I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

16

Oct

I am – Corinne Cobson’s Bra of the Day

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I feel like punishing all you bastards who decided to give me a lesson in comedy in my Nicole Richie text message post.

Like the guy who told me how I am not funny because I corrected her spelling and how that’s a lame joke. Well, there is one thing you have to understand and that is that people who dis people based on spelling suck. It’s not a good joke, it’s a cop out of a joke and anyone who reads this site knows that I am far more creative than that.

Reality is that my site is filled with typos and I understand that they happen. I am an uneducated mexican, I am surprised I can even type at all. But the joke is the Nicole Richie is a rich girl, with more money that I’d know what to do with, with all the opportunity to be the smartest and most educated little thing in the world and bitch never took the time to learn how to spell lose. She was always too busy smoking heroin.

So all this is to say that I dissed the fact that she couldn’t spell lose or loser because as she rolls around in her Benz, I know that 95% of you fuckers are smarter than her and that is a scary fucking thing. So yeah, maybe the Richie post wasn’t the best I could have done, but she has changed her number since Sunday, and bad dis or not, that means I won. Cuddles.

Speaking of winning, this bitch’s name is Corinne Cobson and she’s some kind of designer/make-up artist/ something from France. No one gives a fuck about her cuz she’s washed up and gross, but in a bra and bras always make me smile. Unlike you, Asshole.


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

14

Oct

I am – stepLINKS for the Weekend of the Day

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I went out last night dressed like an english professor. I was in a cardigan and tuxedo shirt and the english professor was my bit for the night. I don’t remember the night at all. I do remember making fun of a Mexican/Hatian girl for being dirtier than a Mexican because she threw a lil’ nig into the mix. I remember laughing at a Russian girl about being a mail-order bride. I remember running up to a girl who I was told was a stripper and continually told her how I had already seen her box. I don’t really know if much else happened, but I was the motherfucking English professor and I had a good time doing it. Speaking of goodtimes, here are a bunch of random links I’ve found the last couple of days. They suck, but then again so do you, so you’re like a match made in heaven. I als drunken dialed Paris Hilton and had a fight with whoever answered. They kept saying that they were the Beverly Hills Police Department and that they were sending the case to the FBI. I kept asking her what she was wearing. Part of me knows getting arrested will launch my career…So I’ll keep it up. Cuddles….


