Ashley Tisdale’s mother dresses like an Ashley Tisdale fan, you know like she’s 15 in her leggings and UGGS, probably because she is Ashley Tisdale’s biggest fan, since Ashley Tisdale buys her nice stuff and came out of her vagina, but the despite her best efforts, her face definitely wasn’t cooperating with this plan. You see this all the time, you know competitive mother’s, trying to compete with their teenage daughters for male attention, but the only problem is, they don’t realize their faces and vaginas look like a weathered pair of oversized leather boots….
The whole thing is pretty fucking funny but not as funny as the fact that Ashley Tisdale has a career entertaining people….
Alessandra Ambrosio doing yoga is a pretty good thing, but I find this shit disappointing. This is a Victoria’s Secret shoot but last time I checked Victoria’s Secret made panties and lingerie and shit and bitch is clearly not wearing a fucking see through thong while in her the downward dog or whatever the yoga position so long as I’m under her and she’s using my face as the fucking yoga mat you know just to see if I can still taste the remnants of the baby she just recently birthed…..or at least guage the damage the baby caused with my tongue and loving every fucking second of it.
When viewing these pictures of Ciara dressed like some kind of Trophy whore you’d win from the escort agency for being the customer of the year because your awkward ass made a lot of money in software in the 90s and your skills at getting pussy never quite matured past the age of 12 letting or some shit, but motherfucker’s bank account did and since then he’s gone through a different whore every second night, some more wholesome than the next, never quite questionning the authenticity of their pussies, always just assuming shit was always an integral part of the girl and not something she modified in her later years….remember she was most likely born with a cock…not that that would stop you.
Rihanna’s shirt is touching her pussy, asshole and tits all at the same fucking time and it is really not that exciting because I hate this bitch and think it’s time for her to be retired back in Barbados to spend the rest of her life giving tours of the Rum Distillery or changing bed sheets some shit where she belongs. I just hope her label is exploiting her like the illegal immigrant she is and that they are making a fuck of a lot more money that her because it would not be fair for someone not from America to make stupid money thanks to America and their love for garbage shit that the media shoves down their drone throats.
I have a love / hate relationship with girls who have weak chins. On one hand I think it looks fucking ugly enough to laugh at and make fun of so that the girl gets enough of a complex as this girl I used to talk to back in the day who ended up getting a chin implant partially because she knew it looked bad and partially because I would tell her how hot she’d be if she had a chin and didn’t just have a face that turned into neck. On the other hand I love the shit because watching girls walk around like they are about to puke, with their mouths permanently open and in the gag position is fucking hysterical.
In Lady Gaga’s case, it’s just a hate relationship because I have no interest in ugly girls who make it big and overcompensate for being ugly by being loud and annoying. I like my ugly girls shut the fuck up and hiding in the corner scared to make eye contact…..
So in future, she shouldn’t forget her ridiculous mask she’s been hiding behind and you shouldn’t buy her records because despite being a beast too big to stop…we can all do our part. Think of her as global warming-a cause we all need to fight.
Like all drunks, David Hasselhoff has taken a real liking to his daughter. Not only is his judgement clouded and the idea of what is right and wrong has been replaced with doing what makes him feel good without really caring about how this is going to fuck up his daughter 10 years down the road when she realizes that fucking her broken daddy won’t fix her broken daddy and if anything it’s really disturbed and will just catch up with her after he dies of alcoholism and she gets married and has kids and when her husband asks for anal, all those dirty memories will come rushing back, making her drink to forge, ruining her marriage and talking about it 2 years after rehab when she tries to get her life together on whatever the fuck replaces Oprah’s show…..
Sure she’s not actually wearing a brown paper bag, but she’s from Hollywood and she’s a celebrity and pulling off a brown paper bag would be on some Lady Gaga kick, but she is doing the most fashionable attempt at covering her fat fucking ass up in a brown ill-fitting sweater that I can only assume happened using the same logic as so many guys before her when trying to make a pussy good enough to fuck by covering the bitches disgusting face.
I feel like Hilary Duff is in an abusive relationship, you know always competing with her boyfriend’s team mates for his attention, cuz when you’re part of a team, you do everything together, from showering to jerking each other off in each other’s mouth in efforts to build morale and a endless bond that wins Stanely Cups and girlfriends, although fun to tag team, just get in the way of that….
She’s one of those hot white girls from South Africa who I want to fuck, only I’m not too sure if she has AIDS or not and I’ve got this new thing of only fucking girls who are HIV positive cuz I’m doing my own scientific research to see just how hard it is to contract the shit. I’ve been told by a few people that AIDS doesn’t even exist anymore and I figure the only way to be too sure about that is to hit the fucking streets and since I’ve never used condoms, they get in the way of feeling good, I’m pretty much ready.
