Girls are such slus…I was just browsing through instagram and it turns out that girls compare how they jerk dudes off in picture..
It’s like so many pictures of their jerk off hand in jerk off stance..reminding me of a better time when girls actually used to jerk you off…before they got lazy and realized sticking it in their pussy takes less work and causes less sour wrists…
The other day, we rounded up a couple of our amazing, and I mean amazing stepGIRLS and got them to pose with our favorite bicycle, which happens to be an amazing State Bicycle Co bike…
State Bicycle Co is a company, that if you know bikes, you will know, make some of the most stylish bicycles around that will get you noticed…which is really what you should want.
You know the kind of bicycle that will get any girl excited to ride with you, even if you don’t have a car, because they just have that much cool…
I find bicycles highly erotic. I love girls on bicycles, girls next to bicycles, sniffing bicycle seats when they are still warm after a babe happens park her bike next to me on a hot summer day….creeping on some panty shots when the wind blows bicycyle riding babes and their skirts the right way…so it was only natural to get our stepGIRLS half naked and next to a bike….and shit is HOT HOT HOT.
You can find the perfect bike for yourself at StateBicycle.com , they are as low as $389 + Free Shipping…
Even better, every State Bicycle Co. model is limited edition, so you can be sure that the bike you buy will be unique.
Because we did this shoot, State Bicycle Co has decided to offer, Exclusive for Drunken Stepfather readers, 10% off your order now until July 31st.
Use coupon code: drunkstate at check out.
To get yourself a bike, and we suggest you do, cuz they are awesome and chicks dig em… CLICK HERE
Before they sold to MTV to bankroll their media/news company, they were a hipster magazine that was available free in every trendy store across North America that could lie to advertisers about their relevance and reach, because magazines don’t have Google Analytics.
When people stopped giving a fuck about magazines, they hit the internet and were trying to figure shit out, and in doing that would buy traffic from me, only they didn’t pay me the last few months.
Which makes me mad. Because I need every dollar I can get. Since I am not running with 100,000,000 dollars from MTV.
So every time I see them on HBO, even if deep down, what they are doing, is probably needed in a society filled with idiots who watch CNN and believe what they are told. I yell at the TV.
I mean Gonzo, first hand journalism and misadventures challenging what’s going on in the world is nothing genius, but at least someone is doing it with corporate money, it’s better that MTV finances this than Jersey Shore.
It turns out they are also doing fashion shoots with hipster chicks with corporate money, money they didn’t pay, making me feel like in a way I fucking financed this shoot, executive producer this shit.
So that’s why I am posting it.
If you care, they were shot by an ex-instagram follower of mine….the break-up was devastating. But the good news is his pics look like they were shot on instagram.
All this to say, I like hot hipsters, even if I hate who they work for and what they represent all owned by MTV and shit.
Here is one of our official stepGIRLS modeling some FRANK & OAK ….and they look hot as fucking fire.
FRANK & OAK is clothing brand that merges quality with amazing style, and at a great price. They have shirts and
underwear and really all kinds of stuff you’ll love to let that girl
who spent the night walk around in when she’s making you that morning
It is membership based, but not a scam, meaning you get deals and exclusive offers for limited edition styles by being a member. More importantly, you get clothing specific to your needs, styles and really what you want, but there isn’t any commitment to buy when you sign up. It’s really just joining a cool community.
Raving has gone mainstream. It has lost its soul of illegal parties where ugly people have drug overdoses, while massaging each other in fun fur, or dancing to bad music all night. I used to go to those parties because being an alcoholic pervert, it was a good place to drink until 10 am surrounded by underage girls on E who were into gettin’ down and they always smelled like shit.
Now all the suburban mall shoppers the real ravers of the 90s would probably hate, are eating this raver shit up, they are even dropping the word PLUR, like they went back to 1997 and raided all the socially awkward nerd freaks who needed to be bullied in their raver cloud.
The good thing about things going mainstream, isn’t that the DJs now make 100k a night, it is that the quality of pussy involved in it, running to see their favorite dubstep or techno or house DJ, like a gang of gays on poppers….is that the pussy is hotter than it bottom feeding disgusting it used to be.
I mean sure there were always babes at clubs, and big scale parties, so maybe this is nothing new….but the college girls who would be normally doing a wet t-shirt contest at a frat party are into this now and that’s kinda weird to me.
Here are the best, (first) 40 pics I found of crackhead girls half naked club girls in Miami, for the Ultra Music Festival, dancing to shitty DJs who get paid more than the Rolling Stones, because they are trendy and mainstream. They probably smell like 24 hours of sweaty dancing in their vaginas and I like that cuz when I used to go to raves, the girls were fucking meth scabbed, fat, and not the hot girls who were shopping at the gap.
The whole concept of pornstars always annoys me…only because I don’t think a girl is a star just because she fucks on camera for 1000 dollars…if anything she is the opposite of a fucking star…she’s gutter trash and that’s why she’s mistreating herself….not that I am against porn, I just think these girls are fucking delusional…
I have also been to the porn awards a handful of times, and have seen a lot of these girls in action, including Puma Swede, who grabbed my balls and who is in fact a fucking monster looking woman… and they are 99 percent of the time disgusting looking, you just don’t realize it cuz you’re too busy jerking off to them getting face fucked like the nasty little trash they are….
Well MELISSA MAKEUP from instagram, a pornstar make-up artist I guess, has posted some before and after make-up pics of some porn chicks, proving that they aren’t all what you may have thought they were…if anything they are what you’d expect ghetto trash who get fucked up the ass for 1000 dollars on camera….would be…damaged, disgusting, not a “star”…in any fucking way….but we’ll all still jerk off to them and that’s ok…
It’s an interesting project this Melissa chick has undertaken…awesome look into her industry…because despite me laughing at the before pics, I think she’s more into just showing off how good she is….and we can all agree that based on the before pics…she’s a fucking god….the same kind of god Kim Kardashian monster probably uses….
Smoke and fucking mirrors…..sure some aren’t that bad….but you can assume their souls are…
PS – Melissa is also a fucking babe…but that could all be smoke and mirrors too..
The names of the pornstars are in the name of the picture….and some of these girls may not be pornstars…but instead just look like them…and if that’s the case…they are probably the better looking girls…who I accidentally downloaded without researching their work.
Equipped with an iPhone with 20% battery life, Drunkenstepfather.com, meaning me, went to Montreal’s version of Comicon, even though they didn’t give us Press passes, meaning we paid the 35 dollars to see this shit, despite hating virgin loser nerds who like video games and comic books and scifi and cosplay and fantasy and second life… as much as I hate the stale semen smell that follows them everywhere they go…..from chronic masturbating in their mom’s basement where they live and make robotic women while pretending to be married to their favorite women….
Well it turns out that they convention itself was as bootleg and ghetto and second rate poor man hustle as my reporting…but I figured I’d post my pics anyway….
From Captain Picard and Kirk sitting next to each other in some nerd time warp vortex, to some fat chick showing off the only head she’s ever got, to the Ghostbusters comparing dick sizes, and some girls in cosplay costume seeking male attention…..it was good times.
If you want to follow our adventures and by our I mean mine and by adventures I mean sitting on the couch – Follow My Instagram @DRUNKENSTEPFATHERDOTCOM
Here are the NUTS girls….Lucy Pinder, Holly Peers, Sophie Howard, Emma Glover, Jessica-Jane Clement, Rosie Jones, etc…topless for some summer photoshoot reminding us that NUTS has the winning fucking formula….so many girls with great tits who aren’t cut to be actual models…are willing to model topless so long as it is classy and not porn….even though dudes everywhere jerk off to them….even though they aren’t cut out to be actual models…but are just willing to model topless….
I mean you don’t even have to pay these bitches much, just sign them up and pay them more than they make working the cash at the grocery store….
It’s awesome and here are some pics from their summer special…cuz it is summer and you shouldn’t be on a computer….
I have a thing for bitches who breast feed in public, cuz they are usually on some feminist mission to prove some kind of point that breast feeding is natural and should be a human right, while I get to see titties for fucking free, and more importantly, milk filled titties that I normally would never see cuz they are suburban wives who don’t talk to my kind….It is the kind of shit that I sing love songs to myself while tending to my erection through my pocket, the natural process of life from mother to child is so erotic, so long as she keeps her vagina in her pants and I don’t have to deal with that stiched up mess…..
Someone sent this into me, and it made my day, so I decided to share it with you, cuz to some of us, these feminist hippie bitches on a mission to get breast feeding pics legal on Facebook in werd coilitions, are the only tits you get to see whne you leave your house…
Alice Baton is a model making a name for herself by getting topless for obscure magazines….I’ve never heard of her or the magazine she’s in, but I have seen her tits and I only care about the tits, especially when they are being shown off by the girls so eager to make it in the pretentious bullshit fashion world cuz if they do make it, it is easy living…and all they had to do was take off their shirt…like a stripper, with the comfort of knowing she’s not a stripper, cuz she only gets topless in photoshoosts, and not for 10 dollars a song, but I think it is the same fucking thing…and that’s why I like Alice Baton enough to visualize her being sodomized by a baton….like it was a college team sport hazing….
Here’s some Sasha Cohen Olympic athlete body in her bikini for twitter…because I guess she wants a little of that Olympic athlete in her bikini scandal that Australian swimmer got….or maybe cuz she’s put so much time and energy into her body and fitness that she feels the need to show it off like the dudes you see walking around your neighborhood topless…or maybe cuz she’s got higher muscle tone, higher testosterone and hire sex drive ad is ready to fuck…cuz all her figure skating partners are faggots who won’t put their dick in her….and she just wants someone to put their dick in her…cuz all those years of training never allowed for her to have a normal life….or maybe…just maybe…she’s like 90 percent of girl on instagram who like putting pics of themselves up in bikinis…cuz all girls are whores…who cares…just look at the pics…
Isla is some hot model from Montreal who should be hanging out on my dick everyday, especially now that I just made her famous….but in reality, she’ll just think that the Dress to Kill Magazine is what actually made her famous, even though no one has ever heard about that shit, while DrunkenStepfather is a fucking household name, except maybe to hot lingerie models from my home town who I have never met, but who should be hanging out on my dick, because I bring them international exposure to perverts everywhere….
It’s actually a fucking problem….I hang out with toothless whores who don’t know what day it is…and sometimes I risk getting gangrene on my dick because of it…while there are hundreds of local bitches who I would actually want to fuck but don’t know about…who should be sucking up to me but who don’t….who would make all activities substantially more fun if they were wearing their bikinis while we do them….
What I am saying is I need a hot model entourage. It’s fucking time.
Sylvie van der Vaart is some old dutch model who has been fucking the same professional soccer player since 2003 and who is probably less of a model and more of a WAG or football wife in terms of why she is famous….you know cuz “Netherlands’ Sexiest Female in 2003″ probably wouldn’ t last 9 years without being attached to someone a little more important, since Netherlands’ Sexiest Female in 2003 is barely a fucking accomplishment….and in the grand scheme of things just doesn’t matter…
What does matter is that she survived Breast Cancer, and is now back to modeling what I can only assume is charity events to support saving titties, a cause I support and love, cuz the idea of a disease robbing our women of their breasts is an attack on our freedom….
What also matters is that she beat the cancer and is modeling in her underwear, rocking her possibly new nippleless cancer free tits….lookin’ pretty hot for a 34 year old….
J.Woww and the cast of Jersey Shore are pretty much the fucking worst humans out there…The represent all that is wrong with society…in terms of their style, their intelligence, their personalities, their conversations, they behavior, but more importantly, the fact that they are all millionaires from it….especially considering that this brickhouse of a woman, built like a fucking tank, the stripper you wouldn’t get a lap dance from, who isn’t a fucking stripper, cuz she’s a millionaire…is the hot one on the show…. confusing me….annoying me….but drawing me in…probably because I have a weakness for bad smelling cheese….it’s an eating disorder, I blame my obese wife for…you know sometimes it is hard to wash properly when you are her size…
Either way, trash or not, here’s J.Woww in a photoshoot for Inked Magazine August 2012.
I am not into the whole party scene, DJ scene purist down with the hip hop scene, but I do know that there was a time dudes had to buy records, make their own records, to get booked shows where on the high end they’d make 2,000 dollars maybe 5,000 if they were fucking hero DJ, which in and of itself is a retarded concept….
The MP3 dropped, destroyed vinyl, or actual investment in music…blogs told all these idiot posers what to play instead of instinct…technology and programs made DJing easy…then DJs became rockstars and made 50,000 dollars a show…and bitches like this decided to add DJing to their modeling…to give them an edge….and people responded….and the whole thing is so stupid…that I can’t help but love it…cuz party sluts playing music for party sluts is the premise of all my sexual fantasies…
Her name is DJ Juicy M and she’s probably a clown in the DJ booth playing pre-mixed sets and moving like she was Paris Hilton, but hot in a bikini….I’m into her playing the soundtrack of my life via my dick.