Lohan Shows Off Some Bra
GO

Lohan Shows Off some Cocker Hair
GO

Shakira Shows Off some Tight Pants
GO

Steve Irwin Death Pics
GO

Topless DJ: Niki Belucci
GO

Carmen Electra’s Got Some Weird Titty Bump
GO

Emanuelle Beart Tight Upskirt
GO

Brooke Hogan FHM Photoshoot Video
GO

Helena Christensen Nude Spread
GO

Felicity Fey and a Friend in the Bathroom For Zini
GO

Top 10 Deleted Scenes of All Time
GO

Aria and ripped stockings
GO

Allison Angel in the Dessert is Pretty Amazing
GO

Purrfect Eva is Naked and Redhead
GO

Carmen Electra Photoshoot
GO

Scarrlet is that Fat Slag from Esquire Mag
GO

Trumps Latest Real Estate Project
GO

Vagina Art of the Day
GO

Fergie on the Tonight Show Gifs
GO

Holly Valance in a Bikini and Such…
GO

Defamer Did a Post on Me….
GO

Last Night’s Party Picture of the Day
GO

Photobucket Tattoo of the Day
GO

Possibly 2 of my Readers…
GO

Classy Looking Girl
GO

Photbucket Bra
GO

Nice Shoulders
GO

How Old Are These Tits?
GO

Teenagers….
GO

Nice Shorts No Peen
GO

Bath Time?
GO

Grass Pubes
GO

Hey You…
GO

Hot Oil Wrestling Pics With Tit
GO

More Oil Wrestling Pics With New Girls and Less Tit
GO

Some Guys Ex Girlfriend from 40 Years Ago Hot
GO

Stripper Pole Photoshoot
GO

Boy Shorts
GO

New Wicked Weasel Contributor Pics
GO

Nicky Hilton Is Boring on Letterman…
GO

Whores Making Out…
GO

Do you like Naked Girls?
GO

Hayden Panettiere at an Event
GO

New Hipster Pics
GO

Carla Gugino in Lingerie
GO

Dress Up Mel Gibson…
GO

Lohan and Salma Making Out
GO

Solid Link Site….
GO

Buy Pheromone Spray Cuz It Pays For My Server and Gets You Laid
GO

Hottest T-Shirt I’ve Ever Seen
GO

A Not So Hot Photobucket Girl in her Panties…
GO

Interesting picture….
GO

Swim Team Means Dirty….
GO

Girl With a Hollywood Tattoo in Her Bra
GO

Girl Getting Humped
GO

Fatty Photoshoot
GO

Hot Post Op…
GO

Photobucket Negro Porn…
GO

Cooter Punch…
GO

Trying On A Thong
GO

Interesting Pose….
GO

Weird Music Video from 1984
GO

Girl on the Toilet…
GO

Girl in her Underwear…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart….
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

Oct

I am – Text Messaging Famous Trash From the Road of the Day

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I was away from the computer for the last 2 days and being on the computer is pretty much all that I do, so not being on the computer kinda fucked with my head. I didn’t know what to do with myself so I decided to text message Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton because a little lesbian birdie emailed me their contact info a few months ago.

This is what I wrote:

I just watched Jessica Simpson’s pro activ ad. She is such a useless slag. She reads at the grade 4 level and that kinda turns me on. Is Grade 4 when daddy pulled her out of school to suck his mic and by mic I mean penis. Brenda, being unemployed makes me realize I love you.

There was no response so I decided to step up my game.

Brenda, I forgot to tell you that I had a chance to see my doctor about the growth on my penis. Turns out it is only a genital wart. Actually, it’s about 12 warts bundled together. They will be gone by the time I come visit. Hope you’ve been doing your kegals.

Still no response, so I messaged Stavros.

Give me your email. I want to interview you via email. Thanks.

His response:

Who is this.

And I wrote….

This is Perez, Just 5 questions via email.

And then Nicole RIchie’s came in…

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WTF are you talking about? This is not Brenda and loose the number u looser.

And I wrote

Brenda, we’ve gone through this so many times. Why do you always pretend to be someone else. It is annoying. Good job spelling loser wrong. Genius way to trick me. Speaking of trick, remember that halloween you dressed like Geordie Laforge? Loose this Number Looser. :)

She Wrote….

Get a Life Dear

I wrote….

A loved one is on her death bed. I am waiting for my bus home. Texting you is my life right now. My computer hates me. You telling me to get a life is tired, you can do better than that. I can only assume that you are mad about the genital warts. It’s not like I gave them to you. Stop pickin’ a fight and smile. Asshole.

and then…

PS – I am wearing the mexcellent ironic tee you gave me for my bday last year and it is all I dreamt it would be…

She wrote…

If u are this obsessed with me you should join my fanclub. By the way your number will be blocked from reaching this number by the end of today

and…

You’ve officially ruined it for yourself

So I wrote…

Ruined what? What is your fan club? I guess we aren’t going on our red lobster date.

Then I wrote…

I guess since you are blocking me, I will need to get in as much text as possible. I am not obsessed with anything except maybe not eating. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.

Then I wrote…

Why do you have a fan club and how do I sign up? Do I get a pair of your panties (dirty)? If so, I am down with brown and by brown I mean your dad. I just called to say I love you and shit…

Then I wrote…

Our date is off. Fatty.

Last message sent was:

I am not scared of you or your threats, I am scared of your anorexic and sharp elbows. But they are not as sharp as the heroin needle your mom used to spike into her arm after getting knocked up by shitty drummers after sneaking backstage at concerts back in ’80. Cuddles you fucking cunt.

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PS – I know I am fucking amazing. Cuddles.

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

13

Oct

I am – MUNG does Golf of the Day

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I am wondering whether it is possible to have too much MUNG in one day and the answer is yes. Today is the day that I have over-done it, I have made MUNG a bigger feature on the site than myself, and everything has gone to shit with his Canadian commentary on race, sex, poverty and AIDS. I actually appreciate that MUNG stepped up his game when I have been away from the computer. The next step in all this is to hand over control of the site to him, something that will probably never happen because I am Jesus Martinez, I fucking own this motherfucker and more importantly, MUNG is probably one of those loser I see walking around in shorts during the winter to show the world their gay tattoo of a flame on their calves. You know the kind of guy I mean….MUNG…Is your eyebrow peirced too? Again….thanks for the help this week.

I was reading Sports Illustrated the other day and I found out that Tiger Woods made half a billion dollars last year, mostly from endorsements. He is one rich little jigaboo. The problem I have with him being rich, is that he isn’t “nigger rich”. When a nigger becomes rich they spend their money on things like jewelry, rims, Escalades, fried chicken and bushels and bushels of watermelons…but somehow this motherfucker is able to restrain himself from his niggerdom and spends his money on charities, modest cars, beautiful homes, yachts, and other investments. Why can’t he just be like the rest of them and take his new found riches and blow it on crack? He also has a hot white wife which makes me upset because skinny black men don’t like hot white women….they like fat blond white women who wear spandex and spank their little grey children.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I hate successful black people like I hate pea soup. I think we should send Tiger Woods back to Africa and let him die of AIDS.

Here is a pic of his wife. Make sure you wack off to it, and while you are wacking off, think of her choking on a rich black cock!

MUNG

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

Oct

I am – MUNG Does Vegas of the Day

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I have never been to Vegas and I have never cum in my pants out of excitement. I was thinking this morning while lying in bed hungover after a night of self-medicating at the strip club, that life would be better if you came your pants everytime you got excited, scared, sad, etc. I’m talking any emotion you bust nut. Think about it, you get in a car accident, you bust nut…the cops pull you over, you bust nut, you have a presentation to make in school or to your boss, you bust nut…you get in a fight at the bar, you bust nut. It would make everything really funny…something I wish MUNG was.

I went to Vegas when I was 17 because my parents paid for it and thought I needed an eye-opening, life-changing, experience. Most parents send them to summer camp but mine thought it would be a good idea to send me to Vegas with my buddy and his gambling addicted, alcoholic mother. Like most 17 year old boys, it was not a problem to easily achieve a rock hard boner from a Golden Girls rerun and now I was put in the middle of the city of pure sleaze. I was in my element. The lights, the sounds, and the hookers! It was my first experience ever seeing a prostitute and I instantly fell in love.

There she was! A figment of every 17-year-old-boy’s fantasy. She was wearing black whore stilettos, a tiny black mini skirt, and a sports bra. She was walking funny like she had just had her assnole reamed by a pool cue and she had bloody trackmarks up and down her right arm. Her hair was a mess because she just woke up at 2:00PM from her all night coke binge, and her it had traces of semen in it. Her jewlery was aboslutely gorgeous and it looked like it had been recently bought at the local dollar store. What a thing of beauty! Her mascara was running, her lipstick was fire-engine red and smeared, and she smelled like a mixture of tuna and pine-sol which was probably just rotten pussy and gin. I instantly came in my pants and will never forget that beautiful hooker I crossed paths with that day.

Completely and enirley unrelated to this story, here are some pics of Brittany Murphy.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

Oct

I am – MUNG has an Idea of the Day

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MUNG’s idea is like having a virtual visit to the art gallery, he is trying to add a little class to this piece of shit site, that for the record is way cooler than your piece of shit site. This is what he had to say….

