Frederique Bel is in France…from France….and dressed like the French…because in France, topless is considered being clothed, and as much as Americans want to hate the french and mock their bushes, we should be embracing, and copying their lead when it comes to tits, because so often when I leave the house, I see a girl and think, shit, I’d rather see her topless, but it’s not allowed here….if only we were in france…they’ve got it all figured out….the girls even have anal sex on the first date….and don’t expect to ever see you again…because they just want to have fun….like Frederique Bel….in her titty dress….good times.

No this isn’t a scene from a Horror movie, despite what her second belly button from all the Tummy Tucks is telling you, it is just Demi Moore in a bikini….

Sure she’s a zombie, or a frankenstein in her own right, only 10 percent of her is officially her, and the rest of her is modified thanks to modern science….because that’s what insecure, naturally ugly, slept her way to the top whores do to themselves….and sure she’s scary to look at, or to imagine what her vagina looks and feels like….

But she’s still in a bikini top, and I’ve jerked off to worse. Every now and then you need to put yourself to the test to see how low your masturbation can go…

This may be one of those times…

This is an awesome video for Galore Magazine….

It is a bit throwback tribute to the early 80s, in what I like to call the glory days of the porn industry and not just because I love bush…but because it wasn’t about throat fucking trailer trash and still had a little eroticism up in it…back when porn wasn’t so saturated throat fucking clips of every girl wanting to make 100 dollars….not that I am against that, but sometimes I like to remember what was…

It is also a bit of a snuff film vibe.

Either way, it makes me want to rip lines and jerk off, and that’s a good thing….Chanel Iman in lingerie being directed like a little slut…also a good thing…

Click More to See the Video on Mobile…

Candice Swanepoel posted these pics to instagram and they are lovely, even if totally expected, because her body makes her millions, it is totally fucking fit, and why the fuck wouldn’t she be showing it off to people, since it is all we want or expect of her….I mean seeing her fully clothed would be like a chef feeding a dinner party a fucking can of beans for dinner….

I am a fan, it is just unfortunate she’s not the farmer’s daughter in South Africa fucking the hired hands, because when she was, she was probably a hell of a lot easier to have sex with, but also a hell of a lot more at risk for HIV….thanks South Africa AIDS statistics for that….

I don’t know why pregnant pics of Jessica Simpson bring me such joy….but they do…she’s a fucking tank…filled with fetus and Texan BBQ….and her ankles look like they are going to break from all the pressure and her pants look like they’ve taken on the biggest challenge of their pants life….because she really takes pregnancy and eating for two seriously…and the whole thing is fucking lovely….the beautiful glow of a pregnant woman….who is about to explode and splatter cake all over people in a 20 foot radius of her….

Normally pregnancy grosses me out…but today…it makes me laugh…

Glamour Models represent all that is right in the world.

They are average looking at best, you know the girl you’d never think would become a model growing up, who would have just assumed would have had kids at 20 with her uncle who molested her and made her the broken girl she is, but who instead aborted that mission, took off her shirt and never had to work a regular job again, because thanks to the need for topless models in the UK coupled with her great tits, shot by decent photographers, she can be a star in her own right…and like a stripper she’s probably a cunt, with an ego, who thinks she’s more important than she is, but that’s ok, cuz even though we know she’s a nobody, her talents are a joke, we can still stare at her tits, and they are lovely.

Glamour Models remind me of the purpose of a woman and the reason they were sent to this earth….and that is to please men.

Lisandra Mendes is either Portuguese or Brazilian. I can’t find anything about her on the internet, but in defense of her relevance and importance to the world, I didn’t look that hard. I mean she could be a massive hit in whatever country she’s from for all I know, and she should be, cuz this ethnic body is pro….top notch…and meant to be modeling bikinis…so whoever she is, and whatever she does, let’s hope the evil corporations like Victoria’s Secret abduct her and her family and put her to work, cuz she’s fucking lovely half naked….and if I wasn’t so lazy, I’d totally dig through the internet for more….

Emma Watson is in W MAGAZINE and these are some of the pictures….boring fucking pictures…that luckily are exciting to her fans, because her fans are into Wizards and shit, making them not so into girls, or at least into fucking girls, but more into lusting after them in uncomfortable ways as they LARP…..

You know she could be in a clown costume, mascot costume, just the idea that it is Emma Watson…the EMMA WATSON…from Harry Potter….makes them spontaneously ejaculate….I mean as far as they’re concerned they’ve been in a relationship for the last decade and her older familiar face…is all they want to know…and anyway they get it, they are stoked…

While I’m more into nude fashion shoots. Call me crazy.

Sure these Cora Keegan pictures aren’t as good as the ones I posted of her
FULLY NAKED ROCKIN’ A HIPSTER BUSH last week….but thanks to those nude pics….I am now in love with Cora Keegan ….

