I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2012

19

Dec

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

I just applied for a job at Gawker, cuz I figure they are the only site that matters in 2012….even though I never go to ti….but I have a feeling I won’t get it…

.

Dear Gawker,

My name is Jesus Martinez and I would like to work for your company.

I don’t have a resume because I do not feel my talents can be properly communicated in words, but I was a guest blogger at Fleshbot for a week back when Gawker owned Fleshbot, which is probably before your time working at Gawker, dear reader.

The only link to any work I have done can be found at http://www.drunkenstepfather.com

There are 10,000 articles written by me, amongst all the garbage, there must be one good enough to work for your company at the entry level.

I have also written for other sites…from Fashion to Music to Viral Videos…but none of that matters…as nothing really matters.

I can do your job better than you can, and that’s why I deserve it.

Now let’s fucking circle jerk, I find it helps build company morale….

With Love,

I should apply for jobs all the time….

Here are some links…

The Eagle Snatching the Kid VIDEO is FAKE
FOLLOW THIS LINK

When I Die, I Wanna Come Back As a Fox – VIDEO
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Heather Knox is More Than Most of Us Could Handle (NSFW)
FOLLOW THIS LINK

What A Sexy And Festive Funeral Home Commercial! – VIDEO
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Olivia Paige is a Small Town Girl Who Likes to Get Dirty
FOLLOW THIS LINK

And Now, The Ultimate Urban Playground
FOLLOW THIS LINK

James Franco Says Lindsay Lohan Keeps Failing At Life Because She Gets Book Deals. Wait, What?
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Sophia Vergara is Always Easy on the Eyes
FOLLOW THIS LINK

We Tumblforya: Self Shot Fails
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Free Cam Shows Brings the Sexy and You Love It (NSFW)
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Gotta Love a Super Sexy Amateur in the Morning (NSFW)
FOLLOW THIS LINK

6th-Grader Pulls Gun on Classmates at Utah School; Did His Parents Give it to Him?
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Jenna Has Some Big Old Tits, Check It Out (NSFW)
FOLLOW THIS LINK

All I Want for Christmas is a BACON YULE LOG! – VIDEO
FOLLOW THIS LINK

The Eagle Snatching the Kid is FAKE
FOLLOW THIS LINK

/strong>

Posted in:stepLINKS

2012

18

Dec

stepLINKS of the Day

Wanna hear a downer….so I hit up one of the girls I get nudes from…a serious babe…model chick…who looks amazing nude….and who I like seeing nude…..and who I request nudes from often…

…only today instead of a bullshit excuse her rejection was something like…”I don’t feel sexy right now, I woke up in a weird motel room, my vagina is sore, and I’ve been drugged and raped, I went to the hospital to get anti AIDS meds”…..to which I responded “let’s see the damage”….you know committed to my quest for nudes…

It almost put a damper on my masturbation…but I wouldn’t let it….

I will say if you, dear reader, are a rapist or date rapist, or like the idea of rape, I suggest you seek help and stop targeting my girls, cuz jokes aside, that’s some twisted shit that upsets me…..and I don’t like being upset…your dick can seriously ruin lives when forced on any girl…now kill yourself…you scum….

Since I hate the Westboro Baptist Church and all they Misrepresent/Represent:
This just in from Anonymous – Westboro Baptist Church is allegedly at MOTEL 6 in Hartford ADDRESS > Southington, 625 Queen Street, Southington, CT 06489 > Rooms 16 and 34 – Cuz I guess the Waldorf Astoria wasn’t close enough for their hick protest – Order Escorts To Their Room.

Here are some stepLINKS

Lindsay Lohan’s Mad Because People Have An Entirely Accurate Opinion of Her Career
GO