Here is a picture that is awesome. I typed “mung” under google image search and this picture came up. It looks to me like a man smashing a pregnant woman in the stomach with a bat and the man on the end is getting the aborted fetus sprayed all over his face. At least thats what I see. Maybe we could make it a new segment on the webpage. You post a crazy pic like this on the site, and then we have the readers comment on what they think the artist is trying to say.

Just an idea you lazy fuck.

MUNG

If doing commentary on art isn’t gay enough, throw in art of men beating pregnant women to further explore MUNG’s deep hatred for women and desire for the cock. Unable to understand the erections he gets while watching the brokeback moutain sex scene over and over and over again he decides to write in this kind of shit. I post it – cuz let’s face it… I just got back and I am not feeling very creative today.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

11

Oct

I am – Keira Knightley Shitty Bikini Pics of the Day

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I don’t know if these are actually pics of Keira Knightley, mainly because I don’t know who Keira Knightley is. I guess I do know that she isn’t important enough for me to remember her, but then again either is my phone number, address or my name 85% of the time. I am damaged goods and a little on the forgetful side of things. Speaking of damaged goods. This slag looks like damaged goods, not because the pictures are a piece of shit quality, but because she’s rockin’ American Apparel. American Apparel ruins bitches in my eyes. It makes me think of rich kids at Last Night Party events, flashing their “father is a doctor” and their “I go to prep school” tits. In theory you’d think I’d be down with the girls who were too good for my dick when I was in my 20s turning into the local hussies, but I am not happy that it took a brand like American Apparel to be the reason for it. I like girls to become loose in the hips like elvis at their own volition and the fact that they are rocking American Apparel like it is The Gap, even though bitches look good in the shit, pisses me off, because there’s nothing different between the Lesbians of the 90s in their Gap khakis and this movement… Minxy Winxy made me go into an American Apparel store yesterday so that she could try on some kind of shitty Cardigan. The place was employed rich Jews who were trying to be Hip in their Lee Jeans and styled hair and it annoyed me. Other than the whole politics behind the brand, I love the way girls look in it.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez – On the Road


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

11

Oct

I am – Brooke Hogan's FHM Pics of the Day

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Lucky for you, I couldn’t keep away from the computer for as long as I thought I would be keeping away from the computer. Last night, while I was lying in bed, and by bed I mean on a bench in the bus station, I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept having visions of you never coming back here because I am inconsistant in my posts and not as funny as I used to be. I guess it’s also got to do with replacing my drug addiction with a computer addiction and a typing addiction and a making no money addiction and it’s got to do with the stress of losing my picture source because I kept bugging her for pictures of her box, but the real reason I couldn’t sleep was because I was in a fucking bus station.

Without a picture source, I am forced to post dated Brooke Hogan FHM pictures. I was convinced that this girl was a fat piece of garbage, I’m talking so trashy that bitch is the kitchen garbage bag after you clean out your fridge, with an ass full of rancid ground beef coupled with a stench of rotten cabbage. I had no idea she had a body like this. I know it’s airbrush magic and I am okay with that. The reason I am okay with that is simple. I like that society has a skewed perception of what a bitch is supposed to look like, and that girls have a negative self image, even when they are hot, because it makes them easier to bang. If more and more clueless men tell the hot girls they are fat and ugly and that they have shit on Brooke Hogan, a girl we all know is busted, they will end up hating themselves more than the fat girl with leg braces, acne and a rash thus making them put out a whole lot easier. I am talking teenage pregnancy, herpes infection and working in porn by the time they are 18. Ideally all after they’ve had a visit with my mouth.

That may not make sense, but it does to me and I guess that’s all that matters here.

Signed, Jesus Martinez on the Road. Cuddles.

PS – My Dream Is For Her Dad To Read This…I Loved His 1986 Work Out Program/Audio Cassette Set…


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

11

Oct

I am – Brooke Hogan’s FHM Pics of the Day

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Lucky for you, I couldn’t keep away from the computer for as long as I thought I would be keeping away from the computer. Last night, while I was lying in bed, and by bed I mean on a bench in the bus station, I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept having visions of you never coming back here because I am inconsistant in my posts and not as funny as I used to be. I guess it’s also got to do with replacing my drug addiction with a computer addiction and a typing addiction and a making no money addiction and it’s got to do with the stress of losing my picture source because I kept bugging her for pictures of her box, but the real reason I couldn’t sleep was because I was in a fucking bus station.

Without a picture source, I am forced to post dated Brooke Hogan FHM pictures. I was convinced that this girl was a fat piece of garbage, I’m talking so trashy that bitch is the kitchen garbage bag after you clean out your fridge, with an ass full of rancid ground beef coupled with a stench of rotten cabbage. I had no idea she had a body like this. I know it’s airbrush magic and I am okay with that. The reason I am okay with that is simple. I like that society has a skewed perception of what a bitch is supposed to look like, and that girls have a negative self image, even when they are hot, because it makes them easier to bang. If more and more clueless men tell the hot girls they are fat and ugly and that they have shit on Brooke Hogan, a girl we all know is busted, they will end up hating themselves more than the fat girl with leg braces, acne and a rash thus making them put out a whole lot easier. I am talking teenage pregnancy, herpes infection and working in porn by the time they are 18. Ideally all after they’ve had a visit with my mouth.

That may not make sense, but it does to me and I guess that’s all that matters here.

Signed, Jesus Martinez on the Road. Cuddles.

PS – My Dream Is For Her Dad To Read This…I Loved His 1986 Work Out Program/Audio Cassette Set…


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

10

Oct

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I got bad news that someone important to me has cancer in 6 places, and I hate putting my life out there for you fuckers to rip into, but it’s the reality. I have to leave town tonight and I won’t have internet access for the next 2 days. I am going to do what I can to get to an Internet Cafe or something to throw something up here for you fuckers, but if you are still reading this in 2 days, it’s not because I died, and it’s not because I don’t love you, it’s because I am not near a computer. I would rather be here rocking my keyboard like Liberace plays the piano, but real life duties are a little more important. So got shitty news today and what better way to celebrate shitty than to bring you shitty links….


I want to Bang Lohan while this Cunt Watches…
GO

Liz Hurley’s Erect Nipples
GO

Some Erotic Black and White Lesbianism
GO

Vintage Porn: A time when Ugly Girls Could Always Find Work…
GO

More Evaginaline Lilly and Her Midget in Action
GO

Real World Denver Girls Making Out in the Hot Tub Cliche…
GO

Kelly Hu Cleavage…
GO

Raven Riley Art
GO

Brook Skye and Raven Riley Videos
GO

Zini’s Gf of the Day
GO

A little Looking Good Sweetheart
GO

Amateur Couple Banging
GO

Nicole’s New Hair
GO

Big Pun Pistol Whips His Wife
GO

Paris’ Bag of Green – Who Cares
GO

Kate Moss and Doherty Set Wedding Date
GO

Creepy Last Night’s Party Video: What are you wearing?
GO

Teenage Shower Party… Nice Braces
GO

Clothed Shower Party… Nice Cleav
GO

Wet Shower Party… Nice Lather
GO

Shower Party of 3 …. Nice Red Shirt
GO

Photobucket Whore… You’re Welcome
GO

I call this All Bran for your Thoughts…
GO

Halloween Inspired Shirts – Buy Some Please
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

10

Oct

I am – Draw Your Vagina and Describe it in 10 Words or Less of the Day

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Posted in:stepBOX|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

10

Oct

I am – MUNG likes Cock of the Day

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Before my walk, I would like to say, that MUNG is a disappointment, not only to family and friends, but also to 1000s of people he doesn’t know from the Internet. At least you are coming to terms with fact that you are attracted to cock. I knew a guy who was a total fag, but he hid it with being the Football quarterback through highschool and dated the hot slut from our class. By the time he was 22 he started dating women who would treat him like their bitch, there were lesbians without vagina or someshit, and he became their vaginna. Anyway when he was 25 he finally started fucking men dressed like women, because it made it easier to accept – and that continued til he was 30. By 30, Mr Quarterback was choosing curtains and linens with his life partner at Pottery Barn, if you get what I am saying. If not, let me put it like this. MUNG is HOMO.

NEWSFLASH! I didn’t see anything on CNN, hear anything on the radio, or read anything in the newspaper but apparently over the weekend they developed a space-age camera that turns hideous trannies into somewhat attractive women. There is one downfall though! The pictures can only be processed in black and white and sometimes the pictures come out with grotesque moles all over the picture of the new body.

With that being said, I would do PINK if she actually was this hot…but she isn’t. She has a 12′ penis with big hairy testicles, an adam’s apple, and I heard she farts a lot in bed.

MUNG

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

10

Oct

I am – Evaginaline Lilly in Bathing Suit Bottoms of the Day

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I figure that since celebrity bloggers get big by making up celebrity catch phrase names, that I would start giving the celebritites no one really cares about catch phrase names, like this slag Evaginaline Lilly. So here are some pictures of Evaginaline Lilly in her bathing suit bottoms showing the world how disgusting her midget mexican looking legs are. This bitch is built to last in that rough Mexican Climate, she’s built Ford Strong in the Mexican Ford Factory, she’s built to carry more Tortillas down the mountain than you, and have many criminal babies while riding donkies and drinking tequila. Point of all this is to say she’s sturdy, hard to push over, not that you’d want to because you know she’s fucked a midget. Not that I’d care, I’d fuck a midget, I’d also fuck ethnic people with study lesbionic looking legs. I have no stories yet, I am going on a walk to clear my mind and look for funny. Like yesterday’s walk where I saw a rapist looking homeless man with his dog, rocking an acid washed jacket and watching little kids play in the park. He started staring me down and there’s nothing comfortable about some rapist looking homeless man I had never seen before giving me the death eyes. So I started rubbing my man titties, like I do in all awkward situations.

Love

Jesus

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

09

Oct

I am – DJ AM's Black Eye of the Day

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I haven’t been on the computer all day, because it’s thanksgiving and I am too busy eating apples. If you are wondering why I am eating apples on thanksgiving, it is because apple picking is some french tradition to do on thanksgiving. I had never heard of it, but my fat french wife made me take her daughters because she’s pretty much unable to leave the appartment due to eating one too many candy apples in her fat useless life. I don’t have a car so I had to convince this sketchy molester of a neighbor to come with me in exchange for a pair of my stepdaughter’s used panties. I’d go into more details about how I got to pet a pony and how I have a 7 dollar bag with 75 apples that I picked next to me, but the whole experience was as boring as it sounds. I did get catch a lesbian couple with a baby going at it behind an apple tree and I did get lost lost amongst 3000 french people next to some maple syrup store.

Speaking of boring, useless and lesbian…here’s a picture of DJ AM with a black eye. I guess someone else realized that he’s a cunt.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

09

Oct

I am – DJ AM’s Black Eye of the Day

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I haven’t been on the computer all day, because it’s thanksgiving and I am too busy eating apples. If you are wondering why I am eating apples on thanksgiving, it is because apple picking is some french tradition to do on thanksgiving. I had never heard of it, but my fat french wife made me take her daughters because she’s pretty much unable to leave the appartment due to eating one too many candy apples in her fat useless life. I don’t have a car so I had to convince this sketchy molester of a neighbor to come with me in exchange for a pair of my stepdaughter’s used panties. I’d go into more details about how I got to pet a pony and how I have a 7 dollar bag with 75 apples that I picked next to me, but the whole experience was as boring as it sounds. I did get catch a lesbian couple with a baby going at it behind an apple tree and I did get lost lost amongst 3000 french people next to some maple syrup store.

Speaking of boring, useless and lesbian…here’s a picture of DJ AM with a black eye. I guess someone else realized that he’s a cunt.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted