I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

11

May

I am – Nell McAndrew is Fat

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This bitch was the model for the videogame Tomb Raider, she’s the body they based Lara Croft on before Angelina played her in the movie. She was fired from the Tomb Raider job because she posed for Playboy. Naked is a pretty hot reason to get fired for any job, except when it is for Playboy, because they fuckin’ suck. Anyway, 7 years later, she’s knocked up like the loser girl in your highschool that no one noticed until word got around that she was pregnant, then everyone wanted a piece because we knew she put out, would let you raw dog her cuz you couldn’t knock her up since she already was carrying and her tits got huge. I remember when my eldest stepdaughter got knocked up, we put the baby up for adoption so if you are reading this little Marty, your drunken stepfather misses you, but that’s not the point, the point is that her tits got all full of milk, and that saved the family lots of money on dairy products, we would make our own. I think we had her tapped like a cow in a dairy for for about a year, before her school social worker told us we had to stop farming our children, and ended our experiment. Thanks Mrs Clancy..hope you’re happy now that my wife’s got Calcium deficency, you cunt.

Now look at the motherfucking pics.

Bonus:
To see some hot non-pregnant pics of this slag click on this link

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

11

May

I am – Supermodel Bush of the Day

BushKateMossTop.jpg

I love bush, and I am not talking about the President, because that’s not the type of site this is. I love Bush, the vagina kind and I know everyone thinks I am fucking weird for it. I think the bush adds a lot of character to a pussy, it’s like an expensive evening gown or top hat or some shit, because bald is just too naked. I’m talking knowing the full anatomy of a girls junk without having the explore and I like to Christopher Columbus that shit. You know,travel from the depths of bush into the unknown, only to be surprised with happy things like coinslots and clit rings….I guess the reality of my love for bush is that it’s pretty much a lie. I am completely annoyed by the bikini waxes, and how everyone and their mom are doin’ it, and I do hate thongs, but bald lips is just better. Pretending to love bush is a solid way to get a girl to admit the way she maintains and in any social situation I drop the “I love bush”, girls come running back at me with with “you’re so gross, I only have a landing strip” or “you’re so gross, I’m totally bald, wanna see how hot it looks, so much better than bush”. So my whole plan of lying about loving bush only to get flashed by hot maintained pussy has just be revealed to the masses by me. I am my own worst enemy, because you know every girl reading this is never gonna fall for it again. The things I do for you cunts.

Alexandra Egorova

Amber Valetta

Ana

Angela Lindvall

Audrey Marnay

Devon Aoki

Emily Sandberg

Ester Dejong

Guinevere Van Seenus

Inese dela Fressange

Jaime Rishar

Jenny Howorth

Jenny Knight

Karen Elson

Kasia Pysiak

Kate Moss

Kirsten Owen

Krisen McMenamy

Mathilde

Mayaan Keret

Mila Jovovich

Shalom Harlow

This Post Was Made Possible By imnotobsessed.com (Check Them Out)

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2006

11

May

I am – Link Dump of the Day

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Well, it’s time for the new daily link dump. I know all you cunts just complain about everything I do and that’s okay, as long as you keep coming back, which you will cuz it’s not like you have anything better to do. We’re sending out a daily email now to our VIP list. If you want to be a part of it, send your emal by clickin’ this link and I’ll decide if you’re worth it. Pics of naked girls are always welcome.

We’ve Seen Her Upskirt, Now Check Out her Magazine Pics
Some Chick Pees in Her Bosses Coffee
Japanese People Are Perverts
Britney confirms pregnancy on lettermen video
Costume of the Day

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

10

May

I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

I know I am a bad stalker. I haven’t been keeping up my end of the deal. I said that I would do this stalker shit more often than I actually am, because a real is committed to the cause. I am useless at this and I think it all went to shit when no one believed us that Steve banged Darth Vader’s sister. Anyway, I have decided to not let that get me down and move forward on my stalking ways, because of Perez and Pink get shout outs from her on MTV, I want to be getting lawyers letters and restraining orders. That’s just how I role, not because I am actually creepy, but because it’s funny to make her and the people around her think I am.

