So I was on myspace, even though those fuckers banned and deleted my profile and came across some actress who was recently on that hit show Ugly Betty. Since I am an opportunist, I decided to message her asking for an interview and to my surprise, she pulled through. I sent her a few questions, she pretended she knew the site and got her personal assitant to answer the questions. Either way, I am pretty fucking grateful, I am used to being told to fuck off and this Rachel Style dreamboat went along with it and that makes her fucking amazing in my eyes, which isn’t saying much becaue I have no standards.

Either way, Here is the interview:

Do you think you’re Ugly?

Well Jesus, it’s like this…put me next to Petra Nemcova and I think we both know who would win the Ugly Contest. But put me next to Kathy Griffin and well…oh nevermind. How about the old saying “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder?”

What makes a person Ugly?

I think people who are mad at the world and walk around all pissed off tend to look ugly, even if they happen to be very physically attractive in a traditional way. Jealousy can make people look ugly, too. Like remember Faith Hill when Carrie Underwood won that Grammy instead of her? Yikes. Of course, excessive plastic surgery is another way of ruining ones looks.

Do you think there is a place in the world for Ugly People?

Of course! Haven’t you heard of it? It’s called New Jersey.

Do you think Ugly people should have the right to be on TV?

I think with reality tv and all, everyone gets to be on tv these days. Sometimes the uglier the better. Maybe it’s because people like to route for the underdog. Or maybe it’s just that if you see a truly hideous person on tv, you feel better about yourself.

Do you think that hollywood’s version of ugly, is really like average in real life because I’ve seen ugly and I have slept with ugly and I don’t think my kind of ugly will ever be allowed on TV. I don’t even think my kind of ugly is allowed into some public places….so this whole Ugly Betty thing is bullshit and should be called Average Betty, right?

You know what..I have to agree with you on this one and say that most “Ugly” people on tv are in fact, not that ugly in real life. It’s weird, huh?

People seem to find the idea of someone ugly in a “beautiful people” type world amusing. I’m fat and ugly and impotent and my wife is obese and pretty fucking busted… How is that fucking funny?

Well maybe if they cast you in a reality show and then you got famous and made lots of money making product endorsements for various surgical procedures…then you might be laughing all the way to the bank.

You played the role of Betty’s best friend. Since we all know that girls who are best friends constantly make out with each other behind closed doors, did you feel Betty’s on the inside, if you know what I mean?

Well, I didn’t get to make out with Betty but I’m sure I would be a lot more well-known by now if I had. Like look at that girl who made out with whats-her-name on the OC…she works all the time now! Coincidence? I think not…

Playing the supporting actress to someone who has now become a big star must be a pain in the ass. Has America Ferrera turned into a big bitch of a diva, and forgotten all the little people?

Oh my God, not at all! In fact, she went out of her way to be really nice to me. Being the lead in a hit show is a lot of work and a tremendous amount of pressure and it was amazing to see how cool and down-to-earth she was. The total opposite of diva! She is my hero.

You have to admit having a show based on ugly people is a stupid idea…do you think it’s just to make people feel better about themselves so we can all laugh at overpaid people because they are playing ugly people and not feel guilty about it – right?

Hmmm..that’s a confusing question! But I think the show celebrates people’s beauty..inside and out and does poke fun at shallow people. But it does it in a light-hearted way.

You do know that the only way to have some staying power in this business is to show some skin, right?

Exactly. I’m hoping that Maxim magazine will finally offer me a cover after this interview comes out. You know there are some guys who think nerdy girls are really hot!

My wife thinks she looks good and sometimes dresses up in lingerie and shit. How can I tell her nicely that she just needs to accept that shes an ugly, dried up whore that I will never buy viagra to bang, like Betty seems to?

I think your life will probably be a lot less painful if you tell her how beautiful she is everyday.

They say that sleeping with producers is the only way to get ahead in this business. Can you tell our readers, in extensive detail, about your first lesbian experience with Salma Hayek, producer of Ugly Betty. How many times did you have to go down on her before she gave you the part? Was she pregnant at the time of this?

Very funny. Unfortunately, I never met Salma as part of the casting process.

