Katy Perry tried to do some novelty pin-up girl jumping into a cake for her novelty song that has made her more than just novelty money and novelty famous, which is too bad because I am ready for her and her fuckin’ joke that rapes me almost everyday to go away.
She was at the MTV Latin awards, whenever the fuck those were and she slipped and fell when covered in cake and couldn’t get up. That whole stunt was pretty fucking fat of her and along with kissing girls and liking it, Katy Perry like eating and before the coke addiction and fame, her body proved that she liked it. So apparently, giant cakes aren’t just my wife’s fantasies I used to make fun of her about, along with her dreams of swimming pools filled with chocolate sauce, trees made of licorice, snow being cotton candy, our couch being a giant donut and pretty much all things around her being edible treats, and apparently this idea came to chubby Katy Perry in her chubby dreams she started having when the record label told her to stop eating, but none of that matters, I know that you like girls covered in food because you like girls pretty much covered in anything remotely similar to the consistency of your cum, so I’ll post it for you and I like seeing Katy Perry fail, so I’ll post it for me. Here’s hoping the next video I get of her is of her getting hit kissing the front of a bus and liking it as it runs her and the potential of her making any more music to ruin my life over.
I am not sure if you heard this story, but it was on the radio this morning so I assume you have. I never was one for breaking stories, I am more into being late on shit and announcing it to a room full of people like it’s the hottest thing ever, only to have everyone turn to me and tell me that it’s old news. I don’t know why but I find it exhilerating.
Anyway, the report is that after the plane crash DJ AM was getting skin grafts, the doctors found a potentially fatal blood clot in his leg, which happens when you fly too much, I think it’s called deep vein thrombosis but I only think that because I used it as a reason I was late for work a few years back at the canning plant. So if the plane hadn’t crashed, DJ AM could have potentially died as the clot moved to his heart, so instead God crashed the fucking thing, let him walk away with some burns, killing 5 people, just to save AM from death. Something doesn’t sound right, he’s gotta be the Messiah.
If you look at his history, he survived being molested as a child, emotionally eating himself to 360 pounds, smoking crack, an attempted suicide when the bullet jammed in the gun he had to his head, unprotected sex with lots of shady girls and the lead singer of Crazy Town, a one hit wonder band DJ AM was part of, gastric bypass surgery, dating Nicole Richie and pretending to like it, being a glorified Top 40 bar mitzvah DJ and not getting shot by the hip hop gangsters when he claimed to be hip hop, a plane crash, a blood clot (boh boh), dating Jessica Stam and her mental capacity of a hamster. This motherfucker is unstoppable. He must be fuckin’ Jesus, seriously, I heard they were spotted together at Avalon the other night and AM was eating his asshole….only he wasn’t the real Jesus, he was just one of the Mexicans AM pulled in off the street and carries everywhere, because he’s his special lucky charm. I don’t know what I am saying, but I do know this dude’s got more than just a massive butt plug in his ass, he’s also got a horseshoe, because that kind of luck just isn’t normal….maybe he is Satan…which would explain his DJ sets and chachi fan base….and I guess who really cares….
Mark Wahlberg announced on national TV, if you can consider Kimmel national TV considering about 4 people watch his shit show, that he wants to punch some Jewish dude who used to make viral videos and who is now on Saturday Night Live for no reason other than the fact that he is Jewish. He even makes a point of saying that he will punch his Jew nose and I think it’s because he’s a religious Christian and he can’t deal with the fact that the Jews don’t accept his Messiah and think that they are the chosen ones, when Wahlberg knows very well that the Pope is the chosen one…..
The real story, or the story he claims is the real story, to try to take away from the fact that he hates Jews is that Samberg made fun of him on SNL and Wahlberg doesn’t like being laughed at. The reality is that no matter what the reason for the beating is, Samberg better watch the fuck out, because Wahlberg’s from the hood and before he was famous he blinded a motherfucker, something all the lawyers letters that Sambergs pussy Jew self threatens to issue as Wahlberg backs him into a corner, can’t really reverse.
The sad truth is that this battle won’t come to blows and no matter how much he slams SNL for not being funny, this will just fuel more bad jokes that only 14 year olds and 50 year olds will apppreciate because anyone between those ages will be doing better things, like drinking and fucking, except you, you’ll be surfing the internet like the loser you are…..
Either way, Here’s the SNL Clip he’s crying about:
UPDATE – Some Good Vibrations to Remind You Of His Hood Roots
This YouTube video was featured today and I thought it was a good inspiring way to start the day, but that’s just because anytime I see socially awkward greasy losers doing stunts, I feel inspired. It’s actually the reason I write this website, because I know that somewhere out there, a greasy fat socially awkward loser is reading this, only you probably aren’t getting a ton of view on YouTube, but are just generating a lot of views on YouTube for lack of better things to do, because let’s face it, your phone isn’t ringing off the hook by people who are dying to spend time with you.
The highlight of the video is that he posts his Busking date and time and I hope one of you takes some initiative and goes to this event to document what kind of people go to watch people busk after seeing them on YouTube, it’s not like you have anything better to do and I think the fresh air will do you some good. When you’re done, please send me the footage, because I’ll likely be drunk in a ditch after spending the night harassing girls who won’t sleep with me and not on a plane to the UK to experience this legendary event.
I went into a coffee shop and saw some woman waiting in line in front of me to get more whipped cream and toppings on her coffee. She had already finished the first round of topping and needed more sugar. The staff was a little thrown off by her request, but gave it to her anyway, then she asked them for more Caramel sauce, as he squeezed it onto the whipped cream, she told him not to be shy and to keep it coming, until her coffee drink looked like a creamy caramel mess. Then she attacked the chocolate flakes that were in a jar next to the milk and sugar, to make the place seem more classy and for people to use sparingly on their hot chocolates and faggy coffees, but she started piling on 3 or 10 scoops of the shit into her already disgusting drink. She grabbed a spoon and started digging in like she won the fuckin’ lottery and today was the best day in her life.
I wanted to give her some credit for being eager to get all the free sweets you can get to feed your fat sweet addicted face and to turn your coffee into a tasty 2000 calorie treat, but it disgusted me and I accidentally called her a pig instead, when she asked what I said, I tried to cover it up by saying that I said she wasn’t a pig, and instead of making a friend today, I made an enemy and she stormed off pissed off at the world despite how happy she was just a few minutes before because it turns out that your day isn’t the only day I ruin….
On a side note, his son’s quite the comedian, you should check out his comedy routine by scrolling to the end of this video but the biggest joke is that Kimberly Stewart is his Half Sister…..who he probably didn’t fuck, since they have the same mom and that would be incest and incest is wrong, even if no one is looking, or if all your friends are doing it…
The Dyslexic Speedreaders are some LA rap group that are made up of a guy named Andre Legacy, a white Soap Star who used to jerk off in Young Hard and Solo videos for money before making it big as an MTV VJ and a few roles on shitty movies like Karate Dog and Scary Movie 4 named Dirt Nasty and Mickey Avalon some ex male prostitute heroin addict from Oregon who probably is none of those things, but that story is good for business and makes your whole “act” more believable, despite everyone knowing that you are a group of celebrity latch-ons from LA which is about as underground as Disney and you may know them from their last myspace hit called My Dick.
I have to admit that I liked Mickey Avalon when he came out hard a couple of years ago on Myspace, before dropping his first album. I even tried to get some local promoter I know to bring them in to do a show because I thought they were going to be big, but it never panned out because the promoter I knew couldn’t afford their 3000 dollar charge at a time when they were pretty much totally unknown here. Now they are probably way more expensive and most of Mickey Avalon’s solo songs are pretty popular with the mainstream 18 year old Jewish girls who were referencing his lyrics on my Facebook all the time, so I guess they’ve made it.
A couple of days ago, I was sent their mix tape to review from their high profile PR company, about 6 weeks after it dropped, I guess they are going after the bottom feeding sites to get some more play and I wasn’t going to do it, despite being a bottom feeding site, but figure why the fuck not, you know having virtually no music knowledge or experience, it’d be a serious relevant thing for people to read. But then I remembered that people don’t actually read my site so why the fuck not try one of these out….
They rap about sex, tea bagging, drugs, porn and the whole thing is probably funny to someone who doesn’t find everything tedious to listen to like me. I can see Frat Boys chanting this shit at parties before gang rapes.The whole thing was pretty boring and a cheap copy of their first album. It’s like they are trying to relive their tried, tested true formula that worked for them a year ago and I don’t find it honest or from the heart or innovative, I find it some shock value candy coated bullshit that never ends, but in all fairness to them, maybe there’s only so much ironic rhymes about gays, fucking, pissing on tits, fucking my girl raw dog even when she asks to use a condom, getting fucked up the ass by a white man with a black mask on, fucking trannies in the ass, that I can take and it is actually good. Maybe, I am just racist and I just don’t think white Jewish people should be rapping and think that they should be doing my taxes or sending out lawyers letters and taking my money, but everyone knows Jewish isn’t a race.
Either way, it’s clear that this is a joke, meant to be funny and not actual music and I feel like I am too much of a hater and taking them too seriously while being too negative towards other people’s craft, so on a positive note, it is better than any song I’ve ever recorded and I think some of the beats are catchy and you should probably take a listen for yourself and formulate your own opinion, because despite it annoying me, I don’t think it’s the worst thing out there and the best song on the mix tape is called 24 hours by the dude Beardo, who isn’t even one of them and I like it because it’s not the same repetitive rap garbage they always do and reminds me of the punk rock I used to listen to in the 90s.
So Download the Mix Tape and Listen to It Yourself…. GO
Here’s there Press Realease:
DYSLEXIC SPEEDREADERS TO RELEASE FREE STAR-STUDDED MIX
Los Angeles, CA (September 1, 2008).Â What happens when two Hollywood rappers team up with a cracker from Oakland? Ghetto beats and gnarly rhymes slap you in the face. Andre Legacy, Mickey Avalon, and Dirt Nasty (aka Simon Rex) combine to make the most unique rap crew in the continental U.S. (including Hawaii and Puerto Rico). With the recent addition of Beardo to the crew, the Dyslexic Speedreaders have taken the underground hip hop scene to another level.
After traveling together and selling out shows all over the world, the Dyslexic Speedreaders have collected enough material to put together their new compilation Shoot to Kill produced by Cisco Adler, Mark Ronsen, Dirt Nasty, and others. Â This highly-anticipated mix of never heard before material will be released to fans worldwide free via the Internet on September 1, 2008.Â
Adding even more to the appeal of this never heard mix by the same group that came out with the cult hit â€œMY DICKâ€ is the inclusion of celebrity drops. The flowing lyrics and melodic beats of Dyslexic Speedreaders will be complimented by the Â endorsements from their celebrity fans from the likes of DJ AM, Adrian Brody, Paris Hilton, Andy Milonakis, Kimbo Slice, Ron Artest, Lil Jon, Travis Barker, Perez Hilton, Mark Ronson, among others.Â For the Dyslexic Speedreaders, giving back to their fans has never been so â€œcraker-ass fantastic!â€
Shit, Andy Milonakis is a fan, I’d like to retract my previous review and replace it with, OMG ANDY MILONAKIS LIKE THEM THEY MUST BE AMAZING…..
So Hayden Panettiere makes pretty bad Political jokes on Funny or Die and with Jessica Alba for Declare Yourself , because she’s 18 now and is excited about this new found right that she’s been given and she’s taking it seriously, by trying to shove ideas down our throats, while forgetting to remind us, that she’s 18 fucking years old and has lived in a rich household her entire life and really has no life experience, education or reason to be doing that, other than by trying to stay trendy.
That said, here she is in a video saying that the Madonna divorce is none of her business, because I guess she’s taking the high road and feels like relationship matters or something sacred to the people involved, unlike political stance, which to her should be tattooed on your fucking forehead, like she’s a modern fucking hippie trying to make change and use her celebrity to do that.
The truth is that I don’t have an opinion on the Madonna divorce either, people get divorced every fucking day, who gives a fuck, but I just thought seeing Hayden Panettiere keep her mouth shut for once was a nice change of pace and worth celebrating….another thing worth celebrating, that I lived to see October 16, 2008 despite what my doctor’s been telling me the last 5 years if I don’t clean up my act, which i haven’t.
Here are some pictures of Hayden in a lacy shirt even though this kind of lace is more like the lace you’d see in a middle class retired woman who collects teddy bears house as a table cloth or window treatment and not the kind of lace you’d see on a stripper in cheap lingerie soliciting full service lap dances for 40 dollars.
Some CNN reporter called some Republican Strategist a cunt-cunt-tributror and didn’t get fired because she was crafty about it. You should take her lead and use the same passive aggressive stutter in your everyday life, you know to the girl who is slow on bringing you your coffee, or your asshole boss who just rubs you the wrong way and you are fed up with but can’t quit because you need to money to pay for you action figure collection, or even your domineering wife, who pretty much owns you and would beat you up if you called her cunt outright and who you want to have divorce you but who you are scared to be alone, because Kyra Phillips a CNN proves that it’s the bullet-proof, no consequence way to tell someone you don’t like them. I am a firm believer in just punching them in the face, throwing feces at them, tearing them apart from their insecurities up or posting nude pictures you buy off their boyfriend on the internet to really let a person know they rub you the wrong way, but it’s never really got me ahead, so maybe her lead is a better one to follow.
Shauna Sand brought her novelty tits out in a see through dress the other day. Her other novelty act is juggling balls while balancing on 9 inch heels and swinging around a brass pole, but no one gets to see that, because she’s scared it will take away from her image as an unattainable sex object and make us look at her like she’s some kind of clown with silly make-up on. Oh wait…she is some kind of clown with silly make-up on in high heels after juggling that dude’s balls in her mouth, I guess I got my story screwed up, kinda like how Shauna Sand got her childhood dreams as a street whore screwed up, and ended up living in a big house in Hollywood, only in her case her fuck up ended up with a happy ending, while mine just left me with this really shitty post, but in my defense, who really reads my annoying commentary when all you really came for is the pictures….I quit.
What I didn’t realize is that she was there with her 20 year old boyfriend, doing normal 16 year old girl things like going to the ice cream parlor getting some milkshakes, before she can bring her milkshake, that she’s been practicing on all the suits over at Disney, to the backseat and to good use on 20 year old fame fuckers. So as he feeds her like she is his little baby, and she takes it in, not realizing he’s got other plans for her to take things in later that night, but the statutory rape only starts after they sit around talking about boys, music and shopping while doing each other’s hair for a couple hours, so it’s not as predatorial as you may think. I hear next week, he’s going to teach her how to drive stick, if you know what I mean and in his defense, I am still trying to have sex with sixteen year old girls, that’s why I applied for a job at a driving school a few months ago, but I didn’t get it because having sex with sixteen year old girls is the wrong answer when they ask you why you want the job.
Update: Here’s a Video of Annoyingly Useless and Far Too Rich and Relevant Miley Cyrus Watching Her Model Boyfriend at the Ed Hardy Fashion Show, It turns out they were eating Non-Fat Frozen Yogurt, because they are both little girls…Just look how smitten Miley gets when he prances around on stage, if you listen hard enough, you can hear her ovary drop, I think she’s primed and ready….
Mel B wore a hooded outfit to some event, I hear it is a more decorative and stylish version to the one her father wore when he courted her mother at gunpoint in the back alley before raping her and accidentally impregnating her the night Scary Spice was conceived. Who would have thought that such a horrible tragic event that has left her mother scarred and unable to trust a man that even after years of therapy still has repeated nightmares of that horrible night and is unable to look her daughter in the face without seeing the predator who did those things to her.
It’s pretty much the story of all interracial relationships and the reason they call her Scary. It’s also the reason why Sarah Palin has reason to not agree with rape or incest abortion, because just look at the wonderful talents it can produce… now look at her glorious rape-baby tits.
Here’s another video of some McCain supporters who represent the opinion of probably a lot more Americans than you think. I am not going to imply that they are right or wrong, or that they are the same kind of people who tie ethnic people to the back of their pick-up trucks and drag them around the town as the rest of the on-lookers cheer, I mean logic like “nigger’s running for president area always second string” or saying that Palin spoke to the holy spirit seem pretty reasonable, not quite as reasonable as trying to convince the weird neighbor’s kid you assume is a homo to give you a blow job in your pick-up truck before beating him senseless for being a homo, or fucking your daughter when your wife’s not around because she’s the closest pussy since your pig’s out of commission because you think it may have got herpes from the gangbang you put it through with all your friends last weekend, but still reasonable. I mean sure Obama may hate white people, considering he is half white, his friends are white, he went to predominately white school and he’s the whitest fucking black guy around, sure with a name like Obama who has an African father has some Muslim roots, but there are millions of Muslim people in your country not blowing shit up. It’s just stupidity, that’s not to imply that you should vote for Obama over McCain because I would, it’s to say don’t let your car breakdown in small town Ohio….
With along with being crazy and being busy as a tool to make lots of people rich, Britney Spears is also lazy. These are some pictures of her with some hairy fucking armpits and despite being down with hairy pussy, there’s something seriously disgusting about a girl who doesn’t shave her armpits. I get it, you’re trying to make a political point that women and men are equal and that women don’t have to give-in to the man’s formalities, but I am sure there’s a less masculine way of going about that. Maybe you could get an education and figure out a way to get a job in places where people will listen to you, you don’t have to grow a dick or pull other stunts that make you disgusting to all ment to get that shit across, I am not implying that Britney’s got any reason deeper than being a pig for these pictures to exist, I am not saying she’s making a statement other than that she can’t focus on more than one thing, so in deciding what to drop in order to get her life and career back together she chose hygiene practices because she’s always found hygiene a fucking struggle.
