I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2007

09

May

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I am pretty late on my stepLINKS today, I guess that could be because I am a pretty bad fucking blogger, but it could also be because I post every fucking link I’ve visited today for all you assholes to feel like we are sitting together in a coffee shop surfing the internet together while holding hands, homo.

I didn’t mean to depress all your fucks in the last post, it was written before I went on my nightly walk. I figure that since I don’t have a car, I sweat and my heart races just when I blog, it may be time for me to start trying to walk off the fat that I have landed being married to a pig.

I think this turn in my life will open lots of doors, now that I’ll be able to fit through them without having to turn sideways….

In all seriousness, I am not all that bad, but since I feel like shit everyday and want to have a 7 day drinking binge by the end of the summer – I figure I need to start training…

Some corporate assholes train for marathons, some chachi’s train for pussy, I want to train for binge drinking at 37 years of age…

Today I made it down the block, tomorrow is my day off, but even when I am training, I found the time to made a huge list of links, so click them….NOW.


Sign This Petition Addressed To Gov. Schartznegger To Keep Paris In Jail…PLEASE
GO

Lohan Showing Off Her Freckled Stomach
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Kate Lawler Picture Moment
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Fat Kelly Clarkson Performing on the Today Show
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Oktoberfest Upskirt Video
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Beyonce’s Wet T-Shirt For Vibe
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FleshFlick – Sex With a Real Estate Agent
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Some Chick Named Selena Spice In Her Underwear and Getting Dressed on Cam
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Rosie O’Donnell To Host the Price Is Right
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Christina Aguilera Allure Photoshoot Video
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Alessandra Ambrosio and Friends Do GQ
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Jade Jagger is Flashing Her Ass
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George Bush Winking at the Queen, Cuz He Wants To Get Fresh With Her – Pervert…
GO

Insane Sucker Punch VIdeo – Cuz Some People are Assholes
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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The Rest of the Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace Bikini Pics With The Top Off
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Celebrity Upskirt Collection
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Danielle Lloyd – Hot Girl Pictures
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Chicks Having a Piss, Puke and Poop Contest
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Spanish Model Minerva Portillo in Bikini
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Amanda Beard Will Be Naked in Playboy
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Christina Aguilera Parties in Southbeach
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Girls Getting Shot is the Weirdest Fucking Fetish – This Shit Breeds School Shooters
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I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts Cams Girl With INSANE Huge Tits
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K-Fed Gets on Stage in Kentucky and Offers Up His Seed to the Crowd
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Heather Graham Buying Coffee Cuz That’s What People Do
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One Legged Dancer
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Keira Knightley Doesn’t Shower Enough
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Cate Blanchett Looks Fucking Hot
GO

Kirsten Dunst Thinks She’s Taking Period Family Portraits at the Town Fair or Someshit in this Clown Costume
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Dude Sticks His Dick in the Wrong Hole – Accidentally – Obviously – NSFW
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Some Chick Named Kathy Lee – Playing in the Mud
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Holly Valance Picture Moment
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Keeley Hazell Sweaty Workout Video
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Liv Tyler Grabbing Kurkova’s Tit
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Fire Hydrant Flip
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Hot Spanish GQ Pics
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Cop Throws a Girl Down Hard
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Some Chick Named Holy Getting Naked
GO

MTV Movie Awards Presenters List
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Shakira Hot in a Purple Wig For a New Video
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Marilyn Manson’s New Video With Some Gothic Sex Scene That Isn’t Hot
GO

Some Pics of Some Chick Touring With The Pussycat Dolls Named Danity Kane Partying
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Annie Lennox’s Daughter is 16 and Sent this Party Invite to 30 friends…Slut
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Hot on TV Bootyshake
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Paris and Nicole Quotes in Harper’s Bazaar that Hasn’t Hit Newstands Yet
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Britney Was Raped – I am Waiting For Video Proof
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Someone Called 911 on Britney in San Diego…Listen Here….
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NSFW – 70s Porn Clip Called – The Dangers of DP
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Jessica Simpson Got Into the Wrong Limo Last Night Cuz She’s Dumb
GO

Some Idiot Gets His Ex Wife’s Name Tattoo Sanded Off
GO

A Whole Lot of Nude Pics that are Artistic
GO

Rachel Bilson Drinks Jamba Juice
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One of my Reader’s Got Molested By This Middle School Teacher – Girl On Girl Good times…
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Sylvester Stalone on Vacation With His Family… I think He’s Taking His Career a Little Too Seriously
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Buy This Spray For Sex
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

08

May

I am – Day Dreamin' of a Topless Bike Ride of the Day

I checked out my traffic today and it seems like 5 of the 20 people I normally get have stopped coming to the site out of no where. I was trying to figure out why, because I was hoping to make this fucker grow and not shrink and losing 20% of my traffic overnight is pretty fucking major, and all I can come up with is that it’s because summer is here…

