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Archive for the Maxim Category

2010

16

Feb

Some Teen Gets a Date With Maxim Model of the Day

I love that a geeky weird 17 year old kid who looks like he’s making a personal computer in his garage in 1982 can land a date with a Maxim Model and we can’t.

All it takes is a little drive and a little geeky weird 17 year old dancing like an asshole so that all the idiots around the itnernet watch the shit and think it is the funniest thing ever because they have the minds of retarded mice, if you know what I mean…

But no matter how basic an idea this is, you gotta give dude props, cuz despite lookin’ real non threatening, I hear he has an elaborate plan to rape and murder the bitch so she can never leave him.

Serves her right for meeting a dude from the internet.

Posted in:Maxim|Model|Teen

2010

14

Jan

Kaley Cuoco Does Maxim of the Day

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I haven’t seen Kayley Cuoco on the scene since she killed John Ritter on set of 8 Simple Rules. I guess she’s making a comeback in the form of posing slutty for Maxim while it slowly sinks into the sea of failed magazine, while trying to latch onto any almost celebrity they can to grace their pages before they fully close-up shop….

Posted in:Kaley Cuoco|Maxim

2009

17

Dec

Stephanie Pratt Does Maxim of the Day

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

This is unfortunate. The only good thing about this is that it may be the nail in the coffin Maxim needs to be finally buried. Seriously, getting Stephanie Pratt, a serious nobody’s sister to do a photoshoot, is some seriously fucking hanging on for dear life situation, because they either can’t afford or are too irrelevant to get real celebrities…..

The other unfortunate thing in all this is that it’s just pushing this twat farther away from her serious destiny of being a stripper, now she’s thinks she has the Maxim stamp of approval to legitimize her career, because in her retard mind, Maxim is stil relevant….

The real unfortunate thing in all this is that this in my second Stephanie Pratt post today….and that’s too much converage and it goes againt my goal for her, which is to murder her brother and sister in law for publicity, which won’t happen, if people are giving it to her for free….

I wonder if Spencer Pratt jerks off to these because she’s the female version of him, or if he still just jerks off to pictures of himself….yes, Spencer Pratt masturbation habits is something I ponder often….

Let’s hope that she falls asleep with a lit cigarette in her mouth when sleeping in a log cabin with her brother and sister in law on vacation….since she’s too pussy to kill them herself…

I am not posting this because I find her hot. I am posting this to plant the seed in her head that getting rid of her brother will really open up the gates on her career….she’ll really take off….

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Posted in:Maxim|Stephanie Pratt

2009

15

Dec

Olivia Munn Does Maxim of the Day

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I don’t know what is more impressive, that Maxim Magazine still exists even though the internet has everything you need, or that Olivia Munn hasn’t been replaced with a younger hotter girl, but I know what happened and why people care about her and that thing is called “VIRGINS”. She tapped into the most loyal market around, the Geeks. She put on a performance and created a persona all the geeks would think make her the ultimate chick and because they are geeks their obsessive compulsion and neurocies force them to have a crush on her forever, or until they become really rich and get the opportunity to meet her, thinking she’ll totally fall for them, because all these years the Geek’s been playing this moment over and over in his head and thinks they are soulmates as Geeks tend to do. It is actually the reason they used their Geek powers to make enough money to get in with her and impress her, because everyone knows you need more money than the chick you are trying to score,only to be forced to realize that she’s all fucking bullshit and that you’ve been played to advance her career son.

As for Maxim, I think this spread proves they are going for the table scraps. It all went down hill after they did an article on me 2 years ago, so in a lot of ways I like to think I brought down that men’s empire single fucking handedly and that it is only a matter of time before the whole thing fucking collapses….

