I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2005

07

Apr

I am – Jesus Matinez’s Birthday

On this day in 1970, your favorite stepfather was born in a muddy field in Mexico. That’s right – today is my 35th birthday and I am not going to be online today. I have plans with the fat wife and stepkids. I hope you all understand that my commitment is to you, but I only turn 35 once….I expect to pass out in my own vomit somewhere. That’s right boys and girls – it’s time for a motherfucking binge.

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2005

07

Apr

I am – Keira Knightley in a Bikini

Pirates was a movie. Keira Knightly was a star, but bitch never got naked. She rocked the corset, made out with Johnny Depp, but no motherfucking nipples. That’s not going to change today, but we get a little closer with this set of bikini pictures. This reminds me of the time I tried to get with this girl and she wouldn’t put out. She showed me her tits a couple of time and even let me touch them, but that only happened when the risk of me never talking to her came up….she let me have a little nipple to keep me around….that’s how girls work, so with that prediction…when we all get bored of Keira and when people stop biggin’ her up and giving her jobs, she will turn to porn and we will all be lucky enough to see her dirty cooter…..

More Pics After The Jump

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2005

07

Apr

I am – Personal Site of the Day

I don’t really understand what people are thinking when they put up personal websites. People like me will always come across them and laugh at you. If you are tired of being teased because highshool is over, you best not put yourself in these situations. I understand that you are a loser, but at least you have loser friends to go on trips with. I expect you to continue doing things that warrant being mocked only because you can’t help it. I have never been to Ibiza so you have one up on me in that respect. I have however had sex, so I guess I got the edge. So I paid for most of it, who cares, at least I know want giving a rim job while a girl pees on my face is all about….

Here is a Synopsis of their trip:

I can remember when we first decided we were going to go on holiday together, …we had to go to Ibiza, we were all just coming up to be 18 years old, so it had to be done…We didn’t care about not getting any sleep because of all the noise as we planned to be making all the noise…on the aeroplane as we started to knock back the vodka…our room had lipstick writing on the walls, which had been done by the boys that had stayed in the room before us…We met loads of dodgy people. The most dodgy had to be the 5 Italian blokes who kept trying to convince us to go around with them, and telling us that they “No want naughty”. Hmmmm, sure….

If you want to see the photos from this trip of a lifetime Visit The Site Here

I just made you famous – Bitch……

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2005

07

Apr

I am – T-Shirt of the day

I don’t have a quality shot of what this looks like on a T-shirt but I can tell that it’s hot. It’s a naked girl dude, how could it not be hot. If you were to rock this all the bitches would be all up on you because girls are jealous creatures and wouldn’t understand why their naked image wasn’t on your shirt. That’s when you make the move and say bitch, we don’t need your naked body on my shirt, I need it on my face, and you will get your loser ass laid. It really is that easy. I am glad I could be of assistance in making your fantasies a reality. I expect you to buy this shirt and send me the motherfucking love story, I would also appreciate being invited to your wedding, because weddings are what lonely bridesmaids are made of….if that didn’t make sense, don’t blame me, blame the perscription pills I have been taking recreationally bitch.

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2005

07

Apr

I am – Victoria Fuller Amazing Race Centerfold

I don’t watch Amazing Race because I don’t own a TV. I have heard all about this show. It’s got an obnoxious host who knows martial arts and it challenges everyday people to do stupid shit that would be scary provided it wasn’t in a controlled studio setting. The fact is that you can’t die – but all these pussies freak out and choke, not making it to the $50,000 prize. Actually, I think I am wrong, Amazing Race is where people race around the world, whatever Fear Factor is cooler. The point is who really needs prize money when you have tits made out of silicone (saline) and a pussy trimmed like a pornstar….that’s right, we have Playboy for that. I came across these pictures and figured you’d want to see them, because you are sitting on your computer reading this shit, obviously not getting laid. It’s not your fault you’re a loser, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. I am sure you are good at something…….

Pictures In This Thread

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2005

07

Apr

I am – Spank Picture of the Day

I was sent in this picture from my Aunt Agony. This bitch loves spanking, I think it has something to do with her memories of the orphanage where the nuns would go crazy on her ass. The only reason they did it was because they were so sexually repressed – I think Aunt Agony realizes this and channels her memories through her blog. The point of the story is spanking is hot, it’s not something that I am into, but I am sure if I met a nice hooker who was into that shit, I would have no choice but to cooperate. Hookers always manipulate me – I just can’t say no to quality poon. Spanking reminds me of my childhood too Aunt Agony…I think that’s why we have this bond….

Visit our Favorite Aunt HERE

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2005

07

Apr

I am – Pope Memorobillia of the Day

The Pope hasn’t even been dead for a week and there is already “Dead Pope Merch” hitting the Internet scene. This reminds me of every major sporting championship where both teams have merchandise made saying they are the winners before the actual game. Yeah, I am saying that this shit was probably in production 6 months ago waiting for the day to monetize on the dead pope. I have never fully accepted Jesus Christ into my life, however I expect all of you have accepted Jesus Martinez into yours….

Only $29.99 H0556
As low as $5.99 per month! (With Fingerhut credit)
An era has passed with the death of the most loved and respected Pope John Paul II. He had offered hope and inspiration to people around the world. Truly “The Pope of the People”, he was seen by more people than any other Pope. To honor his lifetime of dedication and service, this commemorative memorial coin was commisssioned and now released. This beautifully struck bi-metallic authentic Vatican 50 Lire Coin captures his praying likeness flawlessly. These coins are extremely rare and will never be minted again. The special outer memorial ring is richly layered with over 6 mils pure 24K gold and commemorates the year of Pope John Paul II birth, 1920. This historic creation is a legal tender coin tribute to his dedication and holiness and will be cherised by collector and his followers for decades. On the reverse, the holy door of St. Peter’s Basilica is commemorated. Opened only once every 25 years, millions watched as Pope John Paul II himself crossed the threshold to begin the celebration of the great year 2000 jubilee celebration. Coin comes enclosed in a velvet lined jewelry box, 3.3″ L x 2.8″W x 1ha.3″H.
This product is in stock!

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2005

07

Apr

I am – Nicole Richie's Friend

We are big DJ AM supporters. Not because he used to be fat, or because he can get us into all the hottest clubs, letting us brush arms with the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Tara Reid, but because he’s going to be inviting me to his wedding. AM is the main reason we always stay away from Nicole Richie pics, we have a lot of respect for her, not because of her past drug addiction, which is porno, or because she’s on TV, but because she makes us laugh, and that’s pretty rare. We don’t give a shit about her friend so we can say check out her tits, her shirt is almost see-through and bitch is wearing a bra. Who the fuck wears bras nowadays, if she’s hangin with Nicole she should know what’s up.

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2005

07

Apr

I am – Nicole Richie’s Friend

We are big DJ AM supporters. Not because he used to be fat, or because he can get us into all the hottest clubs, letting us brush arms with the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Tara Reid, but because he’s going to be inviting me to his wedding. AM is the main reason we always stay away from Nicole Richie pics, we have a lot of respect for her, not because of her past drug addiction, which is porno, or because she’s on TV, but because she makes us laugh, and that’s pretty rare. We don’t give a shit about her friend so we can say check out her tits, her shirt is almost see-through and bitch is wearing a bra. Who the fuck wears bras nowadays, if she’s hangin with Nicole she should know what’s up.

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2005

06

Apr

I aM-BrEAk uP GiRL

When trying to recover from a break-up/ break-down (I believe they occur in tandem), you will try anything to distract yourself from the major buck shot wound to the heart. That gapping hole needs any filler it can get. My break-up led me to various distractions: pills, slutty sex, all nighters, pseudo yoga spiritualness, trashy break-up novels, online dating, I even picked up the cute guy with the curly hair in Kinkos Print shop. Tried getting back to the basics, the whole looking in and searching for answers bit, however, I haven’t been able to fill this massive blast to my heart. Until now………..I have just picked up “How to smash everyone to pieces� by Mike Segretto (Contemporary Press). And I am learning how to smash everyone to pieces! Including my goatfucker ex! Now you try.

