DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2015

01

Dec

Amanda Bynes Big Tits of the Day

Amanda Bynes and her big breasts…looking all fat thanks to anti-depressants and not being on drugs….is far more boring than when she had her total fucking meltdown…because like most guys, I love when bitches lose their fucking minds, they are more fun to fuck, just so long as we don’t live with them or are married to them, because that shit makes for serious hell…

I really appreciated her tabloid fodder, the antics she was pulling, the crazy shit she was saying and posting, the pics..pretty much the entire experience…I even liked when I was talking to her alias on twitter…she seemed like a good time….

It’s just not the same when I see her giving in to society…it’s like they took her fucking soul…But she’s still got tis, and I guess she’s not that child star she was…but rather some Anna Nicole Smith looking doughy cartoon character, who is just a week of skipping her pills away from being a real fucking good time…so here’s hoping for the return of the only AManda Bynes I appreciate..

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Posted in:Amanda Bynes|SFW

2015

01

Dec

Jewel in a Bikini of the Day

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If you’re wondering how Jewel, a huge popstar, who has sold so many fucking albums in her career managed to go from Alaska to LA, living in her car with a dream that one day she’d sell millions of records, ended up living out that dream…even though most people you have heard live in their car, usually end up selling their car, for more drugs to ease their pain, before dying in a fucking ditch…but this one, goes onto to be hugely fucking famous in the late 90s…it’s because of this body that 20 years later, that’s 20 years later, the age of girls I have sex with later, she’s still got a banging body…even after having kids…it’s safe to say that she’s got more than just singer songwriting talent, but also hippie ALaskan, thick skinned, good to cum on tit talent…she probably learned practicing on the roughnecks working the mines and fishing….you know the kind of girl you can plow the fuck into as hard as you can…

Posted in:Jewel|SFW

2015

01

Dec

Nicola Mcleam See Through of the Day

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In a world full of fat chicks being objectified as if they were skinny chicks, but packaged as though they are breaking down boundaries, even if the intended purpose of said fat chick being objectified is the exact same of that exploitation or objectification of the skinny girl before her, only now, instead of “check out these tits”…they say “check out this courage”…

I like to pay attention to original fame whores, like Nicola McLean, who must be 40, despite looking 60, who understand that showing their tits is what matters and why they exist and had the life they had, by showing their tits…as a tribute to better days..

No, I don’t remember Nicola McLean, the UK Glamour model… but I’m sure she’s been around…at least according to her rugged well traveled look…

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Posted in:Nicola Mclean|SFW

2015

01

Dec

Maitland Ward Nipple on Snapchat of the Day

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Maitland Ward may not be someone you know or someone you really understand…but she’s someone who 40 year olds masturbated to in the 90s…on Friday nights…when she was the hot girlfriend on Boy Meets World…and for some reason, a reason I call nostalgia and huge tits…that has carried her 20 years into the future..to be someone that the paparazzi humor, but that doesn’t actually get work…but she does have fun, dressing up for various holidays, putting herself out there for the sake of putting herself out there to be made fun of, while flashing tits and really exposing herself in a “What is wrong with the girl, I don’t get it but I like it” way….

Well, she flashed her tits on snapchat…and people got excited about it…so why not give her the virtual high five, that’I’d prefer if it involved me feeding off her like her adult baby…since they are so fucking big…

A little “Momma….is that you, why did you leave me when I was a baby, you said you were going to get cigarettes and you never cam back…I feel so alone..” as she reads me bedtime stories or we watch reruns of Boy Meets World…her glory days…that led to this very silly comeback tour…becasue taking yourself so seriously is just dumb…

Posted in:Maitland Ward

2015

01

Dec

Katie Holmes is Wet and Sniffing her Vagina for Ocean Drive of the Day

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Katie Holmes is sniffing her vagina for Ocean Drive magazine, assuming that this model of Katie Holmes that Tom Cruise an his Scientology team created even gave her a vagina, maybe she’s looking for her vagina, because that as we all know Tom Cruise fucking hates vaginas…

She’s looking older, haggard, like she has seen some shit…but those of you who liked her back on Dawson’s creek, before she was abducted, can probably still find joy in this….what once had potential to be gold, but who is now made of gold, becuase the conductivity is best for high end components…and/or beause she had Tom Cruise’s baby and that dude will Charlie Sheen a bitch to keep her mouth shut…about the Gay HIV he may or may not have and or just the Gay that he definitely has…and tries to repress thanks to his cult..

Fascinating…

Posted in:Katie Holmes|SFW

2015

01

Dec

Doutzen Kroes in Lingerie for the Enemy of the Day

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Doutzen Kroes left Victoria’s Secret to work for H&M in the battle of the mall brand, fast fashion, made by sweatshops in China, but turned into billions of dollars in revenue, because they are better are slave labor than silly made in American types…who still buy, finance and fuel this insane production system that makes other countries world leaders…all because you can save 20% on the margins because you get to avoid Unions….and lazy Americans with their work condition…

I guess it’s December 1st, so a bitch, who has more than one baby and a black DJ boyfriend who you know fuck groupies, in red lingerie holding Christmas props in the laziest shoot for a million dollar campaign that will help sell a billion dollars in merch over the next two weeks…is perfect representation of that…

Posted in:Doutzen Kroes|SFW

2015

01

Dec

Miranda Kerr for Vogue Thailand of the Day

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Nothing says December 1st like Miranda Kerr boring in Vogue Thailand, that is still Vogue, but may not actually be affiliated with Vogue, due to global copyright laws and thailand, the land of child lady boy sex tourism, may not police it…but to Miranda Kerr, it is still Vogue…because she’s more than just a sugar baby who fucks rich people, but not just any rich people, super billionaire rich people, because she’s vain, an ego, and deserves it..you know just look at her, she’s in obscure market Vogue people…that’s good enough to warrant Snapchat founder throwing a million dollars her way to make her feel special enough to suck his dick all day everyday…because he doesn’t already feel like a fucking hero for scamming the world with his sexting app…

I’m not a hater, I just think Miranda Kerr is dirty and if I was a billionaire tech guy, I’d scour snapchat feeds to find new hot pussy, not tainted by a 10 year career being sucked up to…and fucked by Beiber…

Boring pics…for a boring personality…

Posted in:Miranda Kerr|SFW

2015

01

Dec

Nela Zisser the Model Competitive Eater and She’s Eating 10 Scorpions of the Day

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Nela Zisser is a not so famous New Zealand model – at least not on her INSTAGRAM ….so she turned turned herself into a competitive eater..because I guess she was into food, her fast metabolism, and the general public wanting plus sized models, led her to eat, only to realize she stays skinny, and that it’s a funny storyline for people who make fun of skinny models, telling them to have a sandwich, because they are fat and can’t accept that maybe they are just genetically superior at processing food..Jealous bitches..

Well, Nella ate 10 scorpions…people are going nuts…because models aren’t supposed to eat…unless it is followed by throwing up…and if they do…they aren’t supposed to eat scorpions….that’s just weird..

She’s about to go viral..turn that 14000 followers in 14 million….all she needs is more lingerie in the mix…butt shots and burgers…yes please..the combination of all things good…food and skinny bithes…

She’s not the cute though…and really 10 Scorpions is hardly that gross…but I’ll give it to her…and I’d give it to her..

Posted in:Nela Zisser|SFW

2015

01

Dec

Kendall Jenner Shower Scene for Love Magazine December 1st Advent Calendar Video of the Day

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Love Magazine has some cool factor in the “industry”, either a great PR team or a millionaire editor or publisher who congregates with these idiots and who has a relationship with model agents and publicists that get them the relevant talent, whether photo or video people or the “talent” and I use that word very fucking loosely…like Kendall Jenner..

Every december for the last many fucking years, I post their advent calendar, not because they pay me, but because I genuinely think it is good, and really if I didn’t hate on these people I’ll day, I’d totally suck up to them and feed their ego, to leverage them, to make this site more relevant….the problem is my soul doesn’t allow me to play the game like that and for that reason, coupled with laziness, disorganization and limited talent…I remain a critic not a creator…or whatever these Love magazine people are…beyond using Kendall to get hits to their shit…

These people hate being teased, are so sensitive and love being sucked up to, so if you meet a Kendall and want her to promote your shit, don’t call her the daughter of a tranny freak, just overrated and prostituted by her mother….because they’ve figured out how to trick the world…for now..

She’s not even cute…even in the shower…I despise her…

Via Love Magazine

Posted in:Kendall Jenner|Love Magazine|SFW

2015

01

Dec