I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2009

08

Oct

Diana Ross’s Son is Banging Brody Jenner’s Ex of the Day

In life changing news you really need to know, Evan Ross, Diana Ross’ son is dating an underwear model named Cora Skinner who used to date Brody Jenner. I guess she’s into guys who live off their parents’ success, or maybe guys who live off their parents’ success like girls who have big tits but aren’t really actual underwear models.
She’s more like one of those bottom feeding sluts who moved to LA with a portfolio of pictures her friend in photography class took of her in her underwear. One of those self-proclaimed underwear models that landed some low level jobs that involved her in her underwear for companies who needed pics of a chick worth seeing in her underwear in her underwear, but couldn’t afford the high prices a real model would charge.

We have girls like this all over the city and they do the same thing as Cora by trying to sleep their way into becoming famous because getting naked didn’t work for them like it was supposed to. Despite the obvious fact that they are failures who just don’t have what it takes, but instead bottom feed, they still manage to walk around with their noses in the air like they are fuckin’ superstars and I seriously hate that snobby cunt behavior, especially when bitch isn’t clearly as hot as she thinks she is. Cunts….

The biggest joke in all this is that this nobody slut sells 8×10 pictures of herself . Who the fuck told her that was a good idea and if she came up with it herself, that is the high maintenance ego I was talking about, cuz she is a nobdoy but doesn’t realize she’s a nobody. If people are actually buying this shit, they deserve to be shot for being fucking an idiots and for encouraging this whore..

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Cora Skinner|Diana Ross|Evan Ross|Lingerie Model

2009

08

Oct

Russell Brand’s Got No Taste in Vagina of the Day

Russell Brand is kind of a funny dude. I have seen him in stand-up years ago and he was a lot more interesting to listen to than the other people on the bill like Judd Apatow, Seth Rogan and that weird Asian chick who fucks the dude in Juno.

Sure his shit is tired, his jokes repetitive, he’s softer and candy coated and even annoying, but I am sure he could land some seriously hot pussy, but instead he’s fucking Katy Perry. Sure, he’s kinda gay and gay dudes pretending to be straight don’t traditionally fuck the hottest girls, you know as they prefer the kind who look like they have dicks, and in his defense he is from the UK where most girls are as ugly as Katy Perry, but I guess we can always hope that this known heroin addict, or at least dude who claims he was a heroin addict has HIV from sharing needles he hasn’t told anyone about and does us all a favor by infectin’ this bitch….cuz then she’ll be too sick to make another horrible record to destroy my life with. Good goin’ Russell! Someone get him the Nobel Peace Prize.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Katy Perry|No Taste|Russell Brand

2009

08

Oct

Coco for Twitpic of the Day

Coco has taken Tila Tequila, Aubrey O’Day and pretty much every pornstar and slut’s lead by posting sleazy pics of her which aren’t really all that sleazy considering they are of her and this is just every fuckin’ day, but sleazy enough for people who don’t have friends who are hookers or strippers or fat chicks with fake tits and fat asses who wear clothes they buy at the sex shop out in public like a piece of tacky garbage no one should really notice or pay attention to, but people do because we are all perverts and can’t help ourselves.

The internet only cares about half naked bitches and for a bitch getting attention is as easy as getting half naked , it’s the whole basis of everything successful online. Youtube got big because of the sluts posting hot videos, Google got big from people searching for “Porn, Boobs, Sex”, Myspace got big before it became a music site because of the sluts and guys who wanted to fuck the sluts and I guess Twitter is doing the same. Mask it how you want, legitimize it all you can, pretend you’re on a news site, or a sports site, or even a music site or search engine, but we all know the truth because the internet is designed for smut and apparently so is Coco.

Posted in:Coco|Twitpic|Twitter

2009

08

Oct

The Plight of a Transgendered Teen of the Day

Here’s a video for all you weirdos who love teenage girls, but hate that it is illegal and hard to pull off because here’s a story about a teenage boy who dresses like a girl, making him emotionally damaged enough for you to totally get up in him without fear of getting in trouble because he just wants to feel loved and if anything will appreciate your dick.

Sure it’s a little gay, but he is like the perfect kid for teachers and scout leaders to molest because he’s got some heavy fuckin’ issues and is fucked up enough to just want to feel accepted and loved and on the plus side, you can’t accidentally knock him up, saving you tons of embarrassment if he was an actual girl and decided to keep it. Try explaining that one to your wife….it doesn’t go over well, especially if you’re like me and refused to impregnate my wife, kinda slapping her in the face when the 17 year old came collecting the abortion money I had to borrow from my wife…

Either way, I dont get transgendered people, I don’t get cross-dressers, the whole thing is fucked up to me, despite being guilty of wearing my mom’s clothes when I was 4, but that doesn’t count, cuz she was a prostitute and I thought the strap-on dildo was a unicorn horn.

I don’t know why I am posting this, I guess because it’s funny to laugh and people having identity crisis, and definitely not to help get his story out there to loosen the laws on cross dressing, because unlike today’s generation, I don’t think we need to encourage circus behavior at a young age, let people figure all the darksides of the world on their fucking own. Repress and oppress that shit like they did the last hundred years, stop trying to re-invent the wheel and change our comfortable place……you selfish panty wearing pansy motherfucker.

Posted in:Cross Dresser|Transgendered Teen

2009

08

Oct

Kayden Kross Teaches You How To Get Your Girl to do Anal of the Day

Some of you may know Kayden Kross for her adult entertainment career, I know her as the girl I am going to throw into the back of my van and drive 400 miles into the middle of the woods so that she can’t escape me and has no choice but tos stick by me because I performed a ritual making her my bride while she was sleeping off the tranquilizers, all I need is a van and she’ll be mine…

All bad jokes aside, along with her porn career, she is also an educated, well spoken, gentle and caring woman who wants to help you get your girl to do anal and although there are millions of articles on this online, Kayden’s advice comes from a place that doesn’t realize you guys can’t get laid, and that this advice is just going to be used on your best friend who also can’t get laid cuz you’re both horny and tired of jerking off both alone and together while watching porn……but she had good intentions and who knows, maybe it’ll come in handy one day….

Donkey Dong in the Bum
Butt Sex. For most guys who haven’t had it it’s the Holy Grail. It’s just a matter of finding that chick cool enough to let them get away with it. Here’s a secret—look for the religious girls. I’m not kidding. We called it virgin sex because we met enough girls who will blow you until they’re blue in the face and take your donkey dong up the bum on a first date but won’t have vaginal sex until you put a ring on their finger. Just look for the wild chick from the private college or local ski lodge who practices any one of the Abrahamic religious offshoots and you’re golden. Butt sex express.

Or you can talk the current love of your life into it. Don’t buy that ‘exit only’ line. We’ve been finding alternative uses for things for millennia. It’s what makes us human. Did you know that 25% of the things you buy in a grocery store are made out of corn? I’m not just talking about food. Toothpaste has corn products in it. The very walls that the store is built from will have materials made from corn. If we can find 1 million uses for a starchy vegetable then we can find two uses for a butthole. Or three if you transport drugs in small plastic baggies. That’s not for this blog though and I probably shouldn’t talk about corn either. You get the point.

Ok so now that you’ve blown apart her first defense line let’s get down to her fears: poop and pain. Both legitimate. Poop is a relatively easy thing to solve. First explain the physics of it—poop is not waiting three millimeters past the opening ready to jump out and embarrass her. It’s much farther up, beyond the reach of your penis (unless your name is John Holmes). There is even an extra little valve between your penis and the poop that plays gatekeeper. But she’s going to worry about residue.
WWPCD. What would a porn chick do? Not all of them worry about their diets or schedule meals around anal scenes but some do. If it would make her more comfortable then afford her that luxury. Your goal is a penis in the bum and compromise is key. Let her do the scheduling.

That’s the preventative method. Now for the active role—there are three things that you will always find in a porn set bathroom: douches, baby wipes, and enemas. Porn chicks wash every orifice that they intend to use before any shoot. The enema bottle can be used for a quick rinse and then everyone is residue free, although honestly she probably doesn’t need it and all it does is makes her feel better when you have a goal to reach. Do not use an enema as is if you’re looking for something quick and drama free. The function of an enema is to make you poop. They are medical tools. Empty the liquid and refill with water then follow the instructions on the bottle from there. Now you’re rinsing instead of inducing body functions. Way to go.

There’s one more hurdle though if she’s new at this. You can get her bum as sparkly-clean as possible but once you get into it she might feel like she has to go anyway. Please please please believe her. When we first start having sex we sometimes feel like we have to pee from the pressure. It’s the same thing. The body is not used to the feeling and this may take a few tries to get past. Deal with it and just be glad that the situation is not reversed.

Pain. The worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life was when someone “missed” and I wasn’t expecting it. Do not “miss”. Ever. It’s not funny; it’s not a cute way to get what you want. It really feels like you’re being impaled. In fact if you’ve ever tried this tactic on anyone then you don’t deserve butt sex and I invite you to stop reading. So rule 1: make sure that both of you know when butt sex is going to happen. You don’t have to have a long philosophical conversation about the risks and rewards of sodomy. A nod and a grunt is fine. What I find works well is when the dude in question rubs the head of his dick against my asshole while he lubes up. It feels awesome and it serves as a polite knock without the awkward pause.

And now I’m effortlessly slipping into the discussion about lube. Treat her butthole like the engine of a perfectly maintained muscle car. Would you dare even put a key in the ignition without making sure that you had the right oil and plenty of it under the hood? Aside from wanting to be invited back at a later date your other interest in good lube lies in the fact that buttholes tear, and if you think blood coming out of a vagina is gross then you can imagine how this situation might be worse. Vaginas are made to take a little rough housing but there are a lot more nerves and the lining is a lot thinner when you’re talking about anal sex. Please beware.

Ok thus far things are clean, willing, and properly lubed. Now you have to get it in. I can tell you that the act of pushing a dick in is a lot more comfortable for the girl than when it’s pulled out. I can’t explain it and it goes against reason but just keep it in mind. If you do get it in and she asks you to take it out, do so slowly. Do not expect to shove the whole length of your man meat in with one fell swoop either. Think of the turtle and the hare. The hare will get bucked off and possibly be made to sleep on the couch and the turtle will have a mind-blowing orgasm. Be the turtle. You can change your race strategy down the line when you two are old anal pros but right now you’re asking her body to do something completely foreign while you blindly hump as always. Keep the perspective.

If you think you’re going back to vaginal sex once you’ve stuck it in the butt without a halftime shower then you’d better be prepared to practice celibacy for the next week while she recovers from a bacterial infection. I don’t care how much you washed her butthole. Don’t switch back and forth. You won’t see it happen in 99% of porn. What you will see is a nicely edited scene after the clean up has been cut out. If porn is careful about it then it must be important. We usually cut every corner we can find.

Positions: This is not the time to put her in pile driver or break out the Kama Sutra. Her favorite position for regular sex will probably be the most comfortable position for anal sex, but if you need a hint try missionary. Although the idea of anal in doggy is awesome because of the view it’s probably not something you want to push too soon because of the angle. We’re going for a long-term butt sex relationship with this girl, and whoever she is, she’s relationship material if she’s letting you stick it in the bum. Booty calls are relationships too.


To See More of Kayden Kross Check Out Her Site
ClubKayden

Posted in:Anal Sex|Kayden Kross

2009

08

Oct

Nicole Eggert is Fat and in her Bathing Suit of the Day

So older and fatter Nicole Eggert made fun of herself by getting into a bikini for some Funny or Die bullshit that mocks her weight gain, because I guess her weight gain isn’t substantial enough to really laugh at, but in hollywood terms, it’s huge, even though she’s probably a lot more fit that girls you fuck, at least she’s a lot more fit that girls I fuck. IF she was really fat, she wouldn’t have survived the run to the water, she would have passed out or had an asthma attack, but I didn’t watch the whole thing, and expect that to be the joke behind the video, because let’s face it, that just the kind of obvious comedy Funny or Die produces.

