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Archive for the Legs Category

2007

06

Aug

I am – Slutty School Girls on Set and Random Blind Item of the Day

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I’ve been sitting on this whore post for a few days, because it involves maybe outing a celebrity, and I’m pretty sure Jesus’ legal team consists of himself and a homeless guy he dresses up in suit he stole from the Thrift Shop. So when we get to the juice, I’m gonna treat this as a Blind Item.

Last week me and Dutch friend went from bar to bar rubbing up against losers for drinks as they drooled over our tits, then we would split. We finally landed at a rooftop bar where these Spanish cunts were all to happy to foot the bill. I got the short one with a shaved head (free drinks, bottom line) who claimed he was an architect. Shaved Head kept pointing to this ridiculous building he worshipped, a glass eyesore i call ‘the place where cubicles go to die.’ Dutch friend got the hotter metrosexual.

The conversation rolled around to me talking about Cruise’s gay rumors, because fucking and celebrities are my life. If only I could combine the two… Suddenly Shaved Head gets coy, saying his fag-model friend blows some huge actor. He won’t tell. I move in closer, put my hand on his chest, make a guess. I press my body up against his, guess. I nibble his ear, guess. I teasingly kiss the side of his mouth, guess. I snake my hand down to his crotch, stroke it, guess. Shit I am FRUSTRATED. So I just lay one long, wild kiss on this bitch and graze his tonsels with my tongue. He spills it. Let’s just say this allegedly “likes being sucked off by gay Spanish models” actor got his start alongside very vocal fastfood and likes canines.

NOW, I think Shaved Head is a liar for the following reasons: 1) I checked every board and there’s never been a gay rumor about this actor, 2) I named every hot piece in Hollywood so Shaved Head had to think of someone after i raped his face, 3) guys will invent anything to plow your pussy, and 4) this actor is a womanizer and has dated many non-beard, hot actresses.

My take: who gives a shit anyway, a blow is a blow, it’s all just mouth and penis. And I worship this legend either way…. The night ends with the Spanish cunts dragging us to some bar they promise has sangria. We stop at traffic lights for heavy petting and sucking face. We get there and the bar is closed, but suspiciously near his apartment. Me and Dutch friend decline because they weren’t hot or fun enough to slam, and we weren’t getting anymore free drinks out of these bastards.

Now you know I love gossip, and i know you have naughty school girl fantasies. So here is Blake Lively (“…Traveling Pants”) and Taylor Momsen (?) looking oh-so Catholic school on the set of the new flick “Gossip Girls.” Based on these pics, I imagine their characters are pretty slutty. So you Canadians can beat off to both Taylor and Blake, since they are both of age in your country. Americans, you’re only allowed to pleasure yourself with Blake because she is the only one legal in this country. But that never stoped you with Hayden Panetierre.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE



Related Posts

I am – Sophie Anderton at Some Fashion Show of the Day
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I am _ Adrianne Curry Looking Like a Space Hooker of the Day
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I am – I am – Brittany Snow Forgot Her Milk Jug of Gasoline of the Day
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Posted in:Blake Lively|Legs|Sluts|Taylor Momsen|Unsorted

2007

25

Jul

I am – Rihanna and Her Shiny, Sexy Legs of the Day

Rhianna

While the Lohan is out getting arrested for DUI and running over small children and Britney is shaving her head and putting Sean Preston on the BBQ, Rhianna is on stage rocking out, making millions and probably being your wank fantasy after your mom tucks you in at night. I don’t where here parents went right, but I’d like to shake their hands.
The only downfall for Rhianna is she will most likely have to fuck Jay-Z one day, if she hasn’t already, and like I dunno if you’ve taken a good look at Jay-Z or not, but if you have, then I think you’’ see my point. All the money in the world can’t save that dudes looks and to top it off, homeboy has gotten hefty lately and puts a whole new spin on the words “Big Pimpin’�.

Every girls fucks a guy at one point or another (okay maybe MORE then one point) where she thinks the guy is just fucking disgusting, and it’s usually as a result of him being able to give you something you want or wanted, cause women are whores like that. The worst part is this disgusting sex usually ends up being some of the best sex we have had in our lives, but it’s totally confusing in your head, because just looking at this other person makes you want to retch. It’s the ultimate double edged sword, but it does happen occasionally.

