Here is some shit going on in the news….because real people are more fun than celebrities…most of the time….because real people always remind me how fucked our world is and how doomed we are…while celebrities just distract me from the end of the world…good times….
15% of Drivers Say They’ve Had Sex While Driving – You Aren’t Part of that stat – Virgin….
Man Accused of Repeated Sex Crimes
A 69-year-old Prescott Valley man has been arrested after allegations arose that he committed sexual offenses with multiple male victims over 100 times.
Memphis Principal Cries Foul on Facebook Prank, Page Said He Liked to Nail Students
Man runs down ex, her new boyfriend in Massachusetts
Samurai Sword Used in Death of LA Man
LA Police are searching for a man who killed an ex-employee with a Samurai-style sword.
Bill Cosby Falls on TV News Set – Even though he is a celebrity -and this was supposed to not be about celebs- It’s funny.
Celebrities are boring. I don’t care that Al and Tipper Gore are splitting off, I’m just more concerned with seeing the sex tape. I don’t care about what cunt is walking out of some expensive restaurant or some red carpet. I don’t care about some PR spin Lohan is making about where she is hiding out while trying to get sober. I don’t care what failed child star died before his time, or what child star I wish died before their time. I care about how fucking weird our world is and here is some stupidity that happened in the news today….I expected more since it was memorial weekend…but fuck it, this is good enough.
CT Cop Accused of Showing Obscene Cell Phone Photos on Traffic Stop
2 Dead in Strip Club Murder in Austin, TX – Cuz sometimes lap dances cost so much you could just kill the bitch for telling you her personal problems, while charging you per song to talk to you, like talking to her was a fucking fetish…cunt.
Man Repeatedly Calls 911 After His Mom Takes His Beer
Naked man attempts to kidnap girl
A naked man near a Lawrence baseball field tried to pull a 6-year-old girl who had run off from her grandmother into the woods with him on Thursday.
Earlier today I posted some shit on a mom finding out her 16 year old daughter strips cuz they club used her to promote an ad and the mom I guess likes to keep up on stripclub ad campaigns or some shit….but there are a lot more ghetto, ridiculous, funny shit going on in the world…and here is some of the most recent stepNEWS finds…cuz Celebrities are boring….
Des Moines Man Accused of Impregnating Special Needs Woman
CIA Planned on Fake Saddam Hussein Sex Tape
Scranton Teen Pleads Guilty to Peeing on Baby Jesus
Memphis Man Robbed When Going to Meet Computer Girl for Sex
2-yr-old smokes 2 packs a day
This 2-year-old Sumatran boy smokes 40 cigarettes a day….
Here is a story of a mother who saw her underage daughter on an ad for a stripclub, because working as a stripper makes a hell of a lot more money than working the mall food court…especially since kids grow up on the internet and see that the real stars aren’t the bitches on TV and in Movies, but the girls in porn, cuz guys actually jerk off to them….and when you come from a broken home where your morals and values allow you to work in a stripclub at 16, that’s pretty much all you want in life and since it paysit’s fucking bonus….
I was listening to teens talking about sex on a radio show since I don’t have a TV last night. It didn’t really excite me. They were talking about Prom night and a whole lot of other bullshit that wasn’t hot, and reminded me that teenagers who go to Prom are teenagers who aren’t worth trying to fuck, you need the gutter girls who pretend they are 18 so that when the cops come knocking, you can plea ignorance, cuz I don’t know about you, but I never ID the bitches I try to fuck, usually cuz there’s no time before the roofies wear off.
Yeah, that was a shitty joke, don’t worry, I’ve got tons of them.
Celebrity news is boring…Sure watching the real news is depressing, unless you’re like me and have no faith in humanity, which makes this shit substantially funnier….Here are some of today’s weird stories…
Elem. School Teacher accidentally hands student porn DVD
Dana Hill’s 8-year-old daughter was handed a DVD she thought had class pictures of school events throughout the year, but instead showed what police call an adult pornographic commercial.
Plane passenger molests woman while she’s asleep
Aboard a Continental flight into Newark, a man reached under a woman’s clothing while she was sleeping… now he faces sexual assault charges.
Twin teen brothers running a prostitution ring
Ohio Teacher Busted for Offering Wine Coolers for Underage Sex – We’ve All Done the Wine Cooler Trick – Cuz It Tastes Like Juice!
Former Elementary School Turns Into Strip Club cuz Strip Clubs Do More Good for Society and You Don’t Need an Elementary School Education to Work There…You Just Need Tits…and You’ll Make More Money than your “educated” friends….
