I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2009

10

Apr

Miranda Kerr in Some Lingerie of the Day

Miranda Kerr is in her lingerie for some ad because she’s a bikini model. I am not in lingerie for some ad because I am not a bikini/lingerie model, I just wear the shit because it makes me feel pretty. Fuck you.

Posted in:Lingerie|Miranda Kerr

2009

10

Apr

Katy Perry and the Full Lips She Always Wanted of the Day

Here is Katy Perry playing up the lesbian shit with a lip purse that she’s holding where her vagina would be, if her pussy lips weren’t thin like the lips on her face, she just doesn’t realize if she’s trying to be funny she should rotate that shit 90 degrees. See that’s me being a mathmetician. I am dyin. I have a hangover and I can’t figure out anything funny to say about this pig and her pussy purse, but I’ll put the pictures up anyway.

Posted in:Katy Perry|Lips|Vagina

2009

10

Apr

Mike Tyson Hating on Don King of the Day

I like everything that comes out of Mike Tyson’s mouth. I’ve watched his documentary, I’ve watched some HBO bullshit about him. I’ve heard that cunt Robin Givens trying to bring him the fuck down, pretending he is a woman beater, or that girl he raped who got him arrested, instead of just embracing it for bragging rights that Tyson cock was violently being jabbed and upper-cutted into her, like any normal groupie would.

Either way, he’s talking about beating up Don King, because out of all the people out there, Don King and his greasy hands are who really fucked him up the most….

Posted in:AMazing|Mike Tyson

2009

10

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Calls For My Help of the Day

Rumor is that Lindsay and Samantha broke up. Lindsay seems to be taking these times of trouble pretty well, you know since she hasn’t killed herself. That’s always a good sign and Samantha has been off hanging with the Good Charlotte sisters because they make anyone feel better about themselves. Whenever I feel bad, I just google image search their suburban tattoos and it usually helps me pull the knife away from my wrist.

But that’s not the point, the point is the paparazzi are on Lohan’s dick, because she’s a superstar, and they want exclusives, and as she asks them to get off her property, she calls my name, in some kind of desperation. “jesus”….the words just roll off her tongue in some kind of beautiful angelic tone, like the sky has opened up and I have become the chosen one, and by beautiful angelic tone, I mean throaty and tobacco damaged…

When was the last time Lohan said your name in a paparazzi video, I’m thinking never. So don’t be jealous.

Sure Lohan has no idea I exist, but what’s that got to do with anything. Subconscious man…it’s some deeper shit than you’ll ever understand.

Fine she wasn’t saying my fucking name, she was using Jesus, our lord a savior’s name, you know the motherfucker who died for your sins and had a whore mother who lied to her husband about cheating on him, claiming this whole divine conception, or whatever other bullshit she spewed to save her marriage, and that’s okay, it’s Easter, she’s been all jewed out all these months, it’s time to remind her about her Christian roots.

But you gotta admit, if she did say my name in a paparazzi video, it’d be pretty cool.

Posted in:Jesus|Lindsay Lohan

2009

10

Apr

Easter Insanity of the Day

I couldn’t start today off without something holy to me and that was a rub and tug massage. I got it with my birthday money from some hot young Asian who jerks off dick better than I can or really better than anyone I’ve ever met can, maybe because in the 19 years of her life, she’s been bred to be this master of the dick, you know trained by generations of family secret moves, you know starting off on a banana at the age of 5, when her mother and grandmother who own the place felt she was ready to take it on.

I figure that religion is a whole lot of horseshit and this video of some crazy Catholic image, like people getting crucified to let Jesus know they care, that he is their savior, that he died for their sins. Sure, my name is Jesus, but that doesn’t mean I’m into this shit, give me some cocktails and some tail that does cock and I’ll get down and prey, if by prey she means cum all over her little asian ass for an extra 5 dollars. Word.

Posted in:Easter|Insanity

2009

10

Apr

stepLINKS of the Day

I am drunk and my stripper hates me – but at least I have these links…..her ass is insane in the event you were wondering….It is easter – thanks Jesus for dying and coming back to life. I need the 4 day weekend. Here are my links….