I bet when Rhianna fucks gets she gets diamond necklaces and cars. Me, I’m lucky if I get a fucking ride home.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Ever Martinez


Related Posts

I am – Rhianna Wearing a Onesy of the Day
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I am – Rhianna Performs in a Sexy Latex Outfit of the Day
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I am – Rhianna Bathing Suit Pics of the Day
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Posted in:Legs|Rihanna|Unsorted

2007

03

Jul

I am – Jessica Simpson Rock Solid of the Day

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So Jessica Simpson has been hitting the gym hard enough to have pretty ripped calves when she flexes. I was never into girls showing off their muscles, but that was less about them reminding me of men and more about me feeling like a pussy.

She’s got sturdy legs, she’d be good a lifting or maybe working as a mover or a wrestler or one of those chicks who men hire to choke-hold them with her legs while wearing lingerie, but it’s safe to say that she’s no man and that her calves are hardly that manly.

What it comes down to is that I can deal with some muscular legs any day of the week but that could be because I am married to a pile of fucking transfat who has fucking fat that hangs over her stupid fat chick shoes. She’s cellulite ridden everywhere including the tops of her feet, there are folds at least 3 inches deep in 4 different places from her knees down and she’s got all kind of rashes, discoloration, varicose veins, burst blood vessels and a sticky fucking film anywhere you touch that would make you sick, so lookin’ at Jessica’slegs is kinda refreshing even if it reminds me of this dude I know who quit drugs and became a triathlete, now every time I see him riding past me with shaved legs that look a lot like this I’ll have to call him Jessica.

I was just in the drug store buying topical cream for my wife’s inner thighs and saw some work out girl in her workout gear bending down to pick up some shampoo or some shit and I could see full beaver definition. the last thing I was looking at was her rippling fresh from the gym biceps, so the trick to dealing with a girl who’s got something going on that you don’t like or that reminds you of a dude or that makes you sick to your stomach is to focus on the parts you do like and the fact that strong legs allows a bitch to bounce off your dick like she’s riding a pony may make you change your opinion on Jessica and lead you to the Speed Skating Club or the Ski Team or the Bike Racing Group or the Girls Who Have Really Strong Legs Club to find your next girlfriend. Sometimes someone’s weaknesses are really their strength. It’s all about having some perspective.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Legs|Muscles|Unsorted|Working Out

2007

28

Jun

I am – Kimberly Stewart’s Got Hot Legs and a Busted Face of the Day

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I was just given free credits on a webcam site so I logged in to talk dirty to girls doing dirty things to themselves. The first room I went into was a tall blond girl in her lingerie who looked pretty fucking amazing. Just as I was typing “Stick a dildo in your ass like the whore you are”, she started to blow her nose into a Kleenex. I would have been okay with it if bitch hadn’t been so graphic in trying to clear out whatever was clogging up her nose. She was shoving her finger in the thing diggin’ for clams in front of a pocket mirror. I made me want to throw up so I didn’t end up wasting my free credits on her and that means I never saw her real clam.

She didn’t care that dudes are trying to jerk off to her. She didn’t care that dude’s have no interest in seeing that shit. It was probably her passive aggressive way of saying she doesn’t give a fuck about us or our needs, she just wants our money and until she gets our money she’s just going to sit there waiting like we’re not there and even if that means scratching her ass, blowing her nose, popping her pimples or doing her fucking laundry and any other disgusting habits she’s got, she’s going to do them.

Kimmy Stewart is a lot like this webcam whore, she walks around with her face out in the public making us all sick to our stomachs distracting us from her hot legs. If she was to walk around with a mask on, or a hood over her face, or a Muslim costume while showing off her legs, you’d think she was a hot piece of ass you’d want to fuck, instead we don’t have the chance to enjoy a good thing or wait for bitch takes off the mask, hood or Muslim costume to have all the dreams of cumming inside her wash away. She just puts it all out there…

So if you’re an ugly girl with hot legs, ass or tits don’t feel afraid to cover up your problem spots, even if it’s your face. If you’re a webcam whore, try not to do disgusting things when guys are watching you. I am just trying to help you get ahead.

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Legs|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Kimberly Stewart's Got Hot Legs and a Busted Face of the Day

kimmy_stewart_legs.jpg

I was just given free credits on a webcam site so I logged in to talk dirty to girls doing dirty things to themselves. The first room I went into was a tall blond girl in her lingerie who looked pretty fucking amazing. Just as I was typing “Stick a dildo in your ass like the whore you are”, she started to blow her nose into a Kleenex. I would have been okay with it if bitch hadn’t been so graphic in trying to clear out whatever was clogging up her nose. She was shoving her finger in the thing diggin’ for clams in front of a pocket mirror. I made me want to throw up so I didn’t end up wasting my free credits on her and that means I never saw her real clam.

She didn’t care that dudes are trying to jerk off to her. She didn’t care that dude’s have no interest in seeing that shit. It was probably her passive aggressive way of saying she doesn’t give a fuck about us or our needs, she just wants our money and until she gets our money she’s just going to sit there waiting like we’re not there and even if that means scratching her ass, blowing her nose, popping her pimples or doing her fucking laundry and any other disgusting habits she’s got, she’s going to do them.

Kimmy Stewart is a lot like this webcam whore, she walks around with her face out in the public making us all sick to our stomachs distracting us from her hot legs. If she was to walk around with a mask on, or a hood over her face, or a Muslim costume while showing off her legs, you’d think she was a hot piece of ass you’d want to fuck, instead we don’t have the chance to enjoy a good thing or wait for bitch takes off the mask, hood or Muslim costume to have all the dreams of cumming inside her wash away. She just puts it all out there…

So if you’re an ugly girl with hot legs, ass or tits don’t feel afraid to cover up your problem spots, even if it’s your face. If you’re a webcam whore, try not to do disgusting things when guys are watching you. I am just trying to help you get ahead.

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Legs|Unsorted

2007

19

Jun

I am – Jessica Simpson Goes to the Gym of the Day

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The thing that annoys me about girls is that when they get dumped they take shit personal. They start hitting the fucking gym to reclaim their desirability. It’s like animal instinct if the dude you were with doesn’t want to fuck you anymore and he wants to fuck younger, hotter, tighter girls than you and you have to show the motherfucker what he’s missing out on.

What would make a fuck of a lot more sense is if you put this kind of effort into yourself when you’re together, then maybe motherfucker wouldn’t have had to dump you because your fat ass doesn’t turn him on anymore and the girl down the street who does yoga in her front yard for him to see is all he can fucking think about….but you had to get fucking lazy and you couldn’t have had that fucking Yoga ass he wants.

I remember when I was in my 20s they used to say that even Cindy Crawford’s husband gets bored of her and wants new pussy, she was all the fucking rage at the time, considered one of the hottest bitches out there. We’ve all heard the expression that the only thing better than pussy is new pussy. Well I will argue that if your pussy is the hottest pussy in the fucking neighborhood, your pussy is the pussy I am going to stick by.

In the end, the joke is on the guys who dump the girl anyway. They usually spend the next 3 years trying to find another chick worth getting involved with and in the process end up drinking a lot, getting fat and jerking off a lot. Where as girls are getting dick within 24 hours of shit and within a few months Jessica Simpson will be back to her hot self again…..

Posted in:Gym|Jessica Simpson|Legs|Unsorted

2007

13

Jun

I am – Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova in a bikini top and little shorts for you to look at while you sit at your computer thinking about how much you’d rather be at the beach looking a girls tanning but are too scared to leave your house….I guess you could also dream about how you always wanted to be Enrique because of his angelic voice and ability to be gayer that fucking bicycle shorts while still leading the public to believe he is slamming this Russian slag. I can only assume that any real man would never let the world know he sings the way Enrique sings for fear of being called a fag, I can also only assume that this motherfucker only sells records to the middle aged women and gay men because middle aged women like gay men and gay men like gay men. I can also assume that being born and named Enrique kinda type casts you as the cabana boy who is light on his feet and doesn’t really like wearing much more than spandex euro trash booty shorts speedos for everyone to see your package.

