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Archive for the The Hills Category

2009

29

Sep

Stephanie Pratt’s Overpaid Cameltoe Hangs with Audrina’s Overpaid Implants of the Day

The Hills may be my enemy because I hate the concept, the quality and the people who are on it and I am guilty of shitting on these idiots who sold their souls to be on the scripted reality show, but I really should be shitting on the people who watch the show, because these assholes are getting paid.

Seriously, the amount they get paid was released this week and someone like Audrina, who we all think is a fucking retard because she seems dumb as shit, but not real retarded, because she doesn’t have a retard head or a bike helmet on, but more like the retarded girl with hot tits you wish you could fuck if only you found a way to trick her into fucking you, like by telling her if she doesn’t fuck you a baby will die of aids in Africa, or there will be another terrorist attack in America and she can save the world with your dick in her pussy, in some playing on her stupidity strategy, is making more money than a lot of fuckin’ doctors, teachers, lawyers, professors, nurses and a lot of educated people who really make the world work, so maybe behind all their education and experience, they are the actual retards and she’s the fucking genius.

Here are the numbers

Cavallari is being paid $90,000 an episode
Conrad was making: $125,000 an episode (or $2.5 million a year),
Audrina Patridge, Lauren “Lo” Bosworth, and Montag come close: $100,000 a show.
Pratt, is a slightly less at $65,000 per show, because he only joined as a regular in 2008.
Brody Jenner takes in $45,000.

Here are some pics of her and Spencer Pratt’s sister’s ugly face and cameltoe making more than you do in a year..

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Cameltoe|Stephanie Pratt|The Hills

2009

17

Apr

Lo From the Hills Hanging With Some Tits of the Day

I don’t watch The Hills but it turns out that Heidi and Spencer and Audrina and Lauren Conrad aren’t the only useless cunts on the show, they have a useless cunt of a friend named Lo and here she is posing with a set of fat tits, something that would probably come in handy 10 years down the line when she is forced to do bootleg lesbian porn in hotel rooms to pay her fucking rent.

Posted in:Lo|The Hills|Tits

2008

19

Nov

Whitney Port Gets Down With a Crazy Woman of the Day

Scroll through to about 40 seconds, some crazy black homeless lookin’ crackhead wraps her arms around this bitch and starts wailing them around and yelling at the paparazzi. It’s really not half as bad as the shit I’ve had to deal with homeless crackhead people, like shaking hands with their black soot and shit covered hands because they had me cornered and liked what I was saying that they wanted to “give me some skin”, or the time some bum pulled out his long, bleeding, shit and soot covered dick to a group of us when we were drunk, about 10 seconds before going into the entire Puppetry of the Penis catalog of stunts because my asshole friend thought it would be funny to pay a bum a dollar to have him wail his dick out and perform tricks with it. It got a little messy when we offered him an extra 5 dollars to slap it against some random girls face while she was sitting outside the bar with her face between her knees, but that’s just because she tried to get the cops involved, but luckily was so drunk, we just kept telling the cops she was crazy and making shit up.

I am sure there are worse stories about me and the homeless, like the time this totally shaved pantyless 45 year old crackwhore was convulsing in the middle of the street and had a group of people trying to help her during her overdose/crazed fit and I totally got hard looking at the brown crusty shit that was oozing out of her box, and I am not talking about the box that she lives in…. I mean there are other stories because I am one step away from being homeless and the homeless are my people. They just don’t give a fuck about the suburban dream or fitting in, or making a living and being conventional and there have been times where I’ve had sex with homeless girls because they are easy, I’ve made out with them because it was funny, I’ve even fingered them to see if my finger would come out in one piece and while doing it, was pretty disgusted, because knowing how bad I smell combined with how bad they smell, it must have been sick for passer-bys….but that didn’t stop me.

I guess the real tragedy in all this is that this homeless chick didn’t jab Whitney Port in the leg with an AIDS needle and handing her a card welcoming her into the club, or even give her TB, Hepatitis, The Plague, SARS, Ebola or whatever the fuck else is going around the shanty communities of LA, because I figured if she did, it’d be one step closet to the show coming to an end, I mean I was hoping for a plane crash, but offing them individually, is also an option, or if MTV cared about us, they’d just end it and everyone could go to their mansions, develop serious drug addiction because they will realize their meal ticket and 15 minutes that has lasted a lot longer is finally up and they’ll be back to being irrelevant sluts, when we can go back to whatever the next piece of shit being thrown down our throats is…..

Posted in:The Hills

2008

14

Oct

Audrina’s Skinny Dipping on The Hills of the Day

Since I don’t watch The Hills and probably never will watch The Hills, I have no idea what drama is being staged in this recent video of Audrina swimming topless for some dude, but I am pretty sure it was written by a team of experts and executed badly by a half retarded chick with fake tits who you all want to fuck. This shit’s not real life and anyone who thinks it is, is clearly as stupid as Audrina, who I hear just figured out how to spell her name. The show is offensive, young girls buy into this shit and try to turn their boring lives into a drama filled mess and I blame The Hills for half the abortions the abortion clinic saw last week, not to mention half the herpes cases, half the girls stealing each others boyfriends and half of the Uggs sales. I don’t know where I am going with this, but I’ll see you in Cabo….and to anyone who thinks that Audrina is a useless waste of space, you’re wrong, bitch gets naked in pools for a guy who she looks like she may have fucked and if she hasn’t she definitely wants to fuck and he’s just stringing her along like the helpless insecure girl that she is so that he keeps the upper hand and has his way with her is and in the perfect world, that would be every girl’s full time job….none of this running corporations, being doctors, having real jobs bullshit….

Posted in:Aurina Patridge|Skinny Dip|The Hills

2008

29

Aug

Drunken Lo from the Hills has a Shitty See Through Shirt On of the Day

I went through a period of time where I acted like an obnoxious artist. I wouldn’t watch movies, TV or read the paper because I didn’t want the outside world influencing me or my writing on the site, the truth was I was just poor, couldn’t afford TV, movies or books and it made for a good excuse to get my wife off my back when she wanted to go on dates or spend time together, not physically off my back because if she was on my back, I’d probably be hospitalized, but you know what I mean. I recently started re-integrating into society by listening to Ryan Seacrest’s weekly top 40 in the pharmacy on the weekend. I just send an hour roaming the aisles and not buying anything because they don’t care if I window shop. Last week, he was interviewing lying whore Montag and they were talking about Lo and Lauren from The Hills and since I will never watch the show I had no idea who she was, until coming across these pictures of her in a shitty see through shirt, being ugly and escorted out by Lauren Conrad. I don’t really know why I am posting this shit, but I’ve gone this far so will finish the job, I guess I’m just doin’ it for the drunk chicks out there, because one day this could be you and your Lauren Conrad will come in the shape of a random dude you don’t know who will have unprotected sex with you making you think you have AIDS and a pregnancy to deal with for the next few months. Oh to be young again.

Posted in:Lauren Conrad|Lo|The Hills

2008

19

Aug

Audrina from the Hills in Another Bikini of the Day

Audrina may not be smart, or very good looking, unless of course you are the kind of guy who volunteers at institutions designed for handicapped people because you find them so fuckin’ sexy with their chronic masturbations and glassy eyed, drooling smile, but she does have a rockin’ body and I am all for girls who lack substance and beauty making up for it through working out, eating disorders and even a good set of fake tits, even if I hate fake tits, they are sometimes nice to look at if done right and despite hating everything this fake bitch stands for, I can’t dis the boob job cuz she was done proper and it’s not like I’m fucking her or paying her for lap dances and forced to suck or grab at the hard weirdness implants feel like. I’m just window shopping….

Speaking of shopping, it’s nice to see that Audrina has taken some time away from wasting her life and filling her days with spending ridiculous amounts of money on designer clothes to fill her empty life and has got into her bikini, because when you have pretty much nothing to do with your days except star in a shitty reality show I want to see hit by a terrorist attack, you might as well do it half naked.

I guess her life is one that should be envied, but that’s not saying much coming from me because I envy the weirder shit life has to offer, like the other day when drunk, I went into a gas station to grab some candy at 5 am and saw some cracked out hooker walking around in bare feet, screaming at the clerk and trying to be lead back into the cab she came from by her John and the cab driver, only to end up pissing herself and making a mess all over the floor and being abandoned by the cab. It was nice to see that she was so fucked up she had no concept of anything going on around her, the world was her to do what she wanted, when she wanted, with no fear of getting raped or killled and the conventions everyone else has to follow like having a job, being civil and wearing shoes. The whole time I was thinking to myself how much better her life was than mine, so I guess my expectations are pretty low.

Here’s Audrina in that bikini.

