Here are some pictures of Cheryl Cole playing a gay sailer on a gay cruise in some strategic see-through shirt that doubles as underwear for people on a budget who can only afford a shirt or a pair of panties but not both, but that makes seeing her trashy tits impossible.
Luckily, we can see her shitty prison tattoos and I really like the music note on the shit, it’s a nice touch, you know, almost making this performance believable, and the rose, my god the rose, is this chick serious..I couldn’t even write this shit in a stage performance I’ve been working on, where I channel a teenage runaway with a dream of being a singer who ends up a stripper 40 years after life wronged her, because a tattoo like this would just be too fucking obvious….
These pics coulda been better but they are good enough….
Lily Allen followed the lead of all the other popstars she isn’t as famous, talented or successful as and showed up to her performance with no pants on. I don’t know how I think about it, because fat chicks in one piece bathing suits aren’t really something I like to celebrate, it’s kinda the thing that pisses me off the most when I hit up the public pool, thinking I’ll be greeted by hot bikini clad bitches handing me luxurious cocktails, but that never happens, cuz the public pool attract poverty and the elderly, but I guess if you’re at a Lily Allen concert, you’re life’s already at a whole new low and seeing a fat bitch in a bathing suit is probably the least of your worries….
I like to take a minute everyday and reflect on life to convince myself it’s not so bad to prevent me from killing myself. I ususally do that by watching something where I can say that no matter how bad my life is, always remember that at least I’m not Brooke Hogan, her singing career or this fuckin’ performance….I don’t know who convinced her that she’s got what it takes, you know that she’s got talent, but they created a poor girl who is out there embarrassing herself everytime she does what she thinks she is good at and what she thinks is her calling, when honesty would have just put her delusions to rest and she’d be living off her dad’s money like a good little rich girl instead of trying to make it on her own doing something that alienates both herself and her audience because most people feel bad pointing and laughing…I am not one of those people….
Kylie Minogue had breast cancer and now she’s not wearing pants. It’s on some Madonna and Lady Gaga kick that’s far less disgusting, because unlike Madonna and Lady Gaga, Kylie Minogue is worth fucking, even now, years after her peak and years after her breast cancer, that may or may not have left her breastless, not that mastectomy tits are really a roadblock, because as long as there’s vagina, I’m good to go.
Either way, here she is performing like she never had a brush with death and disappeared to appreciate life or whatever it is people do when they see the end and are convinced they were given a second chance and feel the need to preach to everyone they meet about how their priorities have shifted trying to shove it down our throats like we give a fuck…
So I heard Cary Hart and Pink are getting married again. I guess he couldn’t find a woman quite manly enough to satisfy his gay fantasies who had a bank account that allowed her to keep up with his lifestyle, or some shit. I guess she went out to celebrate getting her man back, despite the fact that he only likes blowjobs and anal, by performing in a bra….
Donald Trump opened a building in Dubai because it’s a booming city and dude knows that he might as will cash in on the Arabs and their money, while America is falling to shit. He kept the event classy by bringing Aguilera in to perform because I guess he’s really trying to gently enter the arab market by discreetly polluting it with American trash.
I know all you patriotic fucks are convinced to hate Arabs because you believe they are trying to take down your country and shit, but the way I see it, they are a progressive nation who put a lot of energy in letting women know their place in the world all while the men go out and make mountains of oil money to bring home to their 4 wives who are dressed like ninjas.
They are a force to seriously be reckoned with and if things go their way, your wives and daughters will be coverin’ up which isn’t so bad considering the kind of perverts our culture breeds. I know that if I had my way, I’d be the only one allowed to see my stepdaughter naked.
Either way, here’s Aguilera slutting out in dessert luxury…..
Ivanka Trump Also Showed Up to the Event Because It is Her Inheritance and Retirement Plan…
Hayden Panettiere was also there, wearing an animal print stripper outfit because she’s wild and dangerous and pretty inappropriate considering it is an Arab city that doesn’t really care to see her midget freakshow body and have reason when they throw a sheet at her to cover that boxy body up…..
I guess Brooke Hogan’s pop career didn’t really take off the way she wanted it to, because this past weekend she was booked to perform Mansion, a nightclub in Miami that is probably not too far from her house. It’s kinda like the time your friend who wanted to start a band got his big break playing the local highschool’s dance. I guess the only positive thing about all this is that she’s wearing lingerie to distract us from her shitty singing, like she was a Pussycat Doll and I am all for girls embracing their innerslut and turning it on as a desperate attempt to get ahead.