We Why Can Hate Suri Cruise of the Day
GO

Festive Funeral Home!
GO

Kylie Minogue Gives me a Boner in Elle
GO

Watching a Girl Get Her Nipple Pierced…
GO

And Now the Lowest Limbo EVER – VIDEO
GO

Nikki Rockstar is Our Rides Girl of the Day
GO

Diana Morales’ Sexy Lingerie Pictures
GO

Hey, It’s Sara Underwood on Twitter Again
GO

Annnnnnd It’s Tramp Stamp Tuesday (NSFW)
GO

Crissy Marie is Super Sexy (NSFW)
GO

Free Cam Shows, Cheaper Than a Tuesday Night Movie (NSFW)
GO

Awesome Bad Caroler Prank
GO

Rapper Big Boi Reads How the Grinch Stole XMAS
GO

Kelly Brook. Spread Legs And Tits Galore
GO

Man Finds Jesus on a Tortilla, Goes on Scratch-Ticket Winning Streak
GO

Slut Gets Caught Showing Her Tits as the Office (NSFW)
GO

You Will Never Have a Self Portrait This AWesome
GO

I Don’t Know Who Saskia Rosendahl but I’m Starting to This I Should
GO

Amy Winehouse’s Body is Gonna Be Dug Up or Something
GO

Bar Refaeli is Dressed Up Like a Biker Babe (SITE NSFW)
GO

This Slut Has One Crazy Orgasm (NSFW)
GO

Jennifer Nicole Lee Wet Bikini Pokies (NSFW)
GO

Fox Snow Dive
GO

This Just In Jessica Simpson is Fat
GO

Bacon Yule Log
GO

Gwen Stefani as Ugly as Expected in Vogue
GO

Some Stacey Kiebler, Just Because
GO

Carmen Elektra Thinks She’s a Singer Now
GO

WTF Photo of the Day, Thanks to The Rock
GO

The 50 Greatest Snow GIFs in Internet History
GO

Miss X is Spreading Em Wide… and Hairy (NSFW)
GO

Fun With Porn Pictures (NSFW)
GO

Trick Nut Shots, Anyone?
GO

Russell Brand vs Westboro Baptist Church – VIDEO
GO

Alessandra Ambrosio is provocative
GO

lutty GIF Dump of the Day
GO

OOPS! That’s a Vagina!!!
GO

Studies Show That Squeezing Breasts Can Help Prevent Malignant Cancer Cells From Growing!
GO

Malena Morgan and Hayden Hawkens Get It On (NSFW)
GO

Top 5: Sexy Videos From Love Mag’s 2012 Advent Calendar
GO

Some Vanessa Hudgens, Jessica White and More
GO

Dirty Web Cam Teen Goes Crazy (NSFW)
GO

Emma Roberts Has Yet to Get the Hang of Instagram
GO

Small Lips. Sucks At Blow Jobs?
GO

Smoking Kills
GO

Screaming Squats!
GO

I Want to Fuck Amanda Seyfried
GO

================
From stepSMUT!! NSFW!
================

MERRY HO HO HO CHRISTMAS PORN!
GO

Something Tells Me She’s Not an Anal Virgin
GO

Negotiating for Sex Makes for Bad Porn – Good thing Her Ass Rocks
GO

Cum On Hairy Pussy – My Favorite
GO

SEE CELEBRITIES FUCK!
GO

I LIKE CAM GIRLS!
GO

I LIKE SEX TOYS!
GO

================

Buy a Fuckign stepSHIRT you assholes.
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2012

18

Dec

Hicks are Saying Sandy Hook was a Hoax of the Day

This is really fucking strange….

I know some people who have lost kids in the shooting and I am the first person who hates the media and don’t believe anything I am told by the media…it is population control and brainwashing…I believe a lot of the conspiracies….I mean Kim Kardashian proves that the general public buys into shit they see on TV everyday….but I am pretty sure kids were killed in the Sandy Hook shooting…whether planned, strategic, or whatever….They are saying it is to ban guns, for the democrats to win, they are even tying in GE cuz the killers dad was a VP there….

I don’t know what this is all about, I am only posting this cuz it confuses me and I want to hear what you people have to say and that dad, giggling, is just weird.

I believe there were victims…and I believe it is sad….tragic..horrible…etc..even if this dad looks like he’s acting…

Now, back to tits.

Posted in:stepNEWS

2012

18

Dec

Lindsay Lohan in a New R.E.M. Video of the Day

I guess R.E.M. hasn’t died of AIDS yet, because they just released a video OVER 1 MONTHER AGO – that no one gave a fuck about until they realized that Lindsay Lohan was in it earlier today…..

Her cameo is all of 30 seconds and she’s rockin’ her fake porn lips, posing slutty half naked, while people take pics of her….all set to a horrible fuckinbg song that makes me want to get sodomized like I was Michael Stipe and die of AIDS so that I either get where he’s coming from in this pile of shit before not being stuck in a world where this kind of shit exists. Maybe I’m being Dramatic….but I guess that’s just what Lohan’s awesome tits do to me…cuz seeing her star in garbage like this…when she should be staring in Oscar Winning porn movies with me….is a bigger tragedy than her life is….

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan

2012

18

Dec

Kate Upton’s Overrated Bikini Body in the Snow for SI of the Day

I have said it before and I will keep sayign it until someone hears me…cuz I am committed to this cause…and I am not going to give it up or let it go…until what I’ve been preaching comes true….and that is that Kate Upton is an overrated fat chick in training who has a sloppy body, and average at best fat chick face, who’s tits may be big and saggy already at 19, but who will have the rest of her quickly follow…..but until that happens she’s totally hyped up for no fucking reason…other than that people like tits…and don’t get that sloppy tits aren’t fucking hot no matter what size they are…especially when they come stock with a fucking gut….

