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Archive for the Victoria’s Secret Category

2007

27

Nov

I am – Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Victoria’s Secret Fitting Room of the Day

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I’ve been getting a lot of slack for not being a site that is accessible to girls. They get turned off because of my sleazy commentary offends them and they never come back, even though every post I write is for hot chicks, because if I wasn’t trying to get hot girls to love me over the internet, I’d just be a fag trying to impress a bunch of dudes and that’s not really my thing, but I know it’s your thing, but that’s because you gotta fine love somewhere and gay dudes are pretty horny.

So I got an email asking for Nell and my stepdaughter to come back because they added a much needed feminine voice to the site. I don’t know where either of those girls are, they kinda fucked off on me and haven’t answered my emails in the last couple months, so I figured I’d just write a post as a girl in hopes of getting hot girls back in because I want them to want my dick over the internet and come back for more everyday because I write about celebrities….and girls love celebrities and I love girls, so we’re pretty much destined to have you take a shower for me on webcam, internet soulmate.

Here is my post written as a girl:

blah blah blah blah “adjusts hair”, blah blah blah “applies make up”, blah blah blah “shows off new nails” , blah blah blah “makes a gesture representing how big the boyfriend’s cock is”, blah blah blah “giggles”, blah blah blah “giggles some more”, blah blah blah “adjusts bra”, blah blah blah “hugs girl i’m sitting with”, blah blah blah “stands up”, blah blah blah “pulls underwear out of ass and adjusts pants”, blah blah blah “walks out of coffee shop”

I am sure this post would have been a little more believable if I actually listened to girls when they talk, but I’m too masturbating my limp penis in front of them while staring at their tits and drooling through the restaurant window. I hear hot girls are into that because they like to be noticed….

Either way, here are Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Fitting Room for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show that’s been hustled the last month like it was the coming of Christ, which to some virgins and married middle aged men out there, it probably is, because these bitches are some of the hottest models around and them in lingerie is better than them in clothes but not quite as good as them taking showers for me on webcam. I’m talking to you internet soulmate.

Marisa Miller

Adriana Lima:


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The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
Victoria’s Secret Angles Fly Virgin

Posted in:Adriana Lim|Lingerie|Marisa Miller|Tits|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

16

Nov

I am – People Who Attended the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

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Some dude just dropped a your mom joke on me and I fucking love your mom jokes, not because I find them that inspiring or creative and totally played the fuck out, but because my mom died when I was a kid and I like to reverse the your mom joke on the motherfucker because any normal person feels bad about droppin that shit on me and that is a lot funnier than saying “your mom” or “that’s what your mom said”. So today I told some dude that he’s awesome for hooking me up with something and he said “that’s what your mom said” and I said:

You know my mom? I thought she died when i was 5…I guess she just ran away from us and the priest who ran the orphanage told us she had died because he didn’t want us feeling like we were abandoned. Tell her I say hi and that I expect my birthday and christmas gifts from the last 32 years in cash.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are pictures of the arrivals of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, because I know that girls get off on seeing other girls in their lingerie. It’s like some competitive shit that makes them feel sexy and insecure and makes them want to suck their boyfriend’s dick harder than ever all at the same time, in some weird trying to reclaim that they are the most desirable vagina or some shit.

Hayden Panettiere’s Researching for the Day She Graduates Out of Her Midget Training Bra

Stacy Keibler’s Legs Need a Bra of their Own….cuz They Are So Long, They Are Like a Person of Their Own

Eva Longoria is Mexican and Doesn’t Buy Her Underwear in Packs of 6 from Wal Mart

Rachel Leigh Cook’s Cleavage Lookin’ For Support

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge because they are Useless

Kat Von D wearing some Crazy fucking Pants cuz She’s Such an Original and Not Trying Hard at All….

Ana Oritz because She’s Got Some Good Cleavage, But I have No Idea Who She Is…


Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Picture

Posted in:Arrivals|Audrina Patridge|Eva Longoria|Hayden Panettiere|Kat Von D|Lauren Conrad|Rachel Leigh Cook|Stacy Keibler|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

16

Nov

I am – The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

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Here’s a big surprise for you, I had no idea that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was going down last night because I am bad at this shit and generally don’t really care about shit that’s going on. So it was a morning email surprise and now I have a ton of pictures of the event to share with you, so you don’t have to watch the shit when it hits your TV later in the year, or whenever the fuck they air them because your mom will probably be watching them too, and it’s always embarrassing getting a boner with your mom on the couch next to you.

Either way I usually feel like a virgin faggot when I finish writing a post on cleavage or hot asses, because I am more into creeping on girls in real life than writing shit about celebrities I don’t care about on the internet, but the difference in this post is that I do care. I have a thing for Bikini and Lingerie models that you probably understand and have made a point in my life to marry one. Since that never worked out for me I’ve always dated half-rate, discount, bargain basements, last weeks kitchen garbage, versions of bikini models, because let’s face it, my wife would have it going on if she got Gastric Bypass, lost 200 lbs and got surgery to remove the excess skin that left huge scars and stretch marks all over her body, breast implants and maybe even a new face and time machine that turned her 25 again….so in a lot of ways I guess I am dating a Lingerie/Bikini model, I just don’t know it because I am too negative to see what I have before my eyes because she’s fucking disgusting lookin….when if I look really deep, beneath all that disgusting is a hot girl suffocating to death….

Bonus – Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham and Geri “Ginger Spice” Haliwell Performing at Half Time…..


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The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin
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Lima, Kurkova and Gisele at a Perfume Launch

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Fashion Show|Heidi Klum|Lingerie|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

13

Nov

I am – The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin Airlines of the Day

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I guess the best thing about the Victoria’s Secret Angels flying Virgin Airlines, is how many virgins jerk off to their pictures everyday. Yes, I am talking to you.

Speaking of talking, I was trying to seduce some model who is in Tampax commercials that I came across on the internet, because I feel like despite having the shittiest website on the internet, models in Tampax commercials should try to get all the free publicity they can get, even if it means letting me watch them shower on webcam to reachout to 6 masturbating dudes, so I figured I’d ask her on a date, not that I’d ever leave my house, but it felt like she’d respond better than asking for nude pics, as I often do and never get. When she rejected me I wrote this:

You weren’t going on a date with me regardless, because I don’t do dates, they are a waste of time, and I don’t leave my house, but I used to fuck wannabe models and they were also a waste of time, but at least I get to see them doing things they wouldn’t want their father seeing, unless they were from a dirty family….which sometimes happens because I met them at the bus stop and they were teenage runaways, who weren’t really wannabe models, but didn’t seem to mind the camera when they were sleeping….

She never responded. Either way, marrying a lingerie or bikini model’s always been a dream of mine that I kind of fell short on, like I have with most of my dreams. I never thought I’d end up with someone you’d think would be a good spokesperson for Dunkin’ Donuts, until we got our rejection letter from them because despite bitch being a great customer, her morbid obesity takes away from the message they are trying to get out to young mother’s on the go. Apparently fat doesn’t sell, but it does kill, just not fast enough, not that I want her dead, but it’d be a nice vacation….but not as nice as one on a plane with these bitches, because I hear there are no laws once you’re off the ground….and exposing myself vagina shaped penis, because I am an inny not an outty and that would be the best way to convince them that I am one of them and that they can trust me enough to show me their vaginas and let me watch them pee. When I do it in the park, I always seem to get in trouble.


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Heidi Klum is a Cat on Halloween
Alessandra Ambrosio is a Playboy Bunny on Halloween
Alessandra Ambrosio is a Slut
Adriana Lima is Hot of Pirelli in a See Through Outfit

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Alessandra Ambrosio|Heidi Klum|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret