I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2005

12

Sep

I am – Amanda Bynes Big Nipples

The problem most girls going through puberty deal with is puffy nipples. It’s like the estrogen or some shit turns those fuckers into padded, oversized saucers that throw off the whole tit dynamic. I think it’s cuz the nipple develops first or some shit, but I am not a doctor, but if I was a doctor, I would consider being a teenage girl nipple consultant. The point of this is that this girls got some weird shit going on in her dress, I can only hope it’s something she grows out of, cuz otherwise, she won’t get casted in all the topless movies we have planned for her, unless it for some freaky puffy nipple fetish site, which I would be more than happy to start, not cuz of Bynes, for all the teenage girls out there to not feel alone. Puberty is such a sensitive time. I am here for you.

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2005

12

Sep

I am – Olsen Twins are the Fat Manager

The benefit of having the Olsen twins hide from the camera people when leaving some building is that we can divert our attention to the slut in shorts, not quite short enough, but you know I am a pretty deseperate person, so seeing the apples of her bottom really doesn’t make that much of a difference to me. I guess the good thing of any girl standing next to the Olsen twins is that most of the time they look hotter than they actually are, but that’s only cuz I find the Olsen twins ugly. This happens all the time, the semi good looking girl surrounds herself with fat bitches, to make herself look pretty. It’s nice to know that things don’t really change that much on this level. This is a useless fucking post, but I will press publish anyway – cuz it’s all about quantity, not quality, at least when it comes to drinking.

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2005

12

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson's Bra

The good thing about having big tits is simple: with the right strapping and pushing and squeezing and shit, those fuckers can be shaped however you want. I am not too sure if this is good for the tit, and permanent damage may result in breast cancer, not a laughing matter, but a harsh reality of today’s times, and girls just wanna look sexy for there men and don’t even care about the risks at hand. I smoke and I drink and that shit will kill me, and knowing that shit will kill me won’t stop me. The difference between me and Jessica in this situation is that what she’s doing is seducing all of us to watch her stupid TV shows, where as I am just feeling sorry for myself and trying to speed up the inevitable….Her fearless ways should be inspiration to us all and if any of you girls reading this have small tits, don’t worry about it, I like it all, but hopefully you’ve got a decent ass, cuz if you got no tits and no ass, bitch, I got plenty of losers I can introduce you to.

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2005

12

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson’s Bra

The good thing about having big tits is simple: with the right strapping and pushing and squeezing and shit, those fuckers can be shaped however you want. I am not too sure if this is good for the tit, and permanent damage may result in breast cancer, not a laughing matter, but a harsh reality of today’s times, and girls just wanna look sexy for there men and don’t even care about the risks at hand. I smoke and I drink and that shit will kill me, and knowing that shit will kill me won’t stop me. The difference between me and Jessica in this situation is that what she’s doing is seducing all of us to watch her stupid TV shows, where as I am just feeling sorry for myself and trying to speed up the inevitable….Her fearless ways should be inspiration to us all and if any of you girls reading this have small tits, don’t worry about it, I like it all, but hopefully you’ve got a decent ass, cuz if you got no tits and no ass, bitch, I got plenty of losers I can introduce you to.

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Ashlee Simpson's Profile

I am not a picky person, I have a 300 pound wife who looks like she got hit by a bus. I came across this picture and realized that Ashlee Simpson looks fucking disgusting from the side. I figured I would post it, even though there is nothing funny about having a horrible looking side profile. I always feel like a bitch looks better with her face in the sand, so there’s still much hope for Ashlee to get knocked up and shit….I would estimate that a good percentage of you are into Role Playing Games, Fantasy and Sci Fi, so a bitch that looks like a little elf must getting you fucking hard. Aren’t you excited that I just gave you a boner. That totally makes you a fag.

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Ashlee Simpson’s Profile

I am not a picky person, I have a 300 pound wife who looks like she got hit by a bus. I came across this picture and realized that Ashlee Simpson looks fucking disgusting from the side. I figured I would post it, even though there is nothing funny about having a horrible looking side profile. I always feel like a bitch looks better with her face in the sand, so there’s still much hope for Ashlee to get knocked up and shit….I would estimate that a good percentage of you are into Role Playing Games, Fantasy and Sci Fi, so a bitch that looks like a little elf must getting you fucking hard. Aren’t you excited that I just gave you a boner. That totally makes you a fag.