Lindsay Lohan’s Hottest Pics EVER
GO

Show Your Ex Girlfriend who the REAL Sluts Are
GO

When Assley Left Pete: A Story of Probably Divorce
GO

The Beatles vs LCD Soundsystem vs The Kinks
GO

This Guy is Serious About Attracting Women. Serious.
GO

Adriana Lima Has Tits All The Sudden
GO

Little Girl is Afraid to Poop
GO

Sure, You Knew Jesus Could Save, But Did You Know Mother Fucker Could RAP?!?!
GO

Hello Brooke Skye
GO

4 Things That Happen During Every Spring Break
GO

Hardcore Jewish Chicks 2009
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Blowhan Brought the Ginge Back, The Drapes and Carpet Match Again!
GO

Celine Dion May Be a Granny, But I Would Still Fuck Her
GO

Kirsten Dunst is See Through
GO

Mischa Barton Gets Naked for British Cosmopolitan
GO

Pink is Also See Through
GO

I Love You Halle Berry
GO

Nicole Richie is Lookin Good
GO

It’s Telling Me Something….
GO

Kelly is Oh So Curvey
GO

Julia’s Got Some Big Ol’ Tits
GO

Blonde Masterbates With Her Friend in the Shower
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Babe Peels a Banana With Her Feet
GO

Kylie Reese Will Make You Melt
GO

Britney Spears Says Don’t Smoke Weed Mother Fuckers!
GO

Alessandra Ambrosio is Lovely
GO

Kate Moss Titty Action
GO

Amateur Heaven
GO

Christina Ricci is Dating a Giant For Fuck Sakes
GO

Malta Pandeva: Maxim Magazine Bulgaria, April 2009
GO

A Pretty Awesome Pin Up Collection
GO

Those Assholes At Chia Pet Really Went Too Far
GO

Close Range is the Hottest New Video Game Around
GO

She’s Fucking a Cactus!
GO

Luba is Heaven on Earth
GO

Jesse Jane Clement Will Bring the Boner Offering
GO

Man This Bristol Palin/Levia the Red Neck Thing Just Won’t Get Out of the News
GO

Give Me Leonard Cohen Afterworld
GO

Dirty Cop Blames Oral Sex For Dirty Test Results…
GO

Belladonna Taking a Pee With Her Bush….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2009

09

Apr

Russell Brand’s Two Groupies Sneakin’ Out of His House Weirdness of the Day

Russell Brand is milking this fame shit by always rockin’ out with random groupies. These two girls I guess he was fucking in tandem, because that’s the power fame gives you, ran outside hiding under black robes to get something out of their car, because I am sure Brand has had his way with them from all fuckin’ angles.

I don’t have anything to really say about this, because who really cares. Girls are whores. Girls like famous dudes and why wouldn’t they. He’s got money, he’s not lookin’ for a wife, but they probably like giving him everything he wants in hopes that one day he’ll choose them and let them into his little world.

Who cares. Seriously. Why did I bother downloading these fucking pictures. Cropping them. Uploading them. When there’s nothing hot about them except whatever my imagination had lined up for them, but even that’s hard to pull off because all I see are their thick ankles, like we’re in some muslim country reporting the news in blackface….you like how I just tied that into an earlier post. Admit it was clever.

Posted in:Groupies|Russell Brand

2009

09

Apr

Heidi and Spencer Bring Their Bullshit Love to the Streets of the Day

Here are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt livin’ up the lie that people believe because they have nothing better to do with themselves and the paparazzi are going nuts with the shit like these clowns are relevant. The other day, I hit them up on Twitter, because I use Twitter despite how gay it sounds and asked Spencer if he’s ever knocked Heidi up and he was pretty quick to say no. He went out of his way to tell me he hasn’t. He also said he has his own in the house they share, and that’s where he fucks Brody Jenner while Heidi is in the other room staring at her cunt self in the mirror. I want to hate these clowns, but I can’t, because everytime I dream about myself, I am played by Heidi Montag and have a feeling that means we’re soulmates, unfortunately, she has no soul….

Here they are trying to promote her new shit songs that Spencer pretends are the next big thing, while the rest of the world knows shit’s a fucking disaster….

Here’s the video of them working their bullshit for the paparazzi…

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Love|Publicity Stunt|Spencer Pratt

2009

09

Apr

Billy Ray Cyrus Gives Us the Finger for Disney of the Day

When I think about Disney, I don’t have thoughts of the most magical place on earth, I don’t have thoughts about Mickey and Minnie and all the other characters we all grew up on, I don’t think about my grandmother’s stories about how Walt Disney started up the company as an excuse to get close to little boys and girls, because back then pedophiles weren’t as hated as they are today, it was almost swept under the rug and apparently, he gave great orgasms.

