I doubt watching a living corpse like Janice Dickinson rape a motherfucker with her tongue turns any of you on, but in the event that it does, here are the pictures.
I personally think it’s nice to see a bitch take some initiative, no matter how fucking disgusting Janice Dickinson happens to be, mainly because from my sexual history, I’ve been the one doing the raping at least 98% of the time, and the last 2% where I claim the bitch raped me, is usually because I have trouble admitting that I intentionally stuck my dick in them, and the rape accusation is the only way I can sleep at night….
I never heard of Gabrielle Union before, mainly because I’m not up to speed on black movies and the girls who are in them, despite having a thing for black girls. So I checked out her Wikipedia and the only thing that stood out was interesting was:
In 1992, at age 19, Union was attacked, beaten and raped at her part-time job in a shoestore.
You’d think that would have taught her not to wear a short skirt in public anymore….but based on these pictures of her flashing her cooch in her underwear for all sexually predators to get boners over, I guess she hasn’t….
This girl, or should I say, old haggard mom named Tamara Mellon, is a multi-millionaire thanks to some connections, a rich husband, a Asian shoe maker to exploit and friends who worked for fashion magazines and in the fashion world. She’s got fake tits, she reminds me of the cunts on Sex and the City and I just spent an hour cropping her daughters out of these pictures, cuz I don’t need th FBI coming after me, especially for something so fucking insignificant…Either way, her body is alright, you know not overly sloppy for a mom cuz she takes care of herself, even if her real assets aren’t real….and here she is flashin’ some ass….
Pam Anderson’s got some pretty stupid implants that she likes to show off to distract the world from her face, since they are still in their 20s and perky as shit, but by the looks of these pictures, even they find Pam Anderson disgusting as they try to make their escape in some kind of mass suicide in efforts to end the pain of being attachted to her, or maybe she’s just wearing too small of a bra…what the fuck do I know…I just know I felt these were worth posting for some stupid reason…
I got this niche fetish that involves getting off to Dead President daughters in bikinis and since it’s a rare thing to find, since George Washington’s half breed slave babies are long dead, I am stuck with JFK’s daughter in her one-piece and that’s good enough for me…even though I highly doubt she’s good enough for her husband…he probably looks her over every night before bed, happy she’s not 300 pounds, but disappointed she’s not the hot pussy she was when they got married…
BONUS – SOME BLOWJOB FACE POSSIBLY NAKED UNDER HER TOWEL PICS
I don’t know about you, but seeing these pictures of Rihanna on the beach brings me hope. No, not the kind of hope that I will one day crawl inside her fat ass pussy and die from the smells, but because there was once a pop star named Lisa Left Eye Lopez and Aalyiah who went on similar vacations back to the islands and never came back to pollute our radio stations again and they weren’t nearly as offensive as Rihanna. So we can only hope…
I guess the other hope is that her family decide that she’s gone too far and lost her roots, and needs to take it the fuck down a notch, locking her in their shanty and never letting her out of their eye…or maybe her people will revolt because she is an embarassment and stone her to death, there are just so many options….all which hopefully involve her covering her shitty body up because it’s not that nice to stare at.
Merry Christmas too all and too all a good night, what? too soon….assholes….
I have spent the last few days drunk in various places and it has almost been awesome, except for the fact that I have tried to convince endless tourists to invite me back to their hotel rooms to let me watch them shower together. You know a little fucking hot tub party because I feel like I’ve missed out on hot tub parties in my life and think it’s time to make up for lost time….all I need is to find some willing pussy.
On a sidenote, I woke up with an erection. I think that means I am over my impotence or depression caused by my wife’s body after spending the last decade on Precious’ diet….while I’ve spend the last decade trying Precious’ dad’s school of parenting…but only because I think fucking my stepdaughters is a right of passage before sending them off to the world to fend for themselves….and it doesn’t end with retard babies…
Speaking of retard babies, here’s some shit going on in the stepFORUM to keep you busy, while the rest of the world is on vacation. Cuddles….
Marie-Eve Martinez here. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the youngest of Jesus’ two step-daughters and for those of you who do know me, it’s been far too long, I know.
Did you miss me? I’ve missed you!.