See Africa is all about the AIDS, just ask U2 but I hope that doesn’t mean burning Candice Swanpoel’s bathing suit bottomes instead of selling them on ebay…cuz there is no AIDS strong enough to keep me from sniffing that shit til I get a nose bleed….
Lohan may not have much of a career. She may not have too much sex appeal. She may not really be interesting to the media. But she does have great fucking tits. I am upset that the one night I had with Lohan, these tits weren’t shoved down my throat, but instead, fate had a different plan for me as I was escorted out of the VIP section of the club she was doing an appearance at by very big security guards who were nice enough to not break my camera or face for a change….
Either way, check out here tits. They are pretty incredible….
I’d say that 98% of pornstars are escorts on the side. I’ve heard the AVN awards in vegas are really just an excuse for all these porn whores to fuck the highest bidder and that when they aren’t in the booth working the tradeshow floor, they are in the hotel fucking their biggest fans…
Now you all know Holly Sampson, Tiger Woods’ mistress who was once on The Wonder Years and who slowly made her way into nude modeling, then into porn and supplementing some of her income the way so many other porn pussy does with escorting….
So maybe this will bring her some new business, but I figured I’d post some of the reviews on her lisint at the eroticreview escort review board. I didn’t want to pay 50 dollars to get the JUICY details, but I’m sure TMZ will rip this off and publish all the info soon. Motherfuckers….
I want to be that special someone whom you’ll REMEMBER. I want to make sure that when we part you’re left completely WALKING ON AIR. The memory of my smile should WARM you. The sound of my laugh should LINGER in your mind. The touch of my hand on yours should leave you – BREATHLESS…
Here’s another one of her escort ads:
I’ve emailed her and will let you know if she answers…In the meantime Here are some of the reviews….dating back to 2004 when I guess she decided to go pro with this sex thing…
Was enticed by Holly’s pics and the fact that she was a porn star
I met her at the hotel and she looked just like the hot, proverbial girl next store – extremely attractive, casually dressed – certainly not your obvious porn star. We had a get to know you conversation in the restaurant and went to the room. Needless to say, I was very excited by this very hot woman.
She responded to my e-mail within a day and we were able to schedule an afternoon appointment. When the door opened I was greated by a beautiful gal with a big smile. Holly is a little pricy but worth it.
Holly arranged for a cheap fleabag hotel in the south bay. She was late but did call me to let me know. She gave me the room number and I went up to a sleazy room with no wine opener for the bottle I brought. I showered and came out to find Holly watching TV. After I admired her looks in the new dress she bought that afternoon, we got down to business.
Had been trying to get together with Holly for a while and our schedules finally meshed. E-mail her to set appt. and received timely response. Her reference system is painless. I met hewr at a nice hotel of our mutual chosing…and WoW is she HOT!
Holly was absolutely charming. She is a sweet and sensitive soul with a lot to offer some lucky guy. She has grace and charm to boot. She really is terrific but she was no Winnie Cooper.
She is easy to reach by e-mail, and we set up a time to meet. She does have a screening process but it was not anything out of the ordinary. Holly is really good looking, and has a great attitude to go with it. She does have a few restrictions, but provides a solid performance. I had a fun time with her
This is one of the few providers I have seen that look exactly like her photos. She is undoubtably hot and a pro at this, so we get down to it pretty quickly.
Wanted to try Holly for a while since watching one of her Skinamax flick. E-mailed her and set up a meeting rather quickly. Very good session and she delivered as promised
Holly is the HOLY GRAIL of this hobby. She is unbelievably beautiful, sexy, sweet, cool…you name it she is the ultimate. I can’t imagine topping the experience except via future encounters with this incredible woman. She oozes sexuality,is forceful and direct but, always makes sure you are happy and satisfied…
I saw Holly in July of 2004 for 4 hours and she was visting from Az in that time. Holly is about 31 years old and she does look great for her age. She has a great, easy going personality and she is very energetic: If you are old or out of shape, don’t see her, she can kill you with her enthusiam and energy.
Holly Sampson is an actress in the regular and adult movie business. She is visiting LA for a short time and is working through LA’s Best Escorts. This agency has never let me down and when I was told about Holly, I jumped at the chance to meet her. She looks just like her pics and is absolutely gorgeous. Her bio on one of the websites listed her birthday as 9/4/73, so she just turned 31, but she could pass as being in her early 20’s. Her performance was wild, crazy and just plain fun. We really hit it off which may have a lot to do with the great session, but I don’t think you can go wrong with this girl. The skeptic in me thinks that some of the performance (moaning, dirty talk, etc.) was a little acting, but I didn’t care. She was just that much fun and if she wants to act a little to make sure I have a good time, then it just shows me what a great girl she is.
was intrigued first by Holly’s pictures, then her reviews. When guys warn you about being in shape, it’s a good sign that she’s not a 4 (she just laid there). I made the arrangements with Mike (also bitched to him about the representative photos with most of his girls, not Holly), and everything happened on schedule. I was outside the hotel when Holly arrived in the coolest car. If you see her, tell her not to sell! But enough about the damn car, she is hot. She looks much better without the heavy makeup, a natural beauty. She is not as thin as in her pics, but don’t get me wrong, she is very fit. With her looks and reputation, I knew I was in for something special.
She walked in, and yep, she’s the girl in the pictures. She’s really, really hot! Got her some water, and we sat and talked for a few minutes, before her suggestion that we get started.
K…so I took the plunge with this beauty. Called her up, she was out of town but called me back upon her return. Thereafter, she showed up 10 minute late. Wearing a clingy black dress and (get this) Jimmy Choo pumps (ie. $500 shoes). She kissed me gingerly at the door of my garden and I offered her my hand to walk up to my porch. I had the fire going and a mix of juices for her in a pitcher (she does not alcohol drink during a session). She sat on the couch and we proceeded to admire each others eyes…she is incredibly intimate.
We talked about her acting career…she is an accomplished softcore actress and talked about her views on life. She did mention that the previous reviewer that given her a bad review based on the lack of oral that he experienced. She explained that it was based on the fact that she had a crick in her neck. She promised to double her efforts during my session…I will give you the best oral I have ever learned throughout my life
Holly is immensely well read with a casual air that imparts wisdom and sensuality at the same time. We heated up to each other and magnetically drew to each others mouths in a sensual all lips and dancing tongue kiss….I became hot Hot HOT…read on below
The evening of our date I was entertaining clients and she call to let me know she was running late, as things turned out she arrived at my Beverly Hill hotel soon after I arrived. She looked hot in a pair of tight jeans and low cut top. We went to my room, I had a bottle of red wine opened and offered but she doesn’t drink. She came in immediately got undressed and jumped on the bed. It did take long for me to join her.
You get the idea…I’m sure you’re not surprised she’s a fucking hooker…I just thought it was funny.
If you want to read the rest of this bullshit, or sign-up to get the real heavy hooker details about exactly how she fucks, you’ll have to go to her EroticReview Page and pay.
I figured reading about fucking her isn’t worth money….
I like trash, because I am trash and because trash get things done without worrying about social conventions like showering or pride or etiquette, we just do what we gotta do to get by and sometimes that involves knocking an loud, annoying, bitch the fuck out.
This is some show called Jersey Shore, I assume it’s about the guidos and clowns from the Jersey Shore and this could be staged, but staged or not, seeing a bitch knocked the fuck out is porn to me, especially when she’s dressed in Ed Hardy like this twat.
Not beating the fuck out of women is a dated concept. Get with the fucking times and break your wife’s nose.
I have decided to fully absorb myself into the Christmas holiday spirit by spending the entire weekend sitting under the stairs at the local mall lookin’ up as many fucking skirts and I fucking can. I figure Thursday after work will probably be a stronger upskirt day since people will be coming out of work and since most chicks dress like slobs on the weekend and Friday night no one wants to do anything but get fucked up and fucked to fill the void that the work week brought them….and I guess you don’t care about my plans….you just want my stepLINKS so here they are….
Thank god the bitch is in her shorts cuz she’s got a horrible fucking body…. That’s all I’ve gotta say about that. I mean other than the fact that I almost got sued by this cunt years ago because I posted pictures of her cunt that was black, meaty and fucking disgusting and the money she spent sending lawyers letters would have been better spent on labia reduction surgery….
I bet Tom Cruise didn’t get a boner having a girl rub up so closely to him. if anything it was fucking up with how good the vibrations of the bike felt up against his balls while he was thinking about all those late night bareback riding sessions he used to have wearing his leather chaps with all his gay biker riding buddies….
Something is seriously wrong with the world when Lady Gaga gets to meet the Queen. Sure she’s some kind of court jester who targets the Queens and it seems almost fitting but seriously if I was the Royal Family which I’m not, my security detail would have killed this fucking monster as soon as it stepped foot in the building for fear that it was carrying an HIV filled syringe or whatever these weird fucking tranny pros use to protect themselves these days….
Seriously, she needs to be sent back to the fucking gutter, she’s not growing on me, she’s just making me hate her more.