That doesn’t change the fact that everyone has had a thing for this Anna Kournikova whore for at least 10 years. I can only assume it is because of her athletic ability, at least that’s why Enrique is with her, I hear she’s in tight with all the pro tennis playing dudes like Serena Williams and hot chicks always attract men leading him to live out his homosexuality disguised as Male-Male-Female threesomes….

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|Ass|Bikini|Legs|Shorts|Tits|Unsorted

2007

08

Jun

I am – Mila Kunis Wears Short Shorts of the Day

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So I ended up going out to the Steve Aoki show because I thought it would be funny. I thought there would be lots of sluts and I figured that if someone you write a post about saying they bang their sister ends up hookin’ you up to go to their event, you gotta take the opportunity to see if they will have a baseball bat in hand to take your face off.

I got to the club, they didn’t want to let me in, they told me that I wasn’t on the list and that I didn’t meet dress code standards. I somehow swindled my way into the club promising the bouncers I wouldn’t leave the DJ Booth area and mingle with their clients….

I walked up to Aoki, some groupie with fake tits was talking to him, shook his hand, knocked her drink out of her hand and she spilled it all over herself and tried to tell me off. He was very nice about things and I ended up having a good time drinking off the club’s bottle of Grey Goose and lookin’ up girls skirts. So the advice of the day is try to offend people enough so they know who you are, then ask them for free shit.

Here are some pictures of Mila Kunis because she was on that 70s Show and Aoki’s DJ partner is on that 70s show and she’s wearing short shorts….

I am running off 2 hours of sleep – I’ll be back on later today with more hits.

Posted in:Ass|Legs|Mila Kunis|Shorts|Unsorted

2007

07

Jun

I am – Nicole Richie May be Pregnant of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Nicole Richie on her way to and on Letterman. The story is that she’s knocked up. She’s been to the doctor and it’s confirmed according to real celebrity gossip sites. So that means that Nicole and her fucking loser Good Charlotte boyfriend who I can’t stand because he’s a fucking cunt poser who has little to no talent haven’t admitted or denied the story. I guess her anorexics can’t get pregnant approach to contraception really worked out amazing for her and I hope this thing, if it’s really in there, doesn’t come to term because the last thing we need is for this cunt to be procreating, it’s probably already been “dealt” with, but even if it isn’t “dealt” with we could have a lot of good laughs at watching this bitch balloon on her 90 lbs frame. It’ll be like watching 12 year old dudes pretending they are pregnant in a school play and we’ll all get a laugh out of it.

That said, I was watching a show on college binge drinking at a friends house the other day and they said that binge drinking was considered 4 drinks in a 2 hour period 3 times a week. I thought that was nothing, I drink 4 drinks in half an hour, but I think that still falls into the binge drinking category. I was pretty happy to find out that I am not an alcoholic but a college binge drinker. I feel like telling the young college girls that on the street will lead to some girls gone wild flashing…

Posted in:Knocked Up|Legs|Nicole Richie|Unsorted

2007

01

Jun

I am – Nicole Richie Still Has Nipples of the Day

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I hate Nicole Richie. Mainly because she’s a rude little whore who loves ripping into people but when people turn on her she becomes this hypersensitive twat. I am basing my Nicole Richie opinion on the one text messages she sent me where she called me a looser…reality is no matter how loose I am…I am sure I am not quite as loose as her anorexic dancing hips. Slut.

I heard that she was pregnant because she had a little pot belly action in some pics but I don’t think anorexic addicts can get pregnant, they actually lose their periods. I think she just hadn’t taken a shit that week, or maybe bitch went and got her monthly abortion, it is the best for of birth control in a place no one where condoms….

Point of the post is that she’s got some oversized glasses and some erect nipples to distract you from her rat face, more proof that the loss of 2 of her friends to the law has her made her a little more considerate to humanity. I wrote about this already. I never said I wasn’t repetitive.

Posted in:Candids|Legs|Nicole Richie|Nipples|Unsorted