jpg

So here are some links to wrap up the day…it’s 4 minutes to minute and the highlight of my day was talking to my internet girlfriend in California. She doesn’t like me very much, but she looks good in a sombrero and that’s really all that matters for me…..I am listening to Styx, drinking beer, planning another trip to the strip club because it’s Friday and that’s just how I’m Livin’. If you hate these links…it is all my fault. Cuddles.

Nicole Richie has gone insane or has Joined a Band
Sex in Public is Hype, Sound Effects Aren’t
Lindsay Lohan in a Pink Bikini (is the New Blog)
LPSG.org Discuss if their Parents Know about their Large Penises
Lucy Becker has Stripper tits
For Every Hot Chick, There’s 10 Disgusting Ones…
DoubleViking Likes Bikini Models from Brazil
I fucking Love This Bitch Hannah via Fleshbot
ThongSeeker Seeks Bitches in thongs
Courtney Love can still afford to shop
(she sold Cobain’s songs and made a killing…haha…get it)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

20

May

I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

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For those of you who know what these posts are all about, you can skip this and go right to the emails. For those of you who don’t, it’s pretty fucking basic. I email people who know or worked with Lohan. They have never emailed me back, but I know they get them so it’s still funny…these are some pics of lohan and DJ AM at a Parasuco flagship store opening…

So this is an email i sent Nino, the general manager of Parasuco.

Dear Nino,

I noticed that Parasuco invited DJ AM and Lindsay Lohan to the opening of their Flagship Store. As general manager of the company, I assume you were at that event. I am in the process of stalking Lohan, and was hoping that she may have tried on some Parasuco clothes as part of the deal you guys set up for her. I figured since we are both from Montreal, you’d be down with sending it to me for masturbation purposes. If you can’t pull through, I understand, people tend to ignore these emails and although it hurts my feelings, I am committed to continuing the quest that I call lohan.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

and this is an email i wrote DJ AM.

Dear DJ AM,

I know you don’t find what I do funny anymore, and that’s okay. People go their separate ways and I can’t hold that against you. I understand that as you got more and more popular, associating with a shady motherfucker like myself could be damaging to your career.

The reason I am emailing you is because I saw pictures of you and Lohan at an event together recently. It was for Parasuco’s flagship store opening. I wanted to know if you have had a chance to tell Lohan that DrunkenStepfather is stalking her, and if so, does she want to go on a date with me? I feel like we have a connection, even though I haven’t met her.

I also wanted to know if you could hook me up with some pictures of her naked, obviously after you bang her…. I wouldn’t want it any other way and I think that since you and Richie are done, you banging Lohan (your ex’s friend) is the best way to dominate this kind of situation. Trust me, I am a relationship expert and don’t worry about me, you banging her won’t upset my stalking of her, it will just make it all the more easier, seeing as you’ll be sending me all those pics!!

If you have no plan on bangin her, her phone number or email will do for now.

Big up the DJ…..and send Alain My love….

Jesus Martinez



Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

19

May

I am – Melanie Griffith and Daughter’s Addiction

The funny thing about poverty is that we get the shit end of everything. We are blamed for all the problems in society and people think we send our kids to school without lunches and shit because we are too busy being poor, you know working 2 jobs and trying to make ends meet, or sitting in an alley smokin’ crack and turning tricks. Eitherway, rich people are way more fucked up. They hire poor people to raise their kids, while they do things that rich people do like work and shop and go to society events. When the kid becomes a headache they send the motherfucker off to boarding school because they really can’t be bothered. The kids become more fucked up, but since they aren’t poor, they don’t get arrested, they get University degrees, develop a drug addiction and it’s all cool cuz they have enough money to get themselves out of the mess with special schools and shit. Point of the story is that Melanie Griffith has a rockin’ a biker Antonio tattoo that she got at a flea market. She’s no 1976 Playboy Model She Once Was (click this link)

Bonus:
Actress Melanie Griffith and her daughter Dakota Johnson enjoy a smoke outside of Dakota’s school (for troubled kids)

Another Bonus: Matthew Perry at an AA Meeting at the Same Place

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

19

May

I am – Melanie Griffith and Daughter's Addiction

The funny thing about poverty is that we get the shit end of everything. We are blamed for all the problems in society and people think we send our kids to school without lunches and shit because we are too busy being poor, you know working 2 jobs and trying to make ends meet, or sitting in an alley smokin’ crack and turning tricks. Eitherway, rich people are way more fucked up. They hire poor people to raise their kids, while they do things that rich people do like work and shop and go to society events. When the kid becomes a headache they send the motherfucker off to boarding school because they really can’t be bothered. The kids become more fucked up, but since they aren’t poor, they don’t get arrested, they get University degrees, develop a drug addiction and it’s all cool cuz they have enough money to get themselves out of the mess with special schools and shit. Point of the story is that Melanie Griffith has a rockin’ a biker Antonio tattoo that she got at a flea market. She’s no 1976 Playboy Model She Once Was (click this link)

Bonus:
Actress Melanie Griffith and her daughter Dakota Johnson enjoy a smoke outside of Dakota’s school (for troubled kids)

Another Bonus: Matthew Perry at an AA Meeting at the Same Place

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

19

May

I am – Eva Longoria's Purple Outfit

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Here’s some fresh, wet-haired pictures of Longoria, everyone’s favorites Mexican desperate housewife. I think what I like about her is that she’s a cougar. She’s in 30 and banging some 21 year old NBA star. What I like even more about it, is that she goes on Oprah and openly tells the world how in love she is with this boy toy. From my experience in banging older chicks, they usually kept it secret from everyone, like I was their dirty secret. I guess the fact that the only old ladies I ever bagged were living in the Old Folks Home I was an orderly at, and the medication, old age and dementia probably made them forget. Again, another weak fuckin’ joke, but I am not the one reading this, you are. Cuddles.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted