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Archive for the Natalie Portman Category

2009

26

Mar

Natalie Portman and her Tight Ass Pants of the Day

I don’t know what’s going on with Natalie Portman’s Jew Ass, but those pants seem tight, but not as tight as the fullback underwear she’s has on underneath, that are squeezing her in ways that make her ass look like some kind of bread product you’d get at the Jewish deli down the street on sale during passover because jews are apparently bread haters and apparently are tight panty wearers, and I am ready to end it all by producing garbage like this, because I don’t know what to say about Natalie Portman, I was never a fan and never understood her appeal, but I do understand why she was the “it” girl for Jewish guys and that is because she doesn’t look like a rat like all the other Jewish girls in their lives….true story…

Posted in:Ass|Natalie Portman|Tights

2008

20

Oct

Funny or Die Still Isn’t Funny – The Natalie Portman Edition of the Day

So Funny or Die came out with another political viral video with a celebrity friend trying to be ironic, or funny, or whatever the fuck this is and it is garbage. If you haven’t seen it, it’s Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones (who?) playing in a bed with puppies as their response to the economic crisis. I am not the smartest guy around so I don’t really get what they are getting at, maybe that the public is ignoring the real issues and focusing on the fluffy materialistic shit, or that we are distracted by shitting and pissing creatures we think are our friends but are really just using us for food, when the real issue is that people like WIll Farrel, Natalie Portman, Jessica Alba, Hayden Panettiere, companies like Funny or Die, NBC, Viacom, MTV, Saturday Live, Lorne Michaels, Tina Fey and every other celebrity voicing their stupid celebrity ideals are worth millions of dollars. So maybe if they were to shut the fuck up and give up half of their multimillion dollar fortunes and put it back into the economy, instead of being greedy cocksuckers with nice houses and cars and a lazy fucking lifestyle that allows them to have the free time to make this smut, the economy would be in a better fuckin’ place. Stop trying to relate to me rich girl and instead of playing with puppies maybe you should fuck yourself….seriously…like stick random things inside you…ideally while gagged with an apple like a pig at a roast, not that you’d know anything about pork, Jew…but at least the video would have some kind of substance, rather than this piss.

Posted in:Funny or Die|Natalie Portman|Not Funny|Political

2008

23

Apr

Natalie Portman Gets Pissed on By a Dog of the Day

Everyone loves Natalie Portman and here she is getting pissed on. It’s like some virgin loser trying to mark her as his territory because he’s obsessed with her and doesn’t want other virgin losers getting too close, only in this case, it’s just a dog who doesn’t give a fuck about her and figures that her ratty ass coat smells like something that deserves to be pissed on. I guess this is funnier than seeing a bitch get shit on by a bird, but it’s not as funny as seeing me piss on Natalie Portman. The truth is that despite being willing to piss on this bitch, I don’t really give a fuck about this bitch, she bores me and when everyone talks about how hot she is it makes me question my sexuality a little, even though I’d be willing to piss on any bitch.

Like this past weekend, I was hanging with some really sleazy guy, who has orgies with his buddies and fucks any pussy that comes his way and dude would freak out even over the most average bitch. I am talking girls who look like moms with big mom asses or teenage girls who hadn’t hit puberty yet. He was on the prowl and every single girl who walked by was a fuckin’ b-girl or worse. Every time a hot girl would walk by and I’d tell him that that’s the kind of pussy he should be staking out, her would say something about how they only want money and designer clothes and are snobby bitches. So I spent the day watching him cat call chicks who looked like dogs and it made me go home thinking there was something wrong with me, because when I get my creep on, I try to make sure it’s for someone worth creeping on where he was just into anything with a pussy, that’s when my fat wife waddled into the room and I realized that I guess I shouldn’t judge him, considering I really have no fuckin’ standards, even though I pretend I do when I am out in public…..

Here’s Natalie Portman getting pissed on…..

Posted in:Dog Piss|Natalie Portman

2007

10

Apr

I am – Natalie Portman Bikini Pics of the Day

natalie_portman_bikinitop.jpg

I don’t know if these are new or old, because I am not the kind of guy who remembers this shit. I generally don’t wish I was a virgin weirdo with a huge collection of celebrities in sexy poses on my wall, but while trying to run a site like this, it would probably make things easier, because nothing gets me hate mail like posting something that’s outdated and hate mail hurts my feelings.

Speaking of hurting, I am pretty pissed off that Natalie Portman doesn’t have a horse face that only years of incest to maintain a religion can produce, she’s one of those good looking Jewish girl that I know exist but feel are totally not authentic.

I’ll still post these bikini pics, because it’s something to look at, and I wasn’t about to post the Charlotte Church fat and pregnant pics I linked to yesterday because I see enough fat ass daily, whether in the mirror or in my bedroom, and I’ve been making too many fat and pregnant jokes that I need something more interesting, like a little anti-semitic action. Don’t worry some of my best friends are Jewish. I like to keep one person from every walk of life close by so I can get away with being an asshole. Cuddles.

Posted in:Natalie Portman|Unsorted