I actually emailed Salma Hayek years ago offering to be her stud and father her first born child. Not long ago, she announced that some old rich dude had shot her up with his millionaire sperm. I’m thinking of contacting a lawyer and explaining that since it was my idea first, I may technically be entitled to the rights to that pregnancy, and possibly the child itself. I mean, I do have it in writing, you know? Do you think I have a case?

I can understand why you would be jealous of the father of her baby. Maybe you could offer to be the child’s manny! Britney seemed to really love her manny…at least for a while.

On that note, working with Salma Hayek must be an incredible experience. And by incredible, I mean you must feel really blessed that you get to stare at her rack all day long. They’re real right?

I bet you would like to hear about that but again, I didn’t get to meet or hang out with Salma when I worked on the show. That’s the real reason you interviewed me, isn’t it?

What do you have to say to your many, many fans reading on drunkenstepfather.com? What can we expect from you in the months to come?

Well, being so famous can be overwhelming…I can’t even leave my house some days because of the screaming legions of fans and scores of paparazzi camped outside all the time. But seriously, I would like to thank all 3 of your readers. They make it all worth it, you know? As for the future…well, I just had an audition to play a 300 pound girl on Entourage…I ate nothing but cheeseburgers all week to prepare for the audition. I think they liked me, so we’ll see!

Do you think pretty people can be ugly and ugly people can be pretty, I am thinking Paris Hilton is ugly, but people think she’s hot and someone like Angelina Jolie is hot, but adopts aids babies and that’s pretty ugly…any thoughts?

Yeah, I know what you mean. But Angelina’s baby doesn’t have AIDS and Paris is only Ugly when she’s standing next to Kathy Griffin.

Cheers! XOXO

For more hot, nerdy pics check out actress Rachel Style at myspace.com/rachelstyle

Posted in:stepEXCLUSIVE|stepINTERVIEW

So there’s this slut and her name is Abi Titmuss. A lot of you have probably jerked off to her sex tape and you probably loved her tits. I was under the impression that she was famous in the UK and I had no idea that she was a sex addict…I didn’t do my research about this party slut, but either way, she’s promoting some website and I took advantage of the situation and got a stepINTERVIEW done with her. It’s done over email and it took Abi Titmuss 2 weeks to answer, but keeping up with my no-editing policy, it’s a little out dated. So read it, love it, and remember this interviewing thing is new to me so if I suck don’t bother telling me, I realized I have no talent with yesterday’s interview with the producer of Stern.TV. So here’s Abi….

I have a thing for virgins so for the sake of this interview can you answer these questions as a virgin who is on the verge of losing her virginity, so that means a little horny, a little innocent, a little shy, a little confused and all hot. Are you okay with that?

Yes, I’m very OK with that. I love the thought of being treated like an innocent little virgin!

Word on the internet is that you are 30. What’s being a 30 year old Virgin like and when can we expect a movie about it starring you to come out?

Thats right, I am about 30. But we all know I’m not a virgin, I’ve been fucked so many times I don’t think I’ll ever be a real virgin again! I have made a full length porno called “Abi Rides Again” but I certainly didn’t play a virgin in it – I played myself! I’ve done a few other full length films and I’ve got some really fun ones in the pipeline, like a lesbian porno with my friends Jodie Marsh and Linsey Dawn McKenzie.

Halloween is coming in the next couple of weeks what are you going to be dressing up as, the average girl uses Halloween as an excuse to show off their Yoga asses, but I have a feeling you are more into using it as an excuse to wear a jogging suit, with your hair all ratty and no make-up….since you dress like a whore in your everyday life on the regular…discuss.

I went to a party dressed as a horny witch. With a short black miniskirt, a black see through top and ripped black stockings. All topped off with a big witches hat! I got plenty of attention from guys and girls. In fact there was one girl who I took back to my place that night, and we filmed it for my website totallytitmuss.com I love filming myself – I’m like that guy in Sex Lies and Videotape!

I was thinking of dressing up like a rapist and hiding under your bed so that one night when you are asleep all alone, I’d jump out with an erection and scream boo. Do you think that’d scare you or would my pathetic excuse for a penis make you laugh, further humiliating me to the point of realizing that I can’t do nothing right….I forgot what the question was….

I think I’d have to see your penis first! I don’t like the idea of rape but I do like the idea of being taken by surprise.

