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Archive for the Mary-Kate Olsen Category

2009

22

Sep

Mary-Kate Olsen and Her Hot Legs of the Day

I don’t know why I downloaded this shit, and by shit I mean Mary Kate Olsen, I never was into her, not even when she was underage and I never understood the hype about them. Now she looks like she’s dying / Michael Jackson, and I guess that’s what happens when your youth was robbed from you back when Bob Saget first inserted his cock in her when he got carried away changing her diapers.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Legs|Mary-Kate Olsen

2009

25

Feb

A Day With Mary Kate Olsen of the Day

If you wonder what self-made Billionaire Mary Kate Olsen does in a given day, it’s pretty intense, at least it is for me, because I have a hard enough time getting off my couch, but she went from parking garage to car, back to parking garage back to car over and over again and looked like a magical gnome with a heroin addiction while doing it. I feel like if I ran into her on the street, I wouldn’t want to rape her, like I do with most girls I see, I’d be more into following her home in hopes of finding the way into a magical forest. I’m not one of those fantasy RPG virgin motherfuckers, it’s just that watching Mary Kate kinda makes me want to be one, because her mousey scurry creeps me the fuck out and makes me want to quit women, turn asexual and collect action figures and other comic related toys. She’s just that sexy.

Posted in:Mary-Kate Olsen|Scary

2008

21

Oct

Mary Kate Olsen Gets in a Fender Bender of the Day

I borrowed a friend’s car the other day to take my wife to the Hospital because we thought she was having a heart attack, at least we were hoping she was having a heart attack and by we, I mean me. I figure it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to deal with her bullshit, if she’s in heaven. I’m just jokin’ around, but when we were parking, something I am not very good at, despite having been a valet for about a month before getting fired for complaints of cars being scratched up because I don’t really have very good coordination and I always feel massively slow and hungover, usually because I am hungover, but this time I didn’t actually hit the car behind me to let me know I had gone just far enough, but instead stopped an inch away from it. The good news is that the owner of the Honda was standing right next to her car, walking her massive lesbian dog, that matched her lesbian outfit and her lesbian attitude. She barked at me saying something like “did you hit my car” and I responded saying something like “no, but I wish I had” leading to her getting really mad at me and getting in my face because she felt that I was being rude. So I asked her if she was just jealous that I had a woman with me and that I didn’t have to hide my sexuality from the world, leading to a lonely life in a shitty apartment with a dog who sometimes licks my pussy, with his luscious tongue, that despite it’s magical length and ability, still doesn’t compare to a real woman to share my pussy with and that’s when the dog bit me. Bitches.

My wife sided with her, because she’s not as loyal as a dog, saying something like I am abusive to women, I am a pig, I spend my days ripping into chicks, because I am a weak scared coward, so I did what anyone would do and bit her.

Here’s a video of Mary Kate Olsen’s friend in her trendy hippie car bumping into the car behind her despite having a whole lot of room, because she’s a worse driver than me. The truth is that this wouldn’t have been a fuckin’ issue had the paparazzi not been there to watch their every move and I guess the good news is that Mary Kate wasn’t driving because the damage would have been a hell of a lot worse, since she’s always high or at least looks like she is.

Posted in:Fender Bender|Mary-Kate Olsen

2008

28

Aug

Mary Kate Olsen and Ben Kingsley Kiss in Some Movie of the Day

Mary Kate Olsen and Ben KIngsley are in a movie that may already be out but I’m not really up to date on shit called “The Wackness”. It is about 1994 New York and Kinglsey and Olsen have a kissing scene that may be more of a sex scene but I really have no fuckin’ idea because I don’t care, it’s a fuckin’ movie and I am sure some of the scum this girl has dated has been a lot worse for her health than a 64 year old, like Paris’ Stavros and every sluts’ Heath Ledger probably lead to herpes when Kingsley just leads to mental anguish and unfortunately not Alzheimers.

Age differences don’t gross me out because guys no matter what age they are will be able to find at least one girl young enough to be their grand daughter who was raised without a dad and who looks to him for support and who he looks to for hot sex with a young girl, so it’s kinda just the way things work and the exciting thing is not exploring her tight little pussy but the discounts you get when you go to the amusement park on dates and get in with the Father-Daughter price. Only in this case, you are with a daughter you can fuck instead of a daughter you awkwardly accidentally walk in on and don’t know how to process her hot body because you know you made it, you know you can’t like it, but you know that it’s porn-worthy.

Maybe the looks you get when you are a grey haired fat dude and you’re making out with a tight bodied 18 year old aren’t because people are disgusted by you and are infact just jealous because when I am 64, the one thing I know I’d want is a 20 year old on my dick and that’s the end of this.

Posted in:Ben Kingsley|Kiss|Mary-Kate Olsen

2008

26

Aug

Mary Kate Olsen Forgot Her Pants of the Day

In the wake of Heath Ledger’s death in her apartment, that she was let off the hook for because murder is not a crime when you are rich, an executioner, a cop or a surgeon, Mary Kate Olsen left the house without any pants on. She’s some kind of leader of the hipster dumpy bitch movement that has put a damper on my checkin’ out girls during the day hobby. It seems like the time of wearing high heels, mini skirts and tight cleavage shirts to college is long gone, and a whole lot of girls have taken the oversized flannel home depot shirt that I sometimes wear because it cost 4 dollars at the Salvation Army and it gets cold in this fuckin’ place since I can’t afford heat, and it’s not hot. Sure it’s almost nice to think that under those pearl snaps lies a bare pussy, but the fact it belongs to an Olsen is pretty much a deal breaker and the only hope I have is that an immigrant somewhere misunderstands the new trend to not wear pants and leaves her house bare assed, because that is the only good that can come from this mess.

Posted in:Mary-Kate Olsen|Pantsless

2006

17

Jan

Mk at the Globes

All you hipster cocaine huffin’ 18 year old eating disorder trash, love this bitch. I don’t know how many times I hang with a certain gay black jewish local celebrity and hear her name dropped. It’s like anytime a girl can’t fit into a pair of size 2′s or anytime a bitch can’t rail the last line because of a nosebleed, MK’s name gets dropped. There are even MK impersonators out there, some in your very own town. Here’s another golden globe post, go fuck yourself.

Previously: I am – Girl Who Looks Like Mary Kate of the Day

Posted in:Golden Globes|Mary-Kate|Mary-Kate Olsen|MK|Olsen Twins|Unsorted