So exhibitionist, successful slut, borderline prostitute, with the dumbest set of fake tits, and the ability to pretty much attach her name to any useless product, was out at the beach, but instead of being half naked and sucking on a set of testicles while getting her pussy licked, like you’d expect the whore to be, at least based on her shitty sex tape that hit years ago, she’s wearing a couple towels and covering up more than a Muslim chick or that pilgrim lookin’orthodox jew I saw outside with her 8 kids the other day and who I asked if she would come over to host my thanksgiving party where we pretend to rape and pilage natives, but she just ignored me, I guess her religion raped and pilaged her vagina enough to not have a sense of humor, but maybe it was just because she’s not allowed to communicate with non jews since we’re heathans, but more likely it’s just that it wasn’t funny and I should have gone with my horse and buggy joke instead.
Either way, I wish some bitches took Jordan’s lead and wrapped the fuck up when it came to bikini time, I’m talking to you fat chicks.
I guess Jodan not happy with how her body’s looking, and here she is doin some stretchin….before a work out to tighten shit up…
Jennifer Love Hewitt seems to think taking out the trash is the fucking set of Can’t Hardly Wait or whatever that 90s movie she was rockin’ her big tits and small body in.
She decided to wear her pajama pants like the slob that she’s become, but snuck in this belly top like she was a trashy local Britney Spears slut at some wet t-shirt contest in the late 90s, only she’s not hot and willing to suck anyone’s dick since she’s not young and having a good time, but instead, old, single and taking out the fucking trash because she doesn’t have a fucking man to do it for her….
I don’t know why I am bothering posting it, but that’s a common theme in my life so I am going to do it anyway.
The Lindsay Lohan Deathwatch isn’t going so well because she’s still alive. Sure she’s at a club drinking “red bull” and maybe that shit, coupled with the blow, will jack her weakened heart into some kind of cardiac arrest that leaves her foaming from the mouth in the DJ booth while Sam Ronson drops some greatest hits from today and yesterday like she was some kind of adult contemporary radio station, but Lohan’s smiling in these pics, and smiles are not condusive to someone shitting their eyeballs out of them and leaving a bloody Ebola mess all over the bathroom floor, you know someone on the verge of death. Smiles mean happiness and happiness does not mean impending death. We’ll keep waiting…
I don’t really get the appeal of alternative models, the fact that they are alternatives to models, pretty much means they are not hot enough to be models, so they go out and made a full category of their own and to make their below average looks more appealing, they go out and tattoo the shit up and piece the shit up and do other mods that shouldn’t actually be called mods because the only thing that shit modifies is how disgusting and used up a bitch looks, but
Kat Von D isn’t one of those alternative models, she’s just famous for being a tattoo artist who may or may not jack those alternative girls up, who I assume wrote a book and some creepy fan brought out some lingerie to give her at a signing, because he feels like it’s the least he can do since he’s been jerking off to her the last few years and figures she deserve a gift, especially one that provides new fantasies for him, because he can now imagine her in the panties he used to wear while watching her show, before washing and re-packaging them and giving them to her, if you know what I mean and since the only other person at the signing was her dad because she has no fans…it may the whole thing nice and smooth.
I like fat chicks because they are easy, you know because of all that competing with the good looking girl, that makes them willing to go above and beyond while never commanding respect, a relationship or pretty much anything but for you to pull out because her mom won’t let her get on the pill.
I don’t think Jessica Simpson is one of those kinds of fat chicks, since she’s busty and not offensively fat, but she is a budding country music star playing a barn near year and I’ve seen Brokeback Mountain, I know how that Cowboy shit works out, you know leaving you dead in NYC after a prescription drug overdose…
Some girl just told me about how she has a lesbian fantasy, when I told her that most girls want to get with other girls and asked why she hasn’t made the move yet, she told me that the only girl she’s ever even almost with was her 16 year old sister. They were drunk at a party and decided to make out. I figured that was weird but then she went into how she masturbated with her 16 year old sister more than once, one time was watching porn in her room and another time while having phone sex with one of their boyfriends and the whole thing was pretty fucking hot, at least a lot hotter than the thought of Brooke Hogan and her brother fucking, even if she’s dressed like a 90s video dance party in your face.
