I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

12

Mar

Patsy Kensit in a See Through Shirt of the Day

Her name is Patsy Kensit and she is a nobody who married the dude in Oasis when he was at the height of her career which pretty much means she’s still a nobody, because Oasis died a long time ago, but since she’s out and the paparazzi care enough to take pictures of her tits. I guess whenever I go out, which is almost never, and a girl shows me her tits I always try to get pictures of it. Unfortunately for me, it turns out that strip clubs don’t like cameras very much and beat you up for trying to capture the moment to share with your loved ones when they ask for what you’ve been up to…..

Either way, I guess she’s never given up and that’s something I like to tell strippers to keep their morale up, but usually only at the end of my lap dances when I’ve run out of money….but that’s just because I want them to keep on going….but they usually take it as some kind of inspirational words of wisdom that helps them live with themselves for being whores….whores who have now had their tits seen by less people that this Patsy Kensit character. I guess she’s like the Den Mother now…

I don’t know what I am talking about.

Posted in:Nipples|Patsy Kensit|See Through|Shirt

2008

12

Mar

Bijou Phillips is Excited of the Day

I found both Bijou Phillips and her boyfriend Danny Masterson from That 70s Show fame on Facebook around the same time someone emailed me these pictures of them at some fashion week event where Bijou is going fuckin’ insane, because she’s just that lively of a person. I guess you have to make the most out of life when you have a terminal illness.

Reality is, I wasn’t going to write about this HIV lookin’ hipster bitch, but I figured why the fuck not. I like rich girls with nothing better to do than develop drug addictions and fake modeling and acting careers because they are skinny enough and because their daddy’s have friends in high places, but I wanted to take a different approach.

So I reached out to both of them and told them I wanted them to write th posts about themselves because I had no interest doing it anymore and I got no response. So I am only doing this post to declare the war is officially on. This post may not reflect my anger, but I am still drunk from last night, but trust me, Masterson and Phillips…it’s on.

Posted in:Bijou Phillips|Excited|Upskirt

2008

12

Mar

Pink in a Bikini on a Boat of the Day

Here are some pictures of Pink celebrating being recently single by going out on a cruise alone and taking pictures of herself alone and getting her little hired homie to take a couple for her, because that’s what you do when you don’t have a husband to take pictures of you or with you anymore. It’s kinda like watching a recent widow accidentally buy two coffees at the coffee shop by force of habit…You do the same things you always did only you do them alone, like a self sufficient, empowered woman, who needs men kind of thing, even though Pink is kinda cheating the whole feminist movement by having a penis.

The good thing about Pink is that she can be your thinspiration. I went to the strip club with him last night and this anabolic fitness bodybuilder chick got up on stage. I am immediately disgusted by her 3 inch long clit that is bigger than your limp dick, but my friend tells me that she’s the reason he comes here 3 times a week because she has the body he’s been trying to get at the gym, so he takes her into the lap dance booth and she gives him work out tips.

I asked him if he’s going to get the implants by summer too, because grabbing her broad shoulders and chiseled biceps is pretty homo and getting implants would be the logical next step. He didn’t laugh, but between you and me, I hope he does because I’ll get to touch them whenever I want for free and even though touching my male friend’s fake tits seems gay, it’s way more fun than giving each other high fives or bro-hugs.

Either way, she’s in a bikini and some of you may dig that. It doesn’t make you gay, it just makes you weird.

Posted in:Bikini|Pink|Tits

2008

12

Mar

stepLINKS of the Day

I got this email:

Dear Jesus Martinez,

You’re a dick.

Lots of love,

Your mom

This is what I wrote back:

Mom?!

Is that really you? Daddy told me you went on vacation and but you never came home? Part of the reason I started this site was in hopes that one day it would reach you. Not having you in my life all these years really created a void that I filled with self destructive behavior. I am so glad you wrote me…now we can start the recovery process.

So, where have you been all my life. Let’s meet up so you can give me all those outstanding birthday and christmas gifts. I will accept a lump sum payment if it’s easier.

Send Nudes, since I feel like I don’t know you, I think it’s ok to get off to you, even if we’re related.

