I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

30

Jan

DrunkenStepfather Fan of the Day

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This is one of my fans. She is 16 and legally I can post this cuz she’s not showing cooter. She wrote this into me.

Dear Jesus,

I wanted to write your name on my ass but I couldn’t reach. hehe.
I am going to have sex with my boyfriend next week for the first time.
I wanted you to have a picture of my untouched body, below the belt. hehe.
I am 16 and didn’t want to get you arrested (again), so I wore underwear.
I love your site. Hope you love this picture.

Jenny

Thanks Jenny we love you too, you are probably worth getting arrested for, especially with a tight body like that. If I wasn’t impotent, I would have volunteered to be your number 1. I am in Canada and 14 is legal. Good luck with your boyfriend and his useless 16 year old dick. It may be horrible at first, but you have lots of pooning ahead of you. Remember you can’t get pregnant your first time so don’t use a condom and be sure to let him come up in you.

Keep them pictures coming,

With Love, Cuddles,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

30

Jan

Jordan's Chinese New Year



Everything in China is backwards. From the way they read to their slanty eyes. The fact is that they speak in binary code and are the closest thing humans have to robots. Robots with very little penises. That’s not racist, but it does explain why they celebrate New Year’s a month later than the rest of the world, actually it doesn’t really explain anything at all, I just wanted to drop some china-man disses What better way to wish all you railroad men a happy New Year, than to dis your culture.

Point of the story is that Jordan and her retarded tits never miss an opportunity to get fucked up and dance. Here are some pics of her celebrating the Chinese New Year in a see-through dress, nothing surpising, bitch is always in something see-through. Happy fuckin new year, I would eat an egg roll in celebration but I am hate MSG.

I am trying to fix my thumbnails, I don’t know shit about web design and the guy who is supposed to be setting this up for me isn’t answering my calls, which means either he’s fucking a hooker, or he’s asleep. Hopefully, I’ll have it sorted out tomorrow, cuz I know this shit is KILLIN my bandwidth, and No, I didn’t notice her herpes. LOVE>

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

30

Jan

Jordan’s Chinese New Year



Everything in China is backwards. From the way they read to their slanty eyes. The fact is that they speak in binary code and are the closest thing humans have to robots. Robots with very little penises. That’s not racist, but it does explain why they celebrate New Year’s a month later than the rest of the world, actually it doesn’t really explain anything at all, I just wanted to drop some china-man disses What better way to wish all you railroad men a happy New Year, than to dis your culture.

Point of the story is that Jordan and her retarded tits never miss an opportunity to get fucked up and dance. Here are some pics of her celebrating the Chinese New Year in a see-through dress, nothing surpising, bitch is always in something see-through. Happy fuckin new year, I would eat an egg roll in celebration but I am hate MSG.

I am trying to fix my thumbnails, I don’t know shit about web design and the guy who is supposed to be setting this up for me isn’t answering my calls, which means either he’s fucking a hooker, or he’s asleep. Hopefully, I’ll have it sorted out tomorrow, cuz I know this shit is KILLIN my bandwidth, and No, I didn’t notice her herpes. LOVE>

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

27

Jan

Draw your Vagina and Describe It in 10 Words or Less

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I met her on Myspace. She got a degree in Multimedia Design from Parsons. She is in her 20s and lives in the NYC area. She is proof that higher education is a waste of time and money. She speaks spanish because she is a spic and doesn’t like that I don’t understand her when she talks. She has a meaty vagina because she’s a spic and they all have meaty vaginas. They don’t all send in the hottest draw your own vagina drawing ever.

You can visit her newest project by clicking the link JamesFreyOwesMeMoney <- there (new fuckin' design is fuckin' up my links)

Posted in:stepBOX|Unsorted

2006

26

Jan

T-Shirt of the Day

I am not the biggest fan of band shirts, but I do like some bands. I listen to old Rolling Stones sometimes, but that’s not why I made this my t-shirt. I did it because I like dudes who dresse up like women. It’s not gay if ‘brokeback mountain’ is wearing a skirt and bootyshorts, at least that’s what my foster dad always told me, before making me put on a dress…

Rolling Stones

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

Jan

Joe Simpson Masturbation Material of the Day

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I know that it’s such a typical cliche thing to say, but I can’t avoid it. When Joe Simpson looks at these pictures it brings back memories of when his little girls would run around the house naked, like normal little girls do, it reminds him of changing their diapers and seeing their little bottoms, it reminds him of the first time he promised to make them famous if they never tell their mother about the places he touches them. I guess the positive lesson we can take from this is that you never get caught if you keep your promises. Either way, there’s no proof that this fucker molested them, but you can only assume, since he talks about their tits like the belong to him…probably because they do. Creepy motherfuckers need to be outted.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

Jan

Christina Aguilera Rolling Stone Nipple

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Christina Aguilera has had breast implants, there’s not doubt about that in my mind, and I couldn’t care less. I have slept with more women with breast implants than women without implants and I prefer a natural titty any day, but my wild days were in the 90s, and in the 90s all the trashy bitches I knew had plastic titties.

The reason I know Aguilera has implants is because she parades these fuckers around town as much as possible, and that’s something only people with implants do, because the have a serious detachment from their tits, and their tits becomes accessories or toys more than part of their body. Seriously, watch flashing videos, always more implants are flashed than non-implants. The other reason I know she has implants is because her nipples aim up to the sky, and it’s so rare to find a natural tit with nipples that aim to the sky.

I don’t know why I just analyzed her tits like that, it wasn’t funny and no one cares. Just click on the pictures and leave me alone you cunt.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

Jan

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

Jan

Myspace Message of the Day

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This is a message I sent to some bitch named Cooter. I guess she doesn’t read my site, because if she did she would know that Cooter is one of my favorite words.

I have a crush on ppl named cooter.
even if they are dirty baby factories
I want you to read my site
and we can talk about your uterus later- you fertile bitch –

love

jesus martinez
drunkenstepfather.com

Her response:

go fuck yourself

More on cooter….

i’ve been married to the most wonderful guy on the face of the earth (jeremiah) for over five years now and we have the two cutest kids in the world, bradley 4 and logan 2. oh and did i mention my kids are f-ing geniuses. yeah, thats right. jealous? jeremiah joined the army for a bit and we left the RC for a while, and now he has a good job right here in cow stank u.s.a…

Look – I wasn’t trying to offend “Miss Molly Homemaker”, I assume she never got her easy bake oven as a kid, and decided that at the age of 20 it was time to play house, unless baby number one was an accident and she’s some psycho born again who instead of getting an abortion gets married. Either way, I was just trying to send some love, and she was very rude to me. That’s why I just made you famous, bitch.

Visit Her Profile Here

Posted in:stepFAME|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

Jan

MilkGoneWild

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I don’t really know what to think about the way mainstream media is going. I really don’t care. I am not one of those annoying motherfuckers who talks about that kind of shit because I hate people who try to talk all smart about current events and the state of the nation and shit, no one really cares what you think, so just show me your tits, bitch. The hippies at PETA decided to do a spoof on Girls Gone Wild, where the drunken bitches flash their udders. It’s a little distrubing, only because it turned me on, and I sleep with a cow of a woman everynight, so now I want to dress her up like a cow. Thanks Peta for opening me up to this fucked up fetish I never knew I had. Hippies have done so much for me.

See Banned Ad Campaign Here

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

Jan

More LastNightsParty at Sundance

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I was talking to someone local who has had his picture taken by Merlin Bronques when he was first starting out in Montreal. Now he’s rockin’ sundance, magazine spreads and ad campaigns, but he’ll always be a bald black “Lady” in the night to me.

I have only been in this city for less than 5 years and I was never much of a club kid, considering I was 30 and a washed up addict when I got here, oh and was was all smitten with my fresh marriage to a 300 pound women, that was clearly something I had always wanted for myself as a little wrestler in the orphanage, I’d tell my priest/coach “Pablo, one day I will go to Canada and marry the fattest bitch I can find”. So, whenever I could get away from the wife, I would spend my nights in the strip clubs and in the later years of Montreal, I’ve been busy working at the canning factory. Now that I am two months unemployed, there’s no way for me to afford going out and more importantly I rarely shower or do laundry and clubs just won’t let me in.

The plan is to just stick to the bottle and the gutter outside my house, if you can even call it a fucking house, but this isn’t about me, this is about Perez Hilton from PageSixSixSix and PerezHilton blog fame, motherfucker is chillin’ at that Tiger shoe house with A-listers Jack Osborne, Lizzie Grubman and Corey Feldman. You’ve fucking made it, you fruit boot wearing celebrity fucking homo, I’d rim your ass all night to get a link on your real successful piece of shit celebrity blog. Maybe one day I’ll invite you and trent and justjared and cityrag and socialitelife and defamer and gawker and idontlikeyouthatway and wwtdd and I don’t know who the fuck else has a celebrity blog, but those cunts are invited too, invited to what you ask?? To suck my limp dick, I’m impotent fuck.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Check out the Onitsuka Tiger House Party at Sundance Gallery Here

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

Jan

Draw your Vagina and Describe It in 10 Words or Less

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I am still working on the site, so I haven’t updated, but was lucky enough to get a new vagina drawing. Well at least I thought I was lucky, before seeing her submission, which is fucking disgusting. The bleeding girl is the lovely Courtney, a 16 year old Canadian. I don’t know if it is considered illegal to post a drawing of an underage girl’s junk, but I am willing to take the risk.

Courtney has recently made her third shitty music video. Be sure to check it out by clicking on this here them there link. Don’t get your hopes up, the video fuckin’ sucks. Cuddles.

Posted in:stepBOX|Unsorted

2006

25

Jan

Draw your Vagina and Describe It in 10 Words or Less

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This is my new feature and I think it’s a winner. It’s called Draw Your Vagina and Describe it in 10 Words or Less. It’s like the DrunkenStepfather Vagina Monologues. I’d like to make this more interesting by posting a picture of the girl who the drawing belongs to, but I don’t think I’ll get anyone to participate if it isn’t anonymous. So send your entries to info@drunkenstepfather.com if you want to play my sick game, and by sick I mean sexy, really really sexy.

Posted in:stepBOX|Unsorted

2006

25

Jan

Under Construction

So I decided to make the move to an actual site on an actual server. I don’t have a big budget for a tech team and we are doing this ghetto and drunken style. I know nothing about tech, and I can’t upload pics and the site looks like shit, and my AFF banner isn’t up and I am probably going to lose all my traffic, but that’s ok. It’s a new beginning bitches, so have some patience while we work this out over the next few days. I couldn’t keep the old blogger site up, cuz we transferred everything over here. Regardless, it’s a big ol’ mess that may end up ruining me.

With love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:blogger|under construction|Unsorted

2006

24

Jan

Paris and A Bonbon

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The thing I hate about Paris is that she is all about annoying fucking poses. I don’t even know the bitch and I find it fucking annoying, it’s like she’s fucking zoolander and all I can think about is taking a bitch like this for dinner and everytime you look at her, she’s rockin’ cliche poses. The chances of me meeting Paris are about as slim as me taking a bitch out for dinner, I was just writing in “hypothetical situations” to prove a point. Anyway, everything Paris does, everything she says, every pose she makes is a drawn out, planned and fake, and i only like fake bitches when they are real dolls, because real dolls don’t judge me for my inability to get erections. They are happy just cuddling.

Posted in:bonbon|Paris Hilton|Slut|Unsorted