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Archive for the The Hills Category

2009

29

Sep

Stephanie Pratt’s Overpaid Cameltoe Hangs with Audrina’s Overpaid Implants of the Day

The Hills may be my enemy because I hate the concept, the quality and the people who are on it and I am guilty of shitting on these idiots who sold their souls to be on the scripted reality show, but I really should be shitting on the people who watch the show, because these assholes are getting paid.

Seriously, the amount they get paid was released this week and someone like Audrina, who we all think is a fucking retard because she seems dumb as shit, but not real retarded, because she doesn’t have a retard head or a bike helmet on, but more like the retarded girl with hot tits you wish you could fuck if only you found a way to trick her into fucking you, like by telling her if she doesn’t fuck you a baby will die of aids in Africa, or there will be another terrorist attack in America and she can save the world with your dick in her pussy, in some playing on her stupidity strategy, is making more money than a lot of fuckin’ doctors, teachers, lawyers, professors, nurses and a lot of educated people who really make the world work, so maybe behind all their education and experience, they are the actual retards and she’s the fucking genius.

Here are the numbers

Cavallari is being paid $90,000 an episode
Conrad was making: $125,000 an episode (or $2.5 million a year),
Audrina Patridge, Lauren “Lo” Bosworth, and Montag come close: $100,000 a show.
Pratt, is a slightly less at $65,000 per show, because he only joined as a regular in 2008.
Brody Jenner takes in $45,000.

Here are some pics of her and Spencer Pratt’s sister’s ugly face and cameltoe making more than you do in a year..

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Cameltoe|Stephanie Pratt|The Hills

2009

17

Apr

Lo From the Hills Hanging With Some Tits of the Day

I don’t watch The Hills but it turns out that Heidi and Spencer and Audrina and Lauren Conrad aren’t the only useless cunts on the show, they have a useless cunt of a friend named Lo and here she is posing with a set of fat tits, something that would probably come in handy 10 years down the line when she is forced to do bootleg lesbian porn in hotel rooms to pay her fucking rent.

Posted in:Lo|The Hills|Tits

2008

19

Nov

Whitney Port Gets Down With a Crazy Woman of the Day

Scroll through to about 40 seconds, some crazy black homeless lookin’ crackhead wraps her arms around this bitch and starts wailing them around and yelling at the paparazzi. It’s really not half as bad as the shit I’ve had to deal with homeless crackhead people, like shaking hands with their black soot and shit covered hands because they had me cornered and liked what I was saying that they wanted to “give me some skin”, or the time some bum pulled out his long, bleeding, shit and soot covered dick to a group of us when we were drunk, about 10 seconds before going into the entire Puppetry of the Penis catalog of stunts because my asshole friend thought it would be funny to pay a bum a dollar to have him wail his dick out and perform tricks with it. It got a little messy when we offered him an extra 5 dollars to slap it against some random girls face while she was sitting outside the bar with her face between her knees, but that’s just because she tried to get the cops involved, but luckily was so drunk, we just kept telling the cops she was crazy and making shit up.

I am sure there are worse stories about me and the homeless, like the time this totally shaved pantyless 45 year old crackwhore was convulsing in the middle of the street and had a group of people trying to help her during her overdose/crazed fit and I totally got hard looking at the brown crusty shit that was oozing out of her box, and I am not talking about the box that she lives in…. I mean there are other stories because I am one step away from being homeless and the homeless are my people. They just don’t give a fuck about the suburban dream or fitting in, or making a living and being conventional and there have been times where I’ve had sex with homeless girls because they are easy, I’ve made out with them because it was funny, I’ve even fingered them to see if my finger would come out in one piece and while doing it, was pretty disgusted, because knowing how bad I smell combined with how bad they smell, it must have been sick for passer-bys….but that didn’t stop me.

