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2010

29

Sep

Mischa Barton in Leather Shorts in Paris of the Day

Here are a couple of drugged out lookin’ pussy at some event thinkin’ they are fashionable and awesome, when really they look haggard and disgusting….because Mischa Barton is a disaster, but she managed to squeeze her fat, sloppy legs into a pair of leather shorts….

She’s currently in Paris, in the event you were wondering “where in the world in Mischa Barton going to die?”…

She is keeping good company with Montrealer and likely heroin user Irina Lazareanu, who I’ve never had the chance to finger bang in the backseat of her parent’s car, cuz she moved to London when she was 13 and for fear my finger would fall off due to disease…cuz she met Pete Doherty at 15, and was engaged to him a couple of times in some kind of love triangle with Kate Moss, I am sure all you idiots really care about….

On a more interesting tip, I was just walking down the street to an abandoned building near a high school I like to hang out in and cry myself to sleep in cuz my life is shit, and I walked in on two 14 or 15 year old bull dykes making out, with their school uniform pants, cuz they are bull dykes and don’t do the whole “skirt” thing, and it was not very hot…and luckily, either is Mischa, otherwise my story would totally be irrelevant, and I need her nastyness in lesbian state to make it all make sense….

I guess that means she’s no longer irrelevant and that I just found her purpose she’s been looking for, and that’s as the spokesperson for ugly lesbian stories….oh and her shirt is see through too…in the event you are blind…

Posted in:Mischa Barton

2010

29

Sep

Shakira in a Bikini Featuring Dizzee Rascal of the Day

I’ve been a big fan of Dizzee Rascal’s music for at least 10 years. I have never been a fan of Shakira’s music, she makes this stupid sounding voice that makes me feel like I’m watching a cartoon or some shit…I haven’t even really been a fan of her look, I find it irritating and if I’m gonna lust over a Spic bitch, she’s gonna look like a Spic bitch and not a trying to be white cuz it makes her money bitch…but she does do slutty dance and everyone goes crazy for her moves so here’s her new video for you to jerk off to, cuz helping you jerk off is the gayest shit I’ve done all day.

Posted in:Shakira

2010

29

Sep

Tiiu Kuik Gets Naked for a Fashion Film of the Day

Tiiu from Daemian & Christine on Vimeo.

I know since you people have the culture and substance of retarded kids who live in a backwoods shack cuz their parents are siblings, you’ll find almost as much joy in this fashion film starring a naked woman with a stupid name, as you do in jerking off with pig shit when you’re not banging your retard head against the walll….

Beautifully shot, interesting and confusing art fag storylines you’d find in a museum or being discussed over a cup of expensive coffee is exactly what your poor white trash ass is about….

But when there’s nudity masked as high art, even if art is a bullshit concept people made up so they don’t have to get real jobs, it’s always awesome, cuz I can ignore the pretentious bullshit that comes with it…

Enjoy…

Posted in:Tiiu Kuik

2010

28

Sep

stepLINKS of the Day

I’ve said all I needed to say….If you’re really craving more of me you can add me or follow me…as I sporadically write nonsense there depending on how drunk, angry, or mean I get…but I’m just gonna leave you with the stepLINKS for now….

Monkey’s To Guard Athletes In India
GO

Dania Ramirez is Looking Hot at Her Pool Party
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And Now, The Biggest Fuck Up in Reality Television Finale History – VIDEO
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Try TO Improve Your Life By Lookin Good Enough for Girls to Fuck You
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Because It’s Easier Than Getting Arrested on the Ho Stroll
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Really Ridiculous Hip Hop Pussy
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Braless Britney Is Back
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Britney Spears Looks Alright in Short Shorts So Either She is Bulimic Or I Am Still Drunk From Last Night
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Sluts Get Nasty at the Farmers Market – VIDEO
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NFL Power Rankings Week 3: Lingerie Football League Edition
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Naomi Watts Birthday Tits
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Elisabetta Canalis is So Fucking Hot
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Adrianne Curry Quite Possibly Drunk And Naked
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And More Tits From Fashion Week
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Aria Giovanni is a Great Addition to Any Day
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Lookin Good Sweetheart
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Upskirt Hit Mix – VIDEO
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Mechanical Bull Tits – VIDEO
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I Wanna Spend the Day Laying With Mya
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Kelly Rowland Channels Her Inner Soft Porn Star
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Faye is All Alone in the Garden
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Porn Star Teresa Scott Found God, So Let’s Look At Her Tits One Last Time
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Aishwarya Rai Has Got It Going On
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Local News Boogers
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Lesbian Threesome of the Day
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A Shitton of Tattooed Models
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Some Alessdandra Ambrosio Hotness
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Hot Teen Sluts Play Around With Each Other – VIDEO
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Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
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Rachel Bilson is Leggy! Yes!
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I\ll Never Get Sick of Trendmill Fails
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striptease of the Day
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Big Titted Amateur Mix – GALLERY
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Francine Gets Dirty in the Bath
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The 10 Strangest Themes in Japanese Porn
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The Top Ten Fattest Cities in America
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The Saturdays Showing Off Their Shit
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Get These Fucking Amazing Shirts
Wolf & Harrison

Here are my stepNEWS items of the Day cuz I didn’t have enough to make a post out of it…

Cop ‘Arrests’ Stepdaughter’s Boyfriend
A police officer in San Jose, Calif. made a fake arrest to send a message about underage sex to her stepdaughter’s boyfriend.

Young girl picks nose and eats it at baseball game

I SAID:

Follow ME!
FACEBOOK and TWITTER

Posted in:stepLINKS

2010

28

Sep

Amy Fisher’s New Porn of the Day

I remember the whole Amy Fisher scandal in the 90s about a 16 year old who fucked Joey Buttafuoco to fix her car so her parents wouldn’t find out she had an accident…..This was before showing up at his house and shooting his wife in the fucking head….landing her 17 year old ass in prison for 7 years and his ass ended up in prison for banging an underage girl….reminding us all to never fuck an underage girl…they are not emotionally prepared for what their hot bodies have to offer our dicks….

She’s become a stripper, she’s tried to milk her low level fame, she tried to get a reality show, she released a sex tape and now she’s in a series of porn and from what I gather, this “Deep Inside Amy Fisher” is the first feature film she produced and starred in….watch the trailer…

WARNING – This Trailer is HARDCORE PORN –

Posted in:Amy Fisher

2010

28

Sep

Diane Von Furstenberg’s Miserable See Through of the Day

At what must be 80….Fashion designer Diane Von Furstenberg could have come up with a more appropriate outfit…see cuz granny titties are funny when you’re 8 and accidentally walk in on your grandmother changing…but not something you’re want to jerk off to as an adult…unless of course you are weird…which I think is a safe assumption about you…

There were other bitches at the party…so I figure why not post their pics…

Heidi Klum was there lookin’ like a mom who was once a model…but who know like getting dirty fucked by Seal and his George Lupus scars.

Victoria Silvstedt was there looking like an expensive hooker at her retirement party…cuz everyone knows when you’re skin starts melting off your whore face, you gotta step back and find younger girls to show the ropes to…

Some other bitch named Hofit Golan was there looking like an ambitious stripper I know, who was looking for meaning in her job by introducing a storyline and performance piece about a princess because it made her feel like less of a whore on stage, but as more on an actor in costume…but I could just be saying that cuz of her balloon-like fake lookin’ tits….


