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Archive for the Pregnancy Category

2009

03

Dec

Sophie Monk Does the Pregnancy Cover-Up Pose of the Day

Here is Sophie Monk rubbing up on Santa Claus like he was one of the Good Charlotte sisters because I guess she misses the touch of another man, or maybe because ever has fond memories of a man dressed in a Santa suit sneaking in her bedroom late on Christmas Eve, only to take off her little panties and have his way with her, telling her not to tell anyone, because it was their little secret because she’s been such a good girl all year and she’s Santa’s favorite, not realizing that it was just her creepy dad molesting her on the one night he knew he could get away with it, since everyone knows Santa doesn’t exist and her story would lose all credibility before it started..or maybe it is because the dude in the Santa suit is the Executive General Manager of V Airlines and she figures she’ll be able to fly home for cheap anytime she needs when she has no money cuz she can’t get work cuz she’s in with him….and none of this is the point of the post…

The point of the post is that my photographer friend told me that when you see someone in this stance, with their hands on their hips and elbows pointed outwards, they are trying to hide the fact that they gained weight. It’s like people see their elbows and ignore their waistline. It is the oldest trick in the fucking book to make themselves look thinner, to hide the fact that they have a gut, thanks to a Good Charlotte internal cumshot that’s left a baby growing inside them that they refuse to abort because they think it means security, stability and it is the best revenge for him leaving her for Paris Hilton before crawling back to her one lonely night in Australia…

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Cover-Up|Pregnancy|Santa Claus|Sophie Monk

2009

01

Oct

Rebecca Gayheart’s Pregnancy Pictures of the Day

I don’t wish death upon people, especially not unborn babies, because that is cruel and I am a real nice guy, but wouldn’t it be bittersweet if when Gayheart’s kid that is brewing inside her turns 9, it gets run the fuck over by some idiot celebrity talking on his cellular in his SUV, who will later get acquitted because it will be proven with the help of his expensive lawyer that her kid was jay walking and breaking the law, even though every other car stopped to let it get across the street, while the idiot celebrity’s impatient ass decided to drive around the other cars who were letting the kid cross cuz the idiot was in such a rush and couldn’t be bothered waiting so instead accidentally runs it the fuck down, killing it. Leaving Gayheart and her family left with heavy hearts and sadness, but at least she’ll always have a stupid name, no celebrity driving with a cellphone can take that from her…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Pregnancy|Rebecca Gayheart

2008

02

Jul

Ashlee Simpson Pregnancy Tits of the Day

I am guessing that Ashlee Simpson got pregnant via artifical insemination or some kind of sperm donor or cock she was getting on the side, because last I heard, Pete Wentz had a vagina and lesbian relationships can’t make their own babies.

Further proof that she’s a lesbian is that her tits look sloppy, her stomach looks fat and those are pretty much two things that describe all the lesbians I know. Throw on a flannel shirt and a pair of construction boots and cut off her long luxurious orange hair asymetrical and she’ll be pretty much in dyke business. The only problem with Ashlee, proven by her career is that she’s in a constant identity crisis trying to pave her own way in her sister’s shadow, so it’d be expected that getting down to business would take her longer than the average lesbian because she is a loser and just doesn’t know what’s up.

At least we know that we can look forward to their next pregnancy, when Wentz’s jealously makes him decide that it’s his turn to be the mom and we get to see motherfucker on Oprah talking about being the second man to get pregnant because he’s actually got a uterus instead of balls and stopped hormone therapy because he couldn’t handle watching the connection Ashlee had to her baby as she breast fed and his maternal instinct kicked in and he figured it was time to stop living the lie and do what nature had originally planned out for him….

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Pregnancy|Tits

2008

11

Jun

Ashlee Simpson’s Pregancy Tits of the Day

One of life’s recent great mysteries is how Ashlee Simpson got pregnant when the person she married has a vagina. I guess another one of life’s great mysteries will be when her kid subtracts his birthday by his parent’s wedding day and realizes that there are a couple months missing leading the little unfortunate fucker to knowing that he was an accident and that his good little Christian family is just fronting for the media because everyone knows Christians don’t fuck before marriage, especially with some cocksucker who may not be the anti-christ but is such a piece of garbage as a person tha you could only assume is something Satan shat up after eating too much Mexican food.

I guess the good news is that with pregnancy comes a newfound sluttiness because girls know it’s the end of them as they were and from now on are either pregnant or chicks with baggage when they are back on the market because their little girl husbands decide to fuck off with the pool boy after spending 6 months showing him his asymetric hair down there, and by down their I mean on his asshole.

Either way, she’s got solid cleavage and that’s good enough for me and probably good enough for you.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Pregnancy|Tits

2008

02

Jun

Jessica Alba Has Some Pregnancy Bikini Pictures of the Day

Whenever I see Jessica Alba pregnant, all I can think of is the bear trap that is her vagina because I remember reading about how she got pregnant to trap Cash Warren into staying with her, because despite how many dudes want to get with her, she’s still a girl and being a girl makes her not realize that she’s got a ton of guys who want to get with her because all her attention is focused on the one guy who doesn’t want to be with her after already banging her. Either way,, she’s pregnant in a bikini and I know I could probably write something vulgar or maybe even funny, but why bother, I’ve pretty much given up on life, kinda like Jessica Alba will when she realizes that guys everywhere will only want to get with her now because of her fat wallet and not because of her fat, stretchmarked, gaping vagina.

Posted in:Bikini|Jessica Alba|Pregnancy

2008

03

Apr

Julie Bowen Talks To Kimmel About Her Tits of the Day

I just woke up like the lazy homeless motherfucker I am, I think it’s gotta do with drinking, because when I go out I don’t hear a fuckin’ thing until I wake up with the biggest fuckin migraine. Life passes me before my eyes and that’s ok by me because it’s not all that fun anyway. Maybe if I didn’t pass out on the floor at 6 am, I’d be more likely to wake up at the crack of dawn and be the early bird catching the worm, but I was never a huge fan of worms, I was always a little more into pussy.

Either way, that means I do a lazy video post to start the day on the site and maybe the day in Hawaii or some shit where it’s 7 am right now, while all you other fuckers are coming in from lunch. That’s part of the reason that the unemployed are my target market that have limited expectations out of me.

So this video is with some bitch I don’t know named Julie Bowen, I don’t think I have ever heard of, which isn’t a testament to how shitty Kimmel’s show is, but more a testament to how I am in the wrong line of websites but she’s talking about her tits in what is probably the least sexy way and about how she’s pumps her baby milk filled tits while driving, something that would make a much better video than this, but I’m too lazy and poverty stricken to make happen.

Posted in:Julie Bowen|Pregnancy|Tits

2008

03

Mar

More Kate Hudson in her Thong Bikini Pics of the Day

I already did a post on Kate Hudson in her bikini today , but here are the thong bikini pics that are doing the rounds. Don’t ask why I bothered doing another post on her today, I feel like it was easier.

Either way, she does look a little fat in the uterus, but my expert opinion is not very expert since I have never knocked a girl up either because I am shooting blanks or I just never heard back from the girl since pregnancy and abortions were all part of her job description and were a cost of doing business, so even if she did get knocked up, she still wouldn’t have called me to let me know because she got with so many men in any given day, anyone could have been daddy….

All I know, her uterus looks fat, but it could be because of her period or maybe it’s just the way she’s standing or maybe she’s drank one too many beers and eaten one too many plates of nachos. Who knows or cares, what you should know is that despite finding her ugly and not worth a fuck, I had no idea that her ass was this fuckin’ great….so pregnant or not, she’s worth a round as long as she’s gettin’ it from behind….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Kate Hudson|Pregnancy|Thong

2007

25

Oct

I am – Halle Berry’s Pregnancy Tits of the Day

halle_berry_pregnant_breasts_top.jpg

So I wrote some comments about a hot Jewish girl yesterday, and people dwell on the fact that I said most Jewish girls are smoke and mirrors and aren’t that hot. So I got this email backlash:

you just lost an great visitor with those jewish comments. dont know if that means anything to you or not. but im jewish and you really did not come off well there at all.

My response is that it’s just fucking jokes and you shouldn’t take you or your ugly Jewish wife so seriously. I like stirring shit up and pissing people off and you of all people should know that Jewish chicks aren’t all that hot for the most part and addressing that I found a hot one doesn’t mean I hate Jewish people. However, I am not surprised that a Jewish person would write me whiney fucking emails about how bad of a person I am and how they are never going to come back to my site because I made fun of Jewish chicks for being good at giving blowjobs. I mean what it comes down to is that you just have to look at the positive in what I write…and stop crying about how the world hates you. I feel like your Filipino nanny who raised you and I just made you turn off the TV to do your fucking homework. Baby.

Now I know how Halle Berry felt when she made a Jewish nose joke on Leno even though everyone, including Jews make Jewish nose jokes, but enough about the Jews. Halle Berry is pregnant and with pregnancy comes bigger tits and she’s showing them off because girls generally don’t feel that hot when they throw up every morning and piss a hundred times a day, so work with what you got and that makes all of you happy. I wonder if your mom’s tits looked this how what she was pregnant with you? Maybe you should hit up your old photo album and send the goods my way.


Related Posts:

Nicole Richie Pregnant Bikini Pictures
Christina Aguilera’s Pregnancy Tits
Nancy O’dell was Knocked the Fuck Up Tits
Jordan’s Pregnancy Walk

Posted in:cleavage|Halle Berry|Pregnancy|Tits|Unsorted

2007

25

Oct

I am – Halle Berry's Pregnancy Tits of the Day

halle_berry_pregnant_breasts_top.jpg

So I wrote some comments about a hot Jewish girl yesterday, and people dwell on the fact that I said most Jewish girls are smoke and mirrors and aren’t that hot. So I got this email backlash:

you just lost an great visitor with those jewish comments. dont know if that means anything to you or not. but im jewish and you really did not come off well there at all.

My response is that it’s just fucking jokes and you shouldn’t take you or your ugly Jewish wife so seriously. I like stirring shit up and pissing people off and you of all people should know that Jewish chicks aren’t all that hot for the most part and addressing that I found a hot one doesn’t mean I hate Jewish people. However, I am not surprised that a Jewish person would write me whiney fucking emails about how bad of a person I am and how they are never going to come back to my site because I made fun of Jewish chicks for being good at giving blowjobs. I mean what it comes down to is that you just have to look at the positive in what I write…and stop crying about how the world hates you. I feel like your Filipino nanny who raised you and I just made you turn off the TV to do your fucking homework. Baby.

Now I know how Halle Berry felt when she made a Jewish nose joke on Leno even though everyone, including Jews make Jewish nose jokes, but enough about the Jews. Halle Berry is pregnant and with pregnancy comes bigger tits and she’s showing them off because girls generally don’t feel that hot when they throw up every morning and piss a hundred times a day, so work with what you got and that makes all of you happy. I wonder if your mom’s tits looked this how what she was pregnant with you? Maybe you should hit up your old photo album and send the goods my way.


Related Posts:

Nicole Richie Pregnant Bikini Pictures
Christina Aguilera’s Pregnancy Tits
Nancy O’dell was Knocked the Fuck Up Tits
Jordan’s Pregnancy Walk

Posted in:cleavage|Halle Berry|Pregnancy|Tits|Unsorted