I guess it could be because 20% of you realized that the site’s a waste of time, or maybe because my content is pretty weak, or maybe because about 1000 new blogs have popped up and get the content faster than my lazy old timer blogging ass can, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re gone. I also thought maybe the site was banned in offices and schools by another service or someone who used to link me stopped, but I just don’t know why…

In this state of unrest and confusion, I am forced to slip into a day dream of a topless bike ride, because I love it when people are topless, preferably women, but I am not that picky and take what I can get. Enjoy….it only took me 6 hours to edit and upload cuz my computer sucks…

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

08

May

I am – Day Dreamin’ of a Topless Bike Ride of the Day

I checked out my traffic today and it seems like 5 of the 20 people I normally get have stopped coming to the site out of no where. I was trying to figure out why, because I was hoping to make this fucker grow and not shrink and losing 20% of my traffic overnight is pretty fucking major, and all I can come up with is that it’s because summer is here…

I guess it could be because 20% of you realized that the site’s a waste of time, or maybe because my content is pretty weak, or maybe because about 1000 new blogs have popped up and get the content faster than my lazy old timer blogging ass can, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re gone. I also thought maybe the site was banned in offices and schools by another service or someone who used to link me stopped, but I just don’t know why…

In this state of unrest and confusion, I am forced to slip into a day dream of a topless bike ride, because I love it when people are topless, preferably women, but I am not that picky and take what I can get. Enjoy….it only took me 6 hours to edit and upload cuz my computer sucks…

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

08

May

I am – Mel B Upskirt of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Mel B almost showing a post pregnancy upskirt, because she did just have a baby that she claims is Eddy Murphey’s about a month ago. Reality that her post pregnancy fat thighs rubbing together and not the gateway to her empty womb, like you want. I was talking to a friend about the concept of Fuck Friends the other day. Usually, the kind of girl who wants a fuck friend is not the kind of girl who gets emotionally vested in banging, which means she can have all the one night stands her heart desires while you’re at home playing xbox, waiting for her phone call to invite you over to bang, which she only does on Sundays or Mondays because those nights aren’t spent at the club….Or she’s the kind of girl who does get emotionally vested in banging, leaving you with a girlfriend after the tenth time you bang, or when she finds out you had a one night stand. All this to say it never really works out your way, because girls can get sex a lot easier than guys, and that is probably why Mel B doesn’t know who her daddy is, like an episode of Maury.

I saw these pictures without the upskirt shot at some point last week and wrote about a Spice Girls Reunion party or some shit, you can check it out HERE, if you have nothing better to…

Posted in:Mel B - Scary Spice|Melanie Brown|Panties|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

08

May

I am – Celebrities Showing Off Their Tits at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Gala of the Day

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I am all for girls rocking cleavage shirts because I am a pervert and this site has given me a keen eye for spotting nipple slips. I was standing outside a bar, hoping a drunk guy who came out for a cigarette and accidentally drop his wallet the other day, and a group of hot chicks walked out with low cut shirts on, I guess it’s in style to show off your rack and I am not really complaining. One of them conveniently dropped something and when she went to pick it up her shirt dropped and I saw full fucking massive tit, while the other guys next to me missed it. It reminded me of when I was 12 and my foster mother used to come give me talks about God before I went to bed. She’d be in her night gown while I’d be lying in bed. She’d bend over to tuck me in, full tit exposed and I’d totally get a boner and jerk off to it the second she walked out. I always got scared that God was watching me, then I realized that if he was, he was a total pedophile and I might as well give him a good performance, because let’s face it, if I get him to get off when I was 12 only good things would be coming to me….I was wrong…

I am guessing that these celebrities are thinking the same thing, they are advertising their tits at some exclusive black tie event I wasn’t invited to, so that people like us fall into their booby trap…get it..I am so witty and that is good enough for you to start your day to….you’re welcome…


Jessica Simpson May Be Busted But Her Tits are Fucking Huge


Lohan May Be Distracting Us From Her Cocaine Video, But At Least She’s Doing it Properly, this shit will even get Disney to Sign Her Again


Salma Hayek is Pregnant and Full of Milk and That’s Pretty Much What I Wish All My Diet Consisted Of…


Jennifer Garner is Post-Pregancy and Her Tits Have Dried Up, But I’d Still Try To Get the Last Drops Out of Her


Rose McGowan has Always Had Hot Tits


Christina Ricci May Look Old and Beat Up and Her Tits May Have Been Reduced But She’s Still Packin’ Heat.


Scarlett Johannson Still Has Tits and I am Still Lookin’ At Them


Julianne Moore is the First Fire Crotch I Ever Saw in a Movie and Will Always Hold a Warm Place in My Heart for Proving that Myth Isn’t a Myth….