I do think about Miley Cyrus, her millions and millions of dollars, so I am pretty offended when I see her dad, who is milking off the shit just as hard as his little slut daughter, giving us the finger. He should be giving us a two thumbs up with a huge smile on his face because dude’s fucked the system.

What kind of message is this sending to the kids.

Speaking of Kids, Oprah is on teenagers sucking dick, I’m talking 13 year olds. I always knew she was a kiddie porn smut peddler. All the rich folk are weird. They just said “feeling good about your genitals at a young age”. Wonder what that means. I am almost 40 and never felt good about my genitals. Mainly due to the smell and scabs….

And a little Miley for the perverts….

Posted in:Billy Ray Cyrus|Finger|Rude

2009

09

Apr

Kim Kardashian and Her Fat Friend Show Off Their Tits at the Basketball Game of the Day

Kim Kadashian brought her fat friend to the basketball game to find black dudes because black dude like big titty fat chicks and big titty fat chicks apparently like black dudes, as long as they are pro athletes, it doesn’t matter what sport they are pro in, just as long as they are pro. Groupie whores. Do I really need to write about this on a daily fucking basis, couldn’t I be at a fucking basketball game, or in the fucking gutter with rich chicks with big tits, and not on a computer writing nonsense about nonsense. Unfortunately, I am too fucking lazy. Somebody. Save Me….

Posted in:Brittany Gastineau|Fat|Kim Kardashian|Tits

2009

09

Apr

Jeremy Piven and Some Jose Canseco Ex Wife of the Day

Sloppy Seconds!! I guess what it comes down to is that everyone is sloppy seconds, shit just becomes weirder when the bitch is a divorcee, you know with their baggage, their kids, with their herpes Canseco brought home from Away Games. The only thing good about them is that they are so emotionally detached and like to fuck enough to call on you every couple of days to fill their 35 year old sexual peakin’ pussy, you know when they aren’t too busy fucking the 8 other dudes she’s got on the side, including the ex husband who she still sucks off when he drops off the kids after taking them for the weekend, because they’ve got history. Either way, based on her legs and pussy area, I’d get up on that like I was Jeremy Piven too.

Posted in:Jeremy Piven|Jose Canseco

2009

09

Apr

Some Lindsay Lohan Leg of the Day

I love Lindsay Lohan. She is hot and I don’t think she’s too skinny, there is no such thing as too skinny, that’s just something fat chicks say to make them feel good about themselves, the same fat chicks who aren’t fucking you.

Sure, I thought she was going to die this year. I thought that it would be suicide or cardiac arrest, but I’m over all that. I am convinced she’s ready for the takeover she’s been laying the groundwork for the last few years and that this relationship with Ronson and this breakup with Ronson is all part of some master plan we’ll all understand one day.

If anyone is gonna die, it’s gonna be me, I’ve had a cough for fucking days and I think the end is near. At least I’ve lived long enough.

Here is the video..

Posted in:Legs|Lindsay Lohan

2009

09

Apr

Doutzen Kroes in Some Clothed Modeling Pics of the Day

Doutzen Kroes some hot bikini/lingerie model is doing a photoshoot in clothes, which is kinda funny because I am doing a photoshoot nude right now and sure I don’t get paid as much, and the whole thing is pretty humilating, but I feel just as glamorous as she does. True story.

Posted in:Clothed|Doutzen Kroes

2009

09

Apr

Some Turkish Reporter in Black Face for Obama of the Day

I want to go to Turkey. Shit’s fucking crazy. They treat their news like some kind of comedy hour and have one of their reporters rockin’ blackface while reporting on Obama’s trip to their country.

It made me laugh and watch the whole thing and I don’t even speak the fucking language, so I think they are onto something, someone needs to get Anderson Cooper up on this shit to lock in the viewers because until I see him in blackface, I’m gonna be forced to think he’s just some uptight closet case who takes his job too seriously.

In fact, Turkey should be a lesson to us all. We should all leave the house in black face, you know and hit up the local KFC, or the pharmacy, just throw people off and when ppl ask you what you’re doing, bust into slave songs.

Posted in:Black Face|Obama|Turkey

2009

09

Apr

South Park Makes Fun of Kanye West of the Day

I haven’t seen South Park in years but I watched this clip and it’s fucking obscure as hell, the joke is so fucking out there and stupid that I laughed. It is also hating on Kanye and how ridiculous he is so you’ll probably like it. My computer is running like shit and so is my brain so I gotta get me some motherfuckin’ food. I’ll be back.

Here’s the full episode….

Posted in:Gay|Kanye West|South Park