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Archive for the Massage Category




Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson’s 1 am Massage of the Day

In being a total cunt of a celebrity who thinks she is more important than the rest of the world because she was in a few shitty movies when she was a kid, but who the media fixated on for so long, inflating her ego, who virtually has no money and is a millionaire at best, who lives with her girlfriend who is from a wallet fuckin’ groupie mother, who is definitely a rich kid, but not as rich as you think they are, they are just the kind of rich kid who show off their shit, flaunt their shit and live like fuckin’ pigs who are excessive to feed their useless miserable mooching existence with things they buy with money that they barely earned for themselves, because their daddies didn’t hug them enough when they were kids, all while treating normal people like shit, because they are too into themselves to be conscious of other people, like this poor fuckin’ massage girl who they called at 1 am, because someone is high maintenance and needs a massage “This fucking second” and the whole thing disgusts me.

I mean unless this bitch gives rub and tugs in which case a 1 am massage makes total fuckin’ sense, but she doesn’t look Asian or Russian, so I’m thinkin’ this is more about being a diva and less about getting off on a drunken late night where you can’t find pussy to call your own.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Massage|Samantha Ronson




Jessica Alba’s Not Getting My Kind of Asian Massage of the Day

This isn’t the kind of happy ending 10 dollar Asian Massage I’m used to, but then again I can’t make out what’s going on below the waste. It’s very possible, if not probable that three asian women are servicing her baby maker with their forearms. It’s really the only way she can get any form of satisfaction now that Cash Warren’s penis doesn’t touch her vagina walls no matter how hard he tries…and god knows he tries.

Posted in:Asian|Jessica Alba|Massage




I am – Hilary Duff Leaving a Massage Parlor of the Day


Finally, Hilary Duff and you have something in common. These are pictures of her leaving a massage parlor, something you’ve got a lot of experience with, but you usually sneak out of that shit with a hood on a 4 am because you don’t want us knowing you get hand jobs from 40 year old asian bitches.

I went to a massage parlor a few times, I didn’t have the money to do the rub and tug shit, and I didn’t really want her dirty hand job hands rubbin’ me up and down, but I was drunk and thought it would be funny to see how they work.

Basically, you walk in and the pimp seats you in your own private room. He sends in 10 drug addicted chicks in bikinis to do a little show for you, one by one, for you to decide which one you want. So as each girl came in one and did their little dance, I’d reject them for whatever flaw I could find after making them flash me their pussies, or touch their toes or crawl around the floor or balance on one leg or do the running man or whatever stupid shit I could convince them to do because I am into making whores look like assholes.

I kinda felt like the king of the massage parlor, you know making these girls do embarrassing shit for me for free until the guy was out of girls and I caused a scene about how shitty his girls were and that I just came to get a hand job and now I’ve wasted an hour of my life and went to storm out… but the problem was that the drunk dude I was there with who was in a room of his own, wasn’t as poor or strong as me and ended up getting a massage from the rattiest lookin’ slut in the place and I was forced to sit in the waiting room for another fuckin’ hour like a total asshole.

Speaking of assholes, I wonder what the slag who rubbed Hilary Duff out looked like. I bet she was all high end and designer because Hilary Duff’s got more that 15 dollars to spend on that shit….and based on her fuckin’ ear-to-ear smile, she was pretty fuckin’ good.

Related Posts:

Hilary Duff Does stepTV
Hilary Duff Eats Ice Cream
Hilary Duff’s Wet and Has Nipples
Hilary Duff’s Ass at the Latin Music Awards

Posted in:Hilary Duff|Massage|Unsorted