Rosario Dawson’s Tits Look Small But Small Titis are Tits Too…


Juliette Lewis is a Crackhead and Crackheads Don’t Have Tits, But She’s Still Trying…


I Don’t Really Give a Fuck About Mischa Barton But Whatever This is Still Cleavage…


Alicia Keys Has a Hairy Chest, So I Don’t Know If She Counts, But Even Men With Tits Count in Your World, Cuz You Are Desperate…

A few new ones…

I think Ivanka Trump Looks Awesome….I’d wallet-fuck her…


Karolina Kurkova Models Bikinis and I like Bikinis, Especially when they are on me, I feel so pretty…


Gisele isn’t with Victoria’s Secret Anymore, She’s Not a Hot as She Used To Be, But She Has Done A Lot in Her Panties and That Pretty Much Redeems Her….

Posted in:Alicia Keys|Christina Ricci|cleavage|Gisele Bundchen|Ivanka Trump|Jennifer Garner|Jessica Simpson|Julianne Moore|Juliette Lewis|Karolina Kurkova|Lindsay Lohan|Mischa Barton|Rosario Dawson|Rose McGowan|Salma Hayek|Scarlett Johansson|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

08

May

I am – Britney Spears Comeback Tour in Vegas Pics of the Day

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These are some shitty cellphone pics of Britney Spears lip syncing in Vegas as part of her attempt at a comeback, the show may have been a rip off and she may be insane now, but she’s still Britney Spears and at least she’s showing off her ass to distract us all from how lame this attempt to climb out of the gutter and back to the top of her game is.

I am costantly attacked by feminists, telling me how what I do is comparable to racism and that I am leading a horrible example to the 20 people who read the site, and I guess saying that at least Britney is showing us her ass fall into that category of objectifying women.

Reality is, I am not the motherfucker on stage showing the world my fucking ass, and if I was, I’d expect someone to comment on how fat it is. I have spent a lifetime trying to seduce girls and not being rich enough, or goodlooking enough, forcing me to end up with someone no one wanted, not even me, but the comfort of having someone there to care was enough for me to do it. You don’t see me sitting here hating on all the hot chicks for not wanting me, or thinking I was scum, in all reality, I am here begging for them to send me nudes.

So, what it all comes down to, is that I just want to have a good time, maybe have a few laughs, and talk a whole lot of shit about nothing important. If you are one to take my words for gospel and either take it home with you to throw at your own fat wife that you settled with, or who got fat after she hooked you in and was too tired to keep herself pretty, or if you are sitting there getting offended by what I have to say, all you have to do is click on the back button in your browser and leave your rants to your fucking self, because people that are that uptight, are people I don’t want to invite to my birthday party or to my comeback show at a shitty small venue….and if you motherfuckers decide to show up with camera phone pics, and decide to write slandering remarks about me, I am not going to cry about it and write a thesis for my gender studies class on how hard people are on me for having a cock.

Posted in:Ass|Britney Spears|Concert|Dancing|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

08

May

I am – Lohan is Obviously a Drug Addicted Party Slut of the Day

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This bitch is slowly starting to look like Chris Farley before he died of a cocaine overdose. She’s bloated as fuck and her face is hanging off. Her eyes have fucked up yellow bags under them and she looks like she hasn’t slept in days. I have slept with crack whores and I know what to look for. I am just hoping this bitch doesn’t die, because I’d have no one else to stalk…

I was walking down the street today and some drunken homeless guy who looked like Lohan was sitting on a city bench screaming for change from people passing by. He even asked me and I looked more homeless than he did. I think it was because he was wearing some kind of old man hat that made him look like a detective while I was just in my regular jogging pants. Anyway, all motherfucker did was sit there and yell and everyone who walked by him and obviously no one was giving him shit. So I took the asshole aside and told him that if he wanted to make some money, all he needed was some kind of act, whether it be a song or a dance or juggling or anything. If people saw him trying, they’d be more inclined to give him cash. The asshole just spat in my face and I am sure gave me some kind of Hepatitis like I was Pam Anderson, but when I walked by him an hour later, he seemed to take my advice. A group of highschool girls were walking by him and he fully dropped his pants and started jerking off for them. They ran away screaming and even though I thought he went a little too far, I was happy to see him make an effort. I think I felt the joy a teacher experiences when their troubled student graduates highschool. or what a coach feels when his weakest player makes his first goal. It was pretty fucking nice…Unlike these pics of Lohan looking haggard and on the verge of death…But I would still K-Fed her if I was cool enough to be her back-up dancer….

Posted in:Cocaine|Drugs|Hipster|Lindsay Lohan|Party|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I don’t really remember what I did today. I was pretty burnt out. I accidentally ate liquid paper and thought I was dying, but realized that everytime I did street drugs, I was probably consuming a hell of a lot worse household products than shit they give little kids in school. I still decided to sleep it off, but that doesn’t mean I was too busy for my links…But first read what I wrote to Kimmy Stewart on Myspace, before it got deleted….

