Put a wig on this kid and he would make huge money in Thailand working for the British men and their penis who are there to play with little boy who look and sound like girls…
Archive for the Singing Category
If the way a girl sings is representative of how they fuck, Mandy Moore brings the fucking boring. Is this even fucking music. I can’t dance to the shit and god fucking knows I love dancing. This shit doesn’t even make me want to cry or feel sadness or loss or any fucking emotion that music can sometimes bring up in me, it just sounds like something I’d unwillingly fall asleep to while driving down the fuckin’ freeway causing me to drive off the fuckin overpass only to wake up mid-air to experience the horriible crash where I don’t die on contact but live long enough to hear the blood pouring out of my painful wounds drown out this fucking shitty song before dying a horrible death.
Fuck you Mandy Moore and your singing career.
Here’s Another boring video of her Performing
And a boring video of Soundcheck at the same event…
I am not in the zone today. It happens but I figure the only way to get inspired is to turn to the virgins because they are pure. So I walked down to my laundry room, where I bumbed into a couple teenage girls smoking and I stripped down to my underwear, put my clothes in the washing machine and walked away, while they laughed at me. I looked down and realized that my little cock was poking out of a massive whole in my shorts, which I guess is funny, but the problem with doing this is that despite being virgins, they had enough sense in them to know that my dick was a fucking joke, so I told them he’s like a turtle hiding in his shell when he gets scared and octoplies when it comes down to business, they weren’t buying it, so I was forced to walk away with my tail between my legs in shame, but I know that my girl Susan Boyle wouldn’t because she’dying for any cock and here’s a video of her singing in her ugly prime.
I asked Ashton Kutcher over twitter if he was a comedian or just a joke. He never answered me. I told him that he is shit like the smear on Bruce Willis’ dick after he fucks his tween man slit. I actually didn’t say that, but should of, because he’s fucking Demi, who fucked Bruce and who sticks close with the family, making me think on their spiritual escapades and a little too much wine, things can get a little wild….
These idiots are all into Kaballah and have spiritual leaders and shit, so I guess Ashton lacks guidance and is just an insecure little fucker, and that’s why he turned to a mom as a wife and religion to save his vapid soul.
I don’t hate Ashton Kutcher, I’m just saying…..
Avril Lavigne was pulled on stage at a Metal Skool show. From what I understand, they have a weekly gig where they play 80s rock, pretty much mockin’ it and joking around about it, and sometimes celebrities head out there because the only other thing going on on a Sunday night is DJ AM’s LAX party, and no one wants to put themselves through that pain.
So the guys of the band figured Avril Lavigne would know the song “I Love Rock and Roll” and it turns out she didn’t, so while trying to grind up on him while drunk, because she’s hungry for dick after marrying that little man from Sum 41, she fucked up the timing of the chorus, then screeched her way through it, sounding like shit, torturing everyone there and proving that unless she’s singing Shania Twain songs in a studio after months of vocal training, or suburban pop where she channels attitude from living the suburban life and spending her Saturday’s at the mall, and weeknights driving around aimlessly, she’s got no fuckin’ business holding a mic, unless that mic is your dick, in which case, it’s not actually a mic at all…..but more of a sad little worm no one wants to play with.
Someone sent me this video of Madonna playing one of her shitty songs, but as someone who constantly re-invents herself she’s doing it with a guitar. I am not sure what happens about 1 minute 50 into the video but it seems like she either forgot the words or the back-up vocal track was off. I’d like to say that Madonna can’t multi-task and struggles with singing while playing, but I like to think that it’s actually a combination of not being able to sing and not being able to play the guitar and both are happening at the same time. It’s like the time I decided to tour old folks homes in North America as a dancing juggling mexican, I couldn’t do either but figured they’d be an easy crowd to please and the truth is that I was just doin’ it for the pussy. Yes….I have no idea what I am talking about.
When I first heard this song I thought it was some lesbian soundtrack shit that woulda been great for a Women’s in Song compilation that your mom would keep in her minivan that you drive because you can’t afford your own car, but the more I heard the shit, the more I wanted to remind the girl who sings it why she chose to be a lesbian by giving her my useless penis and showing her the worst sex in her life then saying something like “Yep, that’s what all the hype about penis was all about” so that she could go back to her lesbian life knowing she made the right choice without always having it chiming in the back of her head when her girlfriend’s pussy smells or when her girlfriend’s on the rag or when her girlfriend starts nagging about why she never takes her out anymore or when her girlfriend gets mad about her always forgetting to put the toilet seat down because she pees standing up or when her girlfriend complains about how she’s always out with the boys and never calls or some shit and she feels like she’s had enough of being a dyke and wants to throw in the fuckin’ towel. I feel like I’m a good asset to lesbians who are sexually confused, like the best way for them to really believe that they never want to deal with penis again….
Either way, I am posting this video because Tyra looks like a fuckin’ asshole when she mouths the words and dances around as Leona Lewis performs and I thought it was funny and that’s pretty much all it takes for me to throw something up here, while it takes me a lot of alcohol to throw up in everyday life. Both equally depressing.