When did you realize that guys wanted to fuck you?

When I was 15 years old. I was a typical blonde girl with tits that seemed too big for her schoolgirl body. All the guys tried it on, and some of them got some as well. I miss the good old days when I could be innocent, I think that is why I’m so addicted to sex with girls and guys and generally enjoying my body.

I saw a picture of you simulating oral sex on a banana, are you always that classy?

You should see what I can do with a cucumber!

Why is someone like you a lot richer than me? I want to know how I get to the level where sites like DrunkenStepfather.com are interviewing me….because despite what you or your assistant answering this for you is thinking, the site is almost as luxurious as your hair.

I’m not as rich as people think I am. This celebrity game doesn’t pay as much as I thought it did. You have to be at the top of the tree to be making real money. I do ok though. I shouldn’t complain. And thanks for the hair comment! I think its one of my best assets! And for the record, this is ME writing this, not an assistant! I don’t have any assistants!

I remember you had a sex tape released a little while ago. Is that something that you don’t like talking about, was it a marketing strategy and have you always had a thing for black women who like to lick anus?

I always had a plan. And I knew that making sex tapes would help me achieve celebrity status and that is why I did the tapes, yes. But, I do like black women (I like all pretty girls) and I do like having my arse licked!

Whenever I watch black people have sex, I feel like I am watching the nature channel, does that make me a racist or is it a sound cultural observation?

I don’t know. I have a lot of black friends, some of whom I have been intimate with, so I don’t see things the way you do. Maybe you should have sex with some black chicks!

I guess the whole you being a virgin dream went out the window when I watched clips of the sex tape. I felt like it was a little taste of heaven. I’ve always had a thing for amateur porn and I’d like to encourage you to produce more, so can we expect more exposed vagina from you?

I have produced more, a lot more. The original tape was an edited compilation that I deliberately leaked to the press. There were originally three one hour films. And I’ve made lots of other home made porn as well. Its all on my website www.totallytitmuss.com in the videos section

Since you’ve put up with me for this long – you can promote yourself now:
If you want to see me in action, and get all of my hardcore photos and videos visit my very own official website www.totallytitmuss.com where you can download my porn films, watch me get naked and fuck for you, as well as read my own horny personal blog.

Abi

It’s times like this that I wish I wasn’t impotent, think of all the good times I could have with you love. Cheers (that’s UK for Thanks and Bye)

Posted in:stepEXCLUSIVE|stepINTERVIEW

So it’s official. I am destined for failure. I did this Interview with a producer of Howard Stern’s TV show named Doug Goodstein. It was in efforts to get some exposure and possibly a shout out on Howard Stern, because I thought that would make me famous. Unfortunately he seems to think I am an idiot…and he’s industry…and making money, so I guess that means I am an idiot. Either way, when you read this, remember that I don’t hate Jews, some of my best friends are Jewish. They are just a funny religion to talk about.

Here’s the interview with Doug Goodstein that was done via email….

I have never heard of you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’d like to get that out before we start. I checked your IMDB and the only projects you have ever executive produced were for Stern, how did you get the job are you a synagogue friend he carried to the top?
I could answer your question as ridiculously as they are written or answer them seriously…I will give you real answers despite the goofy questions. I actually just sent a resume in the mail to E! looking for an entertainment-based job; I was working at ABC News and was not happy. I got a call and it turned out to be for the Howard Stern Show which was a perfect match for me.

So you are saying that it had nothing to do with you and Stern being lovers ?
Duh!

Is he really the king of all media and don’t you find that title a little obnoxious. If I walked around telling girls I had a 10 inch dick and was the best fuck in town, they’d get pissed when they found out I was impotent and pathetic, so why does Howard get away with giving himself a title like that ?
The truth is that Howard rarely refers to himself as “The King Of All Media”. Howard may have created the title somewhat goofing around but it’s the actual media that refers to him with that title a lot more than Howard does himself.

So you are Jewish, how’s that working out for you?
So you ask dumb questions, how is that working out for you? I love being a jew!

Do you think being Jewish is why you work in TV, because as a Jew you were given options like clothing, media or bakery and you chose media kind of thing….
Man these question just getting more and more odd as we go along. Yes, I work in TV because I am jewish.

