I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Prison Category

2010

11

Mar

The New Gaga and Beyonce Telephone Video of the Day

I hate Gaga and Beyonce more than you know or understand…like I really can’t stand her but figured some of you may want to see her stripped down by dyke cops in a prison fantasy video that makes a comment about her “dick”….complete with make-out scenes, taped up nipples and a whole women’s in their panties in some prison fantasy you will probably like….but I stopped watching because I can’t take this twat seriously…this is really like some kind of bad joke…enjoy…drinking time.

Posted in:Beyonce|Cunts|Lady Gaga|Panties|Prison|Ugly

2008

27

Aug

Blogger Arrested for Posting Unreleased Guns and Roses Songs of the Day

A blogger who I talk to via email was arrested for posting Guns N Roses songs back in June. His site is called Antiquiet, I link to him randomly and I haven’t been able to reach out to him, because he is in fucking jail but I do have to say my piece about this shit, because it makes me fucking furious.

Before I go off, I just want to say that Guns N Roses fucking suck, they are a dated band that have no business reuniting and that’s probably why they are trying to generate some buzz around their shit, because I heard one of the songs on the radio and Axl Rose is a tired useless fuck with an irritating voice and every time an old Guns N Roses song hits wherever I am, I peace the fuck out, because it doesn’t bring back memories of High School dances, but does irritate the fuck out of me.

Now as someone who has a blog and deals with copyright shit daily and may even be the next on the chopping block of whatever the fuck I am doing wrong according to the big mean corporate man and law makers, I have to say that it’s a crime to arrest someone for having a space on the internet to air their laundry, talk shit and run commentary on shit they see and hear. I would never post a full album of a band on the site or host it on my server because I know the record companies are struggling and aggressive, but I do post pictures I find on forums and get emailed to me that I admittedly never take myself.

The dude did not sneak into Axl Rose’s house and steal his record or rip the record and post it online, it’s something that he came across because someone else stole it and he’s got to pay the price and if anything was just sharing information and not monetizing off someone else’s work because I am pretty sure he didn’t make money off distributing the shit.

I heard that he received a cease and desist to take down the songs and he complied, I heard he wasn’t even hosting the songs, and the fact he got arrested and not just sued by the record company makes no sense to me. Almost all Bloggers aren’t legitimate media sources, it’s one step away from a fuckin’ faggot diary, only a few make serious money, so how do they expect us to either license their shit that are set at crazy prices for real media sources, or know that what we are posting isn’t allowed to be posted. The whole thing is crazy….

I just wanted to get this out there, because we need to protect each other now that the internet is going more and more mainstream and is getting more and more controlled and we need to make sure we all have a place to express ourselves and opinions and share information without fearing the evil book burners knocking on our doors and taking us the fuck away.

I hope Skwerl, the dude behind the site, is staying strong and that all this blows over when Guns N Roses drops the charges like the pussies they are and he can turn around and sell his site to Yahoo for 20,000,000 dollars or some shit, but until then, I am asking you to offer your support anyway you can, we just can’t let these fuckers win the fight, or there will be no room for any independent thought and we’ll just be drones in their shitty society of lies….I don’t want to sound like some faggot hippy or something but I am mad about this and really fucking happy to be in Canada. It is a dark day for the Internet, Freedom of Speech and Bloggers today because this is just going to give other people ideas…they can’t get away with this.

Read More on the Story HERE

Read the Official Statement on His Site About the FBI’s Crazy Antics in Arresting Him Like He’s a Fuckin’ Serial Killer or Some Shit…. HERE

If you are in LA go to LA District Court on 255 E. Temple, Los Angeles, Ca @ 2pm today 8-27-08

Posted in:blogger|Copyright|Prison|Uncategorized

2007

14

Jun

I am – Lindsay Lohan Leaving the Gym and Letter to Paris Hilton in Jail of the Day

lohan_leaving_gym5.jpg

Haven’t seen much of Lohan in a while, except in my dreams, unfortunately. She’s been in rehab and working out because exercise gives us that the natural high and what better way to kick one habit with another one with positive effects. I had a friend who quit meth years ago and took a liking to brushing his teeth chronically. Other addicts find Jesus. Lohan find the elipticycle. The funny thing about these pictures isn’t her ass, but her “Unstoppable” hat, It’s like rehab gives these idiots stupid tools to cope like t-shirts and hats that say positive life changing things because if you wear it you start to believe it.