I know that some dudes like a hairy bitch. I read “The Joy of Sex” when I was 12 and I think there’s a whole chapter on how body hair is erotic because it keeps the smells in and lets us tap into our animal instinct, but that book was also written by a bunch of hippies and the positive outlook on life and the drugs obviously got the better of them because this shit is never erotic. The first time I realized a woman close to me had hairy armpits was when I was teenager and staying in some foster home. The woman who took me in was in her 60s, she was also 4 foot 6 and drove a car with a wooden block on the pedals and a pillow on the seat and one hot summer day she was giving me a lift somewhere in that piece of shit car and I looked over to as a question and saw her fucking hairy armpits that put most people I knew’s armpits to shame because it was a fucking matted mangled mess of more hair than I had ever seen in such a small area and to make shit worse…sweat was slowly dripping out of it and onto her summer dress and I gagged. Pretty much ruining chicks with hairy armpits for me….
Sure Britney’s armpits aren’t that out of control, but they are out of control enough to be disgusting and I guess the real question is that if this is what’s going on in places the world can see, I don’t really want to know what’s going on in her pants, because I am sure the dried mucus matted pussy hair’s only the gateway to a magical place of disgusting that I still wouldn’t mind taste testing.
My weird Greek friend who likes pit fucking emailed me to tell me that he wouldn’t be down to fuck this pit, and being a pit fucker kinda gives him limited options of pits to fuck, because it turns most girls off and he takes almost any pit he can get.
Here’s a little video of DJ AM giving a speech at his benefit concert that was thrown from him in LA at a bar called Avalon. I know that throwing a benefit concert or a dude who has already won the fucking lottery is like buying your retarded kid a birthday present, even though you know he won’t remember it, or like trying to infect someone you hate with HIV when they’ve already got it. Shit’s redundant and makes no sense to me and seeing this cocksucker thank people for coming out just reminds me how he’s milking this whole plane crash thing, leading me to believe he may have been the one who specifically asked for faulty tires or some shit to remind people he’s still around, since he’s already milked those celebrity cows like Mandy Moore and Nicole Richie and the whole dating celebrity thing is done did.
Either way, his speech is really heartfelt for an asshole with no soul. I like how his rich white, Jewish life hasn’t made him lose his hood swagger, you know talking like he’s all fucking hip hop because as a geeky kid no one spoke to, he had a lot of time to develop this talk especially considering all he would do is listen to Hip Hop all the time because it didn’t judge him, so when he wasn’t trying to DJ or Emotionally eating when he was 14, he was hanging with his imaginary friend who was black and gangster and from the hood and who owned a gun and would protect little AM when he had to take the garbage out at night, or when he was in the park playing on the swings and the big Jewish bullies from the neighborhood would start to bully him by issuing lawyers letters to him, which as you all know is the worst kind of Jewish bullying around…..
Maybe it just comes out when he’s nervous, you know talking to a big room of people can be intimidating, but not if you turn on Super Hip Hop AM, because I have a friend who starts speaking really loud with a British accent like he’s a General in World War II to get out of the situation and it usually works out alright for him….
The truth is that you’d feel nervous and guilty too if you were in his position, you know with everyone feeling sorry for you and throwing benefit concerts for you, when you know that you are heading back to work today as Jay Z’s DJ on the Jay Z tour, making more money than ever, being more high profile than ever, pretty much living out your fucking dream, because Jay Z is hip hop and now DJ AM is by association, he’s made it out of the birthday parties and the bar mitzvah’s sea of Top 40 songs from the last 20 years and and followed his dream like his Rabbi always told him, all while people around the world feel sorry for him cuz he has a burn, a couple skin grafts and had to take 3 weeks off to recover.
I guess it’s posts like these that are part of the reason DJ AM has told people I know that he hates this site with a passion, but I am doing my thing, just like he’s doing his thing, and despite my thing not being recognized by the public as something of value like playing in bars for drunk people and making lots of money doing it, then working for someone who is actually a talent in the music industry and making lots of money doing it, while my thing just annoys people and makes them look for an email address they can contact put a stop to me and turn off this noise that is polluting their computers and the only recognition it gets is making every Joe-Sixpack and Soccer Mom’s hate me and want me dead, all while making no money at it, it’s still my thing…my really depressing thing…Fo’ Real….
Update – Here’s a VIdeo of DJ AM Walking into his Benefit Concert
Update 2 – Here’s Hilary Duff Leaving to His Benefit Concert Because it Was That Bad