I didn’t leave my house this Halloween, because I don’t leave my house ever, I figure the internet was invented for me to experience life without getting off my soiled couch, and I could probably get the best angle of all the girls dressed like sluts, because you know that this is a great photo-op for their social media, so why bother seeing their dumpy exposed asses in public, when I can just watch the lie they’ve polarized unfold….it’s cuter like that..
Here are some celebs in costumes that I don’t think deserve their own post…
They include Rihanna, Nicola Peltz, Taylor Swift, Kate Hudson, Elle Fanning, Ashley Tisdale, Sara Underwood…some you may know and remember, most you probably won’t care to look at – but they are in costumes, even though their whole life is a costume…but we don’t need to go into the authenticity of these idiots…let’s just look at their tits.
It is Halloween and people are going fucking nuts. I was just in LA and the hottest girls are always the fame whore wannabe celebrity LA chicks who aren’t at the exclusive parties, but are working fucking hard to one day be, just walking Sunset half naked, in various creative costumes, trying to get noticed and outdo each other, because that’s what competitive quest for fame is all about….
The actual celebrities, are just typical, disconnected and obvious in their played out costumes, that you’ll still like, because you appreciate disconnected celebrity bullshit, especially when in costume….even though you should be focused on the everyday girls fighting to get noticed, they have more to prove!
My biggest fail was not going to the Playboy party when I could have…I just assumed Playboy was dead…which I guess makes sense since it is Halloween and the dead celebrate…
Here are some of the celebrity costumes that people are talking about, even though they bore me, that have happened so far, even though it’s not even Halloween yet…
Zombie Hugh Hefner and his “Wife” Gold Digger Hooker Dressed Like Hooker Miley and Zombie Robin Thicke
Joan Rivers Dressed Like Fat Miley….
Elisabetta Canalis was Wonder Woman which is appropriate because we be wondering why she’s famous….
I guess Cameron Diaz isn’t who or what I thought she was, unless my title is right and she still thinks it is Halloween….even though I don’t think the stupid eye make-up is really the only cause of the disaster that has happened on her face…I think that the eye make up may just be what she wants us to think is the cause of the disaster that is her face….when in reality it is probably bad botox, or aging, or scars from self mutilation after Justin Timberlake left her for being too old, cuz something isn’t right in these pictures and Cameron Diaz is far from the piece of ass I once thought she was and here are some pictures of the tragedy…
I don’t know who Jessica Lowndes is but she’s perfect for this post on how Halloween is just a fucking disappointment, year after year, people always dress the fucking same.
Sure, girls who normally wear pants, walk around in panties, and let their inner slut out, we’ve all heard that report before and it’s not fucking news anymore, but sometimes that’s just not enough. Sometimes, that is just boring because there’s never been a costume I’ve found creative, exciting or even worth paying attention to.
See I love bitches in underwear, I love straight laced girls slutting out and acting wild, I love drunk girls turning into whores, but the second I see a costume that I’ve seen before, I get bummed out, I just figure bitch is so generic and I get too discouraged to even appreciate her hot young ass in bootyshorts.
I don’t know what it is, maybe I’m going through a depression and don’t find excitement in the little things anymore, or maybe I just hate follower drones who can’t pull off something clever while being just as naked and slutty…
I didn’t go out this year, so maybe it was different, and I guess I should be less hateful towards everyday cheesy girls, because they will always exist, they will always ignore I exist, and I still want to fuck all of them, whether dressed like a cheerleader, sailor, sexy cop, wonder woman, nurse, school girl, princess, or whatever out of box costume they are rockin’ or not….
For you perverts who get off to kids shows….and I know you fucking exist. Because anything you can think someone jerks off to, there is probably someone who has and really when it comes to Dora the Explorer, who really can’t find her dark complexion and little shorts hot, especially considering she is an explorer, something that usually translates into “Adventurous Enough For Anal”, something Alba probably should have channeled the night she flipped the used condom inside out after skipping her birth control pill to get knocked up to lock Cash Warren in for life, but instead was too emotional and scared of being alone.
We get it bitch, you’re a mom, you know kids shows, just shut the fuck up and put on some lingerie. Couldn’t you have been Dora the Whore Explorer or some shit, this is useless….step it the fuck up Alba, or should we just call her a series of constant disappointments….
I hate twitter because it is some bottom feeder waste of time shit where people who are clearly not very busy spend their time writing uselessness anad where useless people try to expand their fan base, because they aren’t real celebrities who don’t need to seduce the public themselves with shitty 130 character blurbs and pictures of their whore selves half naked, they are bottom feeders and here are a few pictures of some of Twitter’s best trash and their lame halloween costumes to start the day….
Adrienne Curry and Her Hair Plugged Husband as the Watchmen….
Maria Menounos as a Cruise Ship Captain
Aubry O’Day and Another obvious Costume….
Brooklyn Decker Dressed as the First Night She Slutted Herself Out to her Now Husband Andy Roddick because She Figured Being a Sportss Illustrated model, having a one night stand with a popular athlete who dated Mandy Moore made sense….
Taryn Manning (who’s that? She’s from 8 Mile)….
Jennifer Love Hewitt as a Playboy Bunny Because She’s Got a New Ego Thanks to Having a Boyfriend Willing to Fuck Her Fat Ass….
I have a friend who can only get off in cemetaries. I am not saying that cuz it is halloween, or because he’s some kind of Goth, he’s just a weird dude and it all started one night he picked up a girl in a bar, and wanted to bring her home with him, but he still lives with his mom so he had to find a place to fuck the bitch.
You know as well as I do, that it’s not everyday that an unemployed guy who lives with his mom gets a girl interested enough to fuck him, it actually takes a whole lot of fucking work and a whole lot of fucking lies, because no matter how funny a dude is, or how charming a motherfucker is, or even how big a motherfucker’s dick is, the second a girl hears no job, no money and a room in my mom’s house, they turn around and fuck the next horny motherfucker with no standards who wants to get laid standing in line.
Anyway, he pulled over in a cemetary, told her it would be exciting, she bit and he pretty much pre-matured ejaculated not because he thought it was so wrong cuz it’s where dead people were laid to rest, or because he was scared he was going to get caught, and not because the bitch was hot and he hadn’t fucked in months and had serious build up, but because he imagined he had an audience of hundreds of dead people watching him and it drove him nuts.
Since that night, the cemetary has become his “sex den” and I guess this video of cemetary booty shaking black girls is for him….
I guess the sex tape wasn’t enough evidence that Shauna Sand is broke, but Heyman Hustle went out and got an exclusive video of Shauna Sand’s recent desperation for cash that comes in the form of an ebay auction.
She did a little intro showing off her stupid fake tits in a bikini, and looked and sounded like a medicated or possessed plastic zombie or sex doll. It was was perfect for this time of year, but still pretty scary even if it is Halloween everyday for this cunt.
A long time ago, I posted These Pictures of Andie McDowell’s Daughter’s Bikini Ass that were ripped off of Facebook. Her parents were obviously hippie models who named their kid Rainey and she turned out to an everyday sorority girl who dresses up like a slut on Halloween and gets down with her friends to that Electric Eel song. I know that in my fantasy they all end up in the bath together playing with their rubber duckies, and by rubber duckies I mean each other’s vaginas, because with a name like Rainey, I sure hope she likes to get wet, but I am sure they probably just went to some frat party, got drunk and puked on each other, which I guess is kinda hot in it’s own way.
Since I’ve written on her before, I’m not going to write about her name, her parents, or her privileged rich kid life again, or how she’s not all that hot considering both her parents are models, but I will post the video someone just emailed me because it’s a slow day and Halloween only happened 2 months ago, so I’m not all that slow on the shit by my standards, which isn’t saying much….
I figured since all these Halloween pictures are out there, because Hollywood have nothing better to do than dress up, even though it’s pretty much their job and they get paid to get in costume and make-up a good part of the year, their bored, rich selves had nothing better to do than spend a week planning this shit, while you’re working 2 jobs, hoping to hell the bank doesn’t take your house and I figured I’d throw up some of the costumes I saw the celebs out wearing in pictures, because I don’t actually leave my house….because it’s nice to see assholes with too much money and too much time having more fun than you and me….
I’ll start with Maria Carey because he and her husband are dressed like Milk and Cookies, a comfort food that Mariah Carey went feel in love with during her crisis/depression/falling out with herself.. These things saved her from suicide and this is her little tribute because along with being there to emotionally eat, they also helped her with developing a fat set of tits you and her young black husband love, it’s also convenient to keep them close by in case she has an episode, it’s her own bomb defuse and they taste sooooooo gooood…. MMMMMMMmmmm
Kate Beckinsale and her family put this together, she’s the kind of red riding hood you would dress like her grandmother to trick into getting her close enough to rape, I mean, seduce, but we all know you’d dress like a grandmother any chance you get, not just to seduce this Underworld bitch, you’re weird like that.
Heidi Klum went as some 8-armed hindu lookin’ priestess and Seal dressed up, even though his scarred face is enough of a mask, in fact it’s on some zombie burn victim level that people use to model their halloween make-up jobs of of and he really didn’t need to put all that effort in to be some primal predator, he coulda got the same message across walking around with his half black babies, all the white people would have got the message….
Carmen Electra is someone I’ll always be willing to get down with no matter how old she gets or what costume she’s wearing. Even if I found out bitch got Aids from Dennis Rodman and the lesions weren’t part of the costume, it’d still be worth raw dogging and tounging the sores, which isn’t saying much, because I have paid hookers extra to raw dog hoping I’d get Aids to end the misery that is my life, so maybe my term of endearment about how good Carmen Electra is, is almost insulting, but you get where I was going with it….and I guess that’s all that matters….
Christina Aguilera and her family dressed like The Wizard of Oz, I was expecting her husband to dress like the crazy flying monkey , but I guess he’s dresses like that everyday, so he wanted to try something new since it is Halloween afterall, the day of fantasies becoming realities, unfortunately they are usually the fantasies of pedophiles, but you get what I am saying….
Kirsten Dunst….I got nothing to say about her…seriously…she only inspires me to drink….and that’s not too hard because everything inspires me to drink…what I do know is that I don’t see any pussy in any of these pictures and it’s a real downer….
Some No Names…..
Remember when people thought this hag was hot, it was a long time ago, somewhere around the 90s, when lots of things didn’t make sense, like Lou Perlman and the success of his pedophilic Boy Bands, Friends and the fact that someone who looks like David Schwimmer can land a high paying job and Alicia Silverstone’s minute of being a sex symbol….
Rachel Sterling is some Pussycat Doll or ex-Pussycat Doll who did Playboy or some shit and she tours DJing with Caroline D’Amore, so I am forced to hate her, despite totally being down with her fake tits, the same tits where her talent lies….I am guessing she’s a devil or some shit…
Christina Milian is a Myspace star now and that means she’s pretty much one step up from a nobody, sure myspace is tied into a real label, but I think being on their label is probably the worst place to be as someone who had a huge song a bunch of years ago. At least she wore a bra out to distract us from her dying career…..because her body’s still worth trying to lick the brown off of.
Eliza Dushku who was an it girl a while ago and rightfully so, she was hot. I am not sure if this is a costume or her current job since she’s pretty much disappeared. She’s probably not the Filipino hired/exploited by the rich Jews kind of maid, but the kind of maid who charges 100 dollars an hour to clean your house in her underwear and who accepts an extra hundred to suck you off, but either way, she’s still worth a round, but the dude with the face tattoos may get in the way of kidnapping her because he looks like he doesn’t fuck around, you know with doing that to his face an all….he’s probably her pimp.
Cheryl Burke is dressed as a fat chick with small tits, I think that’s actually her everyday costume, but she still confuses me. She’s supposed to be some kind of dancer, dancers are supposed to be hot and fake titted if they work at strip clubs and professional dancers are supposed to be skinny and lean but Cheryl Burke looks like some kind of wrestler. Her body is too thick to be graceful and the only dance she knows is the beautiful mating dance she has with an all-you-can-eat buffet, first she circles once, then goes back up for more and more and more until there’s no more to be had, it’s a 4 hour process that her tits got the shitty end of her over-eating disorder deal from, since they stayed small while the rest of her didn’t and I am going to post them because I get confused by a fatty with small titties who claim to be dancers but have the body of school buses, making this a jigsaw puzzle I can’t figure out of a costume….
Khloe Kardashian’s a fucking beast, the kind of girl who if she was born in another era would be touring carnivals and kids would pay a penny to ride, she is huge and I guess her costume is a huge girl who managed to find a cop costume that fit. She’s probably being ironic cuz she’s going to jail, but I don’t know if she’s smart enough for that, I think the idea came to her at the donut shop she spends most of her time in.
Aubrey O’Day the ex-member of Danity Kane, a band that’s hardly been around a week, making her relatively useless and dressed like the little mermaid, and her dog who licks her pussy is dressed like the lobster that either represents the bout of crabs she got last week, or the fantasy of having her dog crawl into her panties and use it’s lobster claw to clamp down on her whore clit.
Audrina Patridge was dressed like a peacock, or at least that’s what I assume she is, because she’s got peacock feathers on her and her eyes are done up crazy, I think this was a tribute to her intelligence level, because last I heard she lost a game of Jeopardy to her pet bird last week and all that fucker knows how to say is “Please End the Pain and Kill Me Now” , at least that’s all I’d know how to say if I was her pet bird who could speak, I don’t know where I’m going with this, maybe I’ll move onto the next whore….
