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Archive for the Halloween Category

2013

28

Oct

Celebrity Halloween Costumes So Far of the Day

It is Halloween and people are going fucking nuts. I was just in LA and the hottest girls are always the fame whore wannabe celebrity LA chicks who aren’t at the exclusive parties, but are working fucking hard to one day be, just walking Sunset half naked, in various creative costumes, trying to get noticed and outdo each other, because that’s what competitive quest for fame is all about….

The actual celebrities, are just typical, disconnected and obvious in their played out costumes, that you’ll still like, because you appreciate disconnected celebrity bullshit, especially when in costume….even though you should be focused on the everyday girls fighting to get noticed, they have more to prove!

My biggest fail was not going to the Playboy party when I could have…I just assumed Playboy was dead…which I guess makes sense since it is Halloween and the dead celebrate…

Here are some of the celebrity costumes that people are talking about, even though they bore me, that have happened so far, even though it’s not even Halloween yet…

Zombie Hugh Hefner and his “Wife” Gold Digger Hooker Dressed Like Hooker Miley and Zombie Robin Thicke


Joan Rivers Dressed Like Fat Miley….

Elisabetta Canalis was Wonder Woman which is appropriate because we be wondering why she’s famous….



Paris Hilton did Miley Cyrus and Barbie…both the herpes ridden bootleg Kim Kardashian version…


Julianne Hough Black Face Which is Hilarious…and Amazing…Especially Since She’s Trying to Pretend it Didn’t Happen…like it was the Sex with Ryan Seacrest she “Had” when they were “dating”….

Some dude named Jamie Vandekamp Dressed like Trayvon Martin, Not Famous, But Hilarious, so I threw it in…

Kelly Brook as Mary Antoinette’s Cleavage Covered in Blood…for Any Excuse to Post Her Cleavage…




Tara Reid as Who The Fuck Knows or Cares..especially not her, she’s just Booze Soaked and 40 Year too Broken Down to know what is happening…

Jessica Lowndes….with Mom Cleavage…



Posted in:Halloween|SFW

2009

05

Nov

Cameron Diaz Still Thinks It’s Halloween of the Day

I guess Cameron Diaz isn’t who or what I thought she was, unless my title is right and she still thinks it is Halloween….even though I don’t think the stupid eye make-up is really the only cause of the disaster that has happened on her face…I think that the eye make up may just be what she wants us to think is the cause of the disaster that is her face….when in reality it is probably bad botox, or aging, or scars from self mutilation after Justin Timberlake left her for being too old, cuz something isn’t right in these pictures and Cameron Diaz is far from the piece of ass I once thought she was and here are some pictures of the tragedy…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Cameron Diaz|Halloween|old|Ugly

2009

02

Nov

Jessica Lowndes Does Halloween in Shorts of the Day

I don’t know who Jessica Lowndes is but she’s perfect for this post on how Halloween is just a fucking disappointment, year after year, people always dress the fucking same.

Sure, girls who normally wear pants, walk around in panties, and let their inner slut out, we’ve all heard that report before and it’s not fucking news anymore, but sometimes that’s just not enough. Sometimes, that is just boring because there’s never been a costume I’ve found creative, exciting or even worth paying attention to.

See I love bitches in underwear, I love straight laced girls slutting out and acting wild, I love drunk girls turning into whores, but the second I see a costume that I’ve seen before, I get bummed out, I just figure bitch is so generic and I get too discouraged to even appreciate her hot young ass in bootyshorts.
I don’t know what it is, maybe I’m going through a depression and don’t find excitement in the little things anymore, or maybe I just hate follower drones who can’t pull off something clever while being just as naked and slutty…

I didn’t go out this year, so maybe it was different, and I guess I should be less hateful towards everyday cheesy girls, because they will always exist, they will always ignore I exist, and I still want to fuck all of them, whether dressed like a cheerleader, sailor, sexy cop, wonder woman, nurse, school girl, princess, or whatever out of box costume they are rockin’ or not….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Halloween|Jessica Lowndes|Shorts

2009

02

Nov

Jessica Alba is Dora the Explorer of the Day

For you perverts who get off to kids shows….and I know you fucking exist. Because anything you can think someone jerks off to, there is probably someone who has and really when it comes to Dora the Explorer, who really can’t find her dark complexion and little shorts hot, especially considering she is an explorer, something that usually translates into “Adventurous Enough For Anal”, something Alba probably should have channeled the night she flipped the used condom inside out after skipping her birth control pill to get knocked up to lock Cash Warren in for life, but instead was too emotional and scared of being alone.