I personally don’t like ironic shirts, they kinda piss me off because every frat boy and their sister has an “Idaho no you da ho” shirt, but if it makes a bitch flash her tits then I guess I shouldn’t complain about being dressing like jackasses.

Either way, I was emailed Paris Hilton’s address in prison, so I decided to write her a letter. It’s one of those back them into the fucking corner like a caged rat and force them to read the fucking thing situations. I capitalize on all opportunities to tell people like Paris I exist so this is what I wrote her.

Paris Hilton #9818783
450 Bauchet Street
Los Angeles, CA 90012

Dear Paris,

I was just sitting next to a middle-aged woman who was talking to her friend about how she went to her gyno and he told her that she had a tight box. She said something along the lines of turning sand into diamonds with her shit or something and I thought of you. Not because you have a tight box or because you’re a middle aged women or because you visit the gyno as much as you probably should, but because you were on the cover of the magazine they were reading.

I used to call you and text message you about a year ago pretending I was talking to a bitch named Brenda from Maryland who broke my heart. You played along with it for a while, you even told me that Lohan had herpes but never told anyone who she banged raw dog. Then you blocked my number and told me you were going to call the cops on me. I was forced to start calling Stavros instead and he got all emotional on me when I made fun of him for giving Petra Nemcova herpes, but you don’t care about that. Water under the bridge. Right.

What you do care about is living through this prison sentence. I want to tell you that I am there for you when you get out. I figure this prison pen pal shit makes dreams come true. I actually met my fat wife Claudette when she wrote into me when I was in jail for robbing a convenience store for drugs about 15 years ago. I welcomed her attention and her pictures and decided that I’d move to Canada to be with her as soon as I got out and got cleared to enter Canada because they don’t like criminal records in. When I met her for the first time at the bus station I was pretty disappointed that she was about 300 pounds and those hot pictures she was sending me were of her cousin. I still married her because I had no where to go. But you don’t care about that. You are too busy caring about yourself.

I know that you won’t really have to worry about having nowhere to go when you get out. I know that you will go back to normal and will be back in the party scene pantyless for people like me to post on the internet and talk about. I know that a month after you get out, you’ll forget your claims to be a good influence to the kids who look up to you, what you don’t realize is that you are a good influence to the kids. You’ve made every 15 year old for the last 5 years drawn to filming sex tapes, rockin’ out at parties, throwing education out the window while sitting in VIP rooms and wearing designer clothes. I don’t think girls would be half as slutty as they are if you never hit the scene. So when you say you want to get your priorities straight, you have to recognize the good you’ve done for people like me. You don’t know how many times I’ve been in bars or in the park where I’ve seen girls jokingly flash each other their vaginas on camera or how many ex-girlfriend sex tapes that have hit since your ex-girlfriend sex tape. Even when they are staged, they are hot. As you know, little miss businessperson.

A lot of people sympathize with you for being raised in luxury and how this prison thing is a culture shock for you that you don’t deserve. They say it’s like letting a Panda born in captivity out into the wild for the first time to fend for itself. I always argue that even crackheads who robbed a bank for crack still cry for their moms when they get sent off to jail. I also think that there are laws in place for people to respect and if you don’t respect them you gotta pay the price, so stop being such a fucking baby about things. I fucking hate spoiled bitches and their whimpers, unless those whimpers are sounds of joy while sucking on a dick, but not my dick because I am impotent.

So stop complaining and start making license plates. I figured you to be versatile and just think of this as another episode of simple life without the makeup and that ratty piece of shit anorexic sidekick of yours. Take this like a holiday; make some friends, and just keep reminding yourself that at least you’re not me, it’s a fate worse than a week in prison, it’s a life sentence. I just hope you don’t get your period because I hear the other inmates are drawn to the smell of blood….not that you have much to worry about because HPV ruined your uterus, at least that’s what someone told me.

Now that I have you cornered with nothing better to do by read my letter, I decided to show you some of the stuff I’ve written about you over the years…but I hate going back through my archives, but I’ll let you do it when they give you some computer access at the prison learning center. The website is www.drunkenstepfather.com, it’s the best website on the internet that nobody reads.

The real reason I am writing you this letter, is not to make fun of you, it is to bring joy into your cold dark lonely cell. I don’t really give a fuck about the whole thing, but I do give a fuck about making myself famous and I plan on using you.

I figure we can do things two ways. Firstly, you can send me exclusive pictures that you take of yourself when you get out and I’ll post them exclusively on my site. I hate the paparazzi and figure if they’re making so much fucking money off you that you should eliminate them from the process by hiring a photographer to follow you everywhere you go so that I get good original pictures that everyone will want to see. Secondly, you can give me the exclusive Post Prison Interview that barbara walters has a soft on for and who is probably paying you lots of money for but I think you should choose my site just to throw people off and prove how Prison has clouded your judgement.

Speaking of clouding your judgement, I read that you’re having a real hard time trying to convince them to keep you in the psych ward and I have a solid solution for you it’s called Poo Art. You are pretty much stripped down to basics and have limited tools to convince people you’ve lost your mind and the best way I know how to do it is to use what god gave you and that’s shit. Basically, you just start drawing all over the walls of your cell with your shit while singing love songs from the 80s. When you are finished, or all out shit just start banging your head against the wall repeating your name over and over…it always works for me when I want out of a job or whatever.

Either way, To help you make your decision I decided to write you a poem and bEy write I mean copy from the internet and pretend I wrote it because I am not that creative.

I was too lazy to look for a poem to copy in, but I do look forward to a letter back from you because I think I deserve it for taking the time out of my busy day doing nothing to write you. Take care of yourself. Make me famous. Remember me when you’re out.

I guess this officially means you’re my prison girlfriend. I’ve always wanted one of those.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
info@drunkenstepfather.com

PS – I was going to include pictures of my asshole as jokes but it’s too inflamed and my shitty digital camera screen broke and doesn’t work, maybe you can buy me a new one since we’re technically in a relationship now. Thanks in advance.

PPS – I wrote this on toilet paper that I stole from the gas station because the only other paper in the house is old grocery store flyers my wife accidentally pissed on. I think I made the right choice. Cuddles.

Posted in:Ass|Lindsay Lohan|Paris Hilton|Prison|Rehab|stepEXCLUSIVE|stepSTALKER|Uncategorized|Unsorted|Working Out

2007

07

Jun

I am – Ivanka Trump’s Big Ol’ Titties and Some Paris Hilton News of the Day

ivanka_trump_tits3.jpg

I got drunk last night. I am sure that’s a big surprise to some of you. But I was a weird kinda drunk. I am talking unable to function after 4 drinks. I was talking to some dude and didn’t hear a word he said, then accidentally dropped my beer without realizing it. I think it could have been a stroke or some shit. But needless to say, when I got home the last thing I wanted to do was talk about how Paris HIlton has been released from prison.

I am actually pretty fucking pissed off, I started writing her a letter yesterday that I was going to mail to her today and post here. I figured she’d have no choice but to read it and that would be good for the site and give us all a good fucking laugh. So when I read that bitch was released with an ankle bracelet, I was pretty much thinking to myself that I just missed a golden opportunity. But even more disappointing is that the rich motherfuckers always get special treatment. If Paris was a poor black dude from the projects and she got busted with a DUI, the authorities would have slapped 15 other charges on him and dude woulda been in lock down for 20 years with no chance of parole. But since all you cocksuckers give a fuck about this piece of trash and have given her this level of celebrity bitch doesn’t’ deserve, she has the power to change the fucking legal system to suit her cunt needs. I don’t understand why there is even a system in place when rich people are just going to always be able to do whatever the fuck they want regardless of the consequences we all have to face.

Here was the beginning of the letter that I wrote her but now won’t bother finishing because bitch is back home drinking cocktails and watching TV and doing whatever it is that she does….

Now that you backed into a corner with nothing to do but read letters from fans and I figured I’d take advantage of the opportunity to make sure you know who I am by telling you how much I love you, and by love I mean that I love that you give me constant content for my website.

Now, I’ve been a fan of your work since you hit the scene. If you’re wondering what work I am talking about, so am I. I guess you’ve never really done anything of substance, your claim to fame is a sex tape, and that’s easy to be successful at, you just need to get naked. Other than that you’ve made your money promoting products and getting paid to party, which I guess isn’t really work. You did have that book I never read, but can assume you didn’t write it and then there was simple life, which was pretty much like the sex tape only without the sex, all you had to do was go on a road trip, so maybe saying I am a fan of your work is kinda a lie because you’ve never really done much of anything but a lot of cock. I guess your impact on society’s been a good one though, there are so many young girls who rock party dresses with no panties, are down with nip slips and fucking and getting filmed fucking and I guess that’s not that bad for people like me, but it may be for them as they don’t have a huge trust fund to carry them through the rest of their lives after fucking it up trying to be you…

Here are some pictures of Ivanka Trump at some event, because she’s a little more reserved with her sluttiness. Ivanka Trump went to a good school and got a good education, she didn’t release sex tapes and spend her nights in clubs. She hasn’t really been a piece of useless trash addicted to media attention but still has a fat bank account and would still look good enough to look at naked, which isn’t saying much cuz I like seeing everyone naked, but you know what I mean….

Posted in:cleavage|Ivanka Trump|Paris Hilton|Prison|stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2007

07

Jun

I am – Ivanka Trump's Big Ol' Titties and Some Paris Hilton News of the Day

ivanka_trump_tits3.jpg

I got drunk last night. I am sure that’s a big surprise to some of you. But I was a weird kinda drunk. I am talking unable to function after 4 drinks. I was talking to some dude and didn’t hear a word he said, then accidentally dropped my beer without realizing it. I think it could have been a stroke or some shit. But needless to say, when I got home the last thing I wanted to do was talk about how Paris HIlton has been released from prison.

I am actually pretty fucking pissed off, I started writing her a letter yesterday that I was going to mail to her today and post here. I figured she’d have no choice but to read it and that would be good for the site and give us all a good fucking laugh. So when I read that bitch was released with an ankle bracelet, I was pretty much thinking to myself that I just missed a golden opportunity. But even more disappointing is that the rich motherfuckers always get special treatment. If Paris was a poor black dude from the projects and she got busted with a DUI, the authorities would have slapped 15 other charges on him and dude woulda been in lock down for 20 years with no chance of parole. But since all you cocksuckers give a fuck about this piece of trash and have given her this level of celebrity bitch doesn’t’ deserve, she has the power to change the fucking legal system to suit her cunt needs. I don’t understand why there is even a system in place when rich people are just going to always be able to do whatever the fuck they want regardless of the consequences we all have to face.

Here was the beginning of the letter that I wrote her but now won’t bother finishing because bitch is back home drinking cocktails and watching TV and doing whatever it is that she does….

Now that you backed into a corner with nothing to do but read letters from fans and I figured I’d take advantage of the opportunity to make sure you know who I am by telling you how much I love you, and by love I mean that I love that you give me constant content for my website.

Now, I’ve been a fan of your work since you hit the scene. If you’re wondering what work I am talking about, so am I. I guess you’ve never really done anything of substance, your claim to fame is a sex tape, and that’s easy to be successful at, you just need to get naked. Other than that you’ve made your money promoting products and getting paid to party, which I guess isn’t really work. You did have that book I never read, but can assume you didn’t write it and then there was simple life, which was pretty much like the sex tape only without the sex, all you had to do was go on a road trip, so maybe saying I am a fan of your work is kinda a lie because you’ve never really done much of anything but a lot of cock. I guess your impact on society’s been a good one though, there are so many young girls who rock party dresses with no panties, are down with nip slips and fucking and getting filmed fucking and I guess that’s not that bad for people like me, but it may be for them as they don’t have a huge trust fund to carry them through the rest of their lives after fucking it up trying to be you…

Here are some pictures of Ivanka Trump at some event, because she’s a little more reserved with her sluttiness. Ivanka Trump went to a good school and got a good education, she didn’t release sex tapes and spend her nights in clubs. She hasn’t really been a piece of useless trash addicted to media attention but still has a fat bank account and would still look good enough to look at naked, which isn’t saying much cuz I like seeing everyone naked, but you know what I mean….

Posted in:cleavage|Ivanka Trump|Paris Hilton|Prison|stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2007

24

May

I am – Paris Hilton's Prison Legs Buy Spiritual Books of the Day

paris_hilton_prison_legs78.jpg

It seems like Paris and her hired photographer have gone on another spiritual outing to help her get through this dark time in her life…I don’t know what the fuck she’s doing hitting up a bookstore every fucking day considering she doesn’t know how to read and I don’t know why she’s bringing along the paparazzi with her, but I guess it’s good for business. I thought it was an attempt to get sympathy from the public, but sympathy from the public isn’t really going to save her from jail.

I am thinking that she maybe actually depressed and is finally doing a little soul searching, but I can’t see how a self absorbed cunt who places no importance on humanity, who makes no effort to make a difference with her celebrity and who is really just a waste of fucking space of a person, would actually want to change because of a prison sentence of 20 days and if she was on a quest to find her inner spiritual center or some shit, she probably wouldn’t do it with a hired photographer. So I call bullshit.

I can say that the only good thing that Paris has done for the world, is turned younger girls onto the fact that when they turn 18, sex tapes can make them famous, and that tied in with digital cameras being as accessible as they are and this whole internet as a distribution channel has brought on a whole new pleasure to my life….

I guess the other good thing that Paris has done for the world is showed younger girls that wearing no underwear gets you attention, so when I sit at the local coffee shop or on the park bench and I see local upskirt, nip slips and vag slips from girls in stupid party dresses midday, I can thank Paris for helping the world be more slutty….and I love sluts…

Either way, I am not falling for this Paris act, she’s sulking like a little spoiled brat who didn’t get the car in the color she wanted on her 16th birthday….maybe the sad face worked when she was 3 and daddy told her there was nothing they could do about her retardedly huge feet that all the kids made fun of but she’s a little too old for it now….

Posted in:Legs|Paris Hilton|Prison|Unsorted

2007

24

May

I am – Paris Hilton’s Prison Legs Buy Spiritual Books of the Day

paris_hilton_prison_legs78.jpg

It seems like Paris and her hired photographer have gone on another spiritual outing to help her get through this dark time in her life…I don’t know what the fuck she’s doing hitting up a bookstore every fucking day considering she doesn’t know how to read and I don’t know why she’s bringing along the paparazzi with her, but I guess it’s good for business. I thought it was an attempt to get sympathy from the public, but sympathy from the public isn’t really going to save her from jail.

I am thinking that she maybe actually depressed and is finally doing a little soul searching, but I can’t see how a self absorbed cunt who places no importance on humanity, who makes no effort to make a difference with her celebrity and who is really just a waste of fucking space of a person, would actually want to change because of a prison sentence of 20 days and if she was on a quest to find her inner spiritual center or some shit, she probably wouldn’t do it with a hired photographer. So I call bullshit.

I can say that the only good thing that Paris has done for the world, is turned younger girls onto the fact that when they turn 18, sex tapes can make them famous, and that tied in with digital cameras being as accessible as they are and this whole internet as a distribution channel has brought on a whole new pleasure to my life….

I guess the other good thing that Paris has done for the world is showed younger girls that wearing no underwear gets you attention, so when I sit at the local coffee shop or on the park bench and I see local upskirt, nip slips and vag slips from girls in stupid party dresses midday, I can thank Paris for helping the world be more slutty….and I love sluts…

Either way, I am not falling for this Paris act, she’s sulking like a little spoiled brat who didn’t get the car in the color she wanted on her 16th birthday….maybe the sad face worked when she was 3 and daddy told her there was nothing they could do about her retardedly huge feet that all the kids made fun of but she’s a little too old for it now….

Posted in:Legs|Paris Hilton|Prison|Unsorted