The whole thing is stupid, and trust me, I am the first to shit on fat chicks, because I fucking hate fat chicks. I even hate on girls with eating disorders that just aren’t good enough at starving themselves to have a perfect skeletal body, but when someone who has little talent who was on Baywatch retires with all her Baywatch money, I expect her to spend it eating and not working out, because she’s hit her peak and now she’s ready to enjoy life. Just leave the bitch alone, focus on someone who is actually relevant, but more importantly, fat enough that we wouldn’t fuck ’em.

Posted in:Bikini|Nicole Eggert

2009

07

Oct

stepLINKS of the Day

I was feeling a little depressed that I don’t own any nice things, you know since I’ve spent all my money over the years drinking. As I looked over my disgusting apartment, my shitty furniture I pretty much pulled out of dumpsters over the years, my empty fridge, I stopped and thought, shit, maybe I do have a problem, maybe I should really get my act together. My clothes aren’t designer, my computer is some hand-me down shit I pretty much stole, my beer is generic storebrand, and then I realized that my lack of success and lack of nice things has nothing to do with my drinking at all, it has to do with being lazy, hating work and most importantly not marrying a wife with enough money to support my ass, so drinking’s got nothing to do with it and I almost blamed an old friend for ruining me, when in reality my old friend has been nothing but good to me. It was a close call, I was googling AA numbers and shit, but I saved my alcoholism for yet another day….

Here are my stepLINKS….


Vickie Blows is Naked and Has Tattoos
GO

Harry Connick JR Almost Knocked Some Australian Assholes Out Over this Blackface Shit, and Rightfully So
GO

Kayden Kross is Keepin’ It Comfortable….
GO

Kate Hudson is Lookin Like a Bombshell and I Like It
GO

Because Getting Naked on Webcams is Why God Invented Webcames. It’s Science.
GO

Star Fox: IN IRAQ
GO

God Damn I Love Bollywood
GO

Kate Moss See Through Nipple Shots
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Git Yo Bling String On!
(Fuck Women Will Buy Anything)
GO

Dina Lohan Needs to Crawl in a Hole and Die
GO

The 9 Hottest Argentine Women
GO

25 Sexy Cowgirls
GO

Roman Polanski: To Catch a Predator
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

So There’s Gonna be a Threesome on Gossip Girl
GO

Freida Pinto is Lookin’ Mighty Fine
GO

Nicole Eggert is Spoofing the Fact that She is Fat and Seems to Be Forgetting the Most Important Fact: That She is Fat
GO

Shauna Sand, How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways
GO

Invisible Dogs You Say?
GO

Meet Jenny McClain
GO

You Don’t See a Body Builder Tranny Fight Everyday
GO

Juliette is Fucking a Dildo
GO

Katie Holmes is Actually Lookin Good on the Cover of Elle
GO

Horny Secretary
GO

Olivia Wilde is Marie Claire
GO

I’m Sorry But You’re Ugly
GO

Katherine Kelly Lang in a Bikini
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Anna Kournikova Orange Bikini
GO

Pussy At the Beach
GO

Well Hello Bryci
GO

How the fuck Isn’t Lauren Conrad Completely Ireelevant Yet
GO

Georgia Jones and Her Dildo Are Outside
GO

Jessica Bangkok and Her Big Old Tits
GO

Kiss Was On David Letterman
GO

And a Bit More Roman Polanski Drama
GO

Justice Remixed Lenny Kravitz or Something
GO

Something is a Little Off Balance
GO

Kim Kardashian’s Condo is On the Market, Now You Can Make That Dream of Masterbating in Her Bedroom a Reality
GO

Lesbian Midgets Need Love Too
GO

Some Sexy Halloween Costumes
GO

The 15 Biggest Internet Jackasses of All-Time
GO

Gina Gershon is Available and Topless
GO

CANDID PHOTOS AT HOME OF DENISE MILANI SHOWING OFF HER ENORMOUS TITS TO HER LUCKY (VERY SATISFIED) BOYFRIEND
GO

Ass Cheek Pants on Ratty Ass Hipsters….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2009

