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Archive for the Doutzen Kroes Category

2009

14

Dec

Boring Bikini Model Party You Weren’t Invited to of the Day

Doutzen Kroes and Alessandra Ambrosio were kickin’ it after their really stressful day standing around in a bikini and getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars, so they hit the bottle….and shit looked really fucking boring. I prefer model parties to end with lesbian sex orgies because they had a little too much to drink….

My only really question is what happened to Adriana Lima? She was always my favorite one and her wholesome viringity was a lot more fun than watching washed up mothers drinkin’ themselves stupid cuz they’ve got nothing better to do with their time while the baby is with the sitter and they’ve got 5 minutes to their fucking self to let loose and play charades or whatever the fuck she’s doing…all this party is missing is for one of these sluts to bust out the Scrabble board….cuz they’re so fucking wild.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|Doutzen Kroes

2009

10

Dec

Doutzen Kroes in Some Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

I don’t want to ruin your excitement about bikini models, because I know they look amazing in pictures, like their bodies are fucking slammin’ and that’s why they are bikini models. The reality is that I’ve been next to some low level bikini models in my life and bitches are fucking tall and wide, like freaks of fucking nature, that make my 300 pound frame look like a premature kid on his 12th birthday, too weak to open my presents or some shit….

So everytime I see these photoshoots, I know that we’re dealing with some King Kong, caged animal on stage shit for all of us to gawk at in awe of their size…only the kind of King Kong, caged animal on stage I’d want to perform a live sex show like we’re in Thailand with….

On a sidenote I love the action shot I posted as a header to this post, it’s like they are in crisis mode and the hair girl is running as the water girls makes Doutzen wet and knowing these people are the top of their game, like that bitch in the shirt is the best water pourer in the biz, and that they make more than all of us is fucking hysterical, because the core of what they do is really fucking useless in the grand scheme of things…not that you care…go back to masturbating…asshole.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Bikini|Doutzen Kroes

2009

19

Nov

Victoria’s Secret Girls Not in Lingerie of the Day

This may seem obvious to you, but obvious it isn’t obvious to the people at Victoria’s Secret, but if you have a team of lingerie models who work for you on a full time basis and who are the core of your marketing of your brand, you have a responsibility to the people who jerk off to these women and in turn to your brand, who make all your execs rich and allow you to afford the expensive photoshoots and to afford the scouts traveling the world kidnapping hot pussy and greasing government officials to bring to America to exploit for their hot tits, and that responsibility is to always keep the bitches in their fucking panties or bikinis, not in jeans and pink t-shirts.

We dont give a fuck about seeing these whores in everyday clothes, we have enough women in our lives who we are forced to see in everyday clothes cuz we can’t afford to bribe them into getting half-naked like Victoria’s Secret has done for us and this is pretty rude on their part, you know the whole giving us a taste and not following thru making this the biggest cockteasing company out there…assholes…

Here are some extra pics of Marisa “the body” Miller’s face lookin’ old.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|Clothed|Doutzen Kroes|Marisa Miller|Victoria's Secret

2009

30

Oct

Doutzen Kroes in Some One Piece Bathing Suit of the Day

More Victoria’s Secret staged behind the scenes pictures aren’t a bad thing, but the ego that it creates within the women who are signed to Victoria’s Secret piss me off, because it is very hard to make a bitch like that feel like a worthless whore and that’s been my strategy all these years to get pussy…..but at least I can jerk off to them….sometimes more satisfying because it is less work, less physical activity, less sweating and dealing with less bullshit from her trying to get in her pants, and maintaining her when you have got in her pants but most importantly cuz she won’t be finding out you gave her herpes….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Doutzen Kroes|One Piece

2009

26

Aug

Doutzen Kroes Squating and Showing Off Her Stomach of the Day

I am still trying to figure out who told Victoria’s Secret to get out of lingerie and to go into everyday clothes because these photoshoot pics of Doutzen Kroes would be a lot more interesting if I could see her pussy. I guess when people try to make money they lose their fuckin’ soul and we all have to fuckin’ suffer. Not that the Victoria’s Secret catalog played a huge role in my life, but the idea of girls in their underwear is a hell of a lot more interesting that the idea of girls in jeans. Pretty simple logic…

At least they were keeping it fresh with some of the weirdos on set….

Posted in:Doutzen Kroes|Squatting|Stomach

2009

25

Aug

Doutzen Kroes in St Barth doing a Victoria’s Secret Photoshoot of the Day

Here Doutzen Kroes, a model you all know from Victoria’s Secret, because they’ve given her a set of wings and made her an official angel or whatever the fuck it is that they do for their top performers who sign their fuckin life’s away to the company, never being able to escape the numerous in store appearances or perfume launch parties, unless the “Gods” at the head office find out you have a penis like they did with Gisele that fateful day they walked in on her taping her dick back into her ass for a panty shoot because they didn’t want people knowing they accidentally robbed a Brazilian tranny prostitute from her small town in Brazil, it’s bad for the Christian fundamentalists who buy their bras…and she’s flashing her skin colored bra, a bra color that always reminds me of my grandmother.

Posted in:Bra|Doutzen Kroes|Photoshoot|Victoria's Secret

2009

09

Apr

Doutzen Kroes in Some Clothed Modeling Pics of the Day

Doutzen Kroes some hot bikini/lingerie model is doing a photoshoot in clothes, which is kinda funny because I am doing a photoshoot nude right now and sure I don’t get paid as much, and the whole thing is pretty humilating, but I feel just as glamorous as she does. True story.

