I am – Ethan Hawke's New Girlfriend

• 19 years ago

Since Uma and Ethan broke up due to coke induced sessions with a 20 year old slut from Montreal, Ethan Hawke’s still working the scene. The only problem is that the only girl who cares about him is a 7 year old, and I don’t think she’s with him for his celebrity status, she’s probably lured in by the puppy. The dog is a pedophiles best pickin’ up tool, cuz what kid doesn’t like to pet a little puppy. Lucky for Ethan, as a celebrity, he can sleep with whoever you want, even get busted for this kind of illegal shit, or even like tranny whores and little boys, and still get away with it. It just takes a little bit of money. I don’t mean to offend anyone by calling Ethan Hawke a celebrity.

Just because I am the DrunkenStepfather, does not mean that I am into this shit, I just call it how I see it, I would only sleep with an underage girl if the bitch was mute or retarded and wouldn’t be able to tell on me, and by underage I am talking 16 not 7. Either way, both girls will end up with the same issues in therapy, like a fear of penis and low self esteem. Unless you stick to the retards, because they don’t know what the fuck’s going on and the only kind of therapy they get is physio to learn how to walk normal. Don’t be offended, I am not the person who invented retards.

Do you think less of me? That’s probably a good thing, I have been trying to end this relationship for months. I don’t like hanging with losers, and I am embarassed to bring you out with me.