I assume you get how this works by now. Celebrities bored me, real people who make the news make me laugh, not because it’s funny, or because it’s depressing, but just because it’s more representative of the fall of our society, instead of the distraction from the fall of our society that comes with celebritites, so along with the top video of a bird biting a reporter on Live TV….there’s a whole lot of other shit going down that is either idiotic, insane or whatever and here’s where I compile the best stories I’ve seen today….
Six Arrested in Phoenix Kidnapping / Sexual Assault
Naked Man Stuck Inside North Philly Trash Chute
Wisconsin Mother Drives Drunk with Kids in Car, Crashes into House
Celebrities are boring…the news usually isn’t….mainly cuz it deals with real issues and real stupidity and real insanity….where as celebs are just all fucking bullshit…so here’s some of the best news stories I’ve come across today….enjoy….and remember you can be featured here…all you have to do is a fucking stunt that gets you on the fucking news…I suggest exposing genitals and rubbing them up on people on the bus…but maybe you’re more creative than me…
Virginia Teacher Accused of Being Drunk in Class
Missouri Mom Pleads Guilty to Paying Teens to Get Drunk at Party
Karen Downs pleaded guilty to offering $10 to a group of 14 year-old girls to see who could chug a glass of vodka the fastest
Men Pole Dancing for Exercise
Louisiana Man Carries Sign ‘Adult Sex w/Children Is Okay’
A controversial sign has sparked anger in Louisiana, but the man says his sign is to spark not conversation, not support adult sex with underage children
PA Couple Wants to Get Married at Strip Club They Met At
A Pennsylvania couple wants to get married at the strip club they met at, but the town wants to shut it down
Caught on tape: brave customer takes on store robber with chair
Celebrities aren’t always fun, in fact I find them dull as fuck, and the real fun is when real people doing idiotic things, unbelievable shit, so I like to do a little feature here called stepNEWS where we feature some of the best news stories of the day…. Like the above news reporter unable to pronounce Mike Cox….and sounding like she’s saying “My Cocks” or these other great stories…
Man in wheelchair accused of sexual harassment….even though dude can’t even wipe his own fucking ass….he can’t control anything…he has people helping him…but I call bullshit…If I had cerebral palsy I’d be finger banging unsuspecting pussy from every angle…and blaming it on my “disability”….It’s called making shit work for you….seriously….
Kansas Man Pleads Guilty to Commercial Sex Trafficking…something I think should be legal…cuz if a bitch wants to fuck for money…she needs proper representation…marketing and promotions…a business behind her to get the money from the guys willing to pay for sex. America is dated and run by boring people….
Arizona Call Girl Assaults Hotel Valet with Stiletto High Heal cuz Hookers are angry and crazy bitches who are generally unpredictable….
I write about useless celebrities as if they are news every day, when the real funny shit is actual news that is actually happening and not on the red carpet, or at bullshit club or event, or even in Hollywood on NYC.
The real celebrities are the people who make the nightly news, because they are not only the people who make up America and best represent America…They are real life doing real dumb shit.
Hollywood is all fake, fabricated and controlled by big budgets, and big business. It’s all a fucking lie, so I’ve decided to post a few clips of some of the best news stories of the day…
Coeds Strip Down To Undies For Charity in DC
Hundreds of college students stripped down to their underwear Tuesday night to raise money and collect clothes for the homeless and half naked coeds is always amazing no matter what the cause is…especially when they are the girl in the black legging with the hot ass who the camera man pervs out on….Seriously, if you want anything to get done, get college girls stripped down and I’m pretty sure every dude on campus will be there.
Deaf Rapper Signs Record Deal and has the support of a record label that helped launch Eminem. I assume he is probably not Deaf at all, but it’s too awkward to make him take a hearing test, shit has got to be a gimmick to get noticed since everyone wants to rap…Trust me, real deaf people I know can’t even ask you for a dollar to donate to their charity….
Man Arrested for Watching Women Shower at Wisconsin College, Something That I’ve Always Fantasized about Thanks to the original Debbie Does Dallas but never pulled off, cuz I knew I’d get caught, but the idea of all the seeing unsuspecting girls washing together will always be porn…
Woman Busted for Offering Oral Sex to Cops to Drop DUI Charges even though every girl I know flirts with cops and makes deals with cops cuz cops don’t get paid enough to not be dirty…but I guess this bitch caught the rare bread who don’t like having fun even though they can.
Census worker charged with rape
An Indiana census worker is charged with raping a mentally handicapped woman. It happens to the best of us. Those dopey seductive eyes and inability to tell on us is a major turn on….
Sex during class at Middle School
Parents are shocked after the news that two middle school students engaged in oral sex in the back of a classroom while the teacher was showing a movie. If this was going down when I was in high school, I would have never dropped out of the shit. Seriously. Why are girls so much cooler now, I don’t get it. Is it the hormones in the food? Is it the media? Is it rap music? Whatever it is, it’s arousing….
Let this be a lesson to new parents, naming your kid “David Davidson” may sound funny and make you laugh, but it may make your kid kidnap whores and lock them in dog cages when they try to escape their life of prostitution, and in a “once you go prostitute, never go back to not being a prostitute, cuz you’ll always have being a whore part of you”, these guys decided to help her get focused back in on her career. You see every once in a while in the sex trade you get a headcase who thinks she can go back to the normal life, where sucking dick is for love and not for crack back alleys, and someone needs to intervene to let them know they’re crazy to think they can accomplish anything more than they have, or that they aren’t the whores they actually are, so if anything, these guys were just doing her a favor, like a life coach trying to guide you and keep you on track, but unfortunately, the police didn’t see it like that, they thought forcing bitches to sleep in dog cages was wrong, but if it was actually wrong, why do we call them bitches…Think about that.
I have had this running joke for the last couple of decades about ways I would end a pregnancy if I ever accidentally knocked up, I even wrote a script about the shit, but my computer got stolen and I never decided to re-write the shit. I had the wholesome “I’m having a nightmare” punch in the gut, the less obvious drive into oncoming traffic while making a left hand turn when the bitch is in the front passenger seat, to the pushing down the stairs…but I never thought about poisoning my girlfriend with abortion medication you give cows…that shit was way to farmland americana for me to ever think about…but shit is genius…
This is amazing the dude from Slumdog Millionaire just got arrested for peeing on girls on public transport. He was caught behind some 16 year old about to pee on her and I guess it’s got something to do with being sexual fetish, or maybe it has to do with marking his territory because he thinks he’s some kind of dog straight from the back alley of an Indian restaurant or the streets of Bombay.
Whatever the psychology behind this shit, it’s all amazing and I’m sad he got caught, I would have been way happier if they turned him into a viral video….
There’s a woman in my building we call the crazy cat lady. She’s always drunk, I saw her puking in the alley the other day, and everytime I talk to her she acts like a fucking mental case you’d expect to be into cats, as they are her only friend, but I don’t think my cat lady has shit on this cat lady…but is equally desperate for cock…
Facebook Shut Me Down Cuz They Are Racist- So Add My New Account ADD ME
This dude is the single greatest sex offender I have come across. Just yesterday I was telling this hot chick I was walking down the street with that it’d be amazing to randomly hug people, you know just videotape us walking up to random people from behind and giving them a real solid fuckin’ hug, something loving that you’d expect to get from an old friend, just to see their reaction, but this weirdo, the Georgetown Cuddler, took it to the next fucking level, snuck into beds at night and cuddled up to single girls and that deserves a fuckin’ toast, or even a minor celebration cuz that is on some whole other level that I wish I was creepy enough to be on but still feel like I connect with…Especially since “Cuddles” used to be my obnoxious catch phrase when ripping into people online…
Here’s a funny convention that I think I should organize the after party to, because Cougars in their knowledge of cock, need for male attention and love for younger cock because the chances of it ending up in another failed marriage are slim to none, keeping the relationship strictly fucking sexual is amazing to come across one night randomly at the bar, but much more amazing to walk in on a whole group of bitches who have already embraced the lifestyle enough to travel to conventions designed for them, you know this isn’t a one too many drink situation, this is a lifestyle, just be sure to wear a fuckin’ condom, cuz these older whores are known to be dirty from fuckin’ a lot and not using condoms since getting pregnant is a lot of the time all they really want….
Sure this is an example of giving women too many rights, making them think this lifestyle is amazing, when really they are miserable and just wish they had a man to serve and be controlled by, but at least they put out…