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2013

12

Mar

Candice Swanepoel’s Topless for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

Today has been very Candice Swanepoel heavy….but the reality is that life is Candice Swanepoel heavy…because the people at Victoria’s Secret have implanted her in my brain…with all the muscle they’ve put behind her…making me follow her on Instagram and other social media like she matters or like she has more to offer the world than a rockin’ body…which as it turns out doesn’t need to offer the world anything more than a rockin’ body…cuz a rockin’ body…is all it takes to matter in this superficial world….

I am brainwashed by the billion dollar empire….and so are you….and I don’t even mind…as long as they keep pumping these Candice pics down my throat…hard enough…that I can taste her…

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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

12

Mar

Aubrey Plaza Hot Enough for Complex of the Day

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I don’t watch TV, so this Aubrey Plaze, from Parks and Recreation is foreign to me….it is not that I don’t understand who she is when she’s talking to me about how much I owe her for beer at the corner store….but that I’ve just never heard of her….

She is apparently some funny girl, something I can’t stand, because I guess I am sexist in the comedy I laugh at, and feel girls aren’t meant to be funny, but instead are meant to laugh at my jokes, and by joke I mean dick, and by laugh I mean while sucking it….

She’s been in some movies, her photoshoot isn’t all that sleazy, but I am sure some of you creeps will masturbate to it just fine, cuz clothed girls with skinny legs being silly is your porn…

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Posted in:Aubrey Plaza

2013

12

Mar

Eniko Mihalik Titties for Elle France of the Day

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Eniko Mihalik is showing her titties for fashion….in March’s Elle France cuz in France…showing titties is like wearing a shirt…it is a cultural thing…like wine, cheese, hairy armpits and Anal on the first date that isn’t really even a date, but more a random encounter at a night club….meaning shit’s not a big deal…cuz women who work at Banks and as Doctors and Lawyers dress like this….but we’re in North America…and for us…this is pornography and obscene….we can’t celebrate tits cuz tits are wrong…then they wonder why everyone’s gone gay…which they also say is wrong…creating so much pent up anger we go out and blow shit up….or shoot things….

She’s from Hungary, I’ve posted her tits many times before, but for some reason, it’s always like the first time….mainly cuz I never remember who she is….

Posted in:Eniko Mihalik|NSFW

2013

12

Mar

Anna Kendrick’s Bathing Suit Ass of the Day

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I am not into Anna Kendrick….in fact her face annoys me…there’s something about her mouth that just prevents me from wanting me to fuck it…you know like in the pornos, all romantic-like, grabbing at her ears and thrusting it….and I’m usually into doing that to all women….I’ve seen her in movies, I’ve seen her at event at least in pictures of her at events…we don’t really run in the same circles… and I just avoid her instead of trying to understand her….or her appeal…because the older I get…the less mean I’ve become and if anything, I feel like her being a love interest in a movie, is like seeing a handicapped kid trying to play with the other kids….you know something that there is humor in, but you can’t laugh at cuz that’d be evil…and you don’t want to be evil…life is filled with too much negativity and is too short for all that…who cares if you wanted the plane to crash in Up in the Air…or if you hoped dude would die of cancer in 50/50….all so that you didn’t have to look at her wonky face….but then she put on a one piece and posted it to instagram….and all my discomfort about her and her weird look disappeared…..cuz bathing suits…even one pieces…even on questionable characters…mesmorize me….making this the first Anna Kendrick post ever on the site…which is weird considering she’s been around for years…but not weird considering how unattractive I find her.

Posted in:Anna Kendrick

2013

12

Mar

Emily Osment Bikini Pic of the Day

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Emily Osment is Haley Joel after he went to Thailand to get his dick chopped off cuz being an awkward male child star post puberty is hard to deal with….and nothing a little chop / chop hormone therapy can’t fix…because girl’s have it easy…and all they need to do is get in a bikini for validation, even when the paparazzi don’t care to document them doing it, they can do it themselves….just turn to social media if you don’t believe me…so many hot bikini girls get 1000s of likes and follows for doing nothing but posing in a bikini…I mean even fat chicks who get naked on cam get followers…cuz dudes are pathetic and can’t help but liking anything and everything with a vag…..even when we hate them and their gold digging, fame whore, parasite who steal our freedom ways….

Unless she is in fact his sister who used his fame as a wrung in the ladder, to which I say who cares…she’s in a bikini, let’s celebrate, born with a dick or not.

Posted in:Emily Osment

2013

12

Mar

Eva Longeria is On the Beach in a Bikini Of the Day

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Eva Longoria is on the beach in South America…where I guess thickness is accepted…cuz girl is finally channeling some of her Mexican roots…something she’s been trying to oppress all these years from pretending her parents weren’t border jumpers….to growing up in white neighborhoods where she dyed her hair blonde and pretended she was just Tanned…never inviting anyone over to their fiesta for fear they would tease the goat in the backyard…..to hiring Mexican migrants to staff her house…but genetics…genetics can’t be fought off…if you let yourself got…and that’s why she’s starting to look like a typical Middle aged mexican woman from a tiny village who makes the best corn tortillas around for her 12 kids…..and if you’ve ever been to Mexico or an Authentic mexican restaurant…you know what I’m saying….

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Posted in:Eva Longoria

2013

12

Mar

Kate Moss is Pretty Pantsless of the Day

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Kate Moss is old as fuck…but for some reason watching her ass hang out of her dress like an old lady at the supermarket buying prunes….all alzheimers and shit…all lost after taking a piss on the side of the road….cuz she doesn’t know only not quite 90….despite the fact that her vagina probably is in the same condition as a 90 year old….thanks to hard living….and cocaine fueled unprotected sex with ravaged rockstars you know are good candidates for HIV…and making babies….

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Posted in:Kate Moss

2013

12

Mar

Marloes Horst for Next Summer of the Day

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Marloes Horst is amazing.

The kind of girl I would sing love songs to….with my penis…to her vagina….not that it would be that eventful because my penis is a horrible poet….he’s also bad at playing the piano and doing all everyday tasks… not that you care about that….but maybe you care about Marloes Horst getting paid to cocktease the fuck out of us for some bullshit catalogs…because I know I do….at least enough to waste my time posting it…even I am sure there could be better things to do with my time…like watching a stripper on the Armey base overseas on Skype show me her vitamins….right?

Posted in:Marloes Horst

2013

12

Mar

Candice Swanepoel – Thanks for This Workout Pic – of the Day

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I love fit girls…..whether they are supermodels or not…I just think girls who take care of themselves are fucking babes….whether they are thick and muscular or just fucking perfect like this….you know that whole lean and lovely in tight pants with a brazilian butt from brazilian butt lifts…..or whatever the trendy workout is….

Fit girls are the reason I’ve been banned from at least 4-5 gyms for either trying to hide in the lockeroom – or attending fitness classes fully clothed for masturbation purposes….uninvited…to waiting outside to watch the babes leave the class for a little too long….even though most girls in the gym I see aren’t fit…but are fat trying to be fit…but in those outfits…all spandex and sprots bra it’s good enough for me…..

Especially when it looks like this….

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

12

Mar

Francesca Eastwood is a Babe in her Bikini of the Day

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Her name is Francesca Eastwood and she’s Clint Eastwood’s daughter…who is living the good life….because her dad is Clint Eastwood and he’s pretty major….She apparently has a reality show….that is about her and her mom on E! Network, a network I pretend doesn’t exist…thanks to the whole inventing the Kardashians….and Ryan Seacrest….they are horrible….but I guess they aren’t that bad….when exploiting socialite girls….who look amazing in bikinis….and here are the life changing pics….like this is a life changing post…uninspired maybe….but better than going to male stripclub accidentally and getting a slow dance from one of the guys….

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Posted in:Francesca Eastwood