Kimmy,

You’ve probably never heard of me, but I like to tell people that I am famous on the internet because it is overcompensation for my small penis and shitty life.

I just listened to your song – When I Make Love I Was Thinking of You….

I wanted to ask if you wrote that to your liver while banging Joe Francis, because that fucker wronged you by being diseased and incapable of processing your booze, forcing you to make irrational decisions, like raw dogging him and landing you Herpes?

Just curious! Can’t Wait to see the video. Hit me up sometime.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Now here are my links….


Turns Out Kimmy Stewart is a Singer and This is Her Demo Song
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Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson in a Bikini
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Keira Knightley and Sienna Miller having Fun On Set
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Paris Hilton and Her Mom Talk About Her Going to Jail on Video
GO

A Whole Lot of Celebrity Ass
GO

Maggie Gyllenhaal Breastfeeds in Public
GO

Intense Cameltoe Video
GO

Penelope Cruz Sex Scene
GO

Petra Nemcova Side Tit Shot
GO

Sofia Loren’s Huge Old Tits
GO

Some Photographer with Nude Pics I Like – He’s Mexican
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Pete Wentz Opened a Club in NYC and His Marketing Campaign is that you Can Have Sex in the Bathroom because he only has Sex with Ashlee Simpson while in the bathroom taking a shit, she’s hasn’t quite got hot enough for the bed….Here’s a Video of The Club Bathroom…
GO

The 2 Sides of Fergie
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David Beckham Gaying Out Hard at a Soccer Game
GO

Hasslehoff is Banned From Seeing his Kids because of the Drunk Video
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Remember Rachel Bilson, Here She Is Lookin’ Hot
GO

Highschool Food FIght
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Some Girl Named Fancine Dee Shaking Her Ass on Camera at a Party…
GO

Tyra Banks in a Bikini for Shape Magazine
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Tyra Banks in NYC Lookin’ Like Shit, Not Just Because She’s Brown…
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Melanie Griffith is Lookin’ Busted and Old, Like a Catcher’s Mitt
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Ty from Extreme Home Makeover Got Arrested
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Anna Nicole Unseen Interview about Prescription Drugs
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Amateur Party Girls Getting Naked
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Geek Porn that Isn’t That Geeky
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The Orgasm Gun Performance Video
GO

Rachel Bilson Topless Sex Scene
GO

Some Czech Model Naked and Posing
GO

Guy Takes a Fake Piss on People on the Lazy River Ride at the Waterpark
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart – NSFW
GO

Amazing Cutting Off Panty Video
GO

Paris Smoking a Joint at Coachella
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Kimberly Stewart in Her Underwear Posing
GO

Little Kid Playing With a Cobrasnake, Not the Hipster Kind…
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Some Cam Girl Named Luna All Naked and Doing Cam Girl Things
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Eva Longoria Dresses Like Hayden Panettiere
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Hayden Panettiere Showing Off Her Huge Guns
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Claire Danes Showing Off Her Fat Tits…and by Fat Tits I Mean Non Existent Tits
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I may have linked this one already, but it is The Superficial Friends Cartoon Featuring Cunt Perez Hilton’s Voice…
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Some Pics of a Naked Pregnant Chick
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Almundena Fernandez in her Lingerie
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Shot By Kern is a VBS Video About a Nude Photographer Named Richard Kern and Bitches He Takes Pics Of…
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Car Racer Danica Patrick Will be Non-Nude in Playboy
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Some Band Called Fountains of Wayne have a Video Featuring The Dude from The Daily Show Named Demetri Martin….
GO

New Lilly Allen Video – Because I Hate Her
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Hot Lingerie Photoshoot Video
GO

Brittany Murphey Married an Old Man
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You can’t get laid – Try This – It Works
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Jannel Syzyska Story Set Straight of the Day

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So I posted about some Girls Gone Wild bitch who claimed she was a virgin and that Joe Francis raped her a long time ago. The post can be found HERE , ignore all the spam in my comments…it happens.

Anyway, I was checking my email and I got some inside scoop on the slut that I felt like I needed to post. I can only assume it’s her friend trying to get more buzz going about her in hopes of landing a porn video gig or a penthouse magazine spread, but I’ll still post it because I never get any scoop and when I do, it makes me feel like a real media company….and sometimes pretending you’re not a waste of internet space is a good thing….

So, I just recently came across an article in the L.A. times about Jannel Syzyska, and about how Joe Francis “raped her”.

I used to be pretty good friends with Jannel, (in the early pre-whore days – seventh grade to be exact.) but when an unfortunate incident involving her and her friend Kaitlyn stealing my underwear occurred, we lost touch, so to say.