Nicolette Sheridan had a bit of an unfortunate event getting out of a car recently, her expensive lacy underwear wasn’t able to contain her meaty pussy lip that Michael Bolton used to chew on like it was a piece of leather, and who knows, maybe it is, she’s older, menopausal and maybe trying to runaway from her body because either it wants to do what it was meant to do and have babies, but Nicolette is too vain to make that happen, or maybe it’s just trying to escape because Nicolette allowed Bolton inside it and that’s a shame that’s hard to live down. Either way, here are the pics.
This is Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall’s daughter Georgia May Ayeesha Jagger, she is 17 and you’d think too young to be a jacked on coke/heroin hipster fashionista slut, but I guess when you’ve got a trust fund, you’re never too young to go to fashion shows, dress in designer clothes unshowered and lookin’ like a fucking monster, I bet she has her own artist loft and has had anal sex at least twice.
Perez Hilton is a glitch in the internet. He was a lonely, fame hungry, ugly, identity crisis homo, with no real talent, but an obsession with celebrity, that he took to the internet and thanks to a series of events, the right time and right place bullshit, and a gay voice in an era when people were becoming more accepting of that played up fag talk, except for real gay people, who considered him to be a fucking embarassment and clown to their sexuality.
His success in undeniable, his site is huge, he makes money and he leverages his name, he gets out there and milks his shit harder than he probably milks the guy he pays for sex because even with his “website” he still can’t get groupy cock, because having a website to begin with is fucking lame, even if the public is moving towards the interent more than fuckin ever and Perez Hilton is the only bullshit URL they know.
But the truth is that he’s not a fucking journalist, he reports lies, fake exclusives and shit other people are reporting before him, he just managed to be a machine about things and have lots of people tipping him off, but when people reference his site, I laugh because it’s just a fucking blog and like any other blog, the shit is opinion based and low fuckin’ quality so that’s why he is just a glitch, maybe even a military strategy from CUBA to infiltrate America where it counts, and that is with Hollywood, because up until Obama, Americans could identify the name of Britney Spears’ kids before they could identify they Secretary of State and it would be nice if he was sent back to CUBA where he and his family belong….
That said, dude is so desperate for friends that he has embraced the attention Lady Gaga’s been giving him, because she knows he has a huge audience and if she has to sit and watch his trashy disgusting mouth down a burger like the fat big he is, it’s worth the post he’ll write about it.
So this fucking reject of a person, finally feels acceptance from famous people, and he’s fucking smitten, he is fucking glowing like a 20 year old virgin who just got with the hot chick from his high school after randomly running into her during Thanksgiving back home, and you know that everything that Perez reports about Lady Gaga will be positive because they are Best Fucking Friends and she’s given him the time of fucking day, while every other celebrity who snobs him, or calls him out for the faggot loser he is, he rips apart on his site because he is emotionally involved and his website’s all he got going for him and he’s goin’ to show them.
Whether it’s posting Lily Allen nude pics cuz they had a twitter fight, or shitting on Lohan because Sam Ronson sued him and Paris Hilton had him on payroll, the whole thing is a fucking joke and you people are the root of the problem. All it takes is to stop visiting his site and he’ll go the fuck away and if you really need to hear a gay guy in action who is actually worth reading and not a fucking hack, you should be visiting Dlisted , because at least he’s got a little edge, a unique voice, good comedic fucking timing and isn’t a suck up bitch, especially not to some ugly poser like Gaga.
Not that any of that rant matters, she uses him, he uses her, they stroke each other’s egos and give each other credibility and hand jobs since she has a dick, and there is no way this ugly bitch is not a tranny, they are pigs, at least she’s wearing fucking pants, they don’t look human and both disgust me, so maybe they’re meant for each other and all it took was the internet to bring them together.
If you read this site you know I like whores. I don’t just mean drunken party girls you’d call a whore. Or girls who try to sleep their way to the top or who use their bodies for their personal gain, but actual drug addicted gutter-rat shit you find in the dirtiest part of town, willing to do the dirtiest things you want done to on the cheap, because you have to settle for doing it in a park with someone barely human, instead of the whole high class, take regular showes and use condom bullshit you get with overpriced escorts.
I am talking raw, real, authentic hookin’ at it’s fucking best, the way it was meant to be, with crack addiction and no self respect because of years of being abused and abusing themselves, the kind of whore who has shit stains on her pants and a who re-uses tampons when she gets her period, which is rare since she’s so malnourished.