I heard that all Jews love Chicken Caeser Salads, is that true?
I love matzoh, pickled herring, lox, and gefilte fish…thanks for asking.

Who is more Jewish, Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears?
Who cares!

What is the craziest thing thats ever happened when you were working on the Stern show?
One segment we did that was really crazy we did a farting contest. For that bit I was the sucker counting the farts with a digital counter in the studio; within minutes Dan The Farter was trying to set the Stern Show farting record but he started to crap out little shit nuggets…I was freaked out and sick by the sight but Dan just kept on going despite everyone freaking out.

Has it ever got you laid?
I know this may sound crazy but I have never really taken full advantage of working here and getting girls. I have always been OK in that department. But for the record I once spent some time with Jenna Jameson back in 1995…true story! Howard mentioned it on the air…

How do I get my own TV show, I am already famous on the internet, what’s the next step?
Just keep working hard and why not make an attempt to put some video of yourself on your site.

What is this Howard On Demand business?
Go Howard.tv for all the details on what Howard TV On Demand is all about…

Why wouldn’t Howard do an Interview with me?
I can’t tell you, but if you ever got him and hit him with these kind of goofy questions I assure you that you’d never have an interview opportunity.

Thanks for your time
With Love
Jesus

Posted in:stepEXCLUSIVE|stepINTERVIEW

The reason I found your Myspace is because one of my readers named Craig said you sat with him at a club for 4 hours and didn’t charge him. Are you a stripper or an escort or just a nice lady?
I dont remember a guy named Craig, but yeah I’m a stripper at the Hustler Club. I’m definately not an escort, and the reason I was sitting with him for so long is pretty much because im the worst stripper in the world. I make money, but once i find an interesting person to talk to, I’m like Fuck work lemme just sit here all night. No, we did not talk about your website, but i will b sure to bring it up more frequently in my conversations with random people.

My readers are usually not very memorable. Speaking of memorable, do you remember when you realized that every guy you met wanted to stick his dick in you?
I cant remember when i first realized guys wanted to get in my pants, probably when i started giving blowjobs in eighth grade and suddenly had lots of male friends… Is that a legitimate answer?

How small were your tits before you got the implants and do you think big tits makes that much of a difference in the work that you do?
I was a 32B before i got my boobs done, and that was before i ever danced so although I cant say for sure exactly how much of a difference it makes in this industry, i think i would have done well pre boobjob, my tits were pretty nice.

Have you ever done porn? If so, what kind?
I’ve never done boy/girl porn, but on my website there is girl on girl action and a lot of masturbation stuff. I LOVE turning men on! But girl/girl is as far as i’ll go.

I see that you’ve dyked out on Howard Stern. Do you dyke on Howard Stern often?
I dyke out pretty often, but have only had the chance to do it on Howard Stern once. I love having sex with girls, although in the end, i prefer a man.

Is all this a cry for attention because your daddy never loved you? Or because he loved you too much?
I am probably somewhat of an attention whore, just like any other female in this industry, but i dont consider what i do a “cry for attention,” and daddy loves me very much. I was never molested as a child, either..

I feel like I should ask you the standard interview questions, like how many fingers can you fit in your box, what is the weirdest thing you’ve stuck in your box, are you bald or do you believe in a little landing strip, does size matter and do you do anal, how many dudes have you slept , do you always use condoms even though they suck, have you ever had an STD or an Abortion but I think that would be inappropriate, so I’ll ask you this instead….Do you like dancing? Dancing is fun…I am not really that good at interviews, let me think of a really riveting question like this… Who’s work inspires you?
Who’s work inspires you? Hmmm… at this point in my life, i cant really say that i’ve been “inspired” by the work of anyone. I LOVE movies (Quentin Tarantino!) and art (Salvadore Dali!), but i dont think they really inspire my life in any way… I guess if I had to chose, I’d say that when I was in highschool I listened to a lot of Necro and Cage and they definately had something to do with me going into this line of business. Oh, the book Art Of Seduction inspired me to be a more seductive person, although i have yet to start actually working on it.

What do you do for fun?
What do you do for fun? I smoke a lot of weed and watch a lot of tv. I also genuinely love shooting for and working on my website.