Love

Your son, Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are my links:

Leelee Sobieski Has a Weird Fucking Fetish
GO

Become a Sexplorer:
GO

Some Dude Jumps Out of a Plane With No Parachute Insanity
GO

Here Are Sexiest Idols
GO

Her Name is Alba Parietti and this is her Nipple
GO

Britney Spears is a Cartoon in her New Video Which Makes Her Easier to Jerk Off To
GO

This Site Has A Lot of Sluts Posing in Lingerie
GO

Fuck With These Whores….
GO

Fake Tits at the Club
GO

An American Idol is Shopping Around Her Nude Pics Unfortunately
GO

Some Dude Gives Himself Liposuction
GO

Lohan Training Her Sister to be a Slut
GO

News Anchor Vs. Reporter Video
GO

Her Name is Catalina White…She’s a Roller Girl…This is Her Photoshoot
GO

This is Mischa Barton’s New Boyfriend
GO

Madonna Admits to Doing E
GO

Juliette Lewis is Dressed Like a Clown….I Guess She’s Been Hanging With Panettiere
GO

Mia Rocks Shows Off her Crazy TIts
GO

The New York Governor’s Alleged Whores
GO

Jenna Jameson for PETA Video
GO

Her Name is Mindy Vega and this is Her Showing Off her Body
GO

Funny Video of a Girl Waxing Off Her Cooch
GO

Pregnant Slut About to Explode of the Day
GO

2 Girls One Cup Meet Something Way More Vile….
GO

A Film Crew Gets Arrested for Trying to Kill Kate Hudson for Trying To Kill Owen Wilson by Breaking His Heart….
GO

Some Pictures of Some Dude’s Bachelor Party
GO

Jessica Simpson Live From Kuwait on the Today Show
GO

Morgan Fairchild’s Old Cleavage
GO

Miss Phillipines Girl Stumbles While Answering a Question
GO

100 Pictures of Hot Chicks Washing Cars
GO

Watch This Clip of Jamaican Dudes Talking About How They Hustle White Tourists
GO

Some Red Pepper Kinkiness
GO

Some Hot Chick Farting Video
GO

Who is the Pornstar in these Ads….I guess Both Are…
GO

Dave Navarro is Pushing Seasons Like an Asshole
GO

Weird Alien Rape Video
GO

I Beat Anorexia
GO

How To Get Tested for STDs
GO

How To Prevent STDs
GO

Letterman Asks Paula Abdul If She’s Drunk
GO

Tila Tequila’s 3 step sisters Try to Share the Spotlight by Being Sluts in this Video
GO

Janet Jackson Has Been Hospitalized
GO

Some Britney Skye Porn Star Pictures
GO

Some Girl Showing Off Her Tits at a Fast Food Restaurant
GO

Hilary Clinton Farts
GO

Jessica Simpson Rockin’ Out in Iraq
GO

Hot Chick Exercising
GO

Jenna Jameson Poses With Jenna Jameson
GO

Orange Coast College Cheerleaders are Sluts and I Like Them
GO

Slaw Wrestling Pictures and Videos Make me Hungry
GO

How to Tell If She is a Hooker or a Cop Video
GO

Some Crazy Retard Sex – NSFW – But Funny as Fuck…
GO

FROM PHOTOBUCKET:

Some of the More Hardcore Shit Found on Photobucket – Some Lesbianism, Some Flexible Mastubration, Some Sex…
GO

Some Fat Blowjob and Sex
GO

FROM THE FORUM

Pre-Release Portishead – Third
GO

Frou Frou – Details
GO

Lenny Kravitz – Time for a Revolution
GO

Zero 7 – Simple Things
GO

Hard-Fi – I Shall Overcome
GO

Soundgarden – A-Sides (Best of)
GO

Sparklehorse – Wonderfull Life
GO

Ghetto Fights DVD
GO

The Clientele – Strange Geometry
GO

The Blow – Paper TV
GO

Fight Club EBOOK
GO

Myspace is EVIL!
GO

Shay Laren
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Use this to Find Girls to FUck – Because Girls Make Sex More Fun
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

11

Mar

Kate Moss’ Nipples in a Photoshoot of the Day

Kate Moss did a topless photoshoot for some magazine and I figured I’d post them because I am a fan of Kate Moss. She lives a good life, she does drugs, she parties, she has a lot of money, she’s not a very involved parent, which is nice because who wants a bitch who is spending all her days hanging with her kid, when you’d rather be partying and doing drugs globetrotting…and she likes getting naked.

I remember the last mother I dated, I ended up marrying and everything became about her fucking kids. All the money she brought in went to buying them clothes and that only worked out in my favor when their purchases were bikinis or new panties and it involved modeling them for my opinion. They were practically 18, I’m not a fuckin’ pedophile. Asshole.

Posted in:Kate Moss|Nipples|Photoshoot

2008

11

Mar

Amy Winehouse’s Ass Crack of the Day

I am guilty of liking skinny chicks and appreciate any means a girl takes to get herself skinny. I am talking eating disorders, drug addiction, laxatives, extreme cardio, terminal illness, pretty much anything the world offers them to maintain their skinny bodies, because it takes some commitment, determination and it’s a lot better seeing a girl frail from starving herself, than watching a girl sit on her fat ass eating donuts. Maybe I’m crazy.

Unfortunately, Amy Winehouse just doesn’t do it for me. Lookin’ at her ass crack on a non-existant ass kinda makes me sick to my stomach and I don’t know why. I should be all over this, but I assume that she takes the nastiest cocaine fueled shits and doesn’t wipe properly because she’s too busy trying to get her next fix…but major drug addiction and bad hygiene hasn’t stopped me in the past, maybe I’m just an anti-semite and can’t stomach her buggy eyes on her droopy Jew-Face…..but the good news is that girl can sign.

I guess the real question is where was she when spirits needed to be lifted in the concentration camps in Nazi Germany? Just because she looks like she’s an emaciated Anne Franck relivin’ it doesn’t mean she’ was there for her people. Bitch.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Ass|Crack

2008

11

Mar

Liv Tyler in a Bikini When She Shouldn’t Be of the Day

Here’s something you’ve all been waiting for, Liv Tyler showing off her post pregnancy body in a bikini on the beach. She’s the pasty kind of slut you like cumming on because shit turns invisible against her white skin and that makes you feel like some kind of super hero, something you’ve wanted since you were a virgin with a huge comic book collection and an affinity for wearing tights in front of the mirror, because it gave you a boner.
I guess the closest you’ll get to fuckin’ her is jerking off to the high quality print outs on that expensive printer you bought for occasions like this. You’ve had a thing for Aerosmith, since getting down to “Dude Looks Like a Lady” because you used to lay in bed imagining it was written about you while squeezing your nipples, and wondering if you’d ever meet someone as sexy as Steven Tyler, but since that makes you gay, you’ll settle for the bi-product of an Aerosmith one night stand….
Either way, her sister is a plus sized model, I guess it’s genetic and I look forward to her future rolls in movies playing the Wal Mart cashier or maybe if she’s lucky, Roseanne in her biopic…it could be the role of a lifetime….

Posted in:Bikini|Liv Tyler|Plus Sized

2008

11

Mar

Patricia Heaton Puts on a Shirt of the Day

The good news of the day is that Patricia Heaton decided to put on a shirt at the beach like a fat teenage girl on summer vacation. After seeing her over-tucked tummy tuck that amputated her belly button, I think it was a good beach fashion choice, not that I know anything about fashion. She also decided to put on a pair of better fitting bikini bottoms that offer a little more support to her saggy vagina and I am all for girls strapping up when shit is clearly needed.

Kinda like the time this girl was acting up in my apartment, so I strapped her to my bed….it made having sex with her a hell of a lot easier because it took very little convincing and the sock I stuffed down her throat made her cries for me to stop sound a lot more like whimpers of pleasure, like she was actually enjoying it. I figure if I don’t hear “No” or “Stop” clearly, then it’s all fair game….or maybe like the time my wife put on some kind of corset and pantyhose to make her look skinny, when what she really needed to look skinny was a year membership at the gym and a serious diet.

Either way, here’s Patricia Heaton in action….

Posted in:Bikini|Nipples|Patricia Heaton|Shirt

2008

11

Mar

Ray J Tells Tyra About His Kim Kardashian Sex Tape of the Day

Ray J says that the whole reason he did the sex tape was because he was bored, something I’d expect when you’re stuck hanging with Kim Kardashian because big tits and a big ass is gets boring once you’ve already seen them a couple dozen times and she’s got about enough substance to entertain a 3 year old for about 2 minutes before it starts begging for the Teletubbies because her tubby ass isn’t even good enough for them.

So Ray J says that he watched the video to improve his sexual performance and Tyra asks about his big dick because her pussy is fuckin’ hungry for some cock and this video is about as interesting as spending a night with Kim Kardashian. So watch it.

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Ray J|Sex Tape

2008

11

Mar

Serena Williams in a Short Dress from HP of the Day

Serena Williams seems to be confusing being good at tennis with being good lookin’ enough to wear a miniskirt, I guess that’s the problem with being a champion, you’re ego and self esteem just go through the roof and you feel like nothing can stop you, at least I am assuming that’s the case, because I have never won anything and self-esteem has never really been my thing, I’ve preferred self medicating.

I can only assume that HP doesn’t want to sell many of these Notebook computers, instead they want to scare the public so that everytime the commercial starring Serena comes up we turn the shit off, change the channel, or start masturbating, since some of you are into that shit, forcing us to remember the product as visions of Serena appear everywhere we go, haunting out sleep, in magazines and on billboards until we buy the fuckin’ computer to shut the bitch up.

I guess what it comes down to, is that if I really wanted to see a big black guys in a short skirt, I’d just make my way over to my drag queen neighbor’s house. He always smells like freshly baked cookies and expensive perfume. I may not be into cross dressers, but they really do take pride in dressing up, like some kind of passion and you can’t turn a blind eye to passion, because it’s hard to ignore when there’s a dick in your ass.

I don’t know what I am talking about.

Posted in:HP|Serena WIllians|Short Dress

2008

11

Mar

Mischa Barton’s Sloppy Tit Shopping of the Day

Here are some pictures of criminal Mischa Barton out shopping with her dog. I guess the irony in this picture is that Mischa is the fucking dog and the dog is actually cute. Not that I know what irony is, but I assume it’s that.

She’s a sloppy mess who was at her hottest while playing a dead puking girl in the Sixth Sense that Haley Joel Osmond jerked off on and ever since then it’s all gone down hill for her, but I know some of you freaks like that smell, so here’s her tit busting out of her top.

This post may be shitty, but so am I. I don’t understand how fucking virginal the internet is for getting excited about seeing a bitch’s tit from the side. They’ve even go as far to call it Sideboob, like the fuckin’ thing’s got a name, and if that doesn’t scream, I’ve never felt tits in my life, I guess it screams I’ve also never watched porn, because I am so fucking desensitized from porn, that the only thing that turns me on is watching the fuckin’ news, or maybe sometimes when I see a dudes get shit on by a juggling midget, but that’s only because I want to hate fuck Hayden Panettiere.

Maybe I am weird, but I am also hungover, I just woke up and the last thing I want to be doing is writing about some useless bitch’s tits. So fuck yourself. I love you. I am bi-polar like that.

Posted in:Mischa Barton|Tit

2008

11

Mar

stepLINKS of the Day

I got this email:

Dear Sir,

I was surfing the internet, as I want to do, and somehow I think the devil himself made me stumble across your website. I have never in my life read such cruel, distasteful, and hurtful things in all my life! The people you criticize so harshly have dedicated their lives to working VERY HARD to become successful and you treat them like dirt, in addition to your disgusting personal editorial. I don’t know how you sleep at night. You need to go to church, I will pray for you.

Betsy Rogers
Des Moines, Iowa

I replied:

Thanks Betsy.

I appreciate the email. I am not sure what you are specifically making reference to, but I am glad the “Devil” brought us together.

I don’t believe that the devil actually exists and I guess that means I don’t think God does either. I know that I like to pretend I am the cumming of Christ sometimes, but usually only when I am cumming all over my wife’s ass….because my name is Jesus…she usually wipes it off, so I guess she’s doesn’t really believe in the whole coming of Christ shit either.

I know you don’t know me, but I do have issues with impotency, and sometimes I can’t fuck for weeks. That to me is the closest I’ve ever come to possessed by the devil. No, I’m not talking about my wife’s devil tattoo over he gaping vagina, which was pretty cute when she was younger, but since the weight gain looks more like Texas, I am talking about not being able to do something I really want to do that is out of my control. I guess like a paralyzed dude trying to run a marathon but only being able to roll passed the finish line kind of thing.

Either way, somehow my baby Jesus always shines through and makes an appearance like it was Good Friday and if there was a God, I’d totally give him a high five, but only after washing my hands, because my wife’s a squirter. I was always convinced she was just peeing on me, but we took a sample to the lab and it turns out she was just having really intense orgasms, which is amazing, considering I have no business or skills to make anyone cum, not even myself while watching really raunchy porn.

As for hurting your feelings by making fun of celebrities, all I have to say is that they put themselves out there and are financially compensated in their jobs for any shit I may spew. I am sure it doesn’t hurt their feeling because they are too busy sitting on beaches, doing cocaine and having pre-marital sex…..I think maybe you are confusing me for the devil, when in reality it’s these “role models” who are fuckin’ up the kids by making them image conscious, materialistic, vapid sluts who use their tits to get them ahead are really the devil’s work….maybe together we are on the same spiritual path. Send Nudes.