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2005

06

Apr

I am – Jamie King Nude Screenshot Sin City

I haven’t seen this movie, but I may. I don’t really do the whole tv/movie thing. It costs too much money and I don’t own a TV. I have been a fan of Jamie King for awhile. She’s a classy slut, the kind you would want to bring home to your wife and proposition a threesome with. These are screen shots from Sin City, where she appears naked.I never said they were good quality, but in the event you haven’t noticed, quality is not something we look for.

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2005

06

Apr

I am – Lindsay Lohan Smoking

I like my women to be famous, to look good without make-up, to be the object of desire for perverts everywhere, and to smoke. Lohan is the star of this site, we are the home of Lohan and with that title comes both the good and the bad. Today’s post is bad.We have no cleavage, no nip slips, for lack of better words, Lohan looks disgusting….If I was banging Christian Slater, I would be smoking too.

Lindsay Lohan has had plenty of problems with her occasionally out-of-control dad, Michael – so you’d think she’d keep her distance from ill-behaved older men.

But word is that the 18-year-old starlet is dating 35-year-old actor Christian Slater.

A Lowdown spy reports that the bad boy has been spending quality time on the set of Lohan’s new movie, shooting in New York as “The Untitled Lindsay Lohan Lucky Project,” and has been spotted disappearing into Lohan’s private trailer.

Says the spy: “They’re definitely hooking up.”

Yesterday, Lohan’s rep told Lowdown, “As far as I know, he did not visit her in the trailer. He said hello to her, but I was told he was visiting the head of photography.”

OhNo

Another pic after the jump….

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2005

06

Apr

I am – Britney Spears See-Through

Britney’s not looking so hot lately – so I decided to post this throwback where we can see a little bit of her nipple. This reminds us of the time before her big belly, barefoot bathroom romps and her major foot rash and nose-picking sessions. It doesn’t, however, remind us of a time before Kevin’s white trash dick was deep inside her babyhole, only because that shit is deeply embedded in our brains and no matter how hard we try – we are unable to forget….kinda like the memories of my uncle back in Mexico touching me in dirty places…however I remember than night like it was yesterday. Thanks Pablo, I got you for life.

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2005

05

Apr

I am – Vida Guerra See-Through Lingerie

We have talked about Vida Guerra before and before that. She is a Mexican girl, like me, only I am not a girl, but I am sure you wish I was so you could fuck me – don’t you, pervert. Anyway, she went to some event, wore sheer lingerie – paraded around and that was the end of that. I am pretty sure that’s the extent of what she has to offer the entertainment world. The major question is what will she do when her ass goes to shit…..I remember when I had everything going for me. A hot body, an amazing drug and prostitution ring, money and pussy that was just crying for my loving….it all went to shit pretty quickly and I predict that for Vida.

More Pics After The Jump

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2005

05

Apr

I am – Dollforum Post of the Day

Dolls are made of plastic, they aren’t real people. But when you get lonely and lack the ability to maintain healthy relationships, you turn to your dolls. The world is a mean place, I understand that. You were teased, mis-treated and abused. You were laughed at for wearing the wrong things and having bad skin. The girl you always dreamt about never came your way. You are a loser in life but there is a solution. Get a sex doll, she won’t judge you, she won’t laugh at you, she won’t break your heart. She will always be there waiting for you to get home from work. She won’t have dinner on the table, but that’s a small trade-off for having something to live for…..

Today’s post is called “when did you first get into dolls?”:

Giverny,

I think I was 8 or 9 when I got a Barbie (I don’t remember how I got it). I thought she was beautiful, and dreamed of her coming to life and marrying her. But after a couple of days, an older brother found me playing with her, and degraded me for it (Men don’t play with dolls!). So I threw her away.

In my teen years, I saw adds for “lifelike” love dolls and fantasized about them.

I was almost 40 old before I bought a doll. And now I have Phoebe. And if someone finds me playing with her, they can go fuck themselves. I’m not giving her up.

Mahtek & Phoebe

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