Posted in:Audrina|Bikini|The Hills

2008

29

May

Audrina From the Hills and Her Fake Tits of the Day

I was stuck sitting next to a couple that was making out hard at the bar last night. Every time the annoying dude would get his tongue down the bitches throat or his hand up her shirt her fatter friend would come in and break them up because I thought she didn’t like seeing her friend fall for this loser’s shitty game because she was fat and fat girls like attention but it turned out that she was jealous and wanted the loser for herself and they were pretty much fighting over him, that never happens to me, I don’t know how it ended because I couldn’t deal with that kind of Soap Opera drama when I just wanted to get drunk and break things.

That story has nothing to do with Audrina Patridge and her fake tits that her dad got her when she was 16, at least that’s what I was told, but like the fat chick no one should give this bitch the time of day, but for some reason there’s always some asshole lame enough to inflate her ego and that asshole is you because you find this shit hot, when all I see is last week’s kitchen garbage.

Posted in:Audrina|Fake Tits|The Hills

2007

31

Oct

I am – Audrina Partridge’s Halloween Costume of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Audrina Partridge from some Halloween party dressed like Madonna in the 80s who was apparently some kind of sex symbol at the time, but looking back at it now, definitely wasn’t because she looked like a fucking clown. I know that there are some people who like clowns to juggle at their kid’s parties, even though anyone who becomes a clown is usually a drunken degenerate or a pedophile, making wanting to fuck them a smelly and awkward experience, that probably happens because girls have the weirdest fucking sexual fantasies, like fucking their teachers or bosses, or fucking virgins (which is good news to you), or even fucking their dad’s friends, because there’s power in making someone break the rules for their pussies.

Either way, I am sure she’s a nice person, because with a face like that, she’d have to be, it’s pretty much all she’s got going for her, other than all her money from being on a shitty TV show….that I’d like to wallet fuck even if it meant telling her how beautiful she is everyday. I hear girls like that shit.


Related Posts:

Audrina Partridge in a Bikini
Kristen Cavallari Bikini Pictures
Lauren Conrad’s Got Booze for Her Halloween Party
Lauren Conrad’s Bikini Pictures

Posted in:80s|Audrina Partridge|Halloween|The Hills|Unsorted

2007

31

Oct

I am – Audrina Partridge's Halloween Costume of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Audrina Partridge from some Halloween party dressed like Madonna in the 80s who was apparently some kind of sex symbol at the time, but looking back at it now, definitely wasn’t because she looked like a fucking clown. I know that there are some people who like clowns to juggle at their kid’s parties, even though anyone who becomes a clown is usually a drunken degenerate or a pedophile, making wanting to fuck them a smelly and awkward experience, that probably happens because girls have the weirdest fucking sexual fantasies, like fucking their teachers or bosses, or fucking virgins (which is good news to you), or even fucking their dad’s friends, because there’s power in making someone break the rules for their pussies.

Either way, I am sure she’s a nice person, because with a face like that, she’d have to be, it’s pretty much all she’s got going for her, other than all her money from being on a shitty TV show….that I’d like to wallet fuck even if it meant telling her how beautiful she is everyday. I hear girls like that shit.


Related Posts:

Audrina Partridge in a Bikini
Kristen Cavallari Bikini Pictures
Lauren Conrad’s Got Booze for Her Halloween Party
Lauren Conrad’s Bikini Pictures

Posted in:80s|Audrina Partridge|Halloween|The Hills|Unsorted

2007

30

Aug

I am – Lauren Conrad Bikini Pics of the Day

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It turns out that girls from The Hills were all out on the beach the other day, running around in their bikinis, and giving us all something to look at, I can only assume something scandalous is about to happen on the show, otherwise they wouldn’t be out together. I may have never seen the show and I have no idea what their dynamic is, but I can guarantee that they all hate each other’s guts and call each other cunts and have cat fights behind closed doors but that’s only because that’s how girls are, especially stupid girls who crave attention and want to be the big stars, but in reality what the fuck do I know about girls….other than that I love tits, ass and vagina…

I was hanging out at the local cosmetic counter this past weekend, because on weekends in the early afternoon, girls borrow their parent’s cars and show up to get their essentials for the week or for the night out that lies ahead so they they show up in casual clothes, like tights or yoga pants or whatever makes their asses look amazing….Either way, the only products they have for dudes in the place is cologne so I’m standing there in the cologne section, trying not to get busted looking at this hot 18 year old’s ass that is squatting and I can swear I can see her full box defintion from behind, when this homeless looking tattooed up 60 year old bitch walks in and starts giving herself a whore shower. So she’s spraying herself down with all different types of cologne and is shaking like a meth addict and sees me looking at the hot chick through the shelving….She doesn’t realize that I am being a pervert and thinks I am actually shopping and that I just busted her, so she comes over to me and starts giving me advice on what cologne to buy, like she’s an expert and a serious cologne shopper when in reality she’s just tired of smelling her own ass when she sits down and this is her best solution to the problem because it’s free unlike doing laundry…Either way, she fucks off and I look back to the hot ass and it’s gone..

Here are those Lauren Conrad pics, because she’s still young and tight bodied and I’d totally watch her squatting in front of me at the cosmetics counter of the local department store…

Related Posts:

Audrina Partridge Bikini Pictures
Heidi Montag Bikini Pictures
More Heidi Montag Bikini Pictures
Kristen Cavallari Bikini Pictures


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Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Laguna Beach|Lauren Conrad|The Hills|Tits|Unsorted

2007

30

Aug

I am – Audrina Partridge from the Hills in her Bikini of the Day

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I have never watched The Hills, mainly because I have a penis…and because I am not a 13 year old girl or some kind of homosexual, even though homosexuals seem to be popping up everywhere. It’s like it’s really cool to be gay or someshit. When I was younger, faggots would stay in the closet for fear of people hating them or bashing them, so they’d get married have kids be miserable through the 90s, sneak out on “business trips” and brokeback mountain camping trips, give their wife AIDS then by the time the year 2000 hit, Gay becomes cool, Tom leaves his wife for some dude, she’s devastated and has AIDS, his kids get all fucked up, his daughter disowns men and starts eating box and his son becomes a tranny and the gay movement continues because all these gay kids have gay fathers and it becomes one big “Gay is Okay and socially accepted and it’s wrong to beat up fags and drag them behind pick-up trucks or leave them in ditches to die because we hate gays” party and I guess that’s okay because it’s natures way of population control and because without fags we wouldn’t have bull-dykes and I love getting dirty looks from bull-dykes who hate me for having a penis, it makes me feel like I am an animal in the jungle and she’s about either going pounce and rip my penis off and shove it down my throat, or invite me to go camping at the Vegan conference…

I went to a bar the other night, that used to be a dive and I hadn’t been for a while. I got drunk and realized that 80 percent of the men were poofters, and although the place was filled with chicks who were obviously too good looking to talk to me, they were all dancing on their tables and shit with dudes who thought they were Britney Spears and I felt like the place had turned into a gay bar. so I got drunk because that’s really the only time I feel good.

The point of all this is to say that I don’t watch The Hills….it’s about rich sluts from California that everyone fell in love with when they were in high school, it was scripted reality TV and this bitch Audrina Partridge, who I’ve never heard of, is one of them Now she’s on your screen in a bikini….have fun because her body is pretty tight, her razor burn hot and I’d totally do her.


Related Posts:

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Posted in:Audrina Partridge|Bikini|Razor Burn|The Hills|Tight|Tits|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

24

May

I am – Heidi Montag Bikini Pics of the Day

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So this is some bitch I’ve never really heard of because I am not really into the whole MTV thing since I don’t have cable, and even if I did have cable I would probably be watching Discovery to learn how things are built or TLC to watch the Baby Story show. It turns out that one of my friend’s from the park just found out his recent mail order bride is pregnant and that they will be having their first baby in 9 months from now. So I’d like to use this site to say congratulations and good fucking luck ever making it back to the park when you’re too busy changing diapers and shit. You life as it was is over, but that’s not a bad thing because drinking on a park bench with a bunch of losers isn’t really living anyway.

A congratulations goes out to this couple too because it turns out that this breast implanted Varsity Cheerleading Squad Captain lookin’ stripper and her boyfriend who looks like some dick named Blair who is the Varisty Tennis Team Captain just got engaged. It’s like one of those obnoxious blue blooded engagements you see in the movies where the Prom Queen and KIng live happily ever after or some shit. Lucky for us, this isn’t a movie, and the chances of him sticking it out with her are pretty fucking slim, because her fake tits or not she still looks like a horse….and tits are only a fun distraction when your ugly girlfriend gets them and for the first 6 months of her having them and then the novelty wears off.

It’s like when you got your first Nintendo you could really only handle Mario and Duck Hunt for so fucking long before you had to beat up and steal from the fat kid at school who was an only child and who had every game ever made because his parents felt guilty for not giving him a friend to play with and compensated by giving him toys….

Let’s hope that daddy goes bankrupt, boyfriend leaves her and that she can’t land work and is forced to turn to stripping because her fake tits were like a business expense that made her pretty qualified for the job..

Posted in:Bikini|Engaged|Heidi Montag|MTV|The Hills|Uncategorized|Unsorted