She’s young, she’s hot bodied, she’s relatively new to the industry, she gets naked in efforts to build her brand, and I full endorse her efforts…in fact I am debating starting a Cora Keegan fan club, where we write her love songs and perform them for Youtube, hoping she’ll see them, find them endearing and offer me anal sex for going to such great lengths for her….even though she’s probably already an ego, cuz she’s now done Elle Italy motherfuckers and that’s not as big as it gets for a model, but as big as it gets for a girl willing to have anal sex with me. Fact.

Helen Flanagan makes me laugh and not just because of her Megan Fox tattoo on her forearm, in what must have been a drunk decision, or maybe her losing a bet at a party, whatever the reason for it, an no matter how awful and horrid it is it doesn’t over power the amazingness of her fucking tits…and thank god for that…not that any tattoo would take away from any tits…

The only thing that makes tits not matter is when they are lesbian tits….in which case they are barely tits…up on a “If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound” shit….because being on a lesbian, they no longer matter even if they are amazing and you can still jerk off to them…

I digress…this HELEN FLANAGAN ….is fantastic…she left a hit Soap Opera, one of the longest running shows in the UK, to be a Glamour Model…and that’s just such bad planning it’s erotic…but only cuz she’s got these tits…

Thank you hormones in the food.

Jake Gylenhaal’s Beard has nipples…not that he would know…since they aren’t attached to Heath Ledger’s dick….a dick he still jerks off to whenever he can…because that’s just the kind of loyal queen Gyellenhaal is…

Her name is Emily Didonato, she’s an amazingly hot model, who has been hired to distract from Jake’s homosexuality, not because being a homo is a bad thing, but because being a homo takes away from his heart throb status to tween girls everywhere, which affects ticket sales to the shitty movies he is in and they can’t have that….

At least that’s the story I like to believe, because women in sexless relationships bring me so much more hope than girls happy with their rich and famous boyfriends…

Whatever her ladder climbing story is, I’d totally love to be behind her in line at starbucks while she was wearing her fitness gear….or even next to her at a hotel pool…so that I could stare from afar like a creep…like I do with so many other chicks I encounter….It’s my move.

This Baywatch inspired shoot for Double Magazine…is pretty awesome…

If you’re into 45 year old nobodies from the UK in their Bikinis in Cannes….a pretty specific fetish that I am sure at least one person in the world has…you know the only thing he can jerk off to is that…then you’ll love Lizzie Cundy…

Lizzie Cundy is some 45 year old slag from the UK who co-hosts a bunch of ridiculous shows like “So Would You Dump Me Now”….and WAGS World…..you know really high quality tabloid gutter shit you can’t believe is actually on TV…if you actually wasted your energy thinking about it….

While I just can’t believe she’s in a bikini, you know they make one-pieces out of spanx material for women her age to swim in….not that women her age should be swimming, or even showing that much skin, they are at risk for skin cancer…or more importantly turning dudes gay due or at least turning dudes off from marrying a bitch…knowing one day she’ll end up looking like this….and she’s a good 45 year old…bold enough to get in a bikini….statistically better than the one you’ll end up with….reminding us it’s better to stick with prostitutes, because they always stay the same age…if you always hire the 25 year olds.

I don’t know why I’m posting this. But I am.

I have a dog….it is the only thing I actually love in this horrible world…because once you connect with a dog once…it’s fucking over for you…He’s been sick the last few days and it kills me on the inside…

So seeing this clip of a woman being interviewed after the horrible Oklahoma tornado, talking about her dog, only to find her dog….will blow your fucking mind…

Life’s not so bad, sometimes things workout….just not for me….but it’s good to know I have a heart….

I don’t watch Game of Thrones. I don’t do the whole fantasy, wizards and dragons shit. It’s just too hard for me to take seriously, if anything I feel like an asshole trying to get into the storyline….no matter how many tits they throw my way…because ultimately, it’s just stupidities and nonsense and no real…I mean I can’t even pretend it’s real….so I save it for 99 percent of the population who seem to watch it, even though if this was 10 years ago, only a few dozen people would watch it, and I’m sure they’d reek of stale semen and computer chips…you know at your college Sci/Fi fantasy club….where they spend their days making weapons to fight each other in what is funny, cuz two or more socially awkward freaks interacting is jokes….

Her name is Emilia Clarke, she’s a big deal on the show, people are probably still masturbating to this scene from last night, cuz that’s how loyal nerds areo….and you probably should too…cuz sometimes mainstream TV nudity is better than throat fucking….

Sometimes I wake up in a daze from last night….still drunk, with bite marks on my neck, random injuries and pants ripped at the crotch….feeling almost rejuvenated thinking…shit…I really need to drink more….it’s amazing….Today is one of those days….life is glorious….

Here are some morning links….