Seriously, she’s on set posing in Antartica cuz Sports Illustrated grasps that they need to milk her one more year…cuz she gets hits as the public is brain washed into liking her….so they have her up in the snow…and her nipples aren’t even hard…even though it is freezing.,.,.reminding me just how stretched out they are from all her overeating…cuz if you have fuck fat chicks, like I have….you will know…their hard nipples….are barely hard cuz they tape up too much surface area.

She’s low grade pussy at best…stop fucking celebrating her…it is an injustice…Freedom has been attacked.


TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Kate Upton

2012

18

Dec

Brittany Palmer is the Real Santa Claus of the Day


In this light, Brittany Palmer’s got a long ass face….which is too bad cuz I have been endorsing her as the hotter UFC girl who makes the UFC less gay of an experience, you know that simple minded strategy, of sticking some implants in the mix to make the gay sex foreplay less gay sex oriented….you know the distraction….in the gangbang you’re having with your boys to remind you that her pussy is what got you into it and not your boy’s cock slamming it….but maybe she always had this weird looking face and I was too busy staring at her fit amazing body….

Either way, she’s festive and bringing joy to the world, good will towards men and she makes for a good excuse to plug my VERY MERRY HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

Tis the season

Her Santa Outfit was for some MMA promo for some company called GammaLabs that doesn’t pay me to promote them – but that I promote because they get Brittany Palmer dressed in lingerie…

Posted in:Brittany Palmer

2012

18

Dec

Candice Swanepoel’s Modeling Lingerie Like It’s Her Job of the Day


Cuz it is her job bro….

I have probably posted these pics before, they all kinda look the same, but that could just be that there is one constant, one commont thread, the incredible Candice Swanepoel, who people try to hate on, but who’s hate just rolls off her pure, innocent, loving curves…..

She’s good at what she does, and I think I may have to have sex with her get her out of my system….but since she doesnt return my calls, emails, faxes, or love songs I mail her….I guess I’ll just jerk off to her half naked body…..it’s easier and more legal than that whole kidnapping strategy I’d have to take to taste this ass.

She’s good.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2012

18

Dec

Kitty Lea 2013 Calendar of the Day


Kitty Lea is a Glamour Model….and these are the pics from her 2013 Calendar that reminds us who the Glamour Model demographic is actually designed for….mechanics and blue collar workers who grace the strip clubs…the kind of guy who doesn’t use a smart phone or computers…but who has that basic instinct of “look at them there tits, they are big, my toothless fat wife doesn’t look like this naked”….

It is the simple minded people who inspired those trashy babe posters you saw in every garage back in the 90s, the “rear admiral” pics of ass style shit they sold at the record store….you know what I’m saying….and that is that Calendars are a shitty fucking gift, they are useless, and most importantly….they showcase tits….making them perfect for me…because I am a simple minded unemployed blue collar piece of trash who likes looking at tits that aren’t my wife’s….and I assume you are too.

Posted in:Kitty Lea|NSFW

2012

18

Dec

Joanna Krupa Does The Beach of the Day


Joanna Krupa may be on some low level reality show that America loves…cuz America wishes they had the life of luxury Joanna Krupa has…but to me she’s always going to be a failed model who for years did useless low level photoshoots…hoping one day her Polish tits would inspire and make an actual difference and land her an actual legitimate modeling career…and not one represented by Model Mayhem….you see cuz all she got as work was some shitty Maxim spreads that probably didn’t pay the bills even if it propelled her into circles where she could sleep her way onto TV…after a decade of trying to be famous…

She’s essentially nothing by an escort, doing hooker fucking things, for 1000 dollars a day….but at least she’s got a decent body when she’d doin it, cuz when looking at pics of her, we don’t have to deal with anything else beyond that bikini clad ass..

Here’s the video


TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Joanna Krupa

2012

18

Dec

Kelly Brook Modeling Bikinis for Galore Magazine of the Day

Kelly Brook’s fat tits modeled bathing suits for an unknown magazine and I stole the pics…because insignificant wannabe celebrity from shitty movies chicks pushing 40 ….with significant tits…modeling for insignificant magazines….wearing boring uneventful bathing suits…when she should be modeling spread vaginaed if she really wants an impact….like she has in the past spreading abortion on herself ….

It is a fetish of mine…a very very very specific fetish

Posted in:Kelly Brook