07

Oct

Katie Price Attacks the Paparazzi of the Day

I guess dating a professional cage fighter has rubbed off on Katie Price because here are some pictures of her attacking the paparazzi with an umbrella, because I assume she doesn’t want to have her picture taken so badly that goin’ straight for the motherfucker’s throat is the rational thing to do, as her boyfriend has proven, violence does solve conflict, so lets hope the bitch pisses him off one day so she gets beat the fuck up…..
I am sure I am not the only one who thinks that she should be the last one angry about having her pic taken, she should embrace the shit and celebrate the fact that people still care about her, when she’s pretty much a nobody with big fat tits, but I guess she’s lost sight of that and has let the ego everyone around her has created take the fuck over and make her feel like she should act like a real celebrity that just can’t take being hounded anymore, when really she’s just a piece of trash so I guess this kind of behavior is expected….and funny.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Angry|Jordan|Katie Price

2009

07

Oct

Hilary Rhoda Bikini Pictures from Twitter of the Day

Twitter is really a waste of time. It’s a whole lot of fucking noise. Just people writing bullshit no one cares about, but who people seemingly care about, cuz they sign-up to a motherfucker’s useless information feed. I figure that world has e nough distractions and I don’t need to know little quirky, often times boring, snippets of people I don’t know’s life.
I don’t help with my Twitte behavior because I just write total fucking nonsense that comes to me when I am living my seriously menial life. I mean observations I don’t even remember an hour after I see the shit, but I post the shit because it’s almost an obligation to the 2 people who read my twiiter shit, like I have some kind of audience to impress, like twitter is some kind of virtual stage, which it isn’t.

The issue is that I write bullshit on the internet all day, it’s the job I gave myself 5 years ago and sure I suck at it, but I have a lot of practice, and that almost gives me reason to use the shit cuz I am accustomed to polluting people’s lives with real drivel, like this post for example, and even I don’t see the point….

All that Twitter has to offer is for fans of models, celebrities, pornstars to get the inside scoop in their lives, to put the tabloids to rest, while giving the fans the feeling of being able to interact with them.

When I started the site, celebrities, models and pornstars weren’t accessible. Their emails and phone numbers secret. They didn’t interact with us or tell us what they were eating, doing, watching on TV and we drew our own conclusions about them and I preferred that cuz now I have no choice but to seriously hate these bitches, when before their was a glimmer of hope that they were cool behind the way they were marketed.
So this model Hilary Rhoda is using Twitter the way a lot of the attention whores are and that’s the one single okay thing about twitter I can’t hate, and that’s thru posting half naked pics, these happen to be behind the scenes from her SI photoshoots….

Posted in:Bikini|Hilary Rhoda

2009

07

Oct

The Russell Simmons Wallet Fucker in Her Bikini Again of the Day

I am pretty sure this bitch is calling the paparazzi to tip them off where and when she will be in her bikini with Russell Simmons, because that’s the whole point of lowering herself to fucking an washed up old man who she struggles to take seriously because his bald head makes him look like an adult baby and his lisp makes it a real struggle to not think he’s two and a fucking half years old every time he talks.

Pretty much making the whole experience a fucking joke, except for the fact that he’s almost a billionaire and could offer her the good life, but I know bitches and bitches are all the same and the good life is okay, but it is a whole lot better if it comes with fame of their own, cuz they all love being the center of attention and without the paparazzi, it’s just a life with nice things, when all she really wants is dudes she doesn’t know jerking off to her.

It’s this whole “I want to be the prettiest bullshit where girls want to be me and guys want to be in me” that you find in girls who try to work their way to the top by getting on top of celebrity, or high powered cock.

Basically, what I am trying to say is she is a whore with an agenda and that agenda is probably to become a household name and Simmons just happens to be the vehicle that will get her there and a solid back-up plan if she’s smart enough to marry him as it will finance the rest of her life after divorcing the motherfucker, just because you can never have too much free money and the only person she has to thank for this great life is her pussy.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Bikini|Russell Simmons|Wallet Fucker

2009

07

Oct

Blake Lively in the Private Lives of Pippa Lee of the Day

Blake Lively is not only the star of the hit show Gossip Girl, but she’s also some gutter trash who was born in a halfway house thanks to her criminal mother. She defied all odds and instead of becoming a stripper or hooker, she decided to legitimize herself and pursue her dreams of being a famous movie star, and sure, there were some pumps in the road along the way, like when she had to flim a foot fetish sex tapes to pay her rent, but she kept her eye on the prize and made it cuz now she is finally on the silver screen starring in some movie called the Private Livesof Pippa Lee bullshti that recently hit theaters.

She plays a young Pippa Lee, who seems to have sex with old men and gets spanked and chained up by women while wearing vintage lingerie and playing with dolls and all I have to say is fuck Gossip Girl and give this girl more of these roles, cuz she’s one step away from being naked and after extensive research I have found a naked Blake Lively is the only Blake Lively I can stomach…..

Here she is naked with a real old dude I assume she bangs in the movie cuz she has daddy issues….like I am sure she has in real life…making her perfect for the part…

Posted in:Blake Lively|Private Lives of Pippa Lee

2009

07

Oct

Hayden Panettiere Kisses a Girl of the Day

Hollywood is a little late on this girl on girl bullshit cuz porn’s been doing this shit for decades, but for some reason just 10 years ago, having a lesbian character on a show was the end of the fuckin world, but now, lesbianism is fucking everywhere from the Katy Perry song, to mainstream movies and TV, to celebrity love lives, and it’s just not taboo or at drunken college parties after two girls craving male attention get convinced to fool around with each other, and I’m not complaining, I just know that like those college girls, Heroes is making a desperate attempt for attention, because I guess people aren’t watching anymore and this formulaic approach in getting views, but girl on girl is so obvious and dull and played out, next time they should show a little pussy lip….I mean provided Hayden’s got a pussy, cuz we’ve got no proof of that and her broad shoulders paint a different fuckin’ picture….

Posted in:girl|Hayden Panettiere|Kiss|Lesbian

2009

07

Oct

Rachel Bilson and Her Saddle Bags of the Day

I am all for girls with curves. I think it’s scientific for guys to want to fuck a girl with some hips, but looking at these pictures of Rachel Bilson in her tight pants all I see is something that is definitely not going to age well. Sure she’s still young and probably relatively fit, since her career depends on it, but the second she stops, or has kids, these hips won’t lie, and will look like she’s transporting supplies from prospecting town to prospecting town on the back of her big horse ass….a horse ass I’d like to insert my fist in to massage the cervix when inseminating her.

On a side note, why did 180,000 people watch that video before us? Here are the pics…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Rachel Bilson|Saddle Bags

2009

07

Oct

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart the Lindsay Lohan Edition of the Day

I think it’s safe to say that getting your kid in the entertainment industry is really not a good place for them to be raised. Sure, it makes your greedy ass a lot of money taking you out of your miserable existence, but then when their celebrity and relevance fades, you have to deal with the aftermath of what you have done to your child, the good news is that if you’re a Lohan parent, you know you have 3 other ones who have been given the good life thanks to the oldest one you exploited and 3 out of 5 ain’t bad. If anything it’s worked out well for them….

So if you’re a parent who actually cares about your kid, when they start bugging you to go to auditions and dance classes, just bust out a picture from Mean Girls and this picture to show them how scary shit can be. The worst thing about all this is that Lohan isn’t even 25 and at the rate she’s going, it doesn’t look like her body will be able to survive to 30.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Lookin' Good Sweetheart

2009

07

Oct

Victoria Silvstedt Masturbating in a Bikini of the Day

If I were you, I wouldn’t visit this site anymore, because I have wronged you by not noticing these Victoria Silvstedt pussy grabbing in her bikini pictures, you know because I’ve failed as a blogger in getting these up 2 days late, but in my defense, I fail at everything I do, and you should no this already, not to mention Silvstedt tried to sue me last time she was getting her pussy stimulated in public, but that’s probably because she was getting it stimulated by a married midget billionaire who anyone would be ashamed of having sex with because the only reason anyone would be letting him suck on their pussy is because he’s a billionaire.

Either way, she’s a washed up whore, you’d expect to see her pussy in various states of rest, so I guess this isn’t that big of deal and you shouldn’t hate me for not posting it, but you should hate me for being a disgrace to humanity.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Masturbating|Victoria Silvstedt