We should go grab a coffee next time I am in Des Moines, which may be never, since I am sure it’s as shitty there as it sounds and I’d rather be rockin’ out on the beaches of Cancun during college spring break than going to church with you, but if your tits are hot enough, maybe I’ll re-work my vacation plans.

Happy Easter,

Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are my links:

Some Hot Fuckin’ Slut Showing Off Her Bra With Cum on her Face
GO

Hot Half Naked Party Girls
GO

THE DIRTIEST POLITICAL SEX SCANDALS
GO

A Whole Lot of Kim Kardashian Cuz You Want Her Fat Cunt
GO

Jenna Jameson’s Pussy for Peta
GO

Germany’s Next Top Model’s Leaked Topless Pics
GO

Some Crazy Huge Tit Video
GO

How To Get Rid of a Hickey
GO

Karen McDougall is Bruce Willis’ Girlfriend and This is Her Topless for Some Mag
GO

Some Hot Molly Simms Bikini Photoshoot Video
GO

Elisha Cuthbert Showing off a Hot Bikini Body
GO

Catherine Zeta-Jones Has Some Hot Tits
GO

Sunisa Kim and You Want to Fuck Her
GO

Here is a Bare Assed American Apparel Ad
GO

Some Slutty Rebecca Romijn Stamos Photoshoot Pics
GO

Her Name is Cherokee D’Ass and She’s Admitting To be a Hooker in This Dirty Video
GO

Top 10 Banana Blow Job Videos
GO

Mentos Rocket Cunt Punches a Chick Video
GO

Emily Scott Looks Pretty Amazing in This Photoshoot…
GO

Some Naked Blonde Amateur Chick
GO

Her Name is Louise Glover and She is a Rejected WWE Diva You Want to Fuck
GO

Some Horny Couple Fuck in Public
GO

You’ll Want to Fuck Miguel Tejada’s Wife
GO

Emma Watson has a Borderline Upskirt Moment
GO

Guess the Celebrity Side Boob
GO

MTV Banned This Gnarls Barkley Video
GO

How To Make a Bong Out of a SoBe Bottle
GO

Ivanka Trump is a Spoiled High Maintenance Cunt
GO

Here’s a Crazy Lowrider Video
GO

Some Party Girl Showing the Bottom of Her Tits
GO

Nothing Says Good Times Like a Set of Bouncing Boobs
GO

Some Security Guard Stripping a Girl Video
GO

The Tranny is Quitting Pussy Cat Dolls
GO

Amy Winehouse’s New Party Trick is Snorting Vodka
GO

Nicole Richie is Showing Off Some Pregnancy Tit
GO

New Orleans Mayor Supports Vaginas
GO

How To Make People Naked on Photoshop
GO

Nickelback Chad Kroeger Can Suck His Own Dick for Beer
GO

Some Giant Chick in a Chick Fight Video
GO

Some Coco’s Got Some Crazy Fuckin’ Ass
GO

Bush and McCain are Lovers
GO

American Idol Success Leads Sanjaya To Rockin’ Out at Bar Mitzvah’s
GO

Adriana Lima Ruins an Upskirt Moment
GO

Gene Simmons is Completely Bald – I just Thought He Had Bad Hair
GO

A Chick in Booty Shorts and a Bra Shows Us How To Do a Sexy Work Out While Doing the Laundry
GO

Some Jackass Dancing in His Car Deploys The Airbags Video
GO

A Whole Lot of Self Shot Amateur Slut Pictures
GO

This Jewish Kid Doesn’t Believe in God
GO

Dita Von Teese Does a Burlesque Show in Vegas Video
GO

Cindy Crawford’s Picture Perfect Family is Obnoxious
GO

Fuck With Webcam Sluts Cuz You Are Bored and They are Willing
GO

From Photobucket

Some Nasty Speckled Ass
GO

FROM THE FORUM

RUN DMC – Tougher Than Leather
GO

Grandmaster Flash – The Message
GO

The Blow – Poor aim love songs
GO

2 Louis XIV CDs
GO

Velvet Revolver – Melody and Tyranny
GO

Violent Femmes – Why do Birds Sing?
GO

Joss Stone – Mind Body and Soul
GO

Fat Joe – The Elephant in the Room
GO

What Aim!
GO

How do You Eat Your Pussy?
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Use this to Find Girls to FUck – Because Girls Make Sex More Fun
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

10

Mar

Patricia Heaton Doesn’t Have a Belly Button of the Day

Here are some recent pictures of old lady Patrica Heaton in a bikini, something I could have died without never seeing, but that’s just because you all know how I feel about a bitch in a bikini who has no business being in a bikini, even if you’ve jerked off to her a few time when the only show on late night TV was an Everybody Loves Raymond re-run, because we all know that was just an act of desperation.