Here are some pics of her in Miami before her big show…
Here are some pics of her muscular legs from last week….
Sure she sucks at singing and the highlight of her career is that everyone wants to fuck her, and the highlight of her career up until now has been the fact that she convinced some pervert executive to sign her and give her a chance to live her dream because she gives great head, but that is nothing compared to this glorious moment of performing live on the Carson Daly show, I hear it is the most coveted slot to be on in TV. Sure it doesn’t have an audience or a good time slot like those other late night shows, and sure the host is a fucking loser and not a comedian, but it is the closest thing to the time you played make belief “TV Reporter” with your cousin as kids in front of an audience of stuffed animals, only this doesn’t end in sex offending, it just ends in tarnished careers, but when you don’t deserve a career to being with – it’s all good.
So I was told that Hilary Duff was in town and I wasn’t about to try to go to her concert because I don’t give a fuck about her, but I did find out where the after party she was probably getting paid big money for was and decided I should try to get some exclusive content because maybe that will make me famous…I guess I could have tried to rape and kidnap her too, I would have been on the news and shit, but I am too pussy to actually do that kind of thing…and I don’t have a car and trying to walk home with some famous bitch you’ve just kidnaped is a good way to get caught. So I email the promoter with some bullshit about how the site is number 1 in montreal, which it was according to the shitty local paper, even though I rigged the results, it still counts to me because they printed it….Bitch tells me that I am in, I tell her that I look homeless and that her shitty club has rejected me a few other times like when Christina Aguilera was there and when some other lame celebrities were there….but Bitch assures me that there will be no problem at all….
Anyway, I get to the event, showered, thinking it will improve my chances, but the bouncer doesn’t want to let me in, I was never on the list and I don’t belong there. I talk my way to getting into the doors and in front of a door girl and I show her my camera saying I am here to take pictures for National Enquirer, now I only have a beat up broken point and shoot I borrowed from my neighbor, and bitch bites, telling me to stay away from the actual party and to stay in the corner where no one can see me…..
I buy a really expensive drink by a pornstar looking bar maid and I wait for Hilary Duff to show up, I have no idea what the deal with the night is, I am just running off some tip someone gave me. I am standing in the middle of the area where no one can see me, and all of a sudden I get thrown out of the way by some huge body guard, I look to see what’s up and there’s Hilary Duff, looking small, haggard and beat up, giggling with her entourage….
I wait around thinking she’s going to get on stage or some shit, but nothing. I listened to some DJ who was trying to be DJ AM, but couldn’t mix for shit and was stuck listening to a bad 80, 90s and Today dance mix that made me want to kill myself or at least for one of the metrosexuals drinking champagne to slip some roofies in my drink to make the site a little more of a success….
A group of 4 people got on stage and started to do some kind of hip hop dance routines. I figured they were locals trying to get noticed by Duff because she was in the room. The bitches were in short skirts and were too fat to be famous, but I figured we’re all allowed to dream and sat and watched as their skirts rode high, asses exposed and dance…then I realized that we were watching Hilary Duff’s fat back-up dancers in all their gayness and I turned on my shitty camera. I somehow managed to miss all the ass shots, I even saw one of the girl’s cunt, because she bent over and her underwear was moved to the side and by the time I realized that that was the main show, it was over.
I chatted up some photographer who was there, tried to convince him to give me his pics, because as the dancers were dancing, Hilary Duff was pretending to DJ her own song that they were dancing to and I missed all the Hilary Duff action…when it all ended Hilary Duff walked by me again, with her entourage and bouncers, and I didn’t have a chance to slip her the love note I had written her, because I figured creeping her out was the best way into her life….
This is the love letter I wrote her:
I know you don’t know me, but I know you. I write about you whenever your nipples are hard, your shorts are too short, your bikini too wet, your panties exposed, or any other embarrassing things you’ve been caught doing on camera. I have even coined you and your sister as the Duffgusting sisters. I know you don’t know me or what I do because only 5 people read my site, but despite thinking you are ugly and talentless and confused as to why you’re more famous than the hotter, tighter, better singer neighbor of mine, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
I think together you could really find happiness and through artificial insemination, because my dick doesn’t work, I could find a solid retirement plan.
Here is the video footage of the dancers:
Here are pictures of her Montreal show, that I ripped off of some girls facebook, because stealing from Hilary Duff fans is like stealing candy from a baby….