Posted in:Diane Von Furstenberg

2010

28

Sep

Blake Lively’s Ass in a Tight Dress for Letterman of the Day

Blake Lively’s pretty lucky because there’s really no one else in Hollywood doing the over 20 and under 25 starlet thing as well….She’s got a corner on the shit like she’s the new and only one there, as the last batch of under 25 moves on to their 30s with Lohan, who although isn’t 25, looks like she is and has been around long enough for us to accept her as having a played out, haggard, washed-out and not washed-up, used as Paris Hilton, Kim Kardahsian, Britney Spears and Aguilera cunt…and the under 20 market for the perverts is filled up with all those under 18 sluts you want to bang…but there is nothing where Lohan once was and Miley is not quite at…leaving Lively as a stand alone fixture, as an almost legit pussy with no scandal who we all kinda want to see crash and fucking burn with nipple slips, bikini pics, vagina flashes and sex tapes…but I think she realizes that shit will just kill the star she’s built up…and she likes teasing us so we come back for more…the whole thing is pretty smart of her…cuz seemingly classy is so abnormal these days, we’ll all jump on that waiting for this act to break…and really as long as there’s some leg, I’m happy…even if I know it’s all a strategic lie….

Here’s some recent pics of Aguilera and Kardashian because I mentioned their washed up pussies in the post and had their useless pictures from some recent event saved on my computer…I am pretty sure you can tell them apart…one is shit stained in color the other is trying to be…

Posted in:Blake Lively

2010

28

Sep

Megan Fox is Boring at Milan Fashion Week of the Day

Megan Fox is trying to class it up, look sophisticated, like she’s the next Angelina Jolie, despite the fact her Brad Pitt is a loser and career is on a downward slope each year and new wrinkle that goes by….

I think this whole marriage thing has destroyed Megan Fox. I get the psychology behind what David from 90210 did, which is pretty much caught her when she was young and no one really knew who she was, seduce her with his 90201 guy she wanted to fuck growing up fame, and win her over with a big older cock that the guys she fucked to date had nothing on, only to hit big, and realize everyone wanted to fuck her, cuz there was a time she gave the best handjobs a man could give himself, and David from 90210 stepped up and made her feel like he was the only guy who could actually love her…since he was there from the start…good timing, good hustle, but I don’t really give him credit since he could spend all his time working this scam since he wasn’t out working like other guys….

I guess if you are into Megan Fox, you are dealing with her demise pretty well, based on these shitty fucking pictures of her…that fall from the top is pretty hard on her, yet fucking warranted…cuz I’ve seen more exiting outfits on elderly people in the park…

Anyway you dice her story, I know one thing….this should all end in a very graphic and dirty sex tape….otherwise they should partake in a murder suicide pact, cuz there’s no other reason for them to be living…not that you care.

She fucking sucks….even as the slutty secretary…

Posted in:Megan Fox

2010

28

Sep

Hayden Panettiere and her Boyfriend’s Awkward Sex of the Day

I don’t know…I’ve done the math on this one and I can’t quite figure out how the fuck goes down in their bedroom, but I have concluded it’s a circus act I’d be willing to watch…He must destroy her pussy…that’s probably why she’s so smitten…I mean she’s in heels and hardly reaches his nipple…this is so fucking unnatural..it’s like when you hear about a Great Dane knocking up a Pug or some shit…too weird for the fucking nature channel…that’s for fucking sure…

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere

2010

28

Sep

Halle Berry’s Shitty See Through of the Day

I don’t know if Halle Berry really matters anymore…I just know that she was in a shitty see though, you can make out her bra, and it that’s your thing, not only are you a sad sad sad person, but you’re also creepy, but then again she is showing off a bit of tit and when I had a sex drive I could get a boner looking at folds in a girls elbow while she was studying in the coffee shop cuz shit looked almost like a bald pussy, making me not really one to talk….

Posted in:Halle Berry

2010

28

Sep

Victoria Justice “Got Milk” Kiddie Porn Campaign of the Day

Everyone knows that the “Got Milk” campaign got so much buzz in the 90s, because it was meant to be controversial and suggestive, you know seeing a gooey white substance on the face of your favorite celebrities in order to promote the Dairy Farmers of America, so that they don’t go out of business as they were replaced with Soft Drinks and the facts that milk is actually not natural to drink especially since it’s all jacked with antibiotics, chemicals, hormones and disease…..

So seeing a bitch born in the 90s at 17 in the shit is either a sign of our times, as Oprah once did a show on teenage oral sex parties, or the people at Milk have found a good loophole to provide the world of perverts masturbation material of some suggestive Disney star, byt pretending it’s for nutritional purposes and marketing to a younger audience…clever motherfuckers….

Here’s the ad.

Posted in:Victoria Justice

2010

28

Sep

Rebecca Gayheart Mom Pussy is in Leggings and Not Killing Babies of the Day

The kid Rebecca Gayheart ran the fuck over because she was talking on her cellphone, but got off because the kid she ran over was “Jay Walking”, even though in order to run him the fuck over, she had to pull illegal moves like cunts in Range Rover’s who think they are the most important people on the road and in the world do, would probably be old enough now to appreciate an ass on it’s way to the gym, even if the ass isn’t all that great, but had a sex tape fucking some drugged out hooker from Celebrity Rehab and the guy from Grey’s Anatomy before having a baby of her own for someone to run the fuck over cuz they are in a rush….but unfortunately for him, he’s dead.

These pictures are only really fun cuz you can see her saggy mom pussy…

Posted in:Rebecca Gayheart

2010

28

Sep

Naomi Campbell Does Some Necrophiliac Dominatrix Shit for Interview of the Day

This photoshoot would be a hell of a lot more interesting if she wasn’t black.

I’m just joking….I’m not racist. You’re racist for thinking that was a racist thing to say, some of my best friends are black….

I’m also just saying that Namoi Campbell is boring as fuck in any position, with any controversial imagery of a dead dude she’s man handling, I never cared for her or her look and she should just run off with her scary Russian Billionaire, cuz Russia was communist forever and the fact that he is a Billioniare a few years after the fall of the iron curtain, scares the fuck out of me….If anything he was probably the one who coached on on this photoshoot

Posted in:Namomi Campbell

2010

28

Sep

Dylan McDermott and Some Pussy in Bikinis of the Day

I can’t really tell if this chick is hot, I just like her choice in bikini tops, it’s like her perky little tits look like they are plotting an escape, and for some reason, I find that hot, I mean not to mention the rest of her looks pretty fit, but it’s the bikini top that’s won me over…almost like the day I realize girls, like everyday girls who aren’t strippers, wear this new bikini bottom that shows off pretty much 90 percent of their asses, but that aren’t a thong, and look more like a boy short, but still have the same effect as a thong, leaving me disoriented and amazed that bikinis are just what the world needs to make normal girls look like half naked sluts even when what they are doing is entirely innocent, and that makes me as happy as I get, since I’m genearlly too hungover and sad on the inside to feel real joy….

Either way, I don’t know who Dylan McDermott is, but he is pulling in pussy, so he’s obviously on TV, cuz girls love that shit…get naked for that shit and fuck that shit, cuz it makes them feel hotter than they are…it is also a decent way to bottom feed your way to the top and the real question I have in all this is why there isn’t one shot of her ass…Shitty paparazzi needs to sleaze it up a bit…

Posted in:Dylan McDermott

2010

27

Sep

stepLINKS of the Day

To the people who read the FunnyOrDie post on Friday, I wasn’t actually sad they don’t want to work with me, it was expected cuz they suck..that was the joke…and if you feel inclined to email the marketing director…this is his email: patrick(at)funnyordie.com….but I’ve moved onto better things…like Lawsuits!!

I got this email about some no name celebrity who has credits on her IMDB as “Hot Girl” and “Student Number 4″….who clearly doesn’t like being written about on the internet cuz she knows she’s a joke, so she decided to go to her Lawyer to get me to retract what I said….via his “hotmail account”…what a fucking joke…

Dear drunkenstepfather,

My law office represents “USELESS TRYING TO BE A CELEB”. Our client has brought it to my attention that you have written some extremely defaming posts of our client, “USELESS TRYING TO BE A CELEB”. We ask you to please remove these posts immediatley. If you do not remove your post we will follow suit and prosecute for defamation of character. “USELESS TRYING TO BE A CELEB” is a very successful actress and your posts are defaming and misleading and hurtful to her reputation and career.
I look forward to your prompt response on this sensitive matter,

sincerely,

Law offices of Robert Shapiro LLP
2029 Century Park East. Suite 600
Los Angeles, Ca. 90067

So I wrote:

There is nothing defaming in my commentary about “USELESS TRYING TO BE A CELEB”

My site is satirical in nature, nothing stated on the site is news or fact.

http://www.drunkenstepfather.com/index.php/disclaimer

Calling an actress a “nobody” is a matter of opinion and i guess a matter of her IMDB page, which I quote:

“Entourage” …. Hot Girl (1 episode, 2004)

Unfortunately, credits like that prove my point that she is in fact a nobody and not a successful actress.

There really isn’t anything “defaming” in my entires, this is a personal blog and I am allowed to have an opinion.

Are you sure you aren’t her PR person? Maybe I should charge you for promoting her

Thanks!!

And he wrote:

“USELESS TRYING TO BE A CELEB” has been the star of many movies one playing on Showtime for the past two years and a worlwide cover model. Your behaviour suggest malice and jealousy. As per your response to my letter you have left us with no choice but to follow suit. I suggest you retain an attorney.

So I wrote:

Robert,

Is this really what you do now that OJ is finally locked up? Defending the “Hot Girl” in an episode of Entourage from being “defamed” on insignificant websites no one reads?

Wow….Sad…

Can you put me in touch with “USELESS TRYING TO BE A CELEB”. I have an idea that will help make her actually famous.

Add me to Facebook , follow me on Twitter , Mail your Panties to Me, buy some shirts to support the site and then you can Click on my stepLINKS….

Katy Perry’s Cleavage is a Super Hero Fighting Back Against….Sesame Street
GO

Lindsay Lohan May or May Not Have Been Going Heroin and Here Are the Pics
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Ashton’s Mistress Is Naked And Nasty
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Who Says Takling Your Clothes Off and Playing With Yourself Isn’t a Skill
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This is not as boring as the obvious shit your follower ass wears…
GO

One dildo In Her Pussy Isn’t Going to Cut It
GO

Anna Kournikova and 20 Other Hot Athletes That Should Be In 3D
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I’d Let Jelena Jenden Tackle Me Any Day
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Avril Lavigne Bikini Nip Slip
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Katherine Heigl is as Ugly as Ever
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Nina Moric is Fresh on the Scene and Looking Trashy and That Can Only Mean Good Things
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Wendy Rocks Lingerie Like a Pro
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A Sweet New Megan Fox Upskirt
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50 Pics of Slutty Looking amateurs of the Day
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And That’s Why You Stay the FUCK Away From Tornadoes – VIDEO
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Man, What the FUCK Happened to CHristina Aguilera She Looks 300 Pounds
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Random Photo Dump for Monday
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Heather Looks Like She’d Be Into All sorts of Naughty Shit
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Michael Jackson Loves Women’s Titties as Much as The Next Man
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Tight Bodied Sluts Get Lezzie – VIDEO
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The Top 7 Redheads In Porn
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Man I Would TOTALLY Bang Elsa Pataky
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Justine and Sarah Share a Fucking Machine
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Mariah Carey Falls Down Goes Boom – VIDEO
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Sesame Street, Jimmy Kimmel Style
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She Means Business Alright…
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Candice Swanepoel, Adriana Lima, Lily Aldridge & Erin Heatherton @ Bombshell Launch
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Nicky is Busty and Playing With Her tits
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Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
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Anna is Baked in the Bedroom
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And This is Why You Don’t Bang a Police Officer’s Daughter – VIDEO
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Some Chick Has a Shotgun FAIL – VIDEO
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Pole Vaulting FAIL – VIDEO
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I’d Bang Emily Deschanel Even Tho She is Married
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Lindsay Lohan’s PR People Are Already Trying to Save Her Ass
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Hayden Panettiere Musters Up Some Cleavage For Oktoberfest
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Follow Me, Suckers
FACEBOOK and TWITTER

Posted in:stepLINKS