I know you are used to just staring at a girls vagina when you see her in a bikini, so if you just take your eyes off whatever the fuck she’s hiding in her bikini bottoms that make her pussy-sag, you’ll see that bitch doesn’t have a fucking belly button. I have no idea what the hell that means, maybe she’s a robot or maybe it’s some tummy tuck bi-product but whatever the fuck it is, it scares me. I guess the unfortunate thing for her is that they couldn’t have had the same disappearing effect on the rest of her sloppy body….I guess those advancements in medicine haven’t been made yet….but I am sure these superficial celebrities are pumping all kinds of money into it, why bother finding the cure to cancer and aids when you could invest in finding a way to make your ass look good enough to fuck….

Posted in:Bikini|Patricia Heaton|Saggy

2008

10

Mar

Danica McKellar’s Got Some Cleavage of the Day

TV in the late 80s and 90s made me question my sexuality, not because I actually thought I was into dudes but because the girls they used to play the love interests on the shows were always pretty fuckin’ busted. I am talking about Winnie Cooper from the Wonder Years, Topanga from Boy Meets World, Claire Danes in My So Called Life and I am sure there were a lot more girls who were wrongfully casted on some Hayden Panettiere shit, but I was too busy getting drunk to care. They were successful into brainwashing the public into thinking these girls were worth jerking off to, while leaving people like me, who actually were into hot girls and not girls that were pretending to be hot confused because the guys on these shows along with every other easily manipulated horny teenage dude thought they were.

I always knew that if that bitch was at my school or lived in my suburb, the only dick she’d be getting would be from an uncle trying to live out some kind of sick fantasy, and I guess their careers since those shows just prove that I was right. I guess you can only trick us for so long TV.

Here is Danika McKellar at an event because I guess she still gets the occasional invite since their shows are still on TV even years after their 5 minutes dried up. I am just posting this as a reminder of how evil TV is.

Posted in:cleavage|Danica McKellar

2008

10

Mar

Paris Hilton’s Tits Rock Out With Good Charlotte Sister of the Day

Paris made another appearance with the Good Charlotte sister, only this time it was in Vegas at a club because hosting events is pretty much the extent of Paris Hilton’s contribution to the world.

She is wearing some kind of miracle bra that would piss you off if you ever met a girl in a club with tits like this and brought her home to find out she’s staked like a 12 year old fat kid, but I guess that’s not really anything you’d know first hand, since the girls you get don’t actually exist and are just things you fantasize about in your depressing basement apartment.

I guess you could understand the frustration if you switched your fantasy up a little. So next time you jerk off, imagine the girl who you picked up at some exclusive event, with tits bigger than your head gets into your exotic sports car and starts suckin’ your 10 inch dick. Once you get her back to your luxury hotel suite that costs you 2500 dollars a night, but that doesn’t phase you because you’re so rich, she starts to undress. First the dress comes off, and her body is banging in some expensive sexy lingerie set and you pounce on her like a rabid dog. You go for her tits and all you find are silicone inserts and a really strong push-up wire bra that you awkwardly try to take off but can’t so she does it for you and next thing you know you’re trying to stick your dick into you best friend from elementary school who you spent everyday of summer vacation with.

I guess that’s the beauty of fantasy, they always go into weird dark places but no one needs to know how fucked the shit that makes you cum is. It’s your little secret to yourself. Kinda like when the Good Charlotte sister used to dyke out on each other back when they were 14 and experimenting their sexuality together. It’s their little secret that is only remembered by the matching soul-mate tattoos they got, but they never re-visit except when fuckin’ their 14 year old boy lookin’ girlfriends.

I guess the only thing faker than Paris’ Cleavage and Good Charlotte’s rockstar persona, because that shit is posing harder than the bra is squeezing her tits, is this staged relationship. Enjoy.

Posted in:cleavage|Good Charlotte|Paris Hilton|Tits