I am convinced this Lohan Stalker Post of the Day feature will eventually lead to meeting Lohan, even if it’s in court and she’s testifying against me. I am really only doing it cuz I am like the kid in the schoolyard who spits on the girl I like because I am not very good at expressing myself. I also have no game and the chances of me being in her presence in person is slim to none, as people like me are kicked out of the neighborhood this bitch lives in, making it impossible to get to the clubs she attends…I won’t stop until Lohan falls in love with me…or I get bored…which is probably more likely.
Lucky for me, Steve slammed a girl who played the Jock in Mean Girls, and he gave me her email address. She is also Darth Vader’s sister. His email is at the end of this post.
Dear Kaylen Christensen,
I know you aren’t much of a celebrity and that Lohan probably doesn’t even remember you. Just because you had some minor role in the movie Mean Girls, doesn’t mean you have Lohan’s number or anything. Just because your brother was in Star Wars, doesn’t mean he knows Lohan either. But I am a desperate man, and I am willing to email anyone remotely close to Lohan in efforts to get my hands on her email address, home address and/or phone number. Lohan and I are meant to be, she just doesn’t know I exist yet, so if you can help me in anyway, I would greatly appreciate it. I’d hate for you to be the reason destiny didn’t work out the way it is supposed to…..
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Here’s Steve’s Email, which allowed me to contact Kaylen…Thanks Steve.
Yo,
I have an idea that may help with your Lohan Stalker Post of the day.
About a year ago, when my best friend was in college, i would go down and hang out with him at the campus pub to try and pick up chicks. He went to the same school as Hayden Christensens sister. Her name is Kaylen. One night I ended up bringing her back to my friends place and showed her the force on the living room floor. Thats right, i slammed Darth Vader’s sister.
Anyways, Kaylen was in Mean Girls with Lohan. She used to brag to me about how they were friends. Maybe she has her number. Here is her email.
Somehow after months and months of sexual suggestive Star Wars references, we managed to stay friends, having little (and i do mean little) flings here and there. She was nice. Hope it helps.
with love,
Steve “golden light-saber” McKeon
Related Post:
Lohan Stalker Post – Day 2
Lohan Stalker Post – Day 1