I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Jessica Simpson Category

2008

14

Jul

Jessica Simpson in a Swimsuit on a Yacht of the Day

Jessica Simpson was out on a boat in a one piece swimsuit keeping it classy, like she was Jackie O or some shit, which is pretty unexpected considering Jessica Simpson’s from Texas and the only thing classy there is the 5th grade, it’s the class everyone completes before dropping out to join the Rodeo.

I am not all that jealous of Jessica Simpson’s leisure time or her semi-retirement, that she spends trying to lasso her football hero down, because I was invited to go to the beach with my friend this weekend. I showed up because he had cocaine and booze waiting for me and promises of topless bitches, but when I got there, I saw that the topless girls he was talking about were 12 years old.

Either way, everyone is freaking out about the fact that she’s not in a bikini, which is stupid, because girls rock one piece bathing suits for a reason, and that reason is ususally to hide something unflattering or offensive. It’s kinda the same reason why self respecting, insecure fat chicks go to the waterpark in a t-shirt and Jessica is obviously doin us a favor. The sad truth is that she’s no spring chicken anymore and her eager to get pregnant uterus is probably so hungry that this was the most fashionable things hee could find to keep it strapped down.

Bonus – Jessica Simpson has a Barely There Nipple Slip of the Day

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|swimsuit|Yacht

2008

08

Jul

Jessica Simpson and Her Cougar Cleavage of the Day

It was Jessica Simpson’s birthday get together, at least that’s what people are saying, because her birthday is in 2 days. If you are wondering why I know that, which I am sure you are, because I don’t even know my own birthday, it’s because I looked it up because she looked like she was getting on in years. It turns out that she’s turning 28, so that means she’s only a few years away from being a dried up cougar at the end of the hotel bar, licking her lips for some college kids in her cleavage shirt, trying to cover up her muff gut, in hopes of getting dick and encouraging the kids to cum in her, or on her face so she can artificially inseminate herself, only to find out she’s waited too long and is barren.

It’s a sad lonely life for such a hot set of tits.

Posted in:cleavage|Jessica Simpson|Tits

2008

13

Jun

Stifler Fucked Jessica Simpson of the Day

Stifler from American Pie gets asked about why Nick Lachey hates him in some interview and says because he fucked Jessica Simpson, I am assuming it went down when they were shooting Dukes of Hazard because otherwise I don’t see why Jessica Simpson would hang out with him, but it is possible that he told her that he was Brad Pitt or some shit, because I heard that’s the line the craft services dude used and she gave him a rim job and Johnny Knoxville go up in her because he told her that he was Elvis.

She’s probably the easiest girl to manipulate into the bedroom even when married and that just proves that you should never marry a virgin or someone who claims to be a virgin because they are either a slut hiding the truth or a slut in the making who hasn’t had a taste yet and once you give her one, she goes crazy.

I don’t know if Jessica Simpson was married to Nick Lachey for any other reason than rockin’ a TV show with him to help take both of their careers to a new Christian level and considering Nick Lachey is a poofter and likes cock not slot, I don’t really see why he’d give a shit about who she fucks but apparently he does, it must be because he has been crushing on Stifler for years and Jessica totally knew it and still went out and fucked him, knowing it would devestate Nick because life is not fair, but on the positive side of things, at least now his masturbation fantasies of Stifler can be set to Jessica’s inside scoop and description of Stifler’s dick, instead of to the pictures Nick made of Stiffler and him by cropping their faces onto hardcore gay porn pics.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Sex|Stifler|Uncategorized

2008

06

Jun

Jessica Simpson is Probably Pregnant of the Day

So someone told me that Jessica Simpson is moving into country because it has more longevity than pop since the people who listen to country are people of routine as they tend to their farms for generations doing the same jobs day in and day out from the age of 6, when they dropped out of school, until the day they die and are as loyal as Rusty, the dog they found in a ditch just outside of town when they were on their way to get feed and a new hinge for the barn door, and they decided to nurse him back to health and raise on the farm with the rest of their animals and who turned out to be a best friend and companion during all the low years when love just wasn’t goin’ their way. I guess it’s also got something to do with country fans not caring what the female performers look like because compared to their toothless haggard and obese wife they end up with, even Rusty starts to look like a natural beauty, if you know what I mean.

Either way, I think she’s moving to country because she needs something more wholesome because she’s knocked up. I ran these pictures by my expert in pregnancy, who is some slut I met at a bar who has happened to have had over 10 abortions and has been pregnant about 30 times in the last 10 years and she seems to think that Jessica is hiding something and that Tony Romo is back with her because of something and that Joe Simpson, who would normally dress her in a bikini is covering her up to look a lot more wholesome because of something.

Everything she does is a career move and that even the biggest perverts I know get thrown off when they get lap dances from pregnant strippers so as of today, she’s either trying to luring in the Christians who think she’s a tramp to buy her new album, or she’s laying the groundwork so that the Christians who can see past her being a tramp but won’t tolerate a slutty pregnant chick won’t turn on her.

So according to me and my team of one slut, Jessica Simpson is knocked up.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Pregnant

2008

28

May

Jessica Simpson’s New Country Single of the Day

Country Music is the biggest thing in America, so if you are an aspiring singer, you should consider pulling the Carrie Underwood because you will make a hell of a lot more money showing off your fake hick accent for dude’s in pick-up trucks and you’ll have a long lasting career because country listeners are loyal. The problem with doing Pop is that you ride the top if you’re lucky then you quickly fade away when someone cooler or hotter or younger comes along. When you’re up against a whole lot of ugly chicks and lame dudes in tight jeans, it’s pretty easy to carve out your niche.

Either way, heres Jessica Simpson’s new song called Come on Over and for some reason all I can think about is seeing a horse cum all over her. Beastiality isn’t how, but when you’re all alone herding sheep in the mountains for 3 months and trusty ol’ Bucky is the only other thing you’ve got around and you’ve drank too much Whiskey, these things tend happen.

Posted in:Country Single|Jessica Simpson

2008

21

May

Jessica Simpson Cabo Cleavage in a Bikini of the Day

*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*

These are some pretty pathetic pictures of Jessica Simpson in a bikini in Cabo, but not as pathetic as me writing about Jessica Simpson’s pathetic bikini pictures, but I figure that she needs some attention since all the focus has been on her sister the last couple of weeks and Jessica is used to having Ashlee ride her coat tails and her bratty spoiled piece of shit attitude doesn’t really like what’s going on, but she can’t seem to find the words to explain what she’s feeling because she’s too stupid so she’s turn to the bottle like most illiterates do, only most illiterates are homeless people who could never adapt in the real world and not big breasted rich chicks.

I don’t know what I am talking about, but I feel like I learned that on the Cosby Show when Sammy Davis Jr made a guest appearance as an illiterate, sure it may not be all that recent an episode but it was considered big news the last time I had TV, it’s not my fault you’ve moved on. Ditcher.

*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*

Posted in:Bikini|Cabo|cleavage|Jessica Simpson

2008

20

May

Jessica Simpson’s Got Some Shorts and Tits of the Day

*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*

I like how the circle of life works, one person dies another is born, one couple breaks up and another one ends up getting married because gay marriage was finally legalized and all their fabricated commercial emo shit can go down under the legal contract that locks them together called marriage. I am talking about how Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson right before Ashlee and Pete Wentz got married and how this probably ruined Jessica Simpson on the inside, kinda like how Tony Romo did to her insides while he had her vulnerable vagina crying on his bed, only with a lot less semen.

Either way, here are some pictures of Jessica Simpson before the wedding showing off some tits because she’s back on the market and knows that dudes like tits.

*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*

And here is Jessica Simpson after the wedding in Cabo to Deal With Her Jealousy of Her Sister’s Wedding and She Isn’t in a Bikini Yet….But Probably Will Be…so keep yourself posted.

*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*
*Images removed in compliance with DMCA*

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Shorts|Tits

2008

12

May

Jessica Simpson Has One Hard Nipple in a White Dress of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Nothing says I am a loser like posting pictures of Jessica Simpson because one of her nipples is hard. I guess stealing 5 dollars out of my wife’s purse to buy myself a luxurious coffee from Starbucks to pretend I was am a baller for a group of high school girls was probably up there but at least I had the satisfaction of having them call me a fuckin’ pervert as I pointed to my drink and said – I picked this baby up for $5 baby, just imagine all the things I could buy you if I can be this irresponsible with my money by blowin it on iced coffee drinks. If I had known the outcome wouldn’t lead to positive self-esteem boosting attention I was hoping for, I would have just a 40 instead, it never lets me down. I guess girls today just aren’t as easily impressed as they used to be, I blame the media and Paris Hilton for giving them this distorted perception of the value of a dollar as they live their designer jeans, designer coffee, materialistic lives. There was a time you’d get a blowjob for buying a bitch an ice cream cone for 50 cents, not it’s all about gourmet dinners and bottles of champagne. Thanks MTV for ruining it for the poor man….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Nipple

2008

09

Apr

Jessica Simpson’s Nipples Do Esquire of the Day

Jessica Simpson is in Esquire and I am not down with the way she’s aging, not sure why but I feel like everyday she looks more and more like a dude. The good news is that she’s got some tits and those tits have hard nipples and I guess that compensates for her pro-athlete lookin’ face.

I was watching some Carson Daly shit last night at a girl I met at Starbucks’ house and Perez Hilton was on talking about how he was making out with John Mayer while Jessica was rubbing Mayer’s crotch. Now I don’t care for Perez or his gay stories with singer/song writing homos who aren’t out of the closet with their homosexuality, but the fact that he’s doing gay shit isn’t a testament to how shitty Jessica is in bed, it’s just proof that bitch looks enough like a dude to attract dudes who are on the fence with their sexuality. She’s the kind of girl down with male-male-female threesomes for her sexually confused boyfriend and that makes her someone you’d probably like to get to know because your theory is that as long as there’s a chick in the room with you and another naked erect man, you’re in the clear and don’t have to come out to your family.

More proof that bitch attracts closet cases is that she’s dating a football quarterback. Football may be the most abusive sport out there with men tackling men in spandex who all go to the locker room to shower together when the games over, but it sounds a whole lot like a gay porno storyline to me and if you were a closet cased homo in highschool, you’d probably be more drawn to that extra curricular activity than starting a band to lure all the slutty girls into your basement with….

I guess my theories don’t matter, just look at the pics.

Posted in:Esquire|Jessica Simpson|Nipples

2008

27

Mar

Jessica Simpson Kinda had an Upskirt that You Can’t See of the Day

I don’t know how old these pictures are, or if they are even of Jessica Simpson, but it looks like she’s trying to stop all of us from seeing her vagina and I am sure that’s nothing you aren’t already used to because even when you’re at sex parties and bitches are wiping out on GHB, you still can’t manage to get a peak because you aren’t really there since the invitation was lost in the mail, at least that’s what you tell yourself to make you feel better about never getting to join in on the fun everyone else is having. Don’t worry, the last time I went to an orgy, I got herpes and despite it being the gift that keeps on giving, it’s pretty much the shittiest gift that keeps on giving, worse than that pair of socks your Aunt knitted you that you can’t seem to take off because they are so colorful and scream your name every time you open your sock drawer.

I don’t know what I am talking about because I have never really been giving a shitty gift, but that’s because no one’s ever given me any gifts, so I’m trying to relate to something I don’t know here and you should give me a break.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Upskirt

2007

25

Oct

I am – Slutty Celebrities at the Fredrick’s of Hollywood’s Fashion Show of the Day

fredricks_top.jpg

I love girls who love lingerie and it seems like all girls I ever met have huge collections of it, other than drug addicts with no money and who sell or soil their 2 pairs of underwear that they wash in public bathrooms to stay fresh but beyond the addiction love lingerie. Girls tend to have more panty drawers in their dresser than they have dude’s who want to fuck them in their phone and I am all for watching them try on every single piece they own. The shit makes them feel sexy and glamorous and makes me feel like the creep that I am, because I’m watching from the tree in their backyard with a set of binoculars, but I can still make out what’s going down and I am all for that, at least when they are rockin’ it for me and not for some other homeboy.

Jessica Simpson was there lookin hot….because she’s a Christian girl gone bad….and I love those.

Vanessa Hudgens was there researching what to wear next in her sleazy self-shot pictures with Zac Efron who was there pretending he likes women in lingerie when he’s more into wearing it himself cuz he’s gay.

Joanna Krupa was there…..because she actually gets paid to wear lingerie because she is hot….

Dita Von Teese was there….even though no one wants to see her in lingerie…but she is strips down into lingerie every chance she gets….

Kristen Bell was there but I still don’t know who she is….

Amanda Bynes was there showing off her legs


Related Posts:

Joanna Krupa’s Lingerie Calendar
Vanessa Hudgens Self Shot Amateur Pictures
Dita Von Teese Strip Show Picture

Posted in:Amanda Bynes|Dita Von Teese|Fashion Show|Fredrick's of Hollywood|Jessica Simpson|Kristen Bell|Lingerie|Unsorted|Vanessa Hudgens

2007

25

Oct

I am – Slutty Celebrities at the Fredrick's of Hollywood's Fashion Show of the Day

fredricks_top.jpg

I love girls who love lingerie and it seems like all girls I ever met have huge collections of it, other than drug addicts with no money and who sell or soil their 2 pairs of underwear that they wash in public bathrooms to stay fresh but beyond the addiction love lingerie. Girls tend to have more panty drawers in their dresser than they have dude’s who want to fuck them in their phone and I am all for watching them try on every single piece they own. The shit makes them feel sexy and glamorous and makes me feel like the creep that I am, because I’m watching from the tree in their backyard with a set of binoculars, but I can still make out what’s going down and I am all for that, at least when they are rockin’ it for me and not for some other homeboy.

Jessica Simpson was there lookin hot….because she’s a Christian girl gone bad….and I love those.

Vanessa Hudgens was there researching what to wear next in her sleazy self-shot pictures with Zac Efron who was there pretending he likes women in lingerie when he’s more into wearing it himself cuz he’s gay.

Joanna Krupa was there…..because she actually gets paid to wear lingerie because she is hot….

Dita Von Teese was there….even though no one wants to see her in lingerie…but she is strips down into lingerie every chance she gets….

Kristen Bell was there but I still don’t know who she is….

Amanda Bynes was there showing off her legs


Related Posts:

Joanna Krupa’s Lingerie Calendar
Vanessa Hudgens Self Shot Amateur Pictures
Dita Von Teese Strip Show Picture

Posted in:Amanda Bynes|Dita Von Teese|Fashion Show|Fredrick's of Hollywood|Jessica Simpson|Kristen Bell|Lingerie|Unsorted|Vanessa Hudgens

2007

16

Oct

I am – Jessica Simpson Loves Her Dog and I Love Her Tits of the Day

jessica_simpson_airport_top.jpg

I used to hang out at the Airport hoping to find girls who were coming into town for the weekend. I figured it would be the best way to beat all the other locals to their vaginas because you know a group of girls in town for a weekend is going to end up with all of them having sex with at least one person each and being there to greet them was key to my success because I never had much game. I’d see them walking out and I’d run up to them pretending they were a long lost friend who I was there to meet and who I hadn’t seen in a long time. They were always pretty receptive until I’d ask them to get into my van.

In those days girls at airports were never this put together. They would be in workout gear or sweatpants and look tired and unshowered. You know practically in their pajamas, but not the good kind of pajamas, so it’s nice seeing Jessica Simpson lookin’ good at the airport. It’s also nice to see her carrying her dog around like he’s her best friend, because he probably is the only person she lets eat her used tampons or lick her dirty underwear. Dogs have it made and celebrity dogs really have it made, I always wanted to live the life of a dog and I pretty much do. I sit in the house all day and enjoy shitting on sidewalks.

Here are those pics,


Related Posts:

Some Jessica Simpson’s Got some Crazy Cleavage
Jessica Simpson’s Got a Floppy Fuckin’ Tit
Lots of Jessica Simpson, Her Tits and Her Dog Pictures
Some Old Jessica Simpson Built Like a Tank Pictures

Posted in:Airport|Dog|Hot|Jessica Simpson|Tits|Unsorted

2007

25

Sep

I am – Ashlee and Jessica Simpson Hang Out Together of the Day

simpson_sisters_together7.jpg

Nothing says I love my sister like shoving my tongue down her throat while drunk at her birthday party, unfortunately the Simpson sisters are good little bible thumpers and despite lesbian incest being common in small towns along the bible belt, it’s still frowned upon when you have more options of people to have babies with. It’s like the fallback plan in a community of 15 to keep the community alive, you know a matter of survival, but it’s much better for the health of the community if someone lures in new blood.

That said, I made a new friend last night. He was walking on the streets at 2 in the morning completely lots. He was in his 50s and he was wearing dirty mix matched clothes, so I figured we’d get along since we have the same stylist. He had his bus pass on a rope around his neck and he didn’t know where the bus stop was. He also didn’t know where he was going and I could tell that through his thick glasses, he was scared. So I decided to help, because I am a hero and I was alone and didn’t mind the company. The dude definitely had some kind of retardation going on. I am not sure if he was just insane, or if he was a full fledged waterhead, or if he was just socially awkward, so I did what every hero does. I got him drunk.

We walked in some local watering hole, and we just drank, off his retard monthly check the government gives him. The conversation wasnt’ too good and every 3 minutes he’d get up to go to the bathroom. I constantly caught him confused and drooling and I was starting to realize that maybe booze didn’t mix well with his meds. He ended up vanishing on me. He got up threw his glass on the ground, broke his chair and stormed off stuttering, jittering and convulsing. I think he was having an episode. I wonder if he got home safely…

Either way, here are some boring pics of the Simpson sisters together, probably congregating to get their stories straight on how Papa Joe molested Jessica and not Ashlee, because she’s the ugly sister who wasn’t good enough for her daddy to get a piece of. I like seeing them together to remind us all that Ashlee is the ugly one, and probably feels a lot like the retard I was with last night, you know low self esteem, never fitting in, always being laughed at, trying so hard to be normal or up to par, but always falling short because asshole can’t find his bus home, even with his bus pass around his neck on a rope like he was 5 years old.


Related Posts:

Jessica Simpson Joggin on Set Lookin’ Fit
Jessica Simpson’s Hard Nipples
Ashlee Simpson Kissing Her BiSexual Boyfriend
Jessica Simpson Playing a Drunk on Set

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Jessica Simpson|Sisters|Skinny|Unsorted

2007

21

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson on Set of Some Movie in Shorts of the Day

jessica-simpson-shorts9.jpg

I always get hate mail for people for being a mean spirited asshole. I always tell those people that I rip into myself a lot harder than I rip into any celebrity and I am really only doing it for the sake of doing it. I don’t actually care if Jessica Simpson is an idiot or if she was fat but is now too skinny, I would take the bitch as is, no questions asked. I think what it comes down to is that I am just making fun of the media that makes fun of her and seriously reports her weight changes and her relationship status. Who gives a fuck about those things, I just want to see her tits. So here she is lookin’ fit as hell on the set of her movie. I assume she had a jogging scene because she’s in jogging gear and it’s too bad she’s rockin’ a sports bra, because sports bra’s ruin tits.

I remember I used to bang this really busty girl and she’d always be ashamed of having such big tits, so she’d wear a normal bra and 2 sports bras over it in hopes of squeezing the fuckers in. She didn’t like people knowing that she was packing that kind of heat and she wasn’t a fat chick so shit was way out of proportion. I remember that every time I would come over I would fight with her to take the stupid sports bra off because let’s face it, her tits were the only reason I was hanging out with her and as soon as she got drunk enough, she’d let me. Getting to her nipples was like getting to the center of a tootsie pop shit took forever, and there were so many layers. I felt like a prospector lookin’ for gold, but once I got through those fucking sports bras and into that special place where her titties lived, I had so much tit I didn’t know what to do with myself other than cum.

Here are those Jessica Simspon on set pics:


Related Posts:

Jessica Simspon’s Acting Drunk on Set Pictures
Jessica Simpson Showing Off Her Legs
Some Jessica Simpson’s Got Hard Nipples Pictures
Jessica Simpson’s Tit Busting Out of Her Dress

Posted in:Fit|Jessica Simpson|Jogging|Legs|Shorts|Sports Bra|Unsorted

r