I was at a bar the other night and this annoyingly friendly dude who must have been a lawyer or an accountant or in sales and on vacation bcause he was happy as fuck, dancing around, talking to everyone with a big fuckin’ smile that made me want to punch him in the face. He was with his girlfriend who clearly sent her life in his shadow, you know taking the back burner to him during dinner conversations with friends because his big personality won’t let her get a word in edgewise and anything she says, he discounts and gives his take on it because he’s just that guy.
So dude was dancing around, talking to everyone, grinding with girls all while his girlfriend awkwardly busted her moves she learned at her weekly salsa dance lesson she takes with her friends when the boyfriend is out playing squash or some shit. So dude busts some break dance move and everyone claps and in his excitement from his moment of achievement he runs up to his girlfriend and gives her a high five. She smiles because she’s used to it and has convinced herself that that’s the kind of boyfriend she wants. Someone she can go white water rafting with and high five when they are done. Someone who she can go out to dinner with and high five when he makes a funny joke. Her life was all about humoring him….
About ten minutes after she downed about 10 shots to deal with her inner pain that is the man she is probably going to marry and have annoying kids who they will take to annoying tennis lessons and annoying ski lessons and annoying family trips, the song Cotton Eyed Joe comes on and she drops the dance because I guess it was big when she was a senior in high school, the good old days. Now homeboy didn’t know the dance routine and just stood and watched and tried to smile while she stole her thunder and became the life of the party for once. When I left, I heard them talking and he was giving her shit about wanting to fuck the black guy she was dancing with, but trying to do it in a nice way by telling her that she really came out of her shell for once but that she shouldn’t drink so much because it embarrassed him, when I knew he was just mad that boring little white girl showed a side of herself he never saw and he didn’t like it…..
No Jennifer Aniston, no matter how hard she tries to break out of her shell, and God along with all her friends know how hard she’s tried because of the constant whining, will always be as dull as this girl, the only difference is that the girl I saw can land a boyfriend, even if he’s a fucking cunt.
So despite Aniston being a decent lookin Greek girl because her nose has been fixed and her ass isn’t huge, still sucks and here are some pics to prove it….
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