Then last year, one of my friends became close friends with Jannel, and I started showing up to parties that she happened to be at and so on..

So Jannel and I got kind of close again, and she revealed to me everything about her, one tidbit being that she had lost her virginity in April to some guy she doesn’t even remember. And she revealed that she did not want to have sex with anybody for a long time because of the fact that she had had sex with quite a few guys since then…

So when I finally did come across this yesterday, I was shocked. I’ve lost touch with her since the beginning of last June.. but in November of last year I had seen her a few times through a mutual friend.. and she had told me that she “went on girls gone wild and masturbated for the camera.” However, she said that she had HAD SEX with Joe Francis, not that he “raped her.”

I know I’m quite late on a story like this.. but I figured I would set the record straight (as if it hadn’t been set straight enough) that she did have sex with him, he did not rape her, and she was not a virgin.

I had no idea that she was all over the internet with her “rape story” or I would have definitely set that straight sooner.

Yes, Joe Francis isn’t the epitomy of class and charm.. but I’m sure he has the opportunity to have sex with much better looking girls without forcing them. So why he would even force sex onto someone like Jannel is baffling.

I don’t know why I felt compelled to write you this e-mail when it was so long ago, and you probably won’t read or respond really, but that enrages me that she would seek fame that much to make up stories.

Thanks for your time and sorry to rant, but I just had to.

All that to say…who really gives a fuck…Cuddles.

Posted in:Drunk|Girls Gone Wild|Jannel Syzyska|Party|Rape|Sex|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Ashley Hartman from the O.C. in a Carl's Jr. Ad of the Day

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So Carl’s Jr. had a commercial featuring criminal Paris Hilton in a car wash and it gave everyone a fucking boner except me – because I can’t get boners. It seems like they are back with a new commercial featuring some girl from the OC named Ashley Hartman and she looks pretty tight bodied, but not the kind of tight body I witnessed at the strip club this afternoon. The bitch was one of those body builder chicks with biceps that put most men to shame and a back as wide as a pick-up truck. I think I wrote about how I wanted to pay her to arm wrestle me last summer, but never did it because I was scared she’d get offended and use her testosterone imbalance induced rage on me. I guess what the real issue in the whole thing was that when she was crawling on all fours her ass looked hot in contrast to her jacked legs….I don’t know where I am going with this, but I am pretty sure that the Carl Jr. Ads are worth watching while you try to figure out why you just wasted your time reading this post. It’s pretty safe to say that I am losing my edge.

I HAD TO TAKE IT DOWN BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE GETTING ANNOYED THINKING I GOT PAID TO POST THIS…I DON’T GET PAID FOR SHIT….
HERE’S THE VIDEO FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO SEE IT

Posted in:Ad|Ashley Hartman|Slut|The OC|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Ashley Hartman from the O.C. in a Carl’s Jr. Ad of the Day

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So Carl’s Jr. had a commercial featuring criminal Paris Hilton in a car wash and it gave everyone a fucking boner except me – because I can’t get boners. It seems like they are back with a new commercial featuring some girl from the OC named Ashley Hartman and she looks pretty tight bodied, but not the kind of tight body I witnessed at the strip club this afternoon. The bitch was one of those body builder chicks with biceps that put most men to shame and a back as wide as a pick-up truck. I think I wrote about how I wanted to pay her to arm wrestle me last summer, but never did it because I was scared she’d get offended and use her testosterone imbalance induced rage on me. I guess what the real issue in the whole thing was that when she was crawling on all fours her ass looked hot in contrast to her jacked legs….I don’t know where I am going with this, but I am pretty sure that the Carl Jr. Ads are worth watching while you try to figure out why you just wasted your time reading this post. It’s pretty safe to say that I am losing my edge.

I HAD TO TAKE IT DOWN BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE GETTING ANNOYED THINKING I GOT PAID TO POST THIS…I DON’T GET PAID FOR SHIT….
HERE’S THE VIDEO FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO SEE IT

Posted in:Ad|Ashley Hartman|Slut|The OC|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Brooke Hogan Dancing Around in her Underwear of the Day

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I know that a girl in her underwear is enough to make you happy. I know that you’re one of those guys at the strip club who sits by the stage clapping and urging the bitches on. It’s people like you that fuck it up for the rest of us, because it gives them a false sense of worth, making them feel pretty and wanted and putting them on a some kind of ego trip, making them forget they are whores.

So these pictures of Brooke Hogan make you happy, because a girl in underwear is better than a girl in clothes especially on the internet.

When I look at these pictures, I just remember a fat girl trying to get skinny to have a career, and when she reached her ideal weight, she decided to get naked, in hopes of getting assholes like you, who are easy to fucking please at her show.