Posted in:Clothed|Doutzen Kroes

2009

23

Feb

Doutzen Kroes Naked in Some Magazine of the Day


Like all whores, supermodels like the attention they get. They like being told how beautiful they are and they like being paid huge amounts of money to just have their picture taken. They like knowing that guys everywhere want to fuck them and they get the same feeling any stripper or high class escort gets every time they end up working for someone rich and who will seemingly sweep them off their feet and offer them a better life. I’ve seen Pretty Woman, I know how it is…

The point is that these model chicks like getting totally naked for the sake of Art and Fashion while getting paid, without really coming to terms with the fact that all they are doing is being fucking sluts and all that’s going to happen to these pictures is that they will end up in some perverts hands and jerked off to, like they were nothing but a common amateur pornstar or the girl who hangs at your local bar that every drunken homeless person has passed around and I like contributing to making that happen.

Posted in:Doutzen Kroes|Magazine|Naked

2009

11

Feb

Adriana Lima and Doutzen Kroes Promoting Some Valentines Day Shit for Their Owners of the Day

When your job involves you wearing lingerie, seeing you in lingerie gets played out pretty fast, so the masterminds at Victoria Secret were not only smart enough to kidnap these girls off the global human sex trade, but knew to limit their half naked time, and make them spend some time out of the lingerie, unfortunately holding lingerie it while fully clothed and not on the floor of some dingy basement after paying some Russian dude 100 dollars to have your way with the twos of them like we’re supposed to be doing….

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Doutzen Kroes|Lingerie

2008

11

Dec

Doutzen Kroes is Naked in 2007 of the Day

Here’s the beast Doutzen Kroes from Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Fame topless from a photoshoot done in 2007 in V Magazine. I figure why bother writing anything more about this because I don’t give a shit about her, Victoria’s Secret or their marketing scam that involves half naked ladies on the runway, who I think need to be replaced, mainly because they aren’t in arm’s reach, or willing to take it to the back booth for 10 dollars a song. I only really care about Lima, she’s the only real talent , and even then I don’t really give a shit. I figure if you’re going to do a fashion show, you gotta make that shit funny, you need people with disabilities, fat chicks or the homeless modeling the shit, because tall, hot bodied chicks is played the fuck out, not because I am gay, but because I need stimulation, I need to feel inspired, I need to see something a little fucking different, but you don’t, as long as there’s cleavage, you’re good, and here are Doutzen’s tits, in the event you were lookin at her in her bra wondering what color, size and placement her nipples had, weirdo, and that’s pretty much what she’s bringing in this shoot and that’s pretty much why I’ll post it because I like to think that’s my job, even though we both know I don’t actually have a job….

Posted in:2007|Doutzen Kroes|Naked

2008

20

Nov

Doutzen Kroes is a Monster of the Day

Doutzen Kroes is one of the newer Victoria’s Secret Angels. She’s been modeling for a little while, has some decent campaigns and I’ve never heard of her. The reason I am posting these pictures is because I have an issue with models. They look good in pictures, but the second I am next to one, and not humping their leg like a dog showing it’s dominance, I feel like I am the dainty one. It’s like I go up to their tits, their shoulders are broader than my 300 pound body and they look like someone you’d want to bet on in a bar pudding wrestling match, or at least someone you’d call to help you move. They look like they are someone you’d want to get with, but the second you slide their Shaq-sized pump on, you realize that you’re dealing with a fuckin’ monster and there’s pretty much no way out….Either way, she brought her big ol’ body that looks good because it is proportionate when she’s with other big tall skinny monsters or alone, but the second you throw a normal sized person in their, you’ll realize you’re dealing with something that looks more like THIS , than something out of a porn movie….a very weird porn movie that you’re wearing women’s shoes in….

Either way, here are her pics…..

And I guess she’s engaged because it looks like she’s bragging and I hate when girls think we give a fuck that they are engaged, or that they are so happy, living the fucking life, one much better than we’re living, or even that she was living was back home in the Netherlands before Victoria’s Secret scooped her up and recruited her to wear their lingerie and show her the good life….Fuck you Doutzen and your stupid name….

Posted in:Doutzen Kroes|Monster

2008

22

Sep

Doutzen Kroes is in a Bikini of the Day

Doutzen Kroes is a supermodel from the Netherlands, which is nice to see considering the only girls I know from the Netherlands are prostitutes, but the good kind of prostitutes who have certificates letting you know when they last got tested for STDs that they can show you before you fuck them, which is some forward thinking that I can appreciate because Aids sucks, but the truth is that I don’t actually know prostitutes from the Netherlands but some guy I know does and I was just trying to relate to this post, which I am having a pretty hard time doing. I am a hack.

Either way, she was in Miami because she’s just got hired as the new Victoria’s Secret angel and I guess that means she’s allowed to sit around on the beach doing nothing al day. My racist friend who was just over picking up something asked me what I was working on and I showed him her pictures and his first reaction was that she’s with a black dude and how disgusting that is. I don’t really feel the same way because I’ve been trying to connect with black people lately and I went to an all black club with a friend of mine because I like the way the girls get down, when in line, fearing my life, expecting to get shot, some thug pushed me pretty hard because I may have stepped on his toe and he was a little edgy because he was black and I ended up bumping into some tight bodied black girl who was trying to light a cigarette and in her classy demeanor she threw her cigarette on the ground and got in my face yelling and spitting and pounding her chest and I couldn’t help but laugh because it was some serious monkey shit. I was expecting her to fling her feces at me to teach me a real lesson, but didn’t stick around long enough to get to that level. Instead, I walked away, told the promoter who invited me that the place is insane and he told me I need to step my thug up, I turned back to see my new girlfriend and she was trying to salvage the cigarette she threw to the ground like someone more ghetto than me.

I guess that has nothing to do with this Doutzen bitch. I guess that’s kinda what I do.

Posted in:Bikini|Doutzen Kroes