I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t try to jerk off to Hilary Swank’s naked body in Boys Don’t Cry at least once…There’s a scene I remember where amongst acting and dressing like a boy, she gets violated by her buddies who rip her clothes off and reveal her awesome fucking tits, and I figured that after watching such a heavy load of shit about some confused lesbian who fucked Becky from Roseanne with a strap-on, I had no choice but to celebrate when they busted out her tits and bush to distract me from her stupid looking face and the fact that she was pretending to be a boy the whole movie….

You see Hilary Swank isn’t hot. She’s got the floppy face of a basset hound, but her tits carry her through life and make her other flaws okay, so when I see her braless with hard nipples, I forget that she’s too old for my liking and that she looks like a farmhand in Missouri repairing the fucking tractor…something I know turns your closet-case ass on, so enjoy and remember that it’s not gay if she’s got hard nippled tits, even if it feels like it is kinda gay, cuz she looks like an awkward teenage boy.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Boring|Hilary Swank