We get it bitch, you’re a mom, you know kids shows, just shut the fuck up and put on some lingerie. Couldn’t you have been Dora the Whore Explorer or some shit, this is useless….step it the fuck up Alba, or should we just call her a series of constant disappointments….

Bonus – Cash Warren Standing Next to Ass

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Dora the Explorer|Halloween|Jessica Alba

2009

02

Nov

Useless “Celebrities” Use Twitter for Halloween of the Day

I hate twitter because it is some bottom feeder waste of time shit where people who are clearly not very busy spend their time writing uselessness anad where useless people try to expand their fan base, because they aren’t real celebrities who don’t need to seduce the public themselves with shitty 130 character blurbs and pictures of their whore selves half naked, they are bottom feeders and here are a few pictures of some of Twitter’s best trash and their lame halloween costumes to start the day….

Adrienne Curry and Her Hair Plugged Husband as the Watchmen….

Maria Menounos as a Cruise Ship Captain

Aubry O’Day and Another obvious Costume….

Brooklyn Decker Dressed as the First Night She Slutted Herself Out to her Now Husband Andy Roddick because She Figured Being a Sportss Illustrated model, having a one night stand with a popular athlete who dated Mandy Moore made sense….

Taryn Manning (who’s that? She’s from 8 Mile)….

Jennifer Love Hewitt as a Playboy Bunny Because She’s Got a New Ego Thanks to Having a Boyfriend Willing to Fuck Her Fat Ass….

Coco Whoring Out as a Mermaid….

Coco With Her Husband Whoring Out….

Coco With Rihanna Whoring Out….

In Conclusion, Coco is a whore.

Posted in:celebrities|Halloween|Twitter

2009

26

Oct

Gutter Booty Shakin’ the Halloween Edition of the Day

I have a friend who can only get off in cemetaries. I am not saying that cuz it is halloween, or because he’s some kind of Goth, he’s just a weird dude and it all started one night he picked up a girl in a bar, and wanted to bring her home with him, but he still lives with his mom so he had to find a place to fuck the bitch.

You know as well as I do, that it’s not everyday that an unemployed guy who lives with his mom gets a girl interested enough to fuck him, it actually takes a whole lot of fucking work and a whole lot of fucking lies, because no matter how funny a dude is, or how charming a motherfucker is, or even how big a motherfucker’s dick is, the second a girl hears no job, no money and a room in my mom’s house, they turn around and fuck the next horny motherfucker with no standards who wants to get laid standing in line.

Anyway, he pulled over in a cemetary, told her it would be exciting, she bit and he pretty much pre-matured ejaculated not because he thought it was so wrong cuz it’s where dead people were laid to rest, or because he was scared he was going to get caught, and not because the bitch was hot and he hadn’t fucked in months and had serious build up, but because he imagined he had an audience of hundreds of dead people watching him and it drove him nuts.

Since that night, the cemetary has become his “sex den” and I guess this video of cemetary booty shaking black girls is for him….

Posted in:Booty Shaking|Graveyard|Halloween

2009

21

Oct

Shauna Sand Scary Halloween Ebay Auction Video of the Day

I guess the sex tape wasn’t enough evidence that Shauna Sand is broke, but Heyman Hustle went out and got an exclusive video of Shauna Sand’s recent desperation for cash that comes in the form of an ebay auction.

She did a little intro showing off her stupid fake tits in a bikini, and looked and sounded like a medicated or possessed plastic zombie or sex doll. It was was perfect for this time of year, but still pretty scary even if it is Halloween everyday for this cunt.

Watch the video, it’s fucking strange.


For Heyman Hustle
GO


Shauna Sand Sex Tape Clips Exclusive

Posted in:ebay|Halloween|Shauna Sand

2008

16

Dec

Rainey Qualley’s Hot Sideways Halloween of the Day

A long time ago, I posted These Pictures of Andie McDowell’s Daughter’s Bikini Ass that were ripped off of Facebook. Her parents were obviously hippie models who named their kid Rainey and she turned out to an everyday sorority girl who dresses up like a slut on Halloween and gets down with her friends to that Electric Eel song. I know that in my fantasy they all end up in the bath together playing with their rubber duckies, and by rubber duckies I mean each other’s vaginas, because with a name like Rainey, I sure hope she likes to get wet, but I am sure they probably just went to some frat party, got drunk and puked on each other, which I guess is kinda hot in it’s own way.

Since I’ve written on her before, I’m not going to write about her name, her parents, or her privileged rich kid life again, or how she’s not all that hot considering both her parents are models, but I will post the video someone just emailed me because it’s a slow day and Halloween only happened 2 months ago, so I’m not all that slow on the shit by my standards, which isn’t saying much….

Posted in:Andie McDowell|Halloween|Rainey Qualley

2008

03

Nov

Halloween Isn’t Just for Kids, It’s For the Rich and Famous Too of the Day

I figured since all these Halloween pictures are out there, because Hollywood have nothing better to do than dress up, even though it’s pretty much their job and they get paid to get in costume and make-up a good part of the year, their bored, rich selves had nothing better to do than spend a week planning this shit, while you’re working 2 jobs, hoping to hell the bank doesn’t take your house and I figured I’d throw up some of the costumes I saw the celebs out wearing in pictures, because I don’t actually leave my house….because it’s nice to see assholes with too much money and too much time having more fun than you and me….

I’ll start with Maria Carey because he and her husband are dressed like Milk and Cookies, a comfort food that Mariah Carey went feel in love with during her crisis/depression/falling out with herself.. These things saved her from suicide and this is her little tribute because along with being there to emotionally eat, they also helped her with developing a fat set of tits you and her young black husband love, it’s also convenient to keep them close by in case she has an episode, it’s her own bomb defuse and they taste sooooooo gooood…. MMMMMMMmmmm

Kate Beckinsale and her family put this together, she’s the kind of red riding hood you would dress like her grandmother to trick into getting her close enough to rape, I mean, seduce, but we all know you’d dress like a grandmother any chance you get, not just to seduce this Underworld bitch, you’re weird like that.

Heidi Klum went as some 8-armed hindu lookin’ priestess and Seal dressed up, even though his scarred face is enough of a mask, in fact it’s on some zombie burn victim level that people use to model their halloween make-up jobs of of and he really didn’t need to put all that effort in to be some primal predator, he coulda got the same message across walking around with his half black babies, all the white people would have got the message….

Carmen Electra is someone I’ll always be willing to get down with no matter how old she gets or what costume she’s wearing. Even if I found out bitch got Aids from Dennis Rodman and the lesions weren’t part of the costume, it’d still be worth raw dogging and tounging the sores, which isn’t saying much, because I have paid hookers extra to raw dog hoping I’d get Aids to end the misery that is my life, so maybe my term of endearment about how good Carmen Electra is, is almost insulting, but you get where I was going with it….and I guess that’s all that matters….

Christina Aguilera and her family dressed like The Wizard of Oz, I was expecting her husband to dress like the crazy flying monkey , but I guess he’s dresses like that everyday, so he wanted to try something new since it is Halloween afterall, the day of fantasies becoming realities, unfortunately they are usually the fantasies of pedophiles, but you get what I am saying….

Kirsten Dunst….I got nothing to say about her…seriously…she only inspires me to drink….and that’s not too hard because everything inspires me to drink…what I do know is that I don’t see any pussy in any of these pictures and it’s a real downer….

Some No Names…..

Remember when people thought this hag was hot, it was a long time ago, somewhere around the 90s, when lots of things didn’t make sense, like Lou Perlman and the success of his pedophilic Boy Bands, Friends and the fact that someone who looks like David Schwimmer can land a high paying job and Alicia Silverstone’s minute of being a sex symbol….

Rachel Sterling is some Pussycat Doll or ex-Pussycat Doll who did Playboy or some shit and she tours DJing with Caroline D’Amore, so I am forced to hate her, despite totally being down with her fake tits, the same tits where her talent lies….I am guessing she’s a devil or some shit…

Christina Milian is a Myspace star now and that means she’s pretty much one step up from a nobody, sure myspace is tied into a real label, but I think being on their label is probably the worst place to be as someone who had a huge song a bunch of years ago. At least she wore a bra out to distract us from her dying career…..because her body’s still worth trying to lick the brown off of.

Eliza Dushku who was an it girl a while ago and rightfully so, she was hot. I am not sure if this is a costume or her current job since she’s pretty much disappeared. She’s probably not the Filipino hired/exploited by the rich Jews kind of maid, but the kind of maid who charges 100 dollars an hour to clean your house in her underwear and who accepts an extra hundred to suck you off, but either way, she’s still worth a round, but the dude with the face tattoos may get in the way of kidnapping her because he looks like he doesn’t fuck around, you know with doing that to his face an all….he’s probably her pimp.

