Sometimes I like to sit on my computer and pretend I matter to useless cunts like Ashley Tisdale enough to make her change her hustle, step-up her game, and fix her ugly. Not because I want her to read the kind things I say about her, but because I think she needs to just step it up and stop being the boring cunt from High School musical in her mid-20s, who plays a teenager and who wins awards for being hot when there is little to nothing hot about her, other than the fact that she’s not fat and that she once had a lot of teenage fans….Sure awkward distorted faces that look accidented are cute on your own kids cuz you have no choice to love them…but when it comes to Hollywood, that just doesn’t cut it….so it is smart move for Tisdale to be rockin’ these leather pants…even if leather pants aren’t quite as fun as spreading twats….even if they are the key to making a twat hot since they don’t breathe…If you know what I mean.
I saw this picture of Mary Louise Parker floating around the internet. It is supposed to be from some Esquire shoot that drops in January, even though she already got naked for Esquire a few years ago.
I don’t have one of those keen pervert memories….I am not one of those people who knows who any of these people are….I had to search my own site to figure it out and I came up with this sex scene from Weeds
I don’t know why my brain doesn’t process this shit, like you weirdos who remember every naked celebrity and print up their pictures for your scrap book as well as to staple on your pillow case to try to make this reationship more than the one sided obsession that it is….
I just see the shit as it comes in and do the best I can to get by…and here is that pic from Esquire that could be old and could be new and doesn’t matter what is is cuz I am posting it anyway…old ladies photoshopped never get old.
I think one of they year’s greatest Christmas gifts was when Rosie Huntington proved to Megan Fox that she is totally replaceable cuz there are thousands of hot girls with daddy issues who crave the attention needed to suck director or producer dick cuz they know their role, instead of giving attitude like Megan Fox who thought she had the golden ticket and thought she had it made and let that translate into annoying the world by opening her mouth when that was never part of the deal….hot bitches aren’t supposed to talk…she had it all wrong…but Rosie Huntington is the tool to get everyone grounded where they need to be….not that it will work…but we all know Megan Fox cries herself to sleep wondering what went wrong but unable to figure it out cuz girls like Megan Fox are generally retarded.
So here is Rosie Huntington in her underwear for some bullshit.
This Christmas season, I found myself listening to that “Do They Know It’s Christmas Cuz They are an African Tribe who Don’t Own TVs, who don’t celebrate our religious holidays, who are probably dying of AIDS” song and decided to look into adopting an AIDS baby, you know to feel better about myself…..
Luckily, since I don’t have money, credit cards, or a real interest in sending 30 dollars a month to some Christian brainwashing program, an African Aids Baby came to me over facebook:
This is what he wrote:
I am an African boy who saw your “surreal yet funny by demeaning self and using cool unusual insults i dont care about myself or anyone else” site or blog or whatever it is you do on my malnutrishioned internet on my starving welfare needing computer given to me by a church in America because America and every other place does good things for Africa because us Africans are no good.
Anyway, i decided to go do some witchcraft stuff on you in a place called Abujah, Nigeria, because thats what us Africans do other than AIDS and death and crime and tribal dances.
So i threw some African bones on the dirt and gorilla cum infested ground and hissed your name out and wishing you die through some cruel way.
I like your blog and the girls you put on because i masterbate to your material atleast 24 times a day, because those girls are sexy girls and us Africans have huge sex drives cuz no means yes here.
PS – Can you adopt me like you were Angelina Jolie and I was the AIDS baby, since I am….
I figured since I already taught him so much about the English language, like how not to write, like run-on sentences, like bad jokes, it was only natural to adopt him like I was Angelina and give him his own post….
He chose this Lady Gaga picture cuz she’s showing her vagina, and when you are used to fucking zebra’s, actual human vagina seems ok, especailly if it is white, cuz black dudes love white girls…That said, this is what he wrote:
I don’t know about you, but these days when I watch porn, I look for the dirtiest “shit in a cup and watch my girlfriend eat it” type of material. You know, the type of shit that makes you want to vomit but you still watch it because that other soft core MILF shit no more gets your AIDS Baby dick hard coz u have seen it too much.
Here is the small dick having monster Gaga in a nude photo, showing her small monster dick, not that her small monster cock gets in the way of you liking it, and by you I mean me, because in Africa, our dicks are so much big that small dick like this might as well be a vagina.
(i couldnt attach the pictures from coz i dont know how to use the internet becoz im an African and live in a hut made of shit, grass and other AIDS babies, but at least i have the internet)
That said, I’m just glad to help some dude in a hut with a church funded computer and dial-up internet live his dreams as my new adopted son for less that a coffee a day…
For this is Christmas and this is what I’ve done…..I’m a modern day hero…Just call me Mother Teresa…Seriously…I kinda like that whole slutty nun thing…and apparently so does Gaga, cuz we’re both just so fucking obvious….