KY Man Gets Toddler Toddler Drunk Cuz in Kentucky, You’re Never Too Young to Taste Your Future…
West Virginia Man Burns Down Home Because Dinner Wasn’t Ready
Celebrities are dull cuz they are bullshit man made garbage….while real people are just idiots…making real life news a lot more entertaining…..
16 Year Old Rapes 83 Year Old in Charlotte
Detroit Man Selling Stuff on Craigslist…For Sex
A Craig’s List ad has caught the attention of police.
VA School Employee in Trouble for Handing Out Anti-Abortion Fetus Dolls
Woman Loses Breast After Spider Bite
A Paulding County woman was recovering in the hospital Friday after being bitten by a brown recluse spider. Victoria Franklin spent 11 days in a coma and woke up to learn she had an infection and her left breast had to be removed.
Some Suicidal Dude Catches Himself on Fire and Jumps – But Shit’s Probably a just a stunt for the internet….cuz sometimes real life is bullshit too
Sometimes real life is more interesting that the candy-coated bullshit life celebrities live….you know since people in real life actually get in trouble for breaking laws…and they don’t have high powered lawyers and PR people to spin the shit into something wholesome…making it a lot more laughs and giggles….
Here’s some funny shit from the news….
Cop allegedly gropes girl in apartment
Jersey Won’t Let Some Bitch Keep her Bioch License Plate
Lingerie store needs food permit to sell edible undies”
Woman Busted for Speeding Because She Was Late for Hair Appointment
AZ Teacher Arrested for Affair with Student cuz She’s Too Ugly to Get Someone Her Own Age….
Las Vegas Cop Arrested for Using Job to Get Dates
Swimwear: Flaunt Your Assets thanks to Good Day LA, The Most Ridiculous Morning Show for the Most Ridiculous City….
If you haven’t caught on to this feature yet, then I have no fucking hope in you and shouldn’t bother explaining, but I will, because I have nothing better to do….Celebrities are boring, real people on the news are entertaining, so I compile a list of the best stories I’ve come across today..cuz idiots are amongst us….and here it is…..
“Hooters” girl told to lose weight or be fired
TN Woman Accused of Hitting Boyfriend with Whiskey Bottle, Trying to Run Him Over
Adult Video Store Robbed in Austin, TX
Georgia Bar Hangs Controversial Sign
The owner of a restaurant and bar in Marietta, Georgia entered the debate over illegal immigration Monday. A controversial sign using a racial slur, was put in front of his business.
Orlando Fast food worker attacked with stun gun
Two women were arrested early Monday evening after police say they threatened workers at a Volusia County fast food restaurant with a stun gun
Underage Illinois HS Student Talks About Affair with Teacher
An underage student gives details about her relationship with a popular teacher at her high school, Jason Van Hooty
The Bra Whisperer: How to Get the Right Fit from Your Bra
Learn common mistakes women make when it comes to getting the right fit from their bras.
Suspected Prostitute, Pimp in Court
The two people who were accused of extorting more than a half million dollars from a metro man were in court Monday. Police say the victim killed himself in May but left a note behind exposing the extortion.
I assume you get how this works by now. Celebrities bored me, real people who make the news make me laugh, not because it’s funny, or because it’s depressing, but just because it’s more representative of the fall of our society, instead of the distraction from the fall of our society that comes with celebritites, so along with the top video of a bird biting a reporter on Live TV….there’s a whole lot of other shit going down that is either idiotic, insane or whatever and here’s where I compile the best stories I’ve seen today….
Six Arrested in Phoenix Kidnapping / Sexual Assault
Naked Man Stuck Inside North Philly Trash Chute
Wisconsin Mother Drives Drunk with Kids in Car, Crashes into House
Celebrities are boring…the news usually isn’t….mainly cuz it deals with real issues and real stupidity and real insanity….where as celebs are just all fucking bullshit…so here’s some of the best news stories I’ve come across today….enjoy….and remember you can be featured here…all you have to do is a fucking stunt that gets you on the fucking news…I suggest exposing genitals and rubbing them up on people on the bus…but maybe you’re more creative than me…
Virginia Teacher Accused of Being Drunk in Class
Missouri Mom Pleads Guilty to Paying Teens to Get Drunk at Party
Karen Downs pleaded guilty to offering $10 to a group of 14 year-old girls to see who could chug a glass of vodka the fastest
Men Pole Dancing for Exercise
Louisiana Man Carries Sign ‘Adult Sex w/Children Is Okay’
A controversial sign has sparked anger in Louisiana, but the man says his sign is to spark not conversation, not support adult sex with underage children
PA Couple Wants to Get Married at Strip Club They Met At
A Pennsylvania couple wants to get married at the strip club they met at, but the town wants to shut it down
Caught on tape: brave customer takes on store robber with chair
Celebrities aren’t always fun, in fact I find them dull as fuck, and the real fun is when real people doing idiotic things, unbelievable shit, so I like to do a little feature here called stepNEWS where we feature some of the best news stories of the day…. Like the above news reporter unable to pronounce Mike Cox….and sounding like she’s saying “My Cocks” or these other great stories…
Man in wheelchair accused of sexual harassment….even though dude can’t even wipe his own fucking ass….he can’t control anything…he has people helping him…but I call bullshit…If I had cerebral palsy I’d be finger banging unsuspecting pussy from every angle…and blaming it on my “disability”….It’s called making shit work for you….seriously….
Kansas Man Pleads Guilty to Commercial Sex Trafficking…something I think should be legal…cuz if a bitch wants to fuck for money…she needs proper representation…marketing and promotions…a business behind her to get the money from the guys willing to pay for sex. America is dated and run by boring people….
Arizona Call Girl Assaults Hotel Valet with Stiletto High Heal cuz Hookers are angry and crazy bitches who are generally unpredictable….
I write about useless celebrities as if they are news every day, when the real funny shit is actual news that is actually happening and not on the red carpet, or at bullshit club or event, or even in Hollywood on NYC.
The real celebrities are the people who make the nightly news, because they are not only the people who make up America and best represent America…They are real life doing real dumb shit.
Hollywood is all fake, fabricated and controlled by big budgets, and big business. It’s all a fucking lie, so I’ve decided to post a few clips of some of the best news stories of the day…
Coeds Strip Down To Undies For Charity in DC
Hundreds of college students stripped down to their underwear Tuesday night to raise money and collect clothes for the homeless and half naked coeds is always amazing no matter what the cause is…especially when they are the girl in the black legging with the hot ass who the camera man pervs out on….Seriously, if you want anything to get done, get college girls stripped down and I’m pretty sure every dude on campus will be there.
Deaf Rapper Signs Record Deal and has the support of a record label that helped launch Eminem. I assume he is probably not Deaf at all, but it’s too awkward to make him take a hearing test, shit has got to be a gimmick to get noticed since everyone wants to rap…Trust me, real deaf people I know can’t even ask you for a dollar to donate to their charity….
Man Arrested for Watching Women Shower at Wisconsin College, Something That I’ve Always Fantasized about Thanks to the original Debbie Does Dallas but never pulled off, cuz I knew I’d get caught, but the idea of all the seeing unsuspecting girls washing together will always be porn…
Woman Busted for Offering Oral Sex to Cops to Drop DUI Charges even though every girl I know flirts with cops and makes deals with cops cuz cops don’t get paid enough to not be dirty…but I guess this bitch caught the rare bread who don’t like having fun even though they can.
Census worker charged with rape
An Indiana census worker is charged with raping a mentally handicapped woman. It happens to the best of us. Those dopey seductive eyes and inability to tell on us is a major turn on….
Sex during class at Middle School
Parents are shocked after the news that two middle school students engaged in oral sex in the back of a classroom while the teacher was showing a movie. If this was going down when I was in high school, I would have never dropped out of the shit. Seriously. Why are girls so much cooler now, I don’t get it. Is it the hormones in the food? Is it the media? Is it rap music? Whatever it is, it’s arousing….
Let this be a lesson to new parents, naming your kid “David Davidson” may sound funny and make you laugh, but it may make your kid kidnap whores and lock them in dog cages when they try to escape their life of prostitution, and in a “once you go prostitute, never go back to not being a prostitute, cuz you’ll always have being a whore part of you”, these guys decided to help her get focused back in on her career. You see every once in a while in the sex trade you get a headcase who thinks she can go back to the normal life, where sucking dick is for love and not for crack back alleys, and someone needs to intervene to let them know they’re crazy to think they can accomplish anything more than they have, or that they aren’t the whores they actually are, so if anything, these guys were just doing her a favor, like a life coach trying to guide you and keep you on track, but unfortunately, the police didn’t see it like that, they thought forcing bitches to sleep in dog cages was wrong, but if it was actually wrong, why do we call them bitches…Think about that.
I have had this running joke for the last couple of decades about ways I would end a pregnancy if I ever accidentally knocked up, I even wrote a script about the shit, but my computer got stolen and I never decided to re-write the shit. I had the wholesome “I’m having a nightmare” punch in the gut, the less obvious drive into oncoming traffic while making a left hand turn when the bitch is in the front passenger seat, to the pushing down the stairs…but I never thought about poisoning my girlfriend with abortion medication you give cows…that shit was way to farmland americana for me to ever think about…but shit is genius…