Gwenyth Paltrow Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2022

26

Sep

Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini of the Day

Gwyneth Paltrow turned 50, I thought she was 60, and the media decided to hype her bikini picture she posted to celebrate the milestone birthday, because when you’re an old whore, I guess the only way to feel like you matter is stripping down into a bikini to celebrate being an old whore, I mean I don’t understand the logic, but I don’t have a vagina that’s trying to hold onto a dream, gripping it like it would probably grip a watermelon thanks to being so blown out!

I just know that I never found Paltrow hot and that the People Magazine headline to this pic had to do with Paltrow saying she used to think she had to be perfect but now she’s just embracing who she actually is, or what she actually looks like, mom gunt hanging out and all, which I guess is code for “I’m rich, people dont care about my gunt, my audience are all 400 pounders, if anything an anorexic me is unrelatable and thus LESS financially lucrative” which is ultimately why she’s posting anything in the first place, MONETIZATION and an attempt to keep her brand GOOP relevant, since all these people are fake as fuck!

But as someone who never found Paltrow perfect, near perfect, or even hot, the fatter and older her is an improvement since it’s one year closer to death!

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Posted in:Gwenyth Paltrow|gwyneth paltrow

2021

29

Sep

Gwyneth Paltrow Naked in The Tub of the Day

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Gwyneth Paltrow in tub is hilariously seen as “big news”. because she’s celebrating her 59th birthday or some shit because she’s a fucking dinosaur…but also a narcissist who get celebrated and goes viral for being a degenerate rich person who does fancy shit because you can’t….and like a cult, she’s got all these women who buy into everything she pushes on them…from steaming their vaginas, to vagina scented candles, to vibrators because masturbation is self care people, it’s great for your skin…just stay home masturbating motherfuckers….

So yeah, despite being a senior citizen, the entitled rich kid who has had everything in her life handed to her, her parents were famous and she was born into it…which is fine, I am not against the lucky sperm club, I just find the lucky sperm club annoying when they push their bullshit on regular women who don’t have the same resources…because it’s ok for some rich and famous cunt to be a cunt, but when middle of the road start acting like one, it gets annoying..

Now, if she was really sex positive, or BIRTHDAY SUIT serious, she’d be making this post a labia empowerment post, because not seeing her old lady labia like we were Brad Pitt when he dated her or that guy from COLDPLAY who had a kid with her named APPLE….is the real crime in this…

This is the kind of “Nude selfie” you return to fucking sender when you’re trying to get off….and someone in the business of vibrators should know better….

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Posted in:Gwenyth Paltrow

2021

11

Aug

Gwyneth Paltrow Sweating of the Day

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I didn’t find Gwyneth Paltrow hot when she was an actress being used as the “hot” chick in movies, where people actually took her seriously as an actor, because people don’t realize that acting is a fucking joke, it’s actually embarrassing and anyone who is into it, is a fucking deluded fucking clown with way too big of an ego, loving the attention and believing their own hype…

So I don’t find a 50 year old Gwyneth Paltrow hot, especially when she’s in her sauna looking like a fucking corpse….

She may be alive, she may pretend to be the health and wellness ambaassador of women, doing her own version of Oprah as she sells products direct to consumer, the lamest of consumer because they listen to what old dinosaur Gwyneth Paltrow tells them, even more embarrassing than being an actor is listening to them like they are experts because they are rich scammers…good strategy you fools..

Anyway, in being a zombie in a bikini, who we’ll assume eats STEM CELLS from aborted babies, as the rich do…it’s a SPA treatment but they have to go to MEXICO to do it, because gotta stay as hot as possible, I mean for all we know, maybe Paltrow is 300 fucking years old, I’m sure her pussy is weathered enough to make you think it is, but she’s got it in her bikini bottoms as she does a tight thigh squeeze for the shot…not the jab…the picture…you know what I mean…

THESE PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS…

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Posted in:Gwenyth Paltrow

2020

14

Jan

Gwyneth Paltrow Topless of the Day

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The Gwyneth Paltrow Vagina Scented Candle was obviously the best marketing ploy the trash that is Gwyneth Paltrow has come up with because that shit went viral aggressively. I just assumed it was fake news and couldn’t be bothered, and still can’t be bothered, but I’m just observing that if I put out a Vagina Scented candle no one would ever mention it, or BUY it, like anything else I’ve tried to sell…but throw in some celebrity cunt that married to some homosexual British Pop star, after having sex with America’s Sweetheart Brad Pitt who clearly could have done better than this monster but like you was distracted by all the hype around her and just assumed she was worth a fuck…when I felt she was better suited to be the head in a box in that movie Seven…not because I hate women, but because I hate Gwyneth Paltrow. If she was a man, and she may eventually identify as one for some attention, I will hate her just the same….so it’s nothing about her vagina, but more about how she makes a deal about her vagina when no one cares about her vagina…or the Hollywood strain of herpes it statistically has…or the smell of feces that radiates from it because that’s how sure lured her homosexual British popstar into fucking her…and cumming in her….made him think it was her asshole…she did.

Anyway, she’s in a magazine and she’s the worst.

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Posted in:Gwenyth Paltrow|SFW

2020

08

Jan

Gwyneth Paltrow Tits of the Day

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Gwyneth Paltrow is some overhyped garbage pile of shit who is using her celebrity to make girls steam their vaginas and masturbate with her branded vibrators because she considers herself a pussy expert…despite being married to a queer…which could be why she’s a pussy expert…since he ain’t touching that pussy so she’s gotta touch it herself.

