There are some pretty desperate people out there who can get off to an ugly teenage popstar just because she’s got a mic up in her face that makes it easier to visualize a cock in its place. I never really understood that level of desperation but that’s probably because celebrities don’t really get me fired up, but slutty 19 year olds do, and there’s ample clips of slutty 19 year olds on the internet actually sucking dick on video, so I never had to get that low and pathetic to pretend a mic was a cock, but don’t feel bad, I am pretty sure there have been many other things that were just as low, desperate and pathetic, but no one’s judgin’ anyone here, we’re all a gang of fucking losers…especially you.
I don’t know what gave this bitch an ego that made her believe she was capable of doing whatever the fuck she wants in life because she got cast on Gossip Girl despite the odds of her being a hooker born in a group home thanks to her whore mother, but I guess it’s working alright for her…so well she’s gained 10 pounds for the occassion…none of which ended up on her tits….
Watch the garbage…that is the Kiss FM Jingle Ball.
I think Shakira has lost her appeal in a big way, but that doesn’t mean she has. If you do a Youtube search, you’ll see that people still masturbate to her, at least I assume they do, because the only reason a video would get that many views is because a few motherfuckers spent at least a week goin back to that video for their orgasms.
I know that Shakira is cheating in this outfit by sneaking a pair of gold American Apparel shorts on under her dress so that she’s not flashing the world her panty covered twat, and I find the whole thing a serious fucking disappointment. As an immigrant in the industry, she should go that extra mile to make her stand out amongst the rest, for fear that she’d be sent back to cleaning hotel rooms or whatever else Columbian illegals do when they sneak into the country.
I also know that if the way she is rocking the mic is representing that way she gives head, you may want to tape your dick down, or she may just pull the fucking thing off, and by you I don’t actually mean you, because I know the chances of you banging Shakira are pretty much non-existent….but you get what I am saying…
Either way, less shorts, more pussy…even if these shorts are on to cover your padded Spanx that make her look like she’s got more of a booty than she actually does…..and here are the pics…
Here’s a video of Beyonce performing some shitty song in the Ukraine with no pants on, which I figured was appropriate because Ukranian people have been known to love not wearing pants, especially back in the human trafficking era of communism. I don’t know anything about the Ukraine so I pulled that one out of the catalog, so if it sucked, I am sure it didn’t suck as much as life does for Jay-z, everytime Beyonce makes him come home from his real money makin’ girlfriend to play house and feed her ego by listening to her talk about when she wins that Academy award, despite Beyonce getting fed on any level being a bad idea,
Here are some pics of Beyonce and Jay Z at some pool party clothed…thank god…..
And here is Rihanna’s 10 Million Dollar Mansion Jay-Z pretty much bought her in Hollywood….Just to remind Beyonce where his priorities are…
So Ashley Tisdale was out performing and trying to be as hot as she can, but unfortunately for her, hot is impossible, unless she’s in the fuckin’ sauna, or on a tropical resort, or being caught in a house fire when a crazed fan torches her shit cuz she won’t answer their fan mail, because no matter how much surgery she gets, she’s still ugly, and here she is performing cuz I know you wish you were the mic, or at least your penis was, because all mouth is good mouth, at least that’s what you tell yourself when you hook up with gay dudes, since they’re always down to suck dick and girls you know aren’t so much, because you’re too scared to talk to them….
Here’s Pink performing while dressed like some kind of rooster or some shit. I really don’t have anything to say about this shit because I am falling the fuck asleep. I got drunk and wondered the streets last night and pretty much nothing happened to leave me inspired, and this concert costume isn’t really helping, sure I could talk about the time I met a guy who used to fuck chickens, usually raw from the grocery store, sometimes cooked, once live and in its egghole at some underground hispanic cock fighting ring, and he’d always talk about how there’s no logic to using your hand when the world offers you so many resources when it comes to masturbation, but that never happened, but Pink in this outfit did.
Dumpy Katy Perry tried to get sexy in some performance the other day by wearing some cat suit with leopard print on it. Pretty cliche or obvious but Katy Perry is not capable of being sexy. She could be up on stage doing a high school girl masturbation scene and I’d still want her to stop. She’s awkward, she’s annoying and she’s fat you just can’t see it because you are a pervert, or a chick who is fatter than her and admitting she is fat means you have admit you’re fat, but I can tell that her midsection looks it is fighting with a pair of spanx and losing. I hate her and she isn’t a sex symbol just because guys will fuck her or because she sings about obvious sex fantasies, guys will fuck anyone and girl on girl action isn’t always hot, you know especially when the girls involved are the two fat chicks dykes no guy wants to fuck unless they are drunk so let’s just put things into perspective.
If you’re wondering why I haven’t updated the site, it’s because I am running of West Coast time and I’ve been out hoping from Oscar party to Oscar party all night long. Sure, I’m not actually in California and I wasn’t invited to a single Oscar party because I am irrelevant, and sure I only watched a few minutes of the Oscars because that shit depresses me, and I didn’t actually go to any Oscar parties, not even themed shit at my local bar.
I just got drunk and passed out at four in the morning and feel like I should have watched this segment of the Oscars where Beyonce rocks out while I was drunk because that way I’d be able to focus on Vanessa Hudgens cleavage and one piece vagina hugging outfit, but instead can’t see past Beyonce and her huge thighs trying to steal the fucking spotlight. So if you’re into something pretty shitty while I get my posts together, watch this garbage.
Here are some pictures from the Oscars because I’ve decided to not really cover the shit because my opinion doesn’t matter especially when it comes to how predictable, political and drawn out this jerk off fest is. I did like Jackman’s intro and the set design, I was happy to see Wall-E win but hated pretty much everything else.
Some Penelope Cruz Before Her Inspirational Acceptance Speech….
Miley Cyrus Brought Her Wonky Teeth as a Date….
Anne Hathaway Needs Sun, This Casper Shit Makes Her Look Like She’s Dying…
Some Vanessa Hudgens Because She had No Business Being There….
There’s a lot more of this shit in the stepFORUM GO
In more tragic news, Lady Gaga was at the Brits pushing her sucking her dick to the top skills to the next level to secure a stronger UK audience by somehow working her way onto the bill by performing with the legendary gay anthem Pet Shop Boys because I guess they thought she was in their target market, until bitch took off her pants and they realized there was no sign of testicle.
The point is that she befriends the media like Perez because she knows he is huge and has huge visibility and plays nice to him so he thinks he is in because he’s a bottom feeding lonely leach trying to get the respect he thinks he deserves and her text messages provide that glimmer of hope, she befriends other artists, she caters to the gay market and the whole time she does it, she’s fucking ugly, I’m talking monster fucking ugly and there’s no sign of her disappearing yet, not that it’s easy for a mutant with a birth defect to keep low profile anywhere she goes, but as long as she’s off the TV, Internet and Radio, I’ll be happy.
It was the British Music Awards last night and Girls Aloud were the opening act. I know, why would you care about the British Music Awards, you don’t live there so it doesn’t affect you, not to mention award shows are a total waste of fucking time and are more of a jerk off fest where people who already have massive egos get pinned up against each other for one to walk away the super ego, meanwhile every person in the room has already won the fucking lottery, but at least every now and then, bands I hate like Nickelback aren’t in the spotlight, and a group of slut Spice Girl impersonators who somehow avoided a career of stripping take center fucking stage and there’s nothing wrong with that, I mean other than how bad their music is, but who cares about the music when they’ve got tits. Right?
Here is member Sarah Harding’s Friend and by friend I mean assistant she probably shits on daily, Taking a Dive…..because it is funny and something These Drunk Sluts are Used To
I had these pictures lined up yesterday, but then the Grammy’s post gave me a mild heart attack that is apparently not a heart attack at all, but probably just too much caffeine making me feel like the biggest fucking pussy around, I mean other than Jessica Simpson, I hear she’s working on eating too much of everything to actually be the biggest fucking pussy around, before choking on her own neck fat before dying of a heart attack.
I am talking a pussy so big you’d take your kids on a day trip to see and maybe even drive through like one of those West Coast Redwoods. A pussy so big it’s got it’s own digestive system, that allows Jessica Simpson to eat double the ridiculously large amount of food she already consumes….
I am sure these pictures have already been plastered everywhere, but I’m not the kind of guy who does work uploading pictures to not post them, so enjoy them a second time around, since she’s not too fat to jerk off to.
Jessica Simpson always had the tits of a fat chick, she was just never fat because she had the motivation and drive of a girl who wanted to make it, and she knew that no fat girls make it, so she traded the Texas BBQ for some LA rabbit food and a treadmill. I knew that her move back into country and her move back to Texas from the popstar life, was going to shape her into a new person, a nice fat new person. I guess you can’t fight genetics forever. So here are some pics of Jessica Simpson and her gunt to celebrate good ol’ southern cookin’.
She is a fuckin’ beast, it’s like Tony Romo did this to her because he wanted her to look more like a defensive line so he could actually get turned on when they fuck. She’s so fat, she even needs two fucking belts to keep her belly from dragging on the fucking ground and the whole thing fucking disgusts me.
Hey, Guess What? I’m not dead. I am just lazy. I figure why get up in the morning to entertain your assholes, while I can fuck around and entertain myself. It’s more fun.
Speaking of tits, here’s Kellie Pickler performing a song that she wrote herself. I was surprised that it was just her name over and over because it’s the only thing she knows how to spell, but maybe her grandaddy taught her more than just how to give a solid blowjob and not tell anyone about it.
Either way, here’s the video, because shitty country is a good way to remind you that despite it being Friday, the day every 9 to 5er is hard for, you know, waiting all week in excitement for this day to roll around, whistling around the office asking everyone what their weekend plans are, you sit at your desk depressed because you have no plans, not friends, and nothing to do with yourself. It’s just going to be like every weekend, where you just sleep in, the sit on your couch with takeout and dvds, wallowing in your own filth, waiting for Monday to roll around so you can at least interact with other humans again…fuck you TGIF for ruining my life.
Here’s an older video of Kimberly Locke, some busty, fat chick who was on American Idol and hasn’t really done much since, except maybe for this Spring Break performance in what looks like a fat chick matching bra and panty set, but may be a fat chick bikini get up, but doesn’t matter because whatever it is is making me realize why I am scared of College Spring Break parties, and it’s not because of the herpes or mennigitis outbreaks, but more to do with for every hot chick showing off her pussy ready to get gangbanged while I watch, there’s 10 fat chicks drunk and letting loose and fat chicks are like the devil because despite not wanting to crawl up on them like they are a couch, it’s still fuckin’ hard to say no to them, not because they have you pinned down to the bed and you can’t move or breathe but because they are the easiest vagina being thrown in your face and that’s the kind of manipulative and abusive shit that fucks with your self esteem and you carry around with you for the rest of your life, making you unable to look at chicks the same way again about 3 seconds after you’re done. Either way, this is how I’m starting the week off. Enjoy.
I said that Girls Aloud are useless and that no one gives a fuck about them, but after seeing this pictures I realized that I jumped the gun and didn’t realize that their performance is one that can be jerked off to.
Girls Aloud probably have one of the worst stripping acts out there, mainly because they don’t actually get naked and because they do it to the shittiest songs but the one thing they have going for them is Cheryl Tweedy Cole, who despite having the shittiest prison tattoos , she’s got it going on.
Someone told me to stay positive today, just not HIV positive because I am struggling with a horrible hangover from going to a bar that had a 50 dollar minimum for credit cards and my asshole friend only had a stolen credit card to fund our night so after the 2 beers for 2 dollars special, we each drank about 40 beers and I feel kinda dirty today, it’s not unlike other days because I always feel dirty but it’s also a Friday before a long weekend and I can only assume no one is reading this site, which is also not unlike other days, because no one every reads this site, so I guess I am just being a bitch.
Speaking of bitch, here’s my favorite UK performer performing.