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2013

07

Feb

Anna Torv Nude for Esquire of the DAy

Anna Torv on some show called FRINGE that I have never seen or heard of….because I don’t care about this shit…she is from Australia….where she’s been famous for a while…and now she’s naked for Esquire….and that works for me…cuz getting naked for anyone is the only work I really respect or appreciate…that and charging dying people to save their lives…but only cuz that is serious evil…capitalist greed…I’ll save you if you pay me asshole moves you just have to respect when you hate society as a whole…

Posted in:Anna Torv

2013

07

Feb

Lindsay Lohan Going Through Airport Security of the DAy

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Hands down…Lindsay Lohan is my dream girl….she is the ultimate in Hollywood, she represents a perfect balance of class, luxury, mental health disorders, addiction, sex appeal, broken childhood, and broken dreams…..and one of life’s great tragedies was that I didn’t marry her back when I had the chance…not that I officially ever had the chance to marry her, but she did follow me on twitter, and I guess I could have proposed to her until she said yes in private messages….and now the only way I’ll ever touch her is if I become really famous for doing nothing….and if she falls off even harder than she already is….or if I become a airport security guy like this asshole mocking me with his vagina scans of her he should release to the internet – cuz sometimes it is better to lose your job for the greater good of man….

All this to say. I still love me some LOHAN.

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Posted in:Lindsay Lohan

2013

07

Feb

Cameron Russell and Behati Prinsloo for Victoria’s Seceret February of the Day

1 Comment »

I figure I don’t write enough about these Victoria’s Secret models…because they are only in every second post…that I might I well do one more….this time with Cameron Russell, who I don’t think I’ve ever posted on, so it’s fresh Victoria’s Secret Meat….and Behati Prinsloo who just has a stupid name that should be a dish at an Indian Restaurant….posing in the half naked, airbrushed, no nipple or vagina definition despite being in lingerie glory….giving girls unrealistic expectations for themselves, while making men hate anything they fuck for not looking like this….hey if it sells panties then it works for me….

Posted in:Behati Prinsloo|Cameron Russell

2013

07

Feb

Lookin Down Emily Osment’s Shirt on Social Media of the Day

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My ongoing Emily Osment joke, yes I have an ongoing Emily Osment joke, no I don’t know what that says about me, but I do know that no one laughs at it..because I haven’t been funny on the internet since 2005 when I realized the internet is a cold dark place and none of my jokes really mattered in this scary world….and even if they did matter some hack writer for some shitty TV show would just steal my one moment of gold and put it out there for the world to think he came up with it….but I still come back everyday to cry about those glory days that were hardly glorious at all…

Either way, the joke is that Emily Osment is the dude from Sixth Sense’s sister who has a career, while he’s just faded into awkward since puberty obscurity, never to be seen again, making me think he got on hormones, repackaged himself as this poptart, that’s why she’s showing off tit, cuz she’s so happy with how they’ve grown in, because dude’s an Oscar nominee at 6, and pulling this off would be easier than if he was Chaz Bono….

See…

No one laughed….

Here’s the pic…

Posted in:Emily Osment

2013

07

Feb

Camille Piazza for Aubade Lingerie of the Day

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Camille Piazza is another hot Australian model, because Australia produces gold when it comes to pussy, I guess thanks to inbreeding criminals who make up their white trash society, or maybe the girls just aren’t on the American diet, stay fit and look good half naked, and really the only thing we should be analyzing here is why haven’t we organized a STEPFATHER trip to Australia to meet and greet all these girls first hand…and mouth and penis…and all this say her name is making me hungrier than the idea of having her licking the pizza grease off my chest….like she was Foetus la Plantain….only less gay and far hotter to look at….and this is Camille Piazza in Aubade Lingerie ads….

Posted in:Camille Piazza

2013

07

Feb

Miley Cyrus Crotch Shot for Social Media of the Day

1 Comment »

I am always down for a crotch shot…even if the crotch shot isn’t one of a sexting nature, but instead of a girl in a pair of really small jeans, showing off her really small body, that would make my really small dick, possibly look a little less small, if I was able to pull it out of hiding, and convince it that it is not in witness protection, or a vampire that fears sunlight…..

Miley Cyrus is a babe and her self produced pornography that isn’t really pornography unless you have a very graphic perverted mind…makes life a better place.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

07

Feb

Jennifer Hawkins Half Naked for an Underwear Campaign of the Day

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Her name is Jennifer Hawkins and I follow her on Instagram, which is probably not her biggest accomplishment in her career, but I like to think it is, at least when I am masturbating, cuz there’s nothing wrong with pretending you matter in the life of half naked women who probably make millions, even if limited to the Australian market, for getting half naked….

She’s not much of an actor….but she’s Australian…and for some reason Australia really speaks to me…because the girls are just hot, rockin’ bodied, and down to get fucking drunk and have a good time….at least that is what I’ve told…cuz the closest I’ve been to Australia was watching Crocodile Dundee in the 80s, and Steve Irwin’s viral video death….and that one Kangaroo porn, that I may have imagined….now this….bra ad….featuring awesome.

Posted in:Jennifer Hawkins

2013

07

Feb

Barbara Palvin for REPLAY of the Day

1 Comment »

There comes a time in every 19 year old Lingerie Model working for the evil lingerie empire’s life….where her management and their marketing team put her on as many high profile campaigns as possible….whether that campaign is pretending to bang Justin Bieber for TMZ…in efforts to help his homosexuality stay covered up…..or now this fully clothed campaign for Replay…it is just all about her getting media hits…increasing her brand equity….and making her matter….now all she needs is a relationship with an A-Lister like she was most of the other Victoria’s Secret girls and in turn we’ll be stuck with her posing half naked the next decade like she was Heidi Klum…something I can probably deal with since I have nothing else going on…you know easy to fit in my schedule…

Posted in:Barbara Palvin

2013

07

Feb

Erin Heatherton for Victoria’s Secret February 2013 of the Day

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Since the Victoria’s Secret catalog was dropped today….all their model babe pics have hit the internet in a strategic “generate buzz so that when men need to buy a last minute Valentine’s Day gift, they do it at Victoria’s Secret….cuz men like jerking off on sexy, made in China or Indonesia sweatshop laces and silks…probably not because of the little underage sweatshop hands that make it…but because it is aspirational…it brings hope that our dumpy wives look a little hotter than they normally do in the flannel pajamas…at least for one night a year…that we hope ends in a blowjob….it never does..but we are all allowed to dream.

Here’s Erin Heatherton….a vagina Leonardo DiCaprio has cum inside….doing it better than any girl you get with.

Posted in:Erin Heatherton

2013

07

Feb

Trying to Look Up Geri Halliwell’s Skirt of the Day

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Trying to look up Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell’s skirt is pretty useless, considering she’s old, no longer relevant, and google will bring up some pics of her at her prime showing her snatch, but instead, I’m posting pics of her holding onto a dream, riding it out, covering her vagina so the paparazzi don’t get their shot, a shot she probably wouldn’t care if they did get, I mean she’s had kids, she’s been to the gynecologist, but most importantly, she’s had sex with hundreds of men…..to the point where throwing some panty out there would only make her feel like she matters for a minute….making me wonder why she didn’t bring it when she had the chance….I guess there’s always tomorrow…..

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Posted in:Geri Halliwell