I hate the idea of celebrities trying to be relatable, as personal and lifestyle bloggers, building out lifestyle companies like they are Oprah…it’s like bitch you were in a series of shit movies, fuck off, you’re not Oprah…

It’s this egotistical shit that people support and allow to happen that is the problem, when bitch should have been forgotten, you all are reading her lies…and spreading her lies…and turning into whatever it is she is.

The biggest or most offensive thing in it all is that she is not even hot…so what the fuck is up with this, can you just buy celebrity, fame, relevance, and build out brands because of that….OF COURSE YOU CAN…and this trash is just another example of another idiot sucking.

I am sure this Bazaar article is really riveting and she reveals so much about herself, even though she does that every fucking day, to the point of it being incessant and offensive.

I don’t care what Paltrow is sticking in her cunt to refresh her pussy FLORA or whatever it is she is pushing today….unless there is video of her doing that…for someone who is all about talking about her pussy, why haven’t we seen her pussy…does she even have a pussy? She may not…so unless I see fucking close up tutorials all her words remain the smutty clickbait that it is…

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Posted in:Gwenyth Paltrow|SFW

2019

09

Oct

Gwyneth Paltrow Topless of the Day

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Gwyneth Paltrow topless at 47 years old as if anyone asked for that..ever..

The one thing we can collectively agree on, is that this talentless garbage connected rich kid has managed to really make a career for herself using her dad’s connections, you know after he died, everyone was like “help his girl out”…giving us such memorable Gwyneth roles like….fuck…I can’t think of any movies she’s been in and I am not about to IMDB it…Shakespeare in Love maybe? Seven? Right Seven…that was a good one…but that was only because back then she hadn’t decided that being a mommy blogger influencer to guide her minions into steamed pussy salvation and whatever other nonsense health tits she’s given….like she’s Joe Rogan podcast, but instead of bros, she’s catering to 40 year olds…and now as their leader she is topless in a weird way because it’s good for the brand..I guess?!

Fucking weirdos.

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Posted in:Gwenyth Paltrow|SFW

2019

12

Sep

Potentially Gwyneth Paltrow Nude of the Day

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There is a scandal…a real fucking scandal that is going on on the interesting….internet of shit….

It’s a made up scandal created by the subject of the scandal herself….Gwyneth Paltrow, who’s GOOP account posted this nude on social media without identifying the bare ass of the unknown blonde doing nudity therapy she probably read in some internet health guru’s facebook, only to reapply it to her health guruing…

They are trying to position it as a who done it, or who butt is it…and obviously that is an ass of a 50 year old woman so who fucking cares….assume it is PALTROW, acknowledge it looks old, sad and lonely….and move on…it doesn’t make it any less deflated if it belongs to her or some body double…it’s all equally fucking sick…and steamed.

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Posted in:Gwenyth Paltrow|gwyneth paltrow|SFW

2019

08

Aug

Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini with Dakota Johnson of the Day

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Gwyneth Paltrow is out on the beach with her ex Chris Martin and his new girlfriend Dakota Johnson. I wonder if Datkota Johnson was the girl who got second degree burns on her pussy from doing the GOOP vagina steam…..because she isn’t in her bikini and I figure burn victims don’t let getting their burn wounds wet…

Seeing families like this is creepy. You know the weird mom with her wellness blog that comes from a coddled, delusional, spoiled, rich person with too much time on her hands…and her queer Coldplay singer husband…and his new bitch – Melanie Griffith’s daughter all together and happy cuz I guess they are all rich together and by default laugh together at all the peasants they manipulate….exes are supposed to want to kill each other, this hanging out shit, is just annoying and a reminder of how fake all this trash is….

That said, here is Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin right after their attempted murder on a black family! It is a recent story I just heard about where no black people were killed by the White Supremicists who only targeted a black family to have an accident with, instead of a white one, in that critical time of “who do we run into”….”aim for the darkies”….kind of thing…but I doubt the internet hasn’t gone after them for that…instead they suck their dicks like Chris Martin sucks dick…cuz that is the world we live in, everyone praised for being great when clearly they are all scamming garbage…

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Posted in:Dakota Johnson|Gwenyth Paltrow|SFW

2019

18

Jan

Gwyneth Paltrow Fishnets of the Day

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Gwyneth Paltrow has never been hot…so seeing her in Fishnets at 50 trying to remain hot is not hot…unless you are a Gwyneth Paltrow fan, it which case you are a sick fuck….

I guess seeing her in Fishnets makes total sense as she looks like some kind of sea creature, and I am not talking about her steamed vagina, but her face as a whole…always had a goldfish in a bowl look to me…

I feel like her encouraging old bitches to not be fat, to hose down their cunts, to try weird health and lifestyle tactics to better themselves, as silly and obnoxious or pretentious as it is..isn’t that bad. I mean if you’re going to be old you should have a leader or influencer to turn to…but that doesn’t mean we need to jack off to it…even though I know you are. Weirdo.

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Posted in:Gwenyth Paltrow|SFW

2018

04

Dec

Gwenyth Paltrow Slutty for Wall Street Journal of the Day

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Wanna know what the world needs less conversation about?? Gwenyth Paltrow.

I know what you’re thinking, the world needs less conversations about so many other things that are driving a whole country nuts, whether it is politics, trump, social justice, inclusivity, racism, systematic racism, the patriarchy, toxic masculinity, traditional gender roles, misogyny, guns, hormones in the food, plastics in the ocean, global warming…fucking trans rights, ageism, fucking anything that isn’t about tits…..

But Gwenyth Paltrow…is the biggest threat…look at her just posing like an instagram model in her bikini like she’s not 100…..spewing her nonsense to an audience of idiots…trying to be a Kardashian in her own right…it’s bad…nothing good will come from this..but you may…sick fuck dot com.

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Posted in:Gwenyth Paltrow|SFW

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