Are you the DJ AM of Hot Sluts?
huh??

Exactly…Tell me some shit you’ve got on famous people, don’t worry about it damaging your career, if anything it’ll just make you more popular. It’s not like those dudes will ever do shit for you. So let it out… I’m here for you.
I dont know any famous people, but i know alot of guys who know first hand that Scarlett Johanssen is a whore.

What’s it like being interviewed via myspace by the coolest motherfucker on the internet? I can imagine that it’s pretty fun….
Of course it’s fun, have you ever met a girl that doesnt love to talk about herself??

I just read in your comments that you are one some kind of show called Asian Invasion, what is that creepy dude Todd talking about and why are you in his top 8. At least he listens to Van Halen, always a sign of a dude who WON’T shoot up an Amish school. PS that was sarcasm…I know strippers can be slow..
I am on a radio show called Bubba The Love Sponge on Howard 101 (Sirius Satellite Radio) a lot, and they gave me the nickname Asian Invasion.

What’s the creepiest thing a dude’s ever done to you?
I used to be a dominatrix, so i have tons of creepy dude stories… There was this one guy who had a tooth fetish,and he liked for me to wiggle his tooth for an hour an a half straight, as he would ask over and over again, “is it coming out?” In my personal life, i once dated a guy who asked me to slowdance with him when there was no music playing. I think he thought he was being romantic, but it totally turned me off.

PS your dog is very cute, any chance of getting some pics of you and the dog bathing together? It’s kinda my fetish.
No. Totally not into beastiality (sp?) sorry.

This was a huge waste of time. I suck at life and this isn’t funny. Sorry about that.

Visit her site GO
Visit her myspace GO

Posted in:stepEXCLUSIVE|stepINTERVIEW

This girl messaged me asking me to make her famous, since she had pics of herself in a bikini, I decided to go along with it. Here are the boring questions I asked her, because I figured if I started asking her to describe her box and tell me what the weirdest thing she stuck in it was, she’d never bother answering the other questions. I realized over the years of being an internet creep that it’s always important to ease the ladies into the vulgarities gently. Speaking of easing things in gently, there is a Yom Kippur celebrating jewish girl in spandex pants bending over in front of me.

Here’s Maude Flanders – Probably Not Her Real Name:

Why do you want me to make you famous?
I want you to make me famous because I’m undeserving of it and I’m tired of stroking your cock for free.

What is your talent?
My talent is sitting at a boring job all day and actually getting paid to read blogs and check my myspace page more frequently than a old fuck with bladder control pisses himself.

Do you want to be the next Forbidden and did you know that she was a Man?
I’m not really sure who Forbidden is, I know it’s from FOV but I haven’t been watching that this season, I’ll say no, I prefer my looks over that of a trannie.

Do you ever sleep with random men from myspace?
I have not slept with any men from myspace yet…there’s alway the opportunity that I’ll find one that will fit the bill.

Are you one of those drunken college girls who likes having a good time?
Well I’ve never gone to college, so I’m not a drunken college girl. I do like to have a good time, especially when I’m drunk. I guess I’m an uneducated drunken working girl.

What would I have to do to convince you to send me nude pics?
I don’t think I’ll ever send nudes, too risky and cheap, there are so many nudes online. Besides I’m saving the surprise for when we run off together

This is your chance to ask a question you think I will find funny
My question for you:
Why do you suppose people find it criminal to take acid and then fuck vegetables?

Visit her on Myspace GO

Posted in:stepEXCLUSIVE|stepINTERVIEW

The only celebrity who has ever emailed me was a voice actor who played Montgomery Moose on a show I hold close to my heart cuz I used to watch it when i was about 12. This show is how I learnt English when I moved to Texas and it’s called Get Along Gang. Here’s my stepINTERVIEW with my childhood idol, Montgomery Moose.

Do you ever say “I’m Montgomery Moose want to Touch My Antler?” to lure kids back into your caboose ?
Yes, but I traded my caboose for an ice cream truck. It’s more effective and I really love big sticks.

Do you run a porn site because you are sick of 6 year old pussy or is it because you never had a childhood like the bitch who killed herself on different strokes ?
I don’t go in for six year old pussy. I prefer older women. I spend a lot of time in nursing homes.

