I know you watch Wild Things on repeat because you love seeing Kevin Bacon’s cock and like pretending you like seeing Neve Campbell and Denise RIchards dyke out over and over again, because you are a closet case. I’m just happy that shit was filmed a bunch of years ago because lets face it, seeing her naked now would be a lot less exhilerating and a lot more like watching your mom fuck, only with a few more STDs since no one in Hollywood uses condoms and everyone in Hollywood is disgusting, especially when they were in Bon Jovi before they were in Denise Richards’ groupie pussy.
Jennifer Love proves my theory that the big titty girl from high school always grows up to be the fat assed girl at the office Christmas party ten years later….so she’s not the high school sweetheart you want to knock up or marry because that’ll just speed up the fuckin’ process, and I have no idea how all this happened to Jennifer Love, I can only blame depression or self-sabotaging because anyone who wants to a success in Hollywood has a responsibility to not get fat, no matter how tired they are of starving themselves, they have can’t let girls everywhere think it’s okay to let themselves go.
On the positive side of things, she’s lookin’ better than she did this time last year, and I like to think that has something to do with her new boyfriend, Jamie Kennedy, a man who once fucked a friend of mine.
He is subtley trying to trick her into burning some calories, like a good boyfriend who wants his bitch skinny, but still wants to get laid during the time it takes her to get there, he staged an innocent game of basketball, followed by a walk, swim, bike ride, sit ups and dinner at his favorite salad spot, which is more effective than my strategy to get my wife to lose weight by calling her worthless and a piece of shit while throwing baked goods at her forcing her to eat as much as possible it hopes she gets sick and never touches the shit again, which has proven to only make things fuckin’ worse…
Remember when Elisha Cuthbert was this hot thing everyone wanted a piece of, I mean maybe because I live in her hometown, I heard a lot more buzz about her than the rest of the world, but she was definitely all over the fuckin’ place, dudes were jerking off to her in that Girl Next Door movie, and she had some Maxim covers, and now she’s pretty much a dumpy lookin’ nobody. The only thing upsetting in these pictures is that she hasn’t come back home so that when I get drunk in the same bar as her I can do my best to destroy the little self esteem she has, you know make her feel like she really sucks at life for not being a big star, and making her want to prove herself to me by sitting on my face. See, I don’t care that she’s got fatter and looks like the kind of girl who doesn’t shower always, doesn’t keep her bush maintained and who may or may not have a 3 week old tampon lodged in her pussy, just because it was too much work to take it out, I’m talking Toxic Shock Syndrom pussy motherfuckers.
Here she is doin’ nothing, something she’s pretty fucking good at lately.
Hey Jennifer Love Hewitt, glad you took some time to get ready and make yourself presentable. You lazy fucking pig of a girl. I’d hate to see what your underwear looks like, because this kind of outfit leads me to think disgusting, you should burn the shit, not one needs to be catching swine flu from them shits.
Katy Perry is a sloppy, piece of shit of a girl who I hate. I am glad she took my Twitter advice to keep her shit under fucking wraps, I’m talking a Snuggie or something similar when she goes out in public because whenever I see her show just a little fuckin’ skin, that Kissed a Girl song jumps into the itunes in my head and I get all sexually confused, because girl on girl action is supposed to be the fucking fantasy, but Katy Perry on girl is just fucking awkward, fat, pale and ugly, making me wonder whether I am really a man or not and the answer to that question always comes back inconclusive.