Some Really Lazy Costumes…..
An Olsen Twin’s idea of dressing up for Halloween is putting on a stupid make up mask, that probably took 5 minutes to do, but when you’re as rich as these girls, it’s okay to be lazy, the fact that she’s actually left her house on her own feet is impressive, if I was them, I’d have a hired carrier so that I wouldn’t have to put my billionaire feet on the same pavement as the commoners…
Alba went all out by putting on a blonde wig and covering up in a coat, possibly the laziest costume ever, even lazier than the guy I saw in a football jersey calling himself a Raiders fan, only more frustrating because he doesn’t have a hot set of mom tits under his costume…and she does…
Kelly Monaco’s dressed like….god knows what…but it’s fucking lazy, she’s wearing some dominatrix bullshit top and she’s worth fucking, but I think a ham sandwich is worth fucking, so I wouldn’t really take my opinion too seriously.
Natalie Portman wore a mask. Good job. It’s like the highschool kids who have nothing better to do that trick or treat on a Friday night, so the hit up the pharmacy for some 5 dollar mask in hopes the people giving out the candy don’t catch on, only the celebrity Jewish version…she didn’t even bother putting on a coat, or funny t-shirt, if this is a glimpse into how she behaves in the bedroom, she’s not worth your time….I predict she’s dead Gifilte Fish missionary position kind of pussy…and I guess that’s a waste for all of you who find her hot, but since I don’t find her hot, it doesn’t really phase me because I always knew she was boring and that SNL rap that sucked didn’t trick me into thinking she likes to let loose, it takes more than that bitch, I’m talking sex tape, get on it.
None of these costumes were that creative or inspiring, they all fucking sucked, girls never go that extra step and just buy the premaid costumes at the sex shop and it’s bullshit, I’d expect more, or at least something I could give you to jerk off to, but I’m not responsible for them, so instead of hating me, like you do, you should hate the bitches in the pictures…
On a side note, I probably don’t have the rights to post all these pictures, so I can only assume the hour it took me to post all this shit will be ruined by the paparazzi and their cease and desist lawyers letters, because they are greedy, oppressive motherfuckers who don’t like to share. They are the kind of people I would have hated going to Kindergarten with….for real….greedy pieces of shit pigs who make all kinds of money that they turn around and use to stomp out motherfuckers like me. I hate what you do to me….
Bonus that’s not really a bonus….The Pussycat Dolls dressed up, despite their whole career being based on dressing up in slutty costumes and doing shitty burlesque shows to shitty music, but I’ll post it anyway, because when stuck with MTV for masturbation, they really come through, so I guess this is goving back and considering I’ve already posted all those other shitty costumes, it only seems fair….
This post too way too long to do and since no one is going to read it, I just wasted my fucking time, glad you could be a part of that….
I really dropped the ball on Halloween. I had this whole idea that I’d actually get off my ass and take the time to figure out a clever costume and go to parties where girls dressed like whores would talk to me and by talk to me I mean show me their vaginas, but I realized that my brain is a lot less lazy than my body and I just couldn’t bring myself to leave my house. Part of the reason was that my wife had taken an orange t-shirt and drew a jack-o-latern on the shit and thought she was so funny, leaving me forced to deal with what my life had become and an obese woman dressed like a fuckin’ pumpkin, which turned out to be a really mood killer. Then when heading to the store to get myself a couple 40s of beer, I ran into a dad taking his kids trick or treating and motherfucker was wearing fuckin’ pantyhose, which was totally fuckin’ inappropriate as far as I’m concerned and made me consider calling the police on the pervert, before realizing that I am too lazy for that, so I just went to my neighbor’s house and passed out watching some shitty horror movies, only to wake up with him snuggled up against me, leading me to question my sexuality, so all in all it was a fuckin’ disaster.
Speakin’ of disaster, here’s Coco and her big ass out for Halloween in pictures you’ve probably already seen because of that whole laziness thing I’ve been talking about all post.
Kim Karashian dressed like Wonder Woman in it wasn’t wonderful, it was a fucking disaster and the only thing that I am left wondering is how the fuck she managed to find a costume that fits her fat ass. I went through a phase where I wanted to dress my wife up as various obvious fantasies, because I thought it would make me whoring myself to her for free rent seem less like one of Discovery Channel’s dirty jobs and more like I was playing out some of my fantasies/fetishes and I could only find a beast of a woman to go along with it. Like the time I almost scored a threesome with 2 small breasted fat girls with acne because probably hadn’t showered the last 2 weeks because they were too busy eating, something Kim Kardashian know way too much about, at least that what her big dumpy ass looks like it does in this stupid costume.