Did you see your father get shot like Bambi saw her mother shot, or is that just a deer thang?
Is Bambi a porn star? I’m not sure I follow you.

If you could be anyone’s vagina for a day, who would it be?
Katie Holmes. I was always a fan of Dawsons crack. Besides, Scientoligists get me hot!

When you order pizza, do people recognize your voice and realize you’re Famous ?
My personal assistant orders all my pizzas. She’s a Japanese schoolgirl named Keiko. Extra anchovies.

What should we be expecting from Montgomery Moose in the future?
A cumback.

Does Montgomery Moose go to space?
Only when he’s had too many Red Bulls. And I do mean “had” them.

Did the Get Along Gang always get along, or did you have to save face for TV?
It was one big shagfest. I still have scars from Portia Porcupines quills.

Could you show us your sex video with Paris?
Travis Barker has it in the glove compartment of his Hummer.

Be sure to Check Out Montgomery Moose’s Websites who are actually run by Donavan Freberg the Voice of Montgomery Moose.

Porn Site NonDairyCreemer GO
Rated R Site BabyBoy Freberg GO

Posted in:stepEXCLUSIVE|stepINTERVIEW

Dear DJ Sam Young,

We’re going to do it like this, 10 questions all of which will be semi retarded, because let’s face it, I am not a journalist. You can answer them however you want, you don’t have to be funny, the fact that you are answering this is funny enough..

1- So what’s it like being the guy in the Lohan Pictures?

It was nice meeting LL, she has good taste in music ! Being that guy just means all the fake Lindsay’s try and add me on myspace, lol.

2- How does one become the guy in the Lohan Pictures?

Busting your balls for years DJing and good luck.

3- What does Lohan smell like?

She didnt smell of anything particular, but she was looking good.

4- So you’re a DJ, I am guessing you’ve seen your share of box…what’s the craziest thing a girl mashed out on MDMA and Cocaine did in a party you were playing at that involved her box…

Ive had my fair share of box action pussy, girls touching me up in the booth drunk and trying to kiss me to get a song etc. I dont do drugs but plenty of people have snorted in there. I actually havent had a BJ in the booth yet, that would be interesting.

5- Speaking of Vagina, if you could be any girl’s vagina for a day, who’s would it be?

I wouldnt wanna be a girls vagina thanks, I wouldnt want any cocks that near to me.

6- Are you the UK version of DJ AM?

Me and AM are different, but we do the same kind of parties. And if hes reading this, get your ass over to London.

7- Which celebrity are you going to get gastric bypass surgery for, drop 150 lbs, propose to marry and end up on her shitty reality TV show before she gets caught making out with Steve-O from Jackass, calling off the engagement and landing some Laguna Beach rich kid….leaving you broken and sad….

I dont need gastric bypass, they can get that shit for me ! And if I was dating a ‘celeb’ I wouldnt end up on her shitty show for publicity. She’d probably catch me fucking her best friend.

8- Do you think the chances of getting an STD are higher if you met the slut at a nightclub than if you meet her on the Internet?

The club whore for sure, cause if shes easily banging you shes no stranger to it. So wrap your tools.

9- I never get into clubs because I smell like urine and three year old semen as I haven’t had a boner in about 3 years. I want to know the top 5 DJs you hate and more importantly, can I be on permanent guest list to all the events you DJ?

To be on my glist I would suggest you wash and cut your pubes. I dont wanna mention my top 5 worse DJ’s as I dont wanna give them any free publicity ! Haha.

10- Since you’ve been so cool to us, feel free to write about whatever you are promoting here…and can you dance?

No worries, I have just set up my online record label Nod Factor which is being distributed by JUNO online.
Label will be launching soon, if you know anyone with some hot underground music get them to hit me up on myspace ! I can dance, but I have to rat assed drunk ! Its a shame, caus before I djed I was always dancing like I had MC Hammer in me.

Ps – Why do girls love djs?

Girls love DJ’s cause we are the centre of attention in the club and are good with our hands : )

PPS – Are you gay?

No, sorry to break your fantasy.

Visit Him On Myspace GO

Posted in:stepEXCLUSIVE|stepINTERVIEW