I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2004

01

Dec

I am – Jesus' Baby Momma

I feel like a star… this is the first step to fame and fortune.
Julia – my future baby momma left a comment.

1 Comments:
At 2:28 PM, Julia said…
Whoa…I’m blog surfing and found this blog. I tried commenting on the “Jesus” post but there was an error. This blog cracked me up. It’s a great tool for helping me get fired. I’ll check back! Hilarious stuff! (the vibrating harry potter broom was awesome!)

Thanks for being here Julia….now send me naked pictures of you and your friends….

In other Blog news, all the posts I made after 1:30 didn’t go up, which is too bad, because i don’t remember what they were…

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2004

01

Dec

I am – Jesus’ Baby Momma

I feel like a star… this is the first step to fame and fortune.
Julia – my future baby momma left a comment.

1 Comments:
At 2:28 PM, Julia said…
Whoa…I’m blog surfing and found this blog. I tried commenting on the “Jesus” post but there was an error. This blog cracked me up. It’s a great tool for helping me get fired. I’ll check back! Hilarious stuff! (the vibrating harry potter broom was awesome!)

Thanks for being here Julia….now send me naked pictures of you and your friends….

In other Blog news, all the posts I made after 1:30 didn’t go up, which is too bad, because i don’t remember what they were…

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2004

01

Dec

I am – Chicken Factory

I think this guy is coolshit.
People call him the UK William Hung.
Hung was a cunt and has nothing on this guy.
He works in a fucking chicken factory
And sings barbie girl like a pro….

He can also hook Clay up with some chickens…we know Clay likes that shit… I wrote something about Ruben being Fat and Black and loving his friend chicken and tequila thus making him a better American Idol to comment on.. but Ruben is going to die soon and Clay will always remain homo….

If you wanna see this barbie girl:

Check it out

Here

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2004

01

Dec

I am – Sex Toy For Kids

I don’t know if this is real – and I am too lazy to do a background check. I have better things to do like wallow in self-pity.

Check this out – The vibrating Harry Potter Broom for kids – Here

It is real, I had to make sure! – here

Someone told me that this was over a year old, I don’t really care because it is funny, But I guess I should make it clear that I am aware that this isn’t anything innovative. Fuck you!

I love the reviews:

Keep the batteries out!, December 26, 2001
Reviewer: A toy enthusiast from NJ

This toy was #1 on my daughter’s Christmas list. So what the heck, although it has no educational value I figured it would be good for imaginative play. It wasn’t until after she opened her gift and started playing with it that I realized that the toy may offer a more than sensational experience. The broomstick has cute sound effects and ***VIBRATES*** when they put it between their legs to fly. Come on—what were the creators of this toy thinking? She’ll keep playing with the Nimbus 2000, but with the batteries removed.

GREAT TOY!, June 11, 2002
Reviewer: Ashley from TX

My 12 year old daughter is a big Harry Potter fan, and loved the part with the Nimbus 2000, so I decided to buy her this toy. I was afraid she would think it was too babyish, but she LOVES this toy. Even my daughter’s friends enjoy playing with this fun toy. I was surprised at how long they can just sit in her room and play with this magic broomstick! A great buy for any Harry Potter fan! 🙂

Harry Potter Toy, Review, August 28, 2002
Reviewer: A toy enthusiast from Maine, USA

I recently bought this for my son, Vantro. He’s a HUGE Harry Potter fan. Seen the movie 32 times (in the theaters) and made the paper. This toy gives him the ability to fly around the house zapping things. My only problem I see with the toy is the batteries drain too fast and his sister fights him over it, so now I need to buy her one.

Excellent!, June 11, 2002
Reviewer: poola13 from Ohio

When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too! I recommend this for all children.


Update: I found out this is an old story, old like from Last Year old, not old like your prebubescent sister…oh wait that would be young..

you know what i mean…i am not down with internet

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2004

01

Dec

I am – Mermaid

Mermaids are rock and roll..

Here

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2004

01

Dec

I am – Google Images of the Day

Today’s word is Lohan (this is where i search google images for a word and pull up some of the results)

Lohan the Priest

Lohan the little boy

Lohan the No Fish Sign

Lohan the Pimp

Lohan the Face

Lohan the dog

Lohan the School

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2004

01

Dec

I am – A Cute Commercial

As a marketing executive (at least in my sexual fantasies) I have to say I like this commercial.

I find dogs cute
And I find dogs humping
Cuter

Check out the commecial here, it’s Fuckin’ Porno..

Now I have to get back to trying on women’s underwear…. yes this post was gayer than the guy who sodomized me last night.

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2004

01

Dec

I am – Personal Site of the Day

This is a feature on personal websites – I didn’t post one yesterday – because I forgot about it.

Today’s personal website is The Bexter Twins Here

Check out their photo album from their 18th birthday Here

Portia is a big breasted drunkard who can can-can, seen here

Portia is out of her slutty costume and just being slutty here

*Note: Portia’s man likes touching her cans…

(I had to say it because she has big boobs, and she does the can-can)

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2004

01

Dec

I am – World Aids Day

Aids scares the fuck out of me and that is why i only have unprotected anal sex with people I know for more than a few hours.

I think finding a cure is a good cause.
I think it would make everyone’s life a lot better.
I don’t think Aids is the best population control.
I think abortions are…
So government officials who are sitting on the cure, until it’s economically feasible to release it to the public,
give it up already….

If I was rich I would support
I know I have no readers….
But I will post this here anyway:

WorldAidsDay.org
Aids.org

I don’t think this is really a cure, but find the antidote here

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2004

01

Dec

I am – Stalking Lindsay Lohan

I was trying to find a celeb angle for my blog, I was going to focus on the standard teenage celebs who are really bad, do a lot of coke, fuck a lot and dance on tables at clubs.

I was going to continue my investigation into Lindsay Lohan, not because I think she is hot, but because she is insane and had a drug overdose, masked it in “burnout” and continue to do a massive PR move to clean her image.

I was thinking that since she is friends with Bijoux Philips we can just focus on celebrity cokeheads, but that doesn’t narrow down shit, since they are all on coke….

Anyway – I think I will stick with Lohan for now and will throw in some other party sluts…as time goes on. Remember the C-List celebrities are much more accessible and way easier to stalk….

I was on thesuperficial, and with his detective work found pictures of Lohan with her friends…smoking pot in the backseat of the car. This is why digital cameras and a friend who is jealous of all the attention you are getting comes into play.

This to me was the sign that Lohan was the one to stalk….

Check out the pictures here , it is her friend’s picturetrail account.

Update: The link is dead, but I saved all the pictures before they took it down. I learnt my lesseon with Tara Reid’s sister’s Friendster account.

Stereogum said it right, “The Internet Never Forgets”, Their backup here

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2004

30

Nov

I am – The Messiah

Today’s Gospel is : “Spam can turn you on, so stop blocking your Spam”

This is Why

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2004

30

Nov

I am – Google Images

Sperm is today’s word….

Japanese Sperm

Sperm Bank

Lovely Couple

Man With A Can

Appetizers

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2004

30

Nov

I am – Internet Mudflap

From the beautiful people at Get Waisted

Check it out for yourself if you don’t believe that a HIGH PROFILE blog would write a blurb on the drunken stepfather….

Jesus Martinez – The Fresh Maker
Jesus Martinez is a ex-mexican national who escaped mexico to work in the booming california service industry. After living a life of oppression in the mexican mainland, Jesus moved to california to clean toilets for tech millionaires in Palo Alto, Ca. Bored with the lameness of where he lived and an exhorbitant blue collar salary, Jesus developed a drinking problem. He met a mexican women who had 3 children, Alejandro, Manuel & Rodrigo. He married her and became…DrunkenStepfather. From the confines of house arrest, Jesus works day and night on his Blog to bring us celebrity gossip and insightful commentary on life as a railroad man. He is the bringer of all that is dirrty…kinda like an internet mudflap!

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2004

30

Nov

I am – Vaginal Reduction Surgery

I sent this link around the office about 2-3 months ago…
It’s before and after shots of vaginal reduction surgery
I have always been a fan of the coinslot
I have always been intimidated by the floppy ones, the beefy ones..
does that make me gay – or does that make me a pedophile?
I have be battling this for many years…

These links were on Fleshbot
And brought back memories of the day my co-workers knew i was a pervert

Pics 1 of vaginalplasty

Pics 2 of labiaplasty

I couldn’t tell you the difference between operations and I don’t care all that much…as i get older I realize that any poon is good poon…

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2004

30

Nov

I am – Jessica Simpson

And I want to eat your babies:

Picture:

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