For the record, I’ve seen the sex tape and trust me she’s pretty much got no super powers, unless you consider being used as a black man’s toilet a super power, or maybe her power lies in her ability to sit on her fat ass all day mustering up the power to lift her lazy self off the couch and out to an event/ the kitchen…but I don’t think it is one according to comic book motherfuckers like you….
Kendra Wilkinson is the kind of girl who doesn’t need to dress up for Halloween, because every time she leaves her house, she’s in a slutty costume. The only thing that would make any sense as a costume for her would be a snowsuit to cover her slut ass up, or maybe naked with a dildo in her ass to take her slutty behavior up a notch, but I in her defense, not that she needs to rationalize her sluttiness, because we all like sluts, but when you’re a Playmate who worked for Heffner as one of his staged girlfriend for a publicity stunt after he found in some small town and decided to cultivate her into what you see today, like a modern day oil prospector, but instead of the real oil, he goes to the baby oil wrestling championships at local stripclubs to find his pink and blonde gold. So being a slut is kinda all she really knows.
Speaking of Heffner, i thought about going as a poor version of him, you know get my wife and her friends in their plus sized lingerie, while wearing a ratty ass robe and a wifebeater, with a can of beer and a hand rolled cigarette, but figured it’d be lame, even if I took a viagra and walked around with a boner all night, so I’ll just watch people make asses of themselves, rather than being a person making an ass of myself, not that I don’t already do that daily, but you get what I mean….
Either way, I guess Kendra Wilkinson is going as herself before she met Hef, you know when she was just a small town whore, with an abusive husband who beat the fuck out of her, but was smart enough to do it where you couldn’t see the marks, unless she was wearing her stripper outfit, in which case they could always blame the bruises on a pole accident.
Today is the only happiest day of the year for sex offenders and the kids they want to commit sex offenses on. They can dress up like something they always dreamed they could be like a superhero, a sports star, or whatever else people dress as all to run up to strange people’s houses asking for candy, or to be the strange person at the house who get parental consent to have some alone time with endless amounts of kids….without the police getting involved, unless of course they get carried away and masturbate during the process and not to the memories of it…..
I didn’t end up going out last night, I am just posting late cuz I am lazy and not because I drank til 10 am, because I realized it wasn’t actually Halloween and figured that since I hate people that overkill holidays, like I overkill jokes, you know getting dressed up days before the actual day, it just didn’t make sense for me to be not be one of them, unless of course, I wanted to get confusing and make my costume of a guy who dresses up for Halloween on days that aren’t Halloween, but that seems pretty fuckin’ confusing. I think I’m going with my DJ AM idea, where I douse myself in gasoline and when the clock strikes midnight, I light up and run through the dance floor, or maybe I’ll go as nothing because dressing up is lame….especially a day early….
Unfortunately, these people didn’t realize that Halloween is today and not yesterday. Probably because they have nothing better to do, since they are pretty irrelevant….
Here’s Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt as Horse Faced Whore with Fake Tits and Her Fake Latch on Fame Hungry Boyfriend…..unfortunately they didn’t go with the murder suicide I’ve been hoping to read about in the news….
Traci Bingham Dressed Like a Slutty Cop
Mariah Carey as a Slutty Fire Fighter
Looks like civil servants were the theme of the night, and I find that pretty offensive and a sign of famous people trying to use the media to get their politics across, you know because police and firefighters are a sign of the communism or socialism since they are paid out of people’s taxes money to keep the public safe and from breaking the law they created to control the public or from burning down like DJ AM….
So Avril Lavigne was dressed like a low budget Geisha. The kind you see at the cash at your local Grocery store on Halloween, because if they dress up, they get an extra dollar an hour, so everyone throws together a costume lazily to get paid.
Her husband finally got the chance to bust out the outfit he wears around the house when no one is home, in a pair of platform shoes an pantyhose, something Avril has learned to accept because it’s hard to find recording artists with her level of success from her hometown Ontario in LA, so she’s pretty much got no choice but to be with him, despite his transgendered tendencies. It’s kinda like how Jewish people are encouraged to date their own kind, only in this case, it’s 2 suburban kids who think they are punk, and not 2 people who think they are the chosen ones.
I like how he added Heath Ledger face and the guitar to really make this costume make no fuckin’ sense, let’s just hope Whitby and Ledger have the same fate.