Today’s message was sent to Brian Dannelly. He’s the writer and director of Lohan’s upcoming movie Speechless.

Brian,

I was told you wrote and are slotted to direct Lohan’s new movie called Speechless, I wanted to know if you could write in a part for a fat, 35 year old, mexican alcoholic. I can play the drunken friend of the socially awkward main character. My character will steal lohan’s panties throughout the movie until she is seduced by my creepy ways, resulting in a 10 minute sex scene, where I can’t get it up, but finish her off with my fingers. The movie should end with a double marriage. Only instead of hiring an actor to play the minister, get a real minister, and make the bitch marry me unknowingly. I have a feeling you have stopped reading this already.

Since this is a stalker post, you could always just send me her email address or phone number instead.

Cuddles,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Bonus: Lohan Promoting Just My Luck

Bonus 2: Lohan Press Conference


Bonus 2: Lohan’s Smokes Just My Lucky Strikes

Previously on DrunkenStepfather:

Lohan Stalker Post 3
Lohan Lohan Stalker Post 2
Lohan Stalker Post 1

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

10

May

I am – Fitness Photographer of the Day

Back in the ’90s, these breast implanted bitches in bright colored bathing suits and light, tight, high wasted denim where all the fuckin’ rage. They were the girls who you would see on the street and automatically assume were strippers and they were the same people that would go out to the cheesy clothing stores you thought no one shopped at to buy the latest in trash. I naturally assumed these trasy people died off when they stopped making the Trans Am, but I was wrong, they all moved to Florida and became fitness models. The funny thing is that I go to strippers all the fucking time, and they lame outfits my strippers wear are classier than this NASCAR shit. Point of the story is that I’d still fuck all these bitches, because I think it would be a good change of pace for them, you know bouncin off a belly, instead of steroid shrunken balls.

This photographer’s name is Michael Palmer, and he documents this really weird subculture…Check out some of his work:

Fitness Events
FitnessPhotography.jpg

Fitness and Yoga
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Physique>
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Glamour
FitnessPhotoGlamour.jpg

Fashion
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Swimwear

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Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

10

May

I am – Britney Spears' Uterus


Federline is packin’ some potent sperm. This motherfucker doesn’t even let his woman’s lady parts recover and shrink back to normal from the last baby before doin’ it all over again. I like to think it’s his planning for retirement. Child support and when there are two kids the payout is double, provided he gets custody which he will because she’ll be out in the gutter somewhere getting high, remembering the days she was at the top. Every girl I meet from the south are more fertile than a cat in heat on a hot tin roof. I think it has to do with being poor because it poor people have a shitload of kids. They are uneducated and dropped out of school before they were learned Sex Ed, they are too poor to buy birth control and the more kids you have the more hands you have to work the family land, and by family land I mean the more the government pays out to you….

Bonus: Looking Like Possum Trash

Bonus Number 2: At Letterman Yesterday

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

10

May

I am – Britney Spears’ Uterus


Federline is packin’ some potent sperm. This motherfucker doesn’t even let his woman’s lady parts recover and shrink back to normal from the last baby before doin’ it all over again. I like to think it’s his planning for retirement. Child support and when there are two kids the payout is double, provided he gets custody which he will because she’ll be out in the gutter somewhere getting high, remembering the days she was at the top. Every girl I meet from the south are more fertile than a cat in heat on a hot tin roof. I think it has to do with being poor because it poor people have a shitload of kids. They are uneducated and dropped out of school before they were learned Sex Ed, they are too poor to buy birth control and the more kids you have the more hands you have to work the family land, and by family land I mean the more the government pays out to you….

Bonus: Looking Like Possum Trash

Bonus Number 2: At Letterman Yesterday

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

10

May

I am – Yesterday's Link Dump…

Checkoutmybreasts.jpg

The funny thing about running this kind of site is that it’s really easy to fall asleep at your desk, or pile of dirty laundry you use for a desk, especially when you have taken a half dozen sleeping pills, only wake up a day later only to realize that you forgot to post the Link Dump you were supposed to.

So Yesterday’s Links are:

Check Out My Breasts
2 Losers and a Bean Bag
celebrity nipple slips (NSFW)
Shower Piss Face
They Say this is Hayek in a porn, I know it’s Not sex in the shower (NSFW)
Samaire Armstrong From OC in a leotard….(I love leotards, but hate American Apparel)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

10

May

I am – Yesterday’s Link Dump…

Checkoutmybreasts.jpg

The funny thing about running this kind of site is that it’s really easy to fall asleep at your desk, or pile of dirty laundry you use for a desk, especially when you have taken a half dozen sleeping pills, only wake up a day later only to realize that you forgot to post the Link Dump you were supposed to.

So Yesterday’s Links are:

Check Out My Breasts
2 Losers and a Bean Bag
celebrity nipple slips (NSFW)
Shower Piss Face
They Say this is Hayek in a porn, I know it’s Not sex in the shower (NSFW)
Samaire Armstrong From OC in a leotard….(I love leotards, but hate American Apparel)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

09

May

I am – Jewish Outfit of the Day

I have never really looked into Lohan’s genealogy, but I have a feeling she’s a Jew. The main reason is because she’s from Long Island and everyone in Long Island is Jew but she also works in entertainment and all people in entertainment are Jews, except for the black people but no one notices them because they make really bad/obnoxious movies. She’s also a bit of a whiner and she’s railin’ yay like it’s going out of style, something only rich jewish kids do and she’s also been hospitalized 10 times in the last year, something Jews do, because they go see specialists for every fucking everyday symptom of disease. The defining Jew moment was when I saw these pics where she’s rockin’ a Jew outfit. If you are a Jewish girl, you’ll know what I am talking about…..


Bonus – Michelle Trachtenberg’s Jew Outfit

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

09

May

I am – Guess these Tits…of the day

titsoftheday.jpg

I hate games. I think they are a huge waste of time. I think they are designed for people who live in the suburbs, work in a 9-5 job, and hate their lives…but every saturday night they bust out a board game to help them forget how pathetic their lives are, without realizing that the game itself, as fun as it is makes their lives that much more pathetic…..

I decided to post this picture of a set of tits as a bit of a game….because I know you all have a pretty useless life and I want you to give yourself some kind of meaning.

Click this link to see if you’re right

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

08

May

I am – Underage Girls Lick Whip Cream Off Each Other Of the Day

I always figure if a bitch wants to be famous, I will make her famous. It’s kinda my job. That means if I come across a myspace profile or YouTube video that I think the masses need to be a part of, I will have no problem posting this shit. These are a couple clips posted by 16 year old lesbians licking whip cream off of each other. I already know how and why this went down, the girl doing the filming is some kind of molested girl who likes manipulating her friends into being naughty because she feels dirty for her seedy past. I wonder if her parents were home when all this went down…In reality, as funny as this is, I feel pretty sad that our society has become so over-sexualized that 16 year old girls are doing this and by the time they are 18 they will be full blown pornstars with Aids….but that’s not why I am sad, I am sad because I am not 16 anymore, and when I was 16 girls were too busy looking like shit in one-piece bathing suits to act like this….

I just made you famous, bitch(es)….

Posted in:stepFAME|Unsorted

2006

08

May

I am – Non-Nude Models on Myspace

I hate non-nude models for a pretty simple reason, they do not get nude. They lure dudes in who just wait and wait to see them naked. It’s a fuckin’ scam cuz they never get naked, they never show their cunts and they never will…so keep paying them their monthly membership fees so you can keep jerking off to their erect nipples in beaters, while I harass them on Myspace and read posts on forums by losers like you arguing about whether their naked pics are actually real.

Christina Model Personal MySpace:

My name is Christina, I’m 20 yrs. old and just married my highschool sweetheart. He is my EVERYTHING! I graduated last month from cosmetology school and will be working down in Tampa with my sister-in- law. My husband and I spend most of our time together boating and taking vacations. I’m fun to be around and like spending time with my bestfriends Lauren and Cassadee, I love you girls to death!

