I'll Make You Famous…

Archive for the Pale Category




Kristen Bell is Scared of the Sun and Being Assaulted by a Monster in a Bikini of the Day

So Kristen Bell and her pasty fucking body getting sunscreen sprayed on is obviously scared of the sun, when she should really be scared of letting Dax Sheppard inside her, because I hear once you go Dax you never go back because no self respecting man would sleep with his sloppy seconds because no one has low enough self esteem and no girl is hot enough to justify banging someone who has banged him, not even Kristen Bell.

The truth is that I’ve never really been overly affected by dudes who have fucked my wife or girlfriends being in the same room as me, if anything I feel like we have some kind of bond and even if we have nothing much to talk about awkwardly, we always have the chick to fall back on and compare war stories about. It’s like having a 2 man on chick threesome, without the awkwardness and homosexual overtones/undertones (I never know the difference between tones), and if anything should be a bonding experience between men, but Dax throws that beautiful thing down the toilet. Another beautiful thing he’s thrown down the toilet, Kristen Bell. Not that I like Kristen Bell or think she’s attractive at all, but I know you do, so I’m just trying to fit in, something that happens everytime I put on a pair of pants that doesn’t have an elastic waistband.

Posted in:Bikini|Kristen Bell|Pale




I am – Dita Von Teese is a Mime of the Day


I know seeing a girl who hasn’t got a spray tan or a fake tan or shitty orange skin to match her cheesy 2-tone platinum hair and fake tits is refreshing but I seriously don’t understand why Dita Von Teese has a career.

I know Halloween is a favorite holiday and a great excuse for chicks to dress like whores and party harder than they usually do because they let down all their inhibitions and can pretend that they are whatever they want to be and I get that some people like it so much that they want Halloween to be everyday because sometimes being yourself is scary.

I also know that there’s a whole movement of death obsessed gothic freaks that dress like they are from the 18th century, powder their skin white, only use candles to light their homes, sacrifice animals in their basement while working up to some kind of school shooting after fucking their fat goth girlfriend that always ends in drinking each other’s blood while dressed like Edward Scissor Hands.

But reality is, it’s not hot, Goth is designed for ugly people with no friends to find each other on the internet and build their own goth community of ugly people with no friends. It’s scary and makes me feel uncomfortable and whenever I see a goth or a bitch that looks like Dita Von Teese I wait for them to bust out some kind of Mime routine because they are already in costume and I am all about throwin some quarters at street performers, because I like to give back to the community and I like the way they bounce off their heads and they run after them like that quarter is made of gold, but unfortunately goth’s take themselves so fucking seriously and miming, as gay as it is, makes people smile, and smiling is a sign of happiness and happiness is their devil.

Here’s Dita Von Teese showin’ us how original she is in black and white….

Related Posts:

Dita Von Teese Goes Shopping
Dita Von Teese Performing Topless
More Dita Von Teese Topless Performance

Posted in:Dita Von Teese|Goth|Pale|Unsorted|Weird