I guess the real tragedy in all this is that this homeless chick didn’t jab Whitney Port in the leg with an AIDS needle and handing her a card welcoming her into the club, or even give her TB, Hepatitis, The Plague, SARS, Ebola or whatever the fuck else is going around the shanty communities of LA, because I figured if she did, it’d be one step closet to the show coming to an end, I mean I was hoping for a plane crash, but offing them individually, is also an option, or if MTV cared about us, they’d just end it and everyone could go to their mansions, develop serious drug addiction because they will realize their meal ticket and 15 minutes that has lasted a lot longer is finally up and they’ll be back to being irrelevant sluts, when we can go back to whatever the next piece of shit being thrown down our throats is…..

Posted in:The Hills

2008

14

Oct

Audrina’s Skinny Dipping on The Hills of the Day

Since I don’t watch The Hills and probably never will watch The Hills, I have no idea what drama is being staged in this recent video of Audrina swimming topless for some dude, but I am pretty sure it was written by a team of experts and executed badly by a half retarded chick with fake tits who you all want to fuck. This shit’s not real life and anyone who thinks it is, is clearly as stupid as Audrina, who I hear just figured out how to spell her name. The show is offensive, young girls buy into this shit and try to turn their boring lives into a drama filled mess and I blame The Hills for half the abortions the abortion clinic saw last week, not to mention half the herpes cases, half the girls stealing each others boyfriends and half of the Uggs sales. I don’t know where I am going with this, but I’ll see you in Cabo….and to anyone who thinks that Audrina is a useless waste of space, you’re wrong, bitch gets naked in pools for a guy who she looks like she may have fucked and if she hasn’t she definitely wants to fuck and he’s just stringing her along like the helpless insecure girl that she is so that he keeps the upper hand and has his way with her is and in the perfect world, that would be every girl’s full time job….none of this running corporations, being doctors, having real jobs bullshit….

Posted in:Aurina Patridge|Skinny Dip|The Hills

2008

29

Aug

Drunken Lo from the Hills has a Shitty See Through Shirt On of the Day

I went through a period of time where I acted like an obnoxious artist. I wouldn’t watch movies, TV or read the paper because I didn’t want the outside world influencing me or my writing on the site, the truth was I was just poor, couldn’t afford TV, movies or books and it made for a good excuse to get my wife off my back when she wanted to go on dates or spend time together, not physically off my back because if she was on my back, I’d probably be hospitalized, but you know what I mean. I recently started re-integrating into society by listening to Ryan Seacrest’s weekly top 40 in the pharmacy on the weekend. I just send an hour roaming the aisles and not buying anything because they don’t care if I window shop. Last week, he was interviewing lying whore Montag and they were talking about Lo and Lauren from The Hills and since I will never watch the show I had no idea who she was, until coming across these pictures of her in a shitty see through shirt, being ugly and escorted out by Lauren Conrad. I don’t really know why I am posting this shit, but I’ve gone this far so will finish the job, I guess I’m just doin’ it for the drunk chicks out there, because one day this could be you and your Lauren Conrad will come in the shape of a random dude you don’t know who will have unprotected sex with you making you think you have AIDS and a pregnancy to deal with for the next few months. Oh to be young again.

Posted in:Lauren Conrad|Lo|The Hills

2008

19

Aug

Audrina from the Hills in Another Bikini of the Day

Audrina may not be smart, or very good looking, unless of course you are the kind of guy who volunteers at institutions designed for handicapped people because you find them so fuckin’ sexy with their chronic masturbations and glassy eyed, drooling smile, but she does have a rockin’ body and I am all for girls who lack substance and beauty making up for it through working out, eating disorders and even a good set of fake tits, even if I hate fake tits, they are sometimes nice to look at if done right and despite hating everything this fake bitch stands for, I can’t dis the boob job cuz she was done proper and it’s not like I’m fucking her or paying her for lap dances and forced to suck or grab at the hard weirdness implants feel like. I’m just window shopping….

Speaking of shopping, it’s nice to see that Audrina has taken some time away from wasting her life and filling her days with spending ridiculous amounts of money on designer clothes to fill her empty life and has got into her bikini, because when you have pretty much nothing to do with your days except star in a shitty reality show I want to see hit by a terrorist attack, you might as well do it half naked.