I am not saying I wouldn’t stuff her like a turkey if I had the chance, I am just saying that bitch has no business doing whatever it is that she does, and being Hulk Hogan’s shadow, is probably not a place anyone should be, because he’s a piece of Florida trash with big biceps, stupid hair and crazy pants….and she may not be wearing crazy pants, but bitch could probably beat the fuck out of me with legs like that. Ya’ Heard?

I forgot where I was going with this, because I am drunk, but I do hate people who cheer on strippers, because it makes getting a lap dance next to impossible….Cuddles….

Posted in:Ass|Body|Bra|Brooke Hogan|Dancing|Panties|Underwear|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Paris Hilton Panties in the Wind of the Day

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I had a few funny things to write about, because the weekend is over and I was away from the computer for most of it, but I am drunk and don’t remember much. I ended up climbing up the fire escape of some building, and ending up on the roof with 3 bottles of cheap wine. I am not sure how I made my way back down, but I survived.

I am hoping that Paris Hilton won’t survive her 45 days in jail, even though 45 days is more like a vacation than anything for her. She will get special treatment and will probably have a nicer cell than my apartment, and she probably won’t be allowed to hang out with the lesbian muderers and scum that fill up real jail, but part of me really hopes she is. I also hope that she meets some whore that opens her life up to real crime, propelling her into a life in the underbelly of society, denouncing her socialite ways, because I am tired of seeing this cunt all over the fucking place.

Here are some pic of her panties, a little more clothes than the communal showers will let her wear, and this sentence is a fucking celebration, you just haven’t realized it yet.

Again, I am wasted and don’t know what I just wrote, but hope you aren’t wearing pants when you read it…because that is part of the reason I write this piece of shit site….Cuddles….

Posted in:Ass|Cameltoe|Panties|Paris Hilton|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

06

May

I am – Lohan Cocaine Video Screenshots of the Day

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I am a bad celebrity blogger. I just woke up hungover and don’t remember what happened last night. I just checked my email and someone got their hands on the screenshots of Lohan doing blow video and I didn’t care. I am not 100 percent sure how this isn’t staged, because everyone knows that if you’re famous and doing blow on camera it is going to get out on the internet and millions of people will see it. But who knows, maybe the bitch isn’t trying to stage things for her popularity. Cocaine is cool now, it’s like smoking. Everytime I go to a bar and need to take a shit, I am stuck waiting in line for 10 minutes while 3 or 4 guys go in the stall together. As much as I like to think it was some homo bathroom stall anal sex conference, because I am convinced all chachi motherfuckers are faggots, it’s really just time for them to prove how cool and trendy and in style they are amongst friends, huddled around a bag.

I don’t feel like ripping off the pictures from a message board and uploading the shit. I don’t feel like reading up on what is said during the video, I do know that it will be hitting sometime this week and this is just the PR screenshot teaser to get you all excited about the video to come. It’s pretty basic marketing practices…

Read the whole story and see all the screenshots Here (if you care)

Posted in:Club|Cocaine|Drugs|Hipster|Lindsay Lohan|Party|Unsorted

2007

05

May

I am – Hot Girl and Her Friends Stealing a Bike of the Day

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VIDEO REMOVED BECAUSE THE GIRL WITH THE LESBIAN HAIRCUT DIDN’T LIKE BEING CALLED A LESBIAN. SHE ALSO DIDN’T LIKE YOU ASSHOLES MAKING FUN OF HER STUPID OUTFIT AND WONKY KNEES AND WAS MAD THAT EVERYONE LIKED HER FRIEND BETTER THAN HER. SHE BLAMED ME OF BEING A SEXIST WOMAN HATER, WHEN IN REALITY, I JUST HATE LESBIAN HAIRCUTS AND REFUSE TO GET SUED BY SOMEONE WHO TAKES LIFE WAY TO FUCKING SERIOUSLY. THE GIRLS WERE NOT HARASSED BY THE PEOPLE FILMING, THEY KNEW IT WAS FOR THE INTERNET, SHE’S JUST HYPERSENSITIVE BECAUSE HER DADDY ALWAYS TOLD HER SHE WAS THE PRETTIEST AND NOW SHE FOUND OUT HE WAS LYING….

So these girls were caught on the street stealing a bike at 3 in the morning and it was recorded for stepTV. I am really only posting this in hopes that the one in gold pants and plaid emails me begging to take it down, because I think she’s hot and will negotiate taking it down in exchange for nude pics of her, I am pretty easily manipulated when nude pics are involved.

Either way, I am pretty jealous of their fucking thieving ways. They pretend they don’t know what they are doing and act all innocent so when the cops drive by they believe their bullshit story. I am convinced the bike belonged to a guy one of them banged who ended up fucking them over some how, and they thought it would be a funny way to get back at him, because girls get crazy when you bang them. Either way, they didn’t get caught, and just sat there laughing about it while some jackass videotapes. them.