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

Posted in:Maxim|Olivia Munn

2009

19

Nov

Ashley Greene Maxim Covershoot Video for Twilight Premiere of the Day

I watched Twilight the other day to try to understand the hype. My plan didn’t work out because all I saw was a bullshit, obvious, cliche love story that I guess teenage girls are too stupid to not buy into it. I ended up falling asleep a few minutes into the shit, but I made it til an Ashley Greene part and she is handsdown the best thing to happen to Twilight. Not that that is saying much. It would have been nice if she replaced the ugly one as a main character, but then teenage girls everywhere wouldn’t have bought into the whole thing, because they can relate to an ugly chick far easier than related to a hot one. None of that really matters. What does matter is that she did Maxim in some little shorts and I figured that makes this video worth watching at least a lot more worthy of watching than the New Moon shit they’ve sold millions of dollars in tickets for before shit hits theaters tonight….which on a sidenote will be a great place to be standing drunk around 2 am to hustle horny teenage girls walking out of the theater who’s panties are soaked thru from the movie they just watched….

Posted in:Ashley Greene|Maxim|Twilight

2009

11

Nov

Aubry O’Day Is Wet for Maxim of the Day

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Aubry O’Day is a bottom feeding whore, so there’s nothing really exciting about these pictures, the truth is that I can’t stand this cunt because she tried to sue me for posting pictures of her stupid fake tits, like she didn’t get her stupid fake tits to get attention or to show the fuck off and make fucking money, so I’m not sure why I’m posting these pics of her in Maxim, but I will tell you I am having an internal struggle about it.

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

Posted in:Aubry O'Day|Maxim|Wet

2009

09

Sep

Audrina Does Maxim of the Day

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Audrina may be a fucking idiot with fake tits who I can’t stand because she is on The Hills, who for the most part isn’t as hot as she is hyped up to be, but she’s got a pretty good body, especially after it’s been photoshopped to shit. I guess the real shocker about this bitch is that she didn’t end up in porn or stripping, something her fake tits at a young age would make you think was part of the plan, but instead ended up on mainstream TV. I guess her dad knows people who know people or some shit, because she’s really made for taking 3 dicks at a time, but then again as far as I am concerned, every girl is made for 3 dicks at a time, I guess it’s gotta do with some tribal evolutionary shit from happened in pre-historic tribes, but they especially look ready for 3 dicks at a time while whoring out with some strawberries and appliances half-naked in a photoshoot. The other shocker is that Maxim is still in business.

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Posted in:Audrina|Maxim|Topless

2009

12

Aug

Milla Jovovich Naked in Maxim of the Day

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Milla Jovovich just had a kid and this is the ass her husband probably should pulled out to cum all over, instead he got too ambitious and kept shit internal, leading him to a lifelong commitment to this bitch, even after they have a miserable divorce because he got caught fucking a younger and hotter actress.

She was in Maxim, trying to hold onto her youth, like she’s was still just a bright eyed girl on a cattle car escaping communist Russia with some guy she’d called her uncle, who financed the journy by letting men pay to touch her vagina.

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

Posted in:Maxim|Milla Jovovich|Naked

2008

15

Dec

Hilary Duff Does Maxim of the Day

Hilary Duff did Maxim and who really gives a shit. I am just surprised that Maxim is still around and that people buy that shit, not only because magazines are pretty fucking obsolete and kill trees, you fucking hippies, but because shit’s more repetitive than me, it’s like every issue is a repeat of the last issue and despite finding comfort in things we know and trust, it’s still boring and a waste of fucking time. Sure, I pull that shit out in magazine stands, just to see if maybe they’ve updated their format, or to see if they’ve finally bit the bullet and gone porn, but they just always let me the fuck down, including these pictures of Hilary Duff, would it be too much to ask to see a photoshoot with a skate to her neck and a hockey sick in her ass, while her boyfriend and the rest of his team suck each other off like they do in the locker room after they won a big fucking game, because it’s not gay to suck off your teammate if a teen starlet is in the corner fucking the equipment, like she does it in the bedroom at home? Step it the fuck up Maxim.

Posted in:15|16|Hilary Duff|Maxim|Photoshoot|Uncategorized