I got an email from Jesus late last night telling me that if I didn’t hear from him by this evening I should be prepared to take the helm for the day, possibly even forever, because his absence could likely mean he is dead in an alley somewhere, or at least completely comatose and passed out in a puddle of his own holiday sick – a lethal combination of KFC Holiday Supper for One, discount bottom shelf booze and/or cough syrup. I’m sitting here full after a long and over drawn Christmas dinner, and by Christmas dinner I mean a half a bottle of Jameson, sick of Christmas movies, Christmas decorations and if I hear one more Christmas song, I will probably puke. I’d like to meet the guy who wrote It’s a Wonderful Life and ask him just whose life he was talking about, or maybe just put a bullet in his head. Either or.
My brand new Yorkshire Terrier is humping my arm while I type this to an obscene amount. The dog, which I don’t particularly care for, was a gift from a guy I care for even less than the dog. He is a cute little bastard though – I’m speaking of the guy here, not the dog although the dog is okay too – and if anything that serves as a reminder that even though I hate Christmas, I do love cock, and if that means giving a small rodent a good home, I suppose I can. It makes me feel charitable this time of year without having to go work in a soup kitchen around homeless people that reek of piss more than Jesus does on a hot day.
Anywhooo, from all of us at drunkenstepfather.com, to all 6 of you reading this out there, we hope you have Happy Holidays. Or don’t. Whatever. Actually, we hate you and we hope you drive home drunk and kill yourself, or at least someone else.
But before you do that, you should probably click these links.
Hugs and Kisses
A 2009 Celebrity Bikini Recap You Don’t Want to Miss GO
Lindsay Lohan is a bad santa. Let’s hope she doesn’t try to work for the make-a-wish foundation, or even to hit up all the homeless shelters or sick kid hospitals this Christmas for attention cuz she’s a bad fucking santa….
All I asked her for was to send me a couple nude pics and instead she just pretended I don’t exist, because in her world I don’t, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt me on the inside when I sat by my phone while sugar plims danced in my head, waiting for a response, especially when I see these pictures of her so actively and passionately texting some other motherfucker who is proabbly more relevant than me, but I like to think she’s just doing it to mock me knowing she ignored me and driving that point home.
Sure at first I thought maybe she was too busy getting her lips done to use her phone, then I thought that maybe she was doing me a favor because she knows her vagina’s a mess and something not worth seeing and that not sending me nudes a Christmas Miracle in disguise….and it really doesn’t matter cuz she’s in 5 years no one will even remember who Lohan is…..
Whoever told Jessica Simpson this was a good idea, needs to be fired….but at least she’s dressed like a Christmas present, which is only fitting because I hear when you unwrap her ass, it looks like sugarplums dancing in your head, smells and tastes like Christmas Dinner if it was blended and left in the sun for a week and has the constant discharge that has the color and consistency of eggnog….and I’d totally feast on this shit if given the opportunity cuz all I want for Christmas is to K-Fed her….
She looks like one of those weathered whores who offers pretty solid discounts, especially this time of year, because most people go for the whore who still has a functioning vagina. She’s dressed like one because cheap animal prints make the whores feel luxurious in such an not so luxurious job. She’s picking up a john like one, sure it’s her husband Antonio Banderas, but you know this is all just part of their sick roleplaying sex games and that the first Aspen back alley they find, motherfucker will be fuckin’ her behind a dumpster…..
I guess Avril Lavigne finally got her skater boy, but by the looks of this dude, he’s more of a figure skating boy than an actual skater boy, but maybe that’s what happens when we get older, the silly emo kid in platform shoes and spiked dyed hair becomes more of a fucking joke, you know that phase she’ll look back on and cringe she needs someone a little more refined….and by refined I mean someone who doesn’t care about how she’s gained 25 lbs and doesn’t want bang with the lights on…which works for him because he’d rather be fucking his heavyset male hairstylist and the darkness allows him to visualize her doughy body against his is actually his stylists’, only his male hairstylist doesn’t get him the same visibility as pretending to be straight and into this popstar who looks like she’s gained her holiday weight a little early….and lucky for us she wasn’t wearing a bikini…