Cheryl Burke is dressed as a fat chick with small tits, I think that’s actually her everyday costume, but she still confuses me. She’s supposed to be some kind of dancer, dancers are supposed to be hot and fake titted if they work at strip clubs and professional dancers are supposed to be skinny and lean but Cheryl Burke looks like some kind of wrestler. Her body is too thick to be graceful and the only dance she knows is the beautiful mating dance she has with an all-you-can-eat buffet, first she circles once, then goes back up for more and more and more until there’s no more to be had, it’s a 4 hour process that her tits got the shitty end of her over-eating disorder deal from, since they stayed small while the rest of her didn’t and I am going to post them because I get confused by a fatty with small titties who claim to be dancers but have the body of school buses, making this a jigsaw puzzle I can’t figure out of a costume….

Khloe Kardashian’s a fucking beast, the kind of girl who if she was born in another era would be touring carnivals and kids would pay a penny to ride, she is huge and I guess her costume is a huge girl who managed to find a cop costume that fit. She’s probably being ironic cuz she’s going to jail, but I don’t know if she’s smart enough for that, I think the idea came to her at the donut shop she spends most of her time in.

Aubrey O’Day the ex-member of Danity Kane, a band that’s hardly been around a week, making her relatively useless and dressed like the little mermaid, and her dog who licks her pussy is dressed like the lobster that either represents the bout of crabs she got last week, or the fantasy of having her dog crawl into her panties and use it’s lobster claw to clamp down on her whore clit.

Audrina Patridge was dressed like a peacock, or at least that’s what I assume she is, because she’s got peacock feathers on her and her eyes are done up crazy, I think this was a tribute to her intelligence level, because last I heard she lost a game of Jeopardy to her pet bird last week and all that fucker knows how to say is “Please End the Pain and Kill Me Now” , at least that’s all I’d know how to say if I was her pet bird who could speak, I don’t know where I’m going with this, maybe I’ll move onto the next whore….

Some Really Lazy Costumes…..

An Olsen Twin’s idea of dressing up for Halloween is putting on a stupid make up mask, that probably took 5 minutes to do, but when you’re as rich as these girls, it’s okay to be lazy, the fact that she’s actually left her house on her own feet is impressive, if I was them, I’d have a hired carrier so that I wouldn’t have to put my billionaire feet on the same pavement as the commoners…

Alba went all out by putting on a blonde wig and covering up in a coat, possibly the laziest costume ever, even lazier than the guy I saw in a football jersey calling himself a Raiders fan, only more frustrating because he doesn’t have a hot set of mom tits under his costume…and she does…

Kelly Monaco’s dressed like….god knows what…but it’s fucking lazy, she’s wearing some dominatrix bullshit top and she’s worth fucking, but I think a ham sandwich is worth fucking, so I wouldn’t really take my opinion too seriously.

Natalie Portman wore a mask. Good job. It’s like the highschool kids who have nothing better to do that trick or treat on a Friday night, so the hit up the pharmacy for some 5 dollar mask in hopes the people giving out the candy don’t catch on, only the celebrity Jewish version…she didn’t even bother putting on a coat, or funny t-shirt, if this is a glimpse into how she behaves in the bedroom, she’s not worth your time….I predict she’s dead Gifilte Fish missionary position kind of pussy…and I guess that’s a waste for all of you who find her hot, but since I don’t find her hot, it doesn’t really phase me because I always knew she was boring and that SNL rap that sucked didn’t trick me into thinking she likes to let loose, it takes more than that bitch, I’m talking sex tape, get on it.

None of these costumes were that creative or inspiring, they all fucking sucked, girls never go that extra step and just buy the premaid costumes at the sex shop and it’s bullshit, I’d expect more, or at least something I could give you to jerk off to, but I’m not responsible for them, so instead of hating me, like you do, you should hate the bitches in the pictures…

On a side note, I probably don’t have the rights to post all these pictures, so I can only assume the hour it took me to post all this shit will be ruined by the paparazzi and their cease and desist lawyers letters, because they are greedy, oppressive motherfuckers who don’t like to share. They are the kind of people I would have hated going to Kindergarten with….for real….greedy pieces of shit pigs who make all kinds of money that they turn around and use to stomp out motherfuckers like me. I hate what you do to me….

Bonus that’s not really a bonus….The Pussycat Dolls dressed up, despite their whole career being based on dressing up in slutty costumes and doing shitty burlesque shows to shitty music, but I’ll post it anyway, because when stuck with MTV for masturbation, they really come through, so I guess this is goving back and considering I’ve already posted all those other shitty costumes, it only seems fair….

This post too way too long to do and since no one is going to read it, I just wasted my fucking time, glad you could be a part of that….

Posted in:Halloween|Hollywood