I get fucking cuffed by the cops when I am picking cans out of the garbage trying to pay my rent. My black friend, yes I have one black friend was stepping out the front door of his apartment at 2 in the afternoon and got jumped by the cops, gun to his head type jumped all because they thought he was robbing the fucking building at 2 in the afternoon one day when he was just going to ride to the store to get some beer and chicken. But these girls look all cute and shit, and cops just pass them by.

If you’re out there gold pants, feel free to email me…I am open for negotiations….

UPDATE: The Girl Sounds Like a Rich Jew Who’s Father is Probably a Lawyer and She Didn’t Seem to See the Humor in the Video because She Looked Like an Idiot and I said her Friend was Hotter than her. I decided to take it down, because she is a fucking headache nineteen year old who thinks she knows everything and tries to sound smart…unable to take a fucking joke, and blaming the joke on me hating women or something equally stupid, because the truth hurts, no one likes to admit that they have a lesbian haircut.

Here is the first email she sent me:

Dear Drunken Step Father,

We are the girls from the video: “I am – hot girl and her friends stealing a bike” the one that you so “delightfully” posted on your website. We hope to explain to you now that not only was your post of the video itself insulting but the comment paragraph under it along with the comments from the PIGS that view your website are ALSO extremely demeaning and offensive towards us. We ask you now to simply realize that fact and hopefully have more respect towards others in the future. Please remove the post from your website as soon as possible or else we will seek legal action against you.

:) Thank you

So I sent a nice response I thought I hipster would appreciate….

Lesbian Haircut,

I am pretty excited that you found my site. You may not be familiar with my site, and upon the first visit may think it is some kind of offensive site. But my site is not a smut site, despite what you may think.

It is a celebrity blog, that gets a decent amount of traffic and respect. I do my best to not take much seriously, make jokes out of almost everything and I do my best to not hurt people in the process.

I posted the video that was taken by one of my readers because I didn’t think it was offensive, I didn’t expect it to be hurtful and I know my readers don’t think it was a malicious intent to defame anyone.

In all honesty, the feedback that I have been getting from the video is that it’s pretty funny, possibly one of the best videos to date. It has been seen by people at Vice, thecobrasnake, American Apparel and some other major sites and I have heard nothing but good things about it. It is probably one of the hottest videos on the internet right now, and you are in it. In a way, you are now famous.

I am willing to shift out the content a little bit in a way that is less offensive to you, but to take it down would really be a shame. In all honesty, I’d like to do a follow-up video either interviewing you guys, or maybe even turning you guys into field reporters and sending you on random adventures. We could really turn this into a great opportunity for you. You owned the camera and have the look and personality I want in stepTV.

We can really sort all this out over a few drinks, or maybe I’ll get you tickets to the next show you guys want to go to. I am pretty reasonable person. I ask that you re-consider your stance, think about the potential opportunity and try to laugh it off, because it was meant to be funny and not hurtful.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

Here is the second email she sent me:

Dear Jeezus,

Through your reply to us, I think you fail to realize that not every teenager is clamoring to become an internet celebrity. We are not dumb girls who are charmed by your name dropping of supposedly “hip” media outlets like Vice, american apparel, or thecobrasnake.

It’s not that we don’t have a sense of humor, and it’s not that we care that it seems like we are stealing a bike in the video (which we are not doing, but your charming commentary clearly ignores that fact). If we were to steal a bike, we certainly wouldn’t choose that shitbox of a ride, and we definitely wouldn’t stick around to be videotaped for upwards of five minutes while doing it.

The problem that we have with the entire ordeal is the disrespectful attitude that the men filming the video had towards us, in addition to the completely disgusting and demeaning comments that accompany the video on the website. Not only does the editing not convey the fact that we were being harassed by a large group of guys – not just a couple, but the lecherous and chauvinistic comments that were yelled at us are completely pathetic. If is not socially acceptable to convey racist attitudes, then it should certainly not be acceptable (or encouraged) to show such a lack of respect for women. For you to call the one of us who stood up for herself a “dyke” exemplifies the mistaken attitude that women embrace lecherous male attention, and those who don’t must be not like men at all. In fact, the sentiments expressed by the girl in the leopard-print pants were felt by all three girls, and it is incredibly offensive that the one who stood up for herself was berated and insulted.

For a site that is seemingly obsessed with females, you show a shocking ineptitude for dealing with those who exist in “real life.” The celebrities like Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton that are featured on your site make their living by compromising their dignity and selling themselves to the public. Asking us to do the same – and expecting us to be flattered by it – is not only presumptuous but absolutely insulting and simply reveals what an inept and rude bigot you truly are.

Our demand that the video be removed from the site stands, despite your (shallow, insulting) offers of more videos or concert tickets. There is no “deal” to be made here. The ultimatum is this: remove the video, in its entirety, or we will pursue legal action. For you to think that we would be easily wooed by offers of fame or employment is absolutely laughable.

Hopefully this email can also lead to a bit of self-reflection for you about your beloved website, and perhaps you should reevaluate the manner in which you are spending your time and energy, as well as your misguided (and self-damaging) attitude towards women, and people in general.

Thank you for your time.

P.S. The Facebook add was way out of line.

Here is our facebook war:

Lesbian Haircut
Today at 4:16am
Report Message
listen you tool, this is the girl with the cheetah pants and i am the last fucking person you want to mess with right now.

looking forward to meeting you on the street sometime soon,
xoxox
the hot chick’s “DYKE FRIEND WITH KNOBBY KNEES”
hearts and stars and unicorns,

Lesbian Haircut

Jeezus Martinez
Today at 5:03am
does that mean you didn’t accept my friend request?

good thing I can’t afford a bike for you to steal.

ps – you won’t know who I am on the street, I don’t leave my house and the guy who shot the video is just one of my readers. But I will forward the message his way and I’ll be sure to tell him that you’ve been doing bicep curls and punching the wall to prepare for it like any self respecting lady would….

I am working on getting through your recent email, it was pretty wordy, you may want to learn how to cut things down and get to the point a little more effectively. Shit’s like grading a fucking gender studies term paper, a class you probably excel in since everything you wrote was fucking cliche and text book.

You definitely need to get a sense of humor, you need to grasp the concept of satire, you shouldn’t let drunk guys film you, you shouldn’t be so insecure with your sexuality to think you were called a dyke based on your actions and not on your stupid haircut. I am not a sexist, chauvenistic asshole, I write comedy and 60% of my readers are married women.

In closing, do you have any nudes?

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Jeezus Martinez
Today at 5:11am
PPS – My god – reading your profile makes me think you are joking…not one of the thing you mentioned is original, it’s all standard fucking bullshit. You are the Gap, you just don’t realize it. I call this fucking textbook. No wonder you are so uptight when you come across a new thing, you need ever hipster and hipster poser to tell you it’s ok before pretending you were always into it.

I guess what it comes down to is that your video isn’t really the joke but you are.

Cuddles….

Favorite Music:
pavement, the pixies, modest mouse, broken social scene, neutral milk hotel, the moldy peaches, girl talk, clap your hands say yeah, animal collective, sufjan stevens, the arcade fire, ladyhawk, the smiths, new order, bob dylan, david bowie, the velvet underground, and probably everything you like, too.

Favorite Movies:
the films of s. kubrick, w. anderson, s. coppola, m. gondry, t. twigoff, c. guest, k. smith, g. ritchie, m. july, m. dowse, j-m. vallée, t. gilliam, d. aronofsky, q. tarantino, c. kaufman, and d. fincher.

Favorite Books:
kerouac, chekhov, dostoevsky

Lesbian Haircut
Today at 5:15am
Report Message
oh my, isn’t it clever of you to call our attempt to defend ourselves “cliche” and “textbook” – pffft, women standing up for themselves, such a novel concept.

well guess what, fuckface – joke’s on you: what you said is just as fucking cliche and textbook of a response, if not even more stale and tired.

best of luck with your “satire” and “humour” website, i wish you nothing but the most delightful butterfly kisses from paris hilton herself.

i await your groundbreaking and enlightening email with bated breath. and good luck with that those married women – i bet your own wife is just thrilled with what she’s ended up with.

Jeezus Martinez
Today at 12:34pm
I am not trying to be clever – or witty, you are a defensive angry person and you don’t realize that you are the problem and not your gender.

It seems like you are trying to accuse me of being a woman hater because you didn’t like what was said about you and instead of just taking responsibility or taking the hit you had to justify what I said by making it a bigger issue.

It’s like they can’t just be saying that about me, there must be a bigger picture. He must have called me a dyke because I am a strong woman who stood up for herself, when in reality, i called you a dyke because of your stupid haircut.

It had nothing to do with you standing up for yourself. In fact there was no sign of you standing up for yourself in the video.

It’s always emotionally to blame the big picture than to look in t he mirror and question your actions and ask yourself why people would respond to your video they way did. It must because they are women haters.

What a fucking joke. That’s like a black dude getting busted for stealing bikes, blaming being black for getting arrested and not the crime he commited.

Always the fucking victim, attaching yourself to a bigger cause, creating problems out of nothing. Watch the video again, watch that tantrum..you are more of a 2 year old than a woman, so maybe you should be sending me slanderous emails on how I am an emotionally immature person hater….or a spoiled jewish kid hater. I don’t think it’s got shit to do with you having a vagina, or at least claiming you do, because it looks like you’re packin’ heat in those leopard print pants Steven Tyler.

Cuddles.

Posted in:Brat|Hipster|stepFAME|stepTV|Unsorted