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Lohan's Friend

I am not one to judge a dirty homeless lookin’ person, because I look more homeless than this guy. I rock the same t-shirt that I have had for 20 years, and the shorts that I do wear, usually come from cut off jogging pants that I have stained up too badly to recover. The difference between me and this dude, is that he’s hanging with Lohan and bitch made 50 million dollars last year. If I had a friend worth 50 million dollars, I can guarantee you that I’d be wearing designer tuxedos every fucking day, I am talking to the beach, to the strip club, to the fucking amusement park with my girls. You would not be able to get me out of that shit. Having access to that kind of cash is something that should be embraced, trying to look like a fool like me and all the other drug addicted homeless friends I have, makes no fucking sense to me, the only conclusion I have from all this is that you are clearly a cunt and I look great in tuxedos.

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Lohan’s Friend

I am not one to judge a dirty homeless lookin’ person, because I look more homeless than this guy. I rock the same t-shirt that I have had for 20 years, and the shorts that I do wear, usually come from cut off jogging pants that I have stained up too badly to recover. The difference between me and this dude, is that he’s hanging with Lohan and bitch made 50 million dollars last year. If I had a friend worth 50 million dollars, I can guarantee you that I’d be wearing designer tuxedos every fucking day, I am talking to the beach, to the strip club, to the fucking amusement park with my girls. You would not be able to get me out of that shit. Having access to that kind of cash is something that should be embraced, trying to look like a fool like me and all the other drug addicted homeless friends I have, makes no fucking sense to me, the only conclusion I have from all this is that you are clearly a cunt and I look great in tuxedos.

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson Drunk


I am a fan of drunk bitches, they are usually the kind that are easy to manipulate and get naked. I love to be involved in getting girls drunk, by drunk I mean fucking drunk, to the point where they can’t walk or talk, there sense of self is lost. With no inhibitions, good things happen, and with no sense of depth perception, ugliness is not a factor, however when you are on the outside, looking at drunk girl while sober, it’s easy to see they aren’t so attractive, unless you are enterprising like me, and by enterprising, I mean getting them naked and stuffin them like a turkey on Thanksgiving. Jessica Simpson looks awful in these pics, but bitch is probably easy. So if you have a chance to get with with a drunk girl…or one on roofies, you may have the time of your life. If she throws up in the process of this stuffin, don’t freak out, it just adds to the experience, like icing on a cake.

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Debra Messing's Fat Ass

The benefit of watching Will and Grace is that chicks thing you’re down with gays, and an open-minded gay friendly dude is usually a lot more desirable than a homophobic gay bashing jock, who sucks his buddy’s dick off after the game. The problem with being a fan of the show is that a girl probably won’t find you gay friendly, and probably think of you as a sister, and guess what, girls rarely have sex with their sisters, unless they are twins and they only do that because it’s not like fucking each other, it’s more like masturbation. Either way, I don’t watch Will and Grace, the bitches just aren’t hot enough, and proven by this pic, should probably lay off the cheese blintzes and hit a fucking treadmill. When you are on TV, your responsibility is to teach the youth what’s right, your fat ass ain’t right. I am sure guys still fuck it, but trust me, this bitch isn’t marriage material, after a few more kids, and an addiction to valium, she won’t be walkin around in a bikini, something she probably shouldn’t even be doing now. I know all of you are gonna start whimpering like a bunch of hungry cunts about how you like fat asses, and about how I am wrong is saying she’s fat, but that’s only cuz in comparisson to the bitches you get, Debra Messing is a goddess.

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Debra Messing’s Fat Ass

The benefit of watching Will and Grace is that chicks thing you’re down with gays, and an open-minded gay friendly dude is usually a lot more desirable than a homophobic gay bashing jock, who sucks his buddy’s dick off after the game. The problem with being a fan of the show is that a girl probably won’t find you gay friendly, and probably think of you as a sister, and guess what, girls rarely have sex with their sisters, unless they are twins and they only do that because it’s not like fucking each other, it’s more like masturbation. Either way, I don’t watch Will and Grace, the bitches just aren’t hot enough, and proven by this pic, should probably lay off the cheese blintzes and hit a fucking treadmill. When you are on TV, your responsibility is to teach the youth what’s right, your fat ass ain’t right. I am sure guys still fuck it, but trust me, this bitch isn’t marriage material, after a few more kids, and an addiction to valium, she won’t be walkin around in a bikini, something she probably shouldn’t even be doing now. I know all of you are gonna start whimpering like a bunch of hungry cunts about how you like fat asses, and about how I am wrong is saying she’s fat, but that’s only cuz in comparisson to the bitches you get, Debra Messing is a goddess.

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Trishelle's Tits


The benefit of being a college drunken frat slut is that you know how to have one night stands, take the morning after pill, mask your herpes scabs, and most importanly the ability to lie to your parents about the $500 they sent you for “textbooks”, but was really spend on a baggy of coke and 2 abortions. That shit don’t come for free….don’t feel bad, I think he would have been an irresponsible father, the way he was doing those beer bongs off the strippers tits, convinced me that you made the right choice. I guess the real exciting part of your life was after college, when you found out that some reality show was recruiting and figured it would be a legitimate reason to maintain your lifestyle, as the drunken whore, without feeling the level of responsibility your married suburban friends felt. I am sure the emptiness you tried to fill with cock everynight allowed you to believe you were worth something, and that all your friends were jealous of you, even though you humiliated yourself on the national level, not just in your small town. I guess the day you were asked to do The Surreal Life, you knew the dreams you had of stardom had fallen through the cracks. At least you showed us your titties before you killed yourself, cuz diggin up your coffin and undressing your AIDS corpse is not something I would be willing to do. However, I have a feeling many of my readers would have a different take on this, you know when they’re dead, they can’t say no….something you may want to consider!

Watch The Clip Here

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Trishelle’s Tits


The benefit of being a college drunken frat slut is that you know how to have one night stands, take the morning after pill, mask your herpes scabs, and most importanly the ability to lie to your parents about the $500 they sent you for “textbooks”, but was really spend on a baggy of coke and 2 abortions. That shit don’t come for free….don’t feel bad, I think he would have been an irresponsible father, the way he was doing those beer bongs off the strippers tits, convinced me that you made the right choice. I guess the real exciting part of your life was after college, when you found out that some reality show was recruiting and figured it would be a legitimate reason to maintain your lifestyle, as the drunken whore, without feeling the level of responsibility your married suburban friends felt. I am sure the emptiness you tried to fill with cock everynight allowed you to believe you were worth something, and that all your friends were jealous of you, even though you humiliated yourself on the national level, not just in your small town. I guess the day you were asked to do The Surreal Life, you knew the dreams you had of stardom had fallen through the cracks. At least you showed us your titties before you killed yourself, cuz diggin up your coffin and undressing your AIDS corpse is not something I would be willing to do. However, I have a feeling many of my readers would have a different take on this, you know when they’re dead, they can’t say no….something you may want to consider!

Watch The Clip Here

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Eva Longoria Jacked Up on Diet Pills




After making the move as a useless person on a Soap Opera to the hottest thing on a show about middle aged women, it’s pretty easy to get excited. It’s like the gods are too good to you, and containing your excitement is impossible, jump up and down girl cuz I predict that your success will only dwindle when another network produces something better, or when you have a drug overdose in your luxurious hotel suite after a night of sucking off some producer. I really don’t know much about Hollywood or TV, but I do know about false sense of security, a lack of responsibility, a desire to do what you want, and a conviction that you are can get away with doing whatever you want because you are who you are. I had this happen to me a while ago when I was running a little overseas sex-trade, you know the guy who imports the Russian girls to service your dad the business man, anyway, when things were riding high, I got a little arrogant, and ended up being part of my own sex trade, in prison. That’s right, it doesn’t pay to be as good looking as I am, when in jail, it’s asking to get sodomized. Now, Eva’s probably not as out of control here, maybe a little drunk or a little jacked on diet pills, a girl’s gotta maintain her figure, but it’s only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down,and I will be the first in line to buy her sex tape. Girls’ got a good body, is a fellow mexican, and right now has some coin, so I’d be crazy not to jerk off to her, if I had the ability to get hard, something you probably aren’t familiar with. You’re the kinda guy who can’t leave his house or ride the bus without a visit from your trusty old friend. He’s not doing it to embarass you, he’s just telling you, it’s time to clean up your image and seduce some dumb bitches. Don’t say I never give you good advice.

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2005

11

Sep

I am – Charlotte Church Tit Grabbin'


Charlotte church is a fat bitch who sings opera, there’s nothing unusual about a fat girls and opera, but there is something unusual about fat girls and bikinis, it’s something that should never really happen, even when you are a slut like Charlotte, who fucks like a champ and doesn’t discriminate. Yes this girl is damaged goods, and no self respecting white guy will hit it, not that any of you have anything to worry about, self respect is someting you’re not too familiar with. I guess the good thing about fat chicks is that they have big tits, and big tits can be fun, even Charlotte can’t get enough of them and is Tit Grabbin’, something you may not be familar with (the tit grabbing, not the fat chicks, cuz that’s the only pussy you can score).

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