That said, one of the most exciting things that can happen when trying to find a whore to get you off, is for her to have a dirty herpe lip because you can really negotiate the already reasonable price down, since they can’t hide their battle wounds.
Pamela Anderson was using her celebrity for Vivienne Westwood’s fashion show as one of the models. Sure, Pam Anderson’s got no real business being a model since she’s old, thick and washed the fuck up, but Vivienne Westwood launched her career making clothes for the Sex Pistols, who like Pam Anderson, were their fair share battered, so maybe this is just some kind of tribute.
I am happy she brought out her big fake tits, and her nipple that looks like it’s hanging on for its fucking life after being removed and reapplied on so many fucking times throughout its life, that it doesn’t look like it used to, maybe because of the scaring or lack of blood supply or possibly because its not actually her nipple anymore but some kind of suction-cup prostethic she’s taped the fuck on and none of that matters, because I’d rather see Pam Anderson’s shitty tits on the runway, than some skinny, awkward, tall, freakish 14 year old immigrant monster and here are the pics.
Audrina broke the fake tit rule and put on a bra, I guess it’s got something to do with her wearing a see through shirt and not wanting to show the world her useless tits that I could have a set of if I decided to save up 5000 dollars and get, so that I could feel myself up all night long and make people around me anywhere I went feel awkward about my constant inappropriate titty play masturbation, especially when I bust the shit out of my shirt to show the world they are big enough to get my tongue on, you know like I was a teenage girl on webcam for her boyfriend and I’ve run out of things to do with my tits and I’m not quite ready to bust out my pussy just yet, because I want to keep him coming back for more.
If you read that, you probably found it a useless read, well I guess it’s appropriate since it’s set to pictures of a useless girl.
Daylight Saving’s Time is really fucking me up, but not as much as what Selma Blair is doing to any guy she turns on, you know she looks like this mangled faced whore who tried to get me to “help her” while I was driving with some chick through a seedy part of town last night. You know, the one who started banging at the passenger window where I was sitting, hoping I’d roll it down for her, while tears rolled down her face in desperation, who I couldn’t snap a picture of out of fear, since we weren’t sure if this haggard hooker was a man or a woman, we just knew she was on the verge of death.
Luckily I get to relive what she/he probably looked like in a bikini on a luxuruous vacation, instead of paying her the 5 dollars in a back alley to see her cunt, with these Selma Blair dramatization pictures. Sure, there’s no syricnge filled with Aids blood hidden in her whore boots, in case she needs to really close the sale, but you I like to think Selma Blair likes to keep her aids blood hidden in Selma Blair’period filled tampon in her bathing suit bottoms, you know since comfort counts and you don’t want to feel like just because it’s that time, or you’re dying of a terminal sexually transmitted disease, that can’t horseback ride or spend time in the water, for fear it may leak…
I don’t know what I am trying to say here, but here are those pics.
The biggest news of the weekend is that I’ve been drunk the entire time, nothing eventful happened, mainly because I can’t remember much. I do know that Diddy and Demi Moore have blocked me on Twitter because I guess they don’t like laughing at themselves as much as I like laughing at them, you know since I don’t take the internet seriously, but everyone else in the world seems to.
That’s all I have to say about that, here are my links LATE, because it is winter and I don’t know what to do with myself, other than drink, on that note, I am going to get the hour God stole from me back, by getting some mid afternoon lap dances, hopefully at a diry place that leaves marks on my hot white pants…
ou’re Gonna Stay Home and Beat Off Tonight Anyways GO
Of Course MIA Named Her Baby Something Completely Fucking Insane, Don’t Act So Surprised GO
The 10 Worst Celebrity Interviews With David Letterman GO
The Complete Collection Of Megan Fox’s Hottest Pics GO
Someone sent in this exlusive video of one of my favorite Pornstars, Bree Olson, sitting on the toilet before the AVN awards. I am not sure if she’s actually taking a shit, because there is no toilet bowl shot, which is really too bad, since scat is the new anal, but none of that matters, what does matter is how excited the photographer gets when she bends the fuck over and shows off her boy short underwear. A little lazy for a pornstar but refreshing because I hate the standard G-string shit they normally wear becuase shit gives me yeast infections…but then again so does wiping back to front, antibiotics and fuckin’ dirty dick….yeah – I don’t know either…I’m just an idiot…