Everyone say hello to Motembooogo. He may post again if he doesn’t get eaten by a lion or die of Ebola.
A little known fact about me is that I am Christmas obsessed, from fucking girls named Carol, to sitting in malls watching bitches watch lingerie, to all the food, drink Holiday themed everything, I get fully swept up.
I have seen every Holiday movie, I have seen every bad Christmas sweater on every bi-sexual looking hipster, I have decorated trees, I have given gifts, I have gone to Holiday work parties and I am sad that it is all going to end in a day or two.
Now I don’t really actually celebrate Christmas, but my last month has been jacked on Christmas and I’ve decided that nothing says Holiday Spirit like some elf sounding motherfucker with a match in his ass in a YouTube video singing Christmas Tree.
I don’t really understand what this has to do with Christmas, or whether this is actually a Christmas Miracle or not, but I do know that the internet breeds weirdness, and sometimes that weirdness is so weird that I like it, not in a sexual way, in a “why did this video happen” kind of way…
So from my Christmas Filled heart to yours, here is a clip that will give Merry Christmas Charlie Brown a run for his bald head money….
I’m dreaming of a Columbian Christmas, just like mountains of pure cocaine I wish I knew….You’re probably dreaming a busty old lady who shows off her whore tits Christmas just because it is all she knows…..and there is nothing wrong with that…some people use school to get ahead, other people use skill, some bitches are forced to use their pussy and with the right end-goal in mind, can end up winning Emmy Awards….instead of trying to raise money for Columbia’s rain damage, she should be teaching seminars like she was Tony Robbins for girls who don’t mind getting a little damage to get on top….and who really cares.
Her Botoxed face freaks me out, but when she talks in her sultry accent and when she gives me something better to look at, her face doesn’t exist, just fantasies of her begging me to cum while fucking her up the ass…
As a bonus, here is her ass after the show….waiting for a cab the way she used to wait for john’s when she first came to America….
Christmas starts early in my house. Not because I buy gifts or trim the tree. But because I get drunk early in the afternoon until late in the night….while wearing a Santa hat….not that you care….but it makes for pretty half assed updates unless I am inspired….and today…I am…only it’s not to write posts…it’s to keep on drinkin’ the nog….and by nog I mean lonely pussy…I mean if Miracle on 34th Street Miracles actually come true….
Here are my stepLINKS cuz I’ll never slack on them shits.
Laurie from That 70s Show is Hotter than Ever!!! GO
Somewhere is some new Sofia “Glad My Dad Did the Godfather and Apocolypse Now” Coppola movie.
Here is Party Girl #3, Naked Blonde with Sailor Cap and Woman Getting Haircut in the roles of their lifetime.
It isn’t in theaters yet, but I find Sofia “Glad My Dad Did the Godfather and Apocolypse Now” Coppola boring, it’s just got that hipster appeal cuz she was married to Spike Jonze and all those film student, women studies, philosophy and poli-sci cunts in vintage clothing at the coffee shop feel they have to like it cuz they have no identity of their own…I know you know what I mean and I know you are probably wondering why I am ramblin’ on about this shit, when we should be celebrating sluts willing to get topless to launch their careers, it’s a hustle/work ethic/ drive I always appreciate in whores trying to make it, cuz the ones who do it without getting naked, who try to rely on their talent and dad’s connections alone, bore the fuck out of me….
Good hustle girls. Let’s see more of you. Let’s keep it up. I’m your cheerleader….here are the shitty clips now sit on my face in my fantasies cuz life sucks….
I wonder if Lady Gaga really believes her lie that she’s some kind of performing artist opening herself up to her receptive audience who understand and are drawn to her creative vision, of if she knows that she’s just an obvious joke. I mean the product of serious marketing that is about as authentic as her hair color.
You see, I did the “slutty nun” basic level of religious controversy over a decade ago in an art project at a local church art program I was forced to take and even then I knew I was just doing it to piss off the people behind the art program.
I also did a dead baby in a box cuz my teacher was pregnant and annoyed me. Because I understand how easy it is to use shitty art to upset uptight people and get a laugh out of it while pretending it is a vision.
I have a feeling that Gaga does too, you know because everything she does is upsetting, mainly because of that fucking face of hers and the fame it got that it shouldn’t have got because it’s not hot….and not because of her ironic almost nude annoying artist who isn’t an artist hustle…she’s just a bullshit pawn in the grand scheme of thing and she fucking sucks….and so does her sloppy disgusting body and her squashed down runover by a bush that unfortunately didn’t kill her tits. Here are the pics. They may or may not be a Christmas miracle, but I know her death or disappearance would be, but maybe I’m just a hater…
I should be drinking eggnog by the fire and not writing this nonsense…I hate you internet for trapping me.
In my mind, Lindsay Lohan is a Christmas miracle that keeps on giving. I am not talking about her herpes, that is controlled thanks to valtrex. I am talking about her as a person. She just constantly comes out of the woodwork with her amazing fucking tits that I regret not making her show me the time I snuck into some party to hang out with her when she was in Montreal and she was too friendly to get me kicked out, because everything about this girl is amazing, except maybe that she gave me a wrong number and I’ve never been able to reconnect our love at first sight from that lovely night, not that that’s never happened before, the fake number thing is almost obvious…..not that that would ever make me hate this tits…they just always appear when I’m about to forget Lohan…..
Good thing I don’t know who this Claire Chazal woman is, because that way I can’t be sad when she finishes melting into the ocean. It’s like some Wizard of Oz shit where you got the gremlin wet after midnight and all that will be left of her is something disgusting, like a pile of decade old semen. I have seen it happen before, these slutty french ex-stripper hot dog stand workers who turn 40 all kinda start to look like this and you are left unable to see past their gaping assholes cuz you know all the dick that asshole took to get that way.
Apparently she’s a romance novel, so you can imagine what she’s done to herself to get inspiration for stories, and here are some pics of her doing the whole bikini thing when maybe she’d be better off in a snowsuit, you know for the sake of eroticism….
But I like bikinis……so here she is….
To See The Rest of the Pictures – Follow THis Link GO
It’s the holidays so I don’t know why I am posting links. I should be out caroling with the group from church and by caroling I mean gang banging this bitch carol, she always puts out, Christmas or not.
I am in the Holiday spirit, just an hour ago I paid some whore 10 dollars a song to sit on my lap and tell me what she wants me to do to her….
It was a waste of money, but it was nice to feel in control.
I am ridiculous. I am also drunk. But I don’t really need Christmas for that. I just need alcohol….
stepLINKS are here….Dance around the tree for this Christmas miracle….
Knowing I grabbed this is miserable. Knowing Gaga is unhappy people stopped talking about her so she staged this stunt and I’m talking about her is even more miserable than knowing I grabbed this ass, but then again grabbing ass, whether it is on a celebrity or not, whether it is on a monster looking bitch or not, is never really that miserable, even if it makes you want to throw up. It’s always kind of entertaining even if it is not erotic….
What it comes down to is that Lady Gaga is a vile circus freak, trying so hard to be relevant like she was Madonna and she’s ugly as fuck, but unfortunately that’s never stopped me for checking out an ass when it’s on display and that shouldn’t stop you.
This isn’t really news, but luckily I don’t do really do news here. I pretty much focus my attention on the attention whores begging for it, and when I saw these pictures of 30 year old Kim Kardashian doing a keg stand with her mother like some kind of college girl who wasn’t too old, too fat and too washed up, I was forced to play out memories I have of her getting pissed on by black dudes in sex tapes…..not that I ever saw those scenes in the sex tape, but I know what a toilet for the colored folks at the back of the bus looks like when I see one, and this is prett much it…
I’ve got an issue with girls who drink beer to begin with. From my 20s onwards, unless bitch was drinking a Corona by the beach, I was disgusted by her, there’s just something sloppy about a girl drunk on beer, and that’s usually her gut she’s got hanging over her pants, not to mention her doppy face, her sea legs and the look of wanting to be loved in her eye, cuz I guess beer drunk, is different that cocaine and vodka redbull drunk, that should be kept for backpacking pub girls from the trailer park, you know those middle American not so cultured suburban trash chugging beer and not the girls I want to fuck….meaning Kim Kardashian is pretty much doing what everything about her would expect me to be doing….at least based n her body type…
I don’t know if I explained myself the way I wanted to, but what I am saying is that beer girls are pigs and so is Kim Kardashian, so it all makes sense and I didn’t have to post all those other words…about how pathetic and unerotic this is.
To See The Rest of the Pictures – Follow This Link GO
These lingerie photoshoots are repetitive maybe, amazing, obviously.
I can’t hate these Victoria’s Secret photoshoots, even though they all look the same, they lack creativity, they are cookie cutter formula where the pussy is interchangeable, but I love this Candice Swanepoel, especially when she is half naked. She is a hero who escaped AIDs in South Africa, to be in an overpaid bitch in a thong all over the internet, showing off her amazing ass, while making me stare at my wife and hate my life because seriously, the fact that she doesn’t look like this, is fucking with my ego and any man who isn’t with a girl who looks like this is a failure. Realize that motherfucker and enjoy your miserable existance that eye candy like this may or may not soften the reality blow….cuz sometimes fantasy can carry you through everything…