I guess her life is one that should be envied, but that’s not saying much coming from me because I envy the weirder shit life has to offer, like the other day when drunk, I went into a gas station to grab some candy at 5 am and saw some cracked out hooker walking around in bare feet, screaming at the clerk and trying to be lead back into the cab she came from by her John and the cab driver, only to end up pissing herself and making a mess all over the floor and being abandoned by the cab. It was nice to see that she was so fucked up she had no concept of anything going on around her, the world was her to do what she wanted, when she wanted, with no fear of getting raped or killled and the conventions everyone else has to follow like having a job, being civil and wearing shoes. The whole time I was thinking to myself how much better her life was than mine, so I guess my expectations are pretty low.

Here’s Audrina in that bikini.

Posted in:Audrina|Bikini|The Hills

2008

29

May

Audrina From the Hills and Her Fake Tits of the Day

I was stuck sitting next to a couple that was making out hard at the bar last night. Every time the annoying dude would get his tongue down the bitches throat or his hand up her shirt her fatter friend would come in and break them up because I thought she didn’t like seeing her friend fall for this loser’s shitty game because she was fat and fat girls like attention but it turned out that she was jealous and wanted the loser for herself and they were pretty much fighting over him, that never happens to me, I don’t know how it ended because I couldn’t deal with that kind of Soap Opera drama when I just wanted to get drunk and break things.

That story has nothing to do with Audrina Patridge and her fake tits that her dad got her when she was 16, at least that’s what I was told, but like the fat chick no one should give this bitch the time of day, but for some reason there’s always some asshole lame enough to inflate her ego and that asshole is you because you find this shit hot, when all I see is last week’s kitchen garbage.

Posted in:Audrina|Fake Tits|The Hills

2007

31

Oct

I am – Audrina Partridge's Halloween Costume of the Day

audrina_partridge_halloween_top.jpg

Here are some pictures of Audrina Partridge from some Halloween party dressed like Madonna in the 80s who was apparently some kind of sex symbol at the time, but looking back at it now, definitely wasn’t because she looked like a fucking clown. I know that there are some people who like clowns to juggle at their kid’s parties, even though anyone who becomes a clown is usually a drunken degenerate or a pedophile, making wanting to fuck them a smelly and awkward experience, that probably happens because girls have the weirdest fucking sexual fantasies, like fucking their teachers or bosses, or fucking virgins (which is good news to you), or even fucking their dad’s friends, because there’s power in making someone break the rules for their pussies.

Either way, I am sure she’s a nice person, because with a face like that, she’d have to be, it’s pretty much all she’s got going for her, other than all her money from being on a shitty TV show….that I’d like to wallet fuck even if it meant telling her how beautiful she is everyday. I hear girls like that shit.


Related Posts:

Audrina Partridge in a Bikini
Kristen Cavallari Bikini Pictures
Lauren Conrad’s Got Booze for Her Halloween Party
Lauren Conrad’s Bikini Pictures

Posted in:80s|Audrina Partridge|Halloween|The Hills|Unsorted

2007

31

Oct

I am – Audrina Partridge’s Halloween Costume of the Day

audrina_partridge_halloween_top.jpg

Here are some pictures of Audrina Partridge from some Halloween party dressed like Madonna in the 80s who was apparently some kind of sex symbol at the time, but looking back at it now, definitely wasn’t because she looked like a fucking clown. I know that there are some people who like clowns to juggle at their kid’s parties, even though anyone who becomes a clown is usually a drunken degenerate or a pedophile, making wanting to fuck them a smelly and awkward experience, that probably happens because girls have the weirdest fucking sexual fantasies, like fucking their teachers or bosses, or fucking virgins (which is good news to you), or even fucking their dad’s friends, because there’s power in making someone break the rules for their pussies.

Either way, I am sure she’s a nice person, because with a face like that, she’d have to be, it’s pretty much all she’s got going for her, other than all her money from being on a shitty TV show….that I’d like to wallet fuck even if it meant telling her how beautiful she is everyday. I hear girls like that shit.


Related Posts:

Audrina Partridge in a Bikini
Kristen Cavallari Bikini Pictures
Lauren Conrad’s Got Booze for Her Halloween Party
Lauren Conrad’s Bikini Pictures

Posted in:80s|Audrina Partridge|Halloween|The Hills|Unsorted