Here She is With Her Husband…

Here is her cabin that she bought with your money….

Here she is with her friends….


Visit Her MySpace By Clicking This Link
(Ask to see her Vagina)

Bonus:

Candid Shots Where You Can See Nip (fuckin’ losers)

Watch Her Tease You in Purple….

Missy Model Personal Myspace

I was born in Miami and have lived in the Hill almost all my life. (Boring HUH!) I have the best boyfriend ever. My future husband! He is so gorgeous. No one can ever compare, so don’t even try. I LOVE YOU BABE ——————- 5-22-04

Here she is with her boyfriend/future husband…

Here she is with her friends…..

Here is her boyfriend/future husband…

Visit Her Myspace by Clicking this Link (ask to see her vagina)

BONUS

MissyModel in a Thong on the Beach Video


Dresses Like Wonder Woman

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

08

May

I am – Jessica Alba doesn't like Migrant Workers

I am a migrant worker and there is nothing I hate more than working for people who don’t talk to me. I have been a gardener, valet, bus boy and a stockboy. I have worked in the shipping department, I have operated inflatable games at Jewish events and in every one of those jobs had a cunt who would treat me like the piece of shit my job made me feel like daily….meaning I’d get zero recognition, I’d get no please or thank you, no eye contact and really minimal conversation but if something went wrong they would have no problem yelling at me. I remember the day I realized that rich people don’t have enough respect for people, and that was when working in a drug store when the hottest bitch I’d never have the chance to slam asked me for enemas and Tuck’s medicated pads….obviously if I was someone she had any level of respect for, she woulda kept that shit to herself. Instead she’s asking me, because she knows I am not in her socio-economic class. I guess Alba forgets where her Spic ancestors are from and the shit they had to eat before raising her in an upper middle class home that allowed her to run after her acting dream so here is Alba sitting on her phone like this poor Korean woman isn’t worth her time as she files down her toes.

Now, I would let Alba talk on her phone while flinging her shit at me as I was dress up like a little school girl getting raped by her AIDS infected boyfriend just to let me play with her toes, and I am not a foot fetishist but that is besides the point, I think.

Bonus Alba at the Spic Awards

Bonus Number 2 Alba with her Rich Lame Boyfriend who some stalker is gonna kill thinkin’ he’s got a chance with this bitch, that stalker may be you….

Another Bonus Alba in a Pink Shirt

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

08

May

I am – Jessica Alba doesn’t like Migrant Workers

I am a migrant worker and there is nothing I hate more than working for people who don’t talk to me. I have been a gardener, valet, bus boy and a stockboy. I have worked in the shipping department, I have operated inflatable games at Jewish events and in every one of those jobs had a cunt who would treat me like the piece of shit my job made me feel like daily….meaning I’d get zero recognition, I’d get no please or thank you, no eye contact and really minimal conversation but if something went wrong they would have no problem yelling at me. I remember the day I realized that rich people don’t have enough respect for people, and that was when working in a drug store when the hottest bitch I’d never have the chance to slam asked me for enemas and Tuck’s medicated pads….obviously if I was someone she had any level of respect for, she woulda kept that shit to herself. Instead she’s asking me, because she knows I am not in her socio-economic class. I guess Alba forgets where her Spic ancestors are from and the shit they had to eat before raising her in an upper middle class home that allowed her to run after her acting dream so here is Alba sitting on her phone like this poor Korean woman isn’t worth her time as she files down her toes.

Now, I would let Alba talk on her phone while flinging her shit at me as I was dress up like a little school girl getting raped by her AIDS infected boyfriend just to let me play with her toes, and I am not a foot fetishist but that is besides the point, I think.

Bonus Alba at the Spic Awards

Bonus Number 2 Alba with her Rich Lame Boyfriend who some stalker is gonna kill thinkin’ he’s got a chance with this bitch, that stalker may be you….

Another Bonus Alba in a Pink Shirt

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted