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Archive for the Complex Category

2010

22

Mar

Olivia Munn Does Complex of the Day

I don’t like anything about Olivia Munn. There are hotter girls sitting on my stoop in the summer than this bitch, but the girls on my stoop just aren’t as good at marketing themselves to an audience of people who are easy to win over. Seriously, being the poster girl of G4 TV to technology-obsessed geeks really doesn’t take much….as they are loyal and just like any girl who speaks their language….and as she slowly sneaks her way into the masturbation of dudes who aren’t gamer virgins, like the hip hop crowd, I’ll be there to watch and wonder why…cuz sometimes life’s mysteries, like Olivia Munn being seen as hot, makes life more interesting than if there was an actual hot girl on the cover of this mag.

I do love Complex because they did a feature on me a long time ago….but Olivia Munn needs replacing despite how loyal these gamer virgins are…seriously…one gamer loser I know still talks about Sarah Michelle Gellar in Buffy like shit hasn’t been off the air for a decade….

Posted in:Complex|Olivia Munn|Ugly

2010

01

Feb

Alison Brie is Half Jewish and Half Naked in Complex of the Day

Alison Brie is a half Jewish actress on Mad Men and now she is half naked in Complex. She’s gone a long way from performing at her local Jewish Community Center where she was trying to prove that she was as Jewish than the other Jewish kids even though she was only half the Jew she wished she could be….while the real Jews had better things to do than hang at the Jewish Community Center since they didn’t come from homes with only one Jewish parent, they were comfortable in their skin and didn’t have the same identity issues, so spent their days smoking weed and yelling at their Filipino/Mexican nannies instead….

The funny thing about Alison Brie is that her and I have something in common, we both worked as clown’s at children’s birthday parties, only she ended up on TV and I ended up with a restraining order and court ordered substance abuse classes.


To See Her Slutty Half Naked Half Jewish Pics Follow This LInk
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Posted in:Alison Brie|Complex|Strips

2010

26

Jan

Michelle Trachtenberg Does Complex of the Day

You pervert virgin losers who used to masturbate to Michelle Trachtenberg back when she was on Buffy, because for some reason, Buffy really appealed to perver virgin losers, who were some of the most committed fans any TV show has ever seen, so committed that they still email me asking me to post more bullshit on the bitches from that show, and I guess I shouldn’t hate on it, since I never saw the shit, maybe it really was a life changing, revolutionary show and the people who tattooed the shit on their dicks, or who stapled pictures of Trachtenberg to their pillows, should be happy…..She just did a hot photoshoot for Complex, remember hot is a relative term, and despite her ignoring me on the internet all these years I’ve reached out to her because I thought her career was dead, but apparently she’s on Gossip Girl. I don’t consider her a friend, or really all that relevant but I know that you consider her your wife of 10 years (or however long the show has been off the air) and mother of your imaginary child (because that’s what happens when you get imaginary married) and you haven’t met her yet. I guess that’s part of her appeal….

Follow This Link To See The Photoshoot
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Posted in:Complex|Michelle Trachtenberg

2009

16

Dec

Jessica Stroup from 90210 Does Complex of the Day

I guess Complex did Jessica Stroup some good by getting her topless and in the shower for their recent photoshoot, because it’s a pretty good glimpse into her future as a highclass escort, because there’s no way anyone’s gonna pull her out of 90210 and giver her a legit career, so it’s all downhill for her, only now she’s got a taste for fame, leaving her suckin’ dick for money, but at least now she can charge more for the hour because she’s got that 90210 co-sign, which is a lot more profitable than just being some young tight chick lookin’ to make some money to buy some Blahnik’s or whatever the fuck Sex in the City is telling girls they need to buy these days…..


See The Rest of the Pictures By Following This Link
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Posted in:90210|Complex|Jessica Stroup

2009

02

Dec

Zoe Saldana Does Complex of the Day

You may already know who this chick is and considering she’s in the movie Avatar and you’re a gang of fucking virgins who have nothing better to do that wait for weird Sci-Fi shit to hit the movie theater, giving you a reason to leave your house and stand in line for a fucking day in excitement to be the first motherfucker in, you probably already have her image silk stapled on your fucking pillow case so that you don’t feel as lonely as you are, you pathetic piece of shit….

She did Complex and she looked fucking good making her one of those bitches we’ll be seeing a lot of, cuz it turns out there’s a lot of fucking pervert creepy virgins out there with disposable income to spend on seeing her in movie and in action figure to stick in their asses cuz they aren’t spending their money on anything else like having a social life for example…..

Reminding us that if you want to make it in the world, get the virgins behind you cuz they are a loyal bunch.


To See The Complex Photoshoot of this Bitch You Gotta Follow this Link
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Posted in:Avatar|Complex|Zoe Saldana

2009

22

Sep

Eliza Dushku Does Complex of the Day

So Eliza Dushku is dating a black dude and in efforts to fully submerge herself into the scene she’s turned to an urban magazine to get a photoshoot going, not that Rick Fox is all that black, I mean dude is pretty much Hollywood and when a dude goes Hollywood I don’t care how good they play ball, or what color they started out, they all kinda lose their flavor and become the same pile of shit of a person…

I guess she didn’t realize that Complex is owned by a white dude and I’m sure a lot of their readers are suburban white kids who want to be as hood as they can, which I guess her pussy can relate to….a pussy that was a lot hotter than it is now, but she’s still good enough to look at.

Either way, Complex is pretty much the only relevant magazine in stores, and I am not just saying that because I’m still riding on the time they featured me in the shit, I’m saying it cuz it’s true.


Remember to Check Out Complex for More
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Posted in:Complex|Eliza Dushku

2009

18

Sep

Amber Rose for Complex of the Day

If you’re interested in learning more about Amber Rose, Kanye’s pretend girlfriend, you know the one who is on his payroll to be his shopping buddy, because now he has an excuse to justify why he is buying women’s clothes, while buying some time with the public about his sexuality. That’s not to say that Kanye’s a full homo, maybe the only man he loves and has sex with is himself, but not fucking girls and only getting off when staring at your dick in the mirror and is the gateway to bathouses, AIDS and living on the Down Low…..

Either way, the slut did Complex, it is barely exciting because I hate something about this thick bald headed dyke, but maybe some of you like her and her struggle to get to the fuckin’ top whore behavior….


To see the Rest of the Pictures Follow This Link
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Posted in:Amber Rose|Complex

2009

11

Aug

Amber Rose Photoshoot Video of the Day

If you’re wondering how to get on the cover of a magazine, all you have to do is pretend date a gay rapper and go on crazy shopping trips with him that he bankrolls as long as you can stomach him talking about boys which is a lot better than stomaching all the cum you’ve had to swallow just to get to this motherfucker, cuz I am pretty sure I saw this twat on Maury bragging about fucking a dude for a bucket of chicken and an old OIdsmobile back in the fuckin’ 90s. She’s not all that hot, but if she’s good enough for Kanye to play fake lover with, than she’s good enough for dudes to think she’s hot, I guess.


Either way, here’s the pics from the photoshoot
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Posted in:Amber Rose|Complex|Photoshoot

2009

26

May

Katy Perry Does Complex Magazine, Unfortunately of the Day

I think I have a keen eye to spot the imperfections in people. It’s kind of a curse because it makes appreciating a girl talking to me next to impossible, which is okay because girls generally don’t talk to me.

So unlike other men who see a half naked busty chick in lingerie doing a photoshoot, I see a busted faced, sloppy bodied, pig with a dumpy ass and double chin, who despite having been made up for hours upon hours before the shoot, looks like fucking shit.

I’d like to give Marc Ecko some shit for giving this whore a fuckin’ cover with his magazine, but then I remembered they are targeting white suburban kids by pretending they target black dudes, when we all know that black dudes are too busy being hood, rapping and gangbangin’ to care about buying magazines, but no matter how busy they are, they will always fuck white chicks, even if they look like Katy fuckin’ Perry and to back-up my theory, her on and off boyfriend is a black rapper, cuz all it takes for a black dude is white skin.

Check out the Photoshopped Katy Perry Gallery – Of Her in Her Lingerie – Because You Have No Fucking Standards and Just Need Tits

Posted in:Complex|Katy Perry

2009

24

Mar

Kim Kadashian Does Complex of the Day

Kim Kardashian’s the new cover girl of Complex, which is pretty convenient, because black guys fucking love her and Complex is all about rap and shit.

I always give her fat ass a lot of hate, but I figure I should lighten the fuck up, sure she’s a whore who used her pussy to get ahead, but there’s nothing wrong with that, that’s why girls have pussies to begin with.

I heard she had dinner with Vera Wang last night to discuss her wedding dress, so this fat ass is going to be hitched pretty soon, so if you have a guilty conscious when it comes to jerking off and can’t seem to get off to another man’s wife, then you better get busy, before it’s too late, not that that’s an issue anyone has, but whatever, I’m trying, give me a fucking break.

Here’s the video….


Here’s the rest of the pictures….
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Posted in:Complex|Kim Kardashian

2009

24

Feb

Slumdog Millionaire’s Freida Pinto Slutty for Complex Magazine of the Day

Leave it up to America to take a wholesome, naturally beautiful, Indian girl and get her to take off her clothes to show our culture what she’s been hiding in her colorful silk dress, to get it into their heads that she’s worth masturbating to or some shit that really doesn’t matter, because she’s done it, it’s too late for her, she’s tainted and I guess I should be lovin’ it because I am lovin’ her right now, but kinda feel like I did when I found out my high school sweetheart wasn’t a virgin last year when I first got with her.

That said, I saw Slumdog Millionaire last night because I felt obligated to. I wasn’t surprised to see a girl he’s been chasing all his fucking life come out of the woodwork when he was slated to win 20,000,000 rupees. All bitches seem to be nothin’ but gold diggers. Good thing I don’t have to worry about any of that shit, you know….since I am poor. At least I know who my real friends are…I mean…if I had real friends…


To See the Rest of the Pictures and Read the Interview You Gotta Follow This Link….
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Posted in:Complex|Freida Pinto|Slumdog Millionaire|Slutty

2008

22

Oct

Marisa Miller Does Complex of the Day

So it looks like Marisa Miller has finally achieved the level of fame that I have by being featured in Complex 10 months after me. I mean sure, I wasn’t their covergirl, and I think my write up was 100 words at the back of the issue at best, but it was still the highlight of my year, maybe even my life, because it is the only recognition I have ever received, pretty much ever and for someone like Marisa Miller, who’s been on the cover of all magazines all these years, it’s probably not a big deal, but to someone like you who has been jerking off to Marisa Miller all these years it probably is.

The truth is since being featured in Complex, the company has really done their part to make me feel like family. Just last week I reached out to Marc Ecko asking for some free clothes, since he owns the magazine and Ecko and he never responded, then there was the time a few months ago when I asked him if he could get me tickets to the Lil Wayne show for my stepdaughter and her hot teenage friends and he never got back to me, or the time I reached out to him asking for some money, or a job, or anything because I was struggling and never hearing back from him, then there was my birthday when I got no card or gift from him and his birthday when I got no invitation. I guess Complex really aren’t like family at all…..but they did give you something you wanted and that’s more Marisa Miller in a bikini, which does nothing for me, not because I am gay or due to my impotence, because not getting hard doesn’t mean not getting horny, but because I think she looks old, boring, and like a less attractive stripper than the strippers I am used to. I see the whole All American bullshit, and maybe that’s the real reason why I find nothing interesting about her and I am sure some of you probably disagree. So this one’s for Ellen Degeneres and all you’ve she’s done for the lesbian movement, life wasn’t better when women hated men secretly. Thanks for that.


TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS, AND READ WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY AS YOU JERK OF, FOLLOW THIS LINK
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Posted in:Complex|Marisa Miller

2008

09

Oct

The Paparazzi Dis Fabio of the Day

The paparazzi dissed Fabio by saying something along the lines of “hey, you still have fans”, in some passive aggressive asshole attempt to call him done did.

I think the paparazzi are just bitter that they spend their days chasing the dude who made enough money to have a Ferrari for being the topless dude on drugstore romance novel covers and the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” spokesperson, 10 years after the fact, and despite how fun that sounds, it’s a hell of a lot more useless of an existance than being the dude who cashed out for having long hair and a ripped body who gets to spend his days “having fun” and “going to the gym”. That’s like this alcoholic friend of mine who never wanted to get off his ass to do anything, but always wanted to make his life seem worth living by lining up menial tasks, he’d call me and ask if I wanted to run errands with him. One day, it would be to go to the post office to buy a stamp, another day was to buy a pen and he always managed to find one thing he felt needed to get done, only instead of driving a Ferrari, he took the bus, and instead of being Fabio, he was fat and girls wouldn’t masturbate for him, even if he paid them.

What it comes down to is that I am even more bitter than they are because I’m the asshole writing about Fabio and the Paparazzi and that’s pretty fucking weak, but not as weak as my heart that I think is about to explode from smoking this cigar on an empty stomach.

Posted in:Complex|Fabio

2008

17

Sep

Aubrey O’Day Does Complex Magazine Topless of the Day

So yesterday I posted the exclusive news that Aubrey O’Day has breast implants, but that was before I saw these pictures of her where I would have realized that we didn’t need whoever the guy being interviewed’s opinion on whether her tits are real or not, because shit look like they were rippped off a fuckin’ sex doll and taped to her chest. The good news is that Complex may be publishing full nipple pictures of her based on one of the pictures and I always support mainstream music and lifestyle magaines making the move to postin’ tits, because tits are really what we all want to look at.

It looks like she grew up with no father, was molested by her stepfather and has been in abusive relationship after abusive relationship all her life and now deals with her shit by lookin like a pornstar and dabbling in lesbianism like she was Lohan all in hopes of getting some positive male attention, but she’s just a rich kid from Palm Springs being a whore that you’d find in the gutter, and that kinda disappoints me, but these pictures don’t.

To See The Rest of the Pictures and Article
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Posted in:Aubrey O'Day|Complex

2008

09

Apr

Mila Kunis is a Jew I’d Like to Fuck of the Day

The Jewish girls I come across look more like a muppet than anything I’d want to fuck. You know with their big noses and droopy eyes, something so wonky lookin’ that you’d expect it them to have a hand jacked up their asses making them whine about everything they can think of on their way to get get their nails and hair done in daddy’s Lexus SUV because daddy doesn’t buy German cars after what the German’s did to his people or some shit. I just always blamed the facial disorder on the incest the strength of the culture is based on. It was also the reason I had for their asthma, allergies, bad eyesight and money making ability. So when I see Mila Kunis knowing she’s Jew I get thrown off in a good way. Maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge their people because there’s always going to be an exception to the rule and maybe I should be more accepting as a person but the truth is I am pretty accepting and just cuz a bitch looks like a muppet never stopped me from letting them show off their blow job skills they learnt in camp on me. I actually encourage rich girls whose parents want them to marry into their religion to use me as a form of rebellion against the family but that’s just because when a bitch thinks she’s being naughty, it usually comes through in the way she fucks, so Muppet-faced or not, I am usually always down for a good time.

Unfortunately, Mila Kunis has some sick Home Alone 1 through 3 fantasy that’s lead her to end up with Macaulay Culkin. She’s been with him for 8 years or some shit and seems like she is under his child star spell, so that just leaves me with jerking off to her voice on Family Guy or reruns of That 70s Show, now all I need to make that happen is a TV. I guess it’s good to have dreams.

In case you didn’t know, Complex featured me in their magazine too. I guess that may make their editorial team questionable, but I think it makes them my friend so click the link and show them some love, because they showed me love and that’s gotta count for something.

To See The Article and